Tasha stopped and Chloe followed suit. She searched the woman’s face, hating how much she’d changed from the inside out and wondering if they both carried the same scars. “Did he hurt you? Did he…” The tears ran down her cheeks. “Oh, God, I don’t know how to ask…did he touch you inappropriately?”
Chloe stiffened and she seemed frozen. “Why are you asking me this?” she whispered, but her eyes were glazing. “My father…he was a good man. Everyone said so.”
That was the clue Tasha needed. “You weren’t the only one,” she said, moving closer to Chloe but being careful not to crowd her. “Your father…he raped me when I was twenty-two.”
Chloe stared as if unable to comprehend what Tasha had said, then her head started to slowly shake. “You? Why?”
“I don’t know. He wasn’t a good man.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Tasha inhaled deeply for strength. “Because I saw a piece of me in you the other night. You’re killing yourself with drugs and alcohol to smother the memories. Every day I work myself to the bone trying to forget what he did to me, but it doesn’t work. He doesn’t deserve that kind of power. He’s already taken so much.”
“It was on my thirteenth birthday,” Chloe said, shocking Tasha. “He said I was a woman now and it was his job as a father to do it.”
“He was a bastard, Chloe.”
Chloe rubbed at her nose and swallowed. “I tried to tell my mom but I couldn’t find the words. I would’ve thought that she might’ve noticed that I avoided being around him at all costs, but she didn’t. The day he died was the best day of my life.” Tasha swallowed. She’d felt the same. Chloe’s expression hardened. “I left when I turned eighteen and haven’t looked back. Until now. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I lost my job and couldn’t pay the rent anymore. I had no choice but to come home. I hate it here.”
“He’s dead. He can’t hurt anyone anymore.” Tasha risked gently touching Chloe’s arm. “You don’t have to punish yourself. You did nothing wrong.”
“Yeah, well, my life is ruined just the same. I’m not the person I used to be.”
Me, neither. “But you can make the choice to change. To stand instead of fall. Do you understand?”
“Easy for you to say,” Chloe said sourly, her gaze raking Tasha’s body. “Something tells me you didn’t sell yourself for another drink. Do you know how many men I’ve…?” She smirked. “Well, you get the idea.”
Tasha swallowed a shudder. “You can turn your life around. You were a smart girl in high school. You have what you need to start over.”
Chloe’s bleak gaze tore into Tasha’s heart, but a part of her wondered if she gave that same look to Josh when he asked about their future. She pushed that thought aside and focused on Chloe, needing to feel this woman wasn’t lost. “Your mom needs to know. She wants to help you. I can tell this is tearing her apart. Whatever your differences are, when she’s gone anything you might’ve wanted to say will be too late. There are so many things I wanted to tell my mom but I lost that opportunity. Don’t waste yours.”
“She’ll never believe me. She thinks he was a saint.”
“Don’t underestimate your mom,” Tasha said, hoping she wasn’t wrong. “Do you love her?”
Chloe paused, then answered hesitantly, “Yeah, I guess.”
“Then don’t waste the time you have left together. She’ll come around. And—” she took a deep breath, preparing herself to follow through if need be “—if she doesn’t readily believe you, call me. I’ll tell her what happened to me. We’ll make her see together.”
“You’d do that for me?” Chloe whispered.
“Yes. I would.” I will no longer be a victim.
For the first time since the beginning of their conversation, Tasha caught a glimpse of the young girl she’d known as tremulous hope replaced the hardened expression on Chloe’s face. “I don’t know where to start,” Chloe admitted. “And I don’t want to hurt her, but it’s going to hurt, anyway, when she finds out she was married to a monster.”
“Write her a letter,” Tasha said, remembering a long-ago conversation with Chloe, who had once professed wanting to be a novelist. “Tap your gift, Chloe. Write her a letter that will make her listen. You can do it. I know you can.”
“Why do you care?”
Tasha’s tears blurred her vision. “Because we’re one in the same and I know how it feels to walk alone.”
“Thank you,” Chloe whispered, and went into Tasha’s arms. “Thank you for believing me.”
Tasha blinked back tears and whispered her gratitude to Josh. Without him, she never would’ve had the strength to offer Chloe anything but her silence. For that and so much more, she’d love him until the day she died—even if they were miles apart.
LATER THAT DAY, JOSH invited Tasha to lunch at a restaurant and she readily accepted, eager to hear an update on Christopher and happy to spend what little time they had left together.
Josh’s genuine smile warmed her heart, and as she accepted a modest kiss on her cheek, she tried not to lean into him like a starving woman.
Choosing a quiet spot in the back of the restaurant, Josh pulled out her chair, making her feel cherished and loved. Such a small gesture, she mused, but it definitely worked.
“What’s the word on Christopher?” she asked.
“He’s on home study for the time being. He and I thought it was best to lie low until his court date. It’s only a few days, but I feel better knowing he’s home. Plus, since all his computers were confiscated, I know he’s not on the Internet.”
“You don’t think he’s learned his lesson?”
“I don’t know. I hope so, but I’m glad temptation is no longer within easy reach.”
She nodded. “How’s things with Carrie?” she asked, concern outweighing her decision to steer clear of that subject.
He sighed heavily. “Not so good. She wants her boyfriend Robert to pull some strings so Christopher can walk away from this scot-free.”
Tasha weighed her answer. She knew how Josh would react to such an offer. Integrity coursed through his veins. But there was some merit to letting Christopher off easy provided he’d learned his lesson as she hoped. She’d hate to see Christopher go into his adulthood with this experience hanging around his neck. “What did you tell her?”
“I told her no.”
She decided to put a thought out there. “What if Christopher has already been scared straight, so to speak? Does he really need to have a formal sentence? It seems pretty harsh for a kid his age.”
“He broke the law and there are consequences. That’s a life lesson he needs to learn,” Josh said, though his furrowed brow told her he was struggling with that decision. “He has to take his chances, just like everyone else.”
He was right. Tasha admired his stoicism even in the face of his child spending time in juvenile detention. Admiration shone in her smile. “Someday he’s going to realize what a good man you are to make this hard choice,” she said. “He’ll be a better person for it.”
He graced her with a smile that melted her heart until she shook off the warm feelings with great effort—especially when she began to wonder what sharing parenting duties with Josh might’ve been like.
It was too easy to picture a loving home built on the foundation of strong morals and solid ethics; one that overflowed with family energy and echoed with the giggle and chatter of their children. She inhaled sharply as yearning twisted through her, and she looked away for fear he’d see straight into her private thoughts.
“Tasha…I’ve never been good at poetry. Hell, I can barely write a letter worth reading, but when I look at you, I see everything that’s beautiful in the world.”
Tears gathered behind her eyes. She felt the same when she looked at him. “No fair,” she said, trying for levity, knowing she had to be strong for the both of them. “You say things like that and I’ll be tempted to put you in my bag when I leave.”
> The light in his gaze dimmed as the full impact of what she’d said sunk in. She was leaving. Nothing had changed. His smile faded and she was sorry to see it go. It was probably the most beautiful smile she’d ever seen. “You’re still leaving?”
Tasha nodded, but it felt wrong. “Josh…I want to stay. Desperately. But what if it doesn’t work out? What if what we had in the past was so much better in our memories than what we could create in the future? I’m not willing to risk it.”
“If you’re leaving, do it for the right reasons, Tasha.” Dumbfounded, she just stared. He continued quietly, “My feelings for you are unfathomable. Just when I think I’ve tapped the bottom of the well, you show up and I realize they go so much deeper. Touching you is like knowing a small piece of heaven. Being with you feels as it should’ve been years ago. We’ve lost so much time already, I don’t want to waste another minute. My life started again the day of your mother’s funeral. The past was great, but I know our future is better.”
Emotion best left unnamed flooded through her body, crying out to accept everything he was offering, but as she found herself leaning toward the promised land she saw in his blue eyes, fear snaked its way into her heart.
What kind of partnership could she offer Josh? Was it right for him to suffer through the nights when she awoke screaming, clawing at nothing but the bedsheets tangled around her body? He didn’t know what he was getting himself into and she could never burden him. Selfishly, she’d give anything to have Josh at her side, to have his strong arms wrapped around her during the night warding off the nightmares with his touch but it wasn’t fair. She was broken inside and she was afraid not even his love could put her back together again. She avoided his intense stare and changed the subject.
“I talked to Chloe,” she said. “I was right.”
Josh grimaced, disgust in his features. “What a bastard. What now?”
“She’s going to write her mom a letter, tell her what happened. I think they might have a chance if Diane believes her. Chloe needs to stop running.”
“What about you?”
Tasha’s fingers stilled on her napkin. “What do you mean?”
“What will it take to get you to stop running?”
She wished she knew the answer. Josh was offering her his heart on a platter. What if she broke it because she couldn’t deal with the past? She wouldn’t take that chance. He deserved so much better than what she could give.
“I don’t know.” Her flat tone reflected nothing of the wailing in her heart and betrayed little of the turmoil churning her stomach. “But it’s not fair to expect you to wait and find out. I won’t do that to you or Christopher.”
“Tasha, I’d wait forever if I thought you’d be there at the end.”
She regarded him sadly. “I know—that’s why I’d never ask. It’s not fair.”
“Tasha…”
“No, Josh.” Hands shaking, she rose from the table and ran from the restaurant.
CHAPTER TWENTY
TASHA WALKED INTO HER father’s home and tried not to give the sorrow tugging at her consciousness more power than it already possessed. Hard choices were called that for a reason. She wasn’t a naive girl anymore who believed in happy endings. Leaving was the best course of action for the sake of her sanity. Her heart would just have to adjust.
Gerald appeared from his hobby room, a satisfied smile on his face. Even though Josh had finished the room a week or so ago, Gerald had yet to take a look. Tasha suspected he was gathering the courage to face it, knowing somehow that hole represented something else in his mind. She returned his smile.
“That’s some good work. Can’t hardly tell it was busted through,” he said as she came to stand beside him. Everything still needed to be put back in its place, but the fresh paint and new window gleamed. “Josh did a great job.”
“Yes, he did. Christopher helped a bit, too,” she added, not wanting to leave Chris out even though his contribution had been minimal. “You ought to consider Josh and his brothers in the spring for the back porch. There’s a spot where the wood feels soft.”
Gerald acknowledged her with a slow, contemplative nod. “I might do that. I was thinking of tearing it down and starting fresh, but just never got around to it. But you’re right. Come spring, it might be unsafe. Your mom used to love to watch the sunset from the back porch.”
“I remember,” Tasha said, leaning against the door frame. “It was her favorite time of the day.”
“That it was,” he agreed.
“So, you feeling okay? I’m surprised Natalie has allowed you to get out of bed,” Tasha said, putting off what she really came to do.
“I don’t feel like hauling wood anytime soon, but other than that, my ticker feels fine. How about you? You seem a little off. Something between you and Josh?”
“Dad, we’re just friends.”
He grunted. “Then you’re a damn fool.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“For someone who just kissed death, you’re not very appreciative of your loved ones,” Tasha remarked wryly.
“Yeah, well, I made a promise and I aim to say what needs to be said, and I’m not going to pretty it up to get my point across.”
“Dad, no one would ever accuse you of ‘prettying things up.’”
“True enough. But you and Josh…that kind of thing doesn’t come along often. You ought to grab it and hold on for dear life. He’s a good man. You could do a lot worse.”
“He’s a wonderful man,” she readily agreed, yet her heart did a painful stutter as she prepared to utter her next statement. “But I’m returning to Belize and his life is here in Emmett’s Mill. That’s just how things are.”
FOR A LONG MOMENT, Gerald regarded his daughter. The time had come for him to make amends, but his courage was flagging. How does a man apologize for letting his daughter twist in the wind when she needed her father the most? Shame almost kept his mouth shut, but the gentle voice of his wife filtered into his mind and gave him the boost he needed.
“Tasha?”
She watched him curiously. “Yeah, Dad?”
“Can we sit a spell? Talk a little?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” she asked, uncertainty in her green eyes. When he gestured for her to follow him into the living room, she did, but her expression had become concerned.
“What’s on your mind?” she asked, taking a seat on the sofa. He chose to sit beside her rather than his lounge chair. She frowned. “Are you okay?”
He waved away her question, anxious to get to the point. “I know you have your reasons for leaving, but I want you to hear me out and then make your decision.” She started to protest, but he gently grasped her hand and held it, the action in itself startling enough to snap her mouth shut and stare with wide-eyed worry. He was acting out of character, but maybe this whole time he’d been acting wrong. He drew a deep breath. “I let you down and I was too proud to admit it all these years. I can’t take back the past and I can’t do what I should’ve done then, but I can do what I think is right now.”
“Dad, you don’t have to do this,” she said, but the quiet pain in her eyes said differently. “The past is the past. Let’s leave it at that.”
“Not yet,” he said resolutely. “I mean to make amends and you’re going to let me. I wronged you, girl. My oldest daughter.” His voice cracked. “My pride and joy. I wish I could go back in time and do a lot of things over. I hate myself for not being the man I should’ve been for you. Your mama tried—bless her heart—to get me to talk to you, but my stubborn pride kept me from doing what was right. I should’ve killed him,” he said in a low voice, wishing Bronson Lewis was alive again just so he could have the pleasure of putting him back in the ground. Tears filled her eyes and his lower lip trembled at the sight. “I don’t want to see you running from a good man and the chance of a good life because of that sorry SOB and my cowardice. You deserve so much more.”
“Daddy…” She choked on the word and he squeezed her hand, knowing he was a poor substitute for the warmth of her mother. “You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that.”
“I have an idea,” he said. “When I think of how it would’ve felt to live without your mama all those years I damn near can’t stand the thought. Feels a lot like it does now. And I think you’re selling your future short with Josh if you leave.”
“I wish it were that simple,” she whispered. “I can’t stand the thought of running into Diane all the time. This town’s too small. It hurts too much.”
Gerald sighed deeply. “That’s not something you’re going to have to worry about. Diane is moving. She came by the other day to tell me a few things. Felt she needed to get it off her chest.” He shook his head sorrowfully. “She said this town’s got too many memories that she can’t trust.”
“What do you mean?” Tasha asked, confused.
“Seems she got a letter from Chloe. Apparently, Bronson hurt his own daughter, too.”
A wild surge of respect made Tasha inhale sharply, but she bit her lip against any words she might’ve said. Good job, Chloe. God only knew how hard it must have been to sit down and pen that letter. If only Tasha had been as brave.
“I’m disgusted I once considered him a friend. He was rotten to the core. If there’s a hell, hopefully he’s roasting in it.”
A slow smile crept onto her lips and Gerald knew she was hoping the same thing. Like father, like daughter. Gerald regarded his daughter with open affection. She was his girl and always would be. “I miss you, Tasha.”
Her eyes watered and suddenly she launched into his arms. “Daddy, I miss you, too.”
Gerald closed his eyes and saw Missy smiling. He sent a prayer to heaven thanking God for a second chance at making things right.
TASHA PULLED AWAY, almost giddy at the light feeling in her heart. She hadn’t realized how much it would mean to her to hear those words from her father, but now that she had, it carried significant weight.
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