Terrified

by Angela Hart

  10

  ‘I don’t want to know about Vicky’

  When Vicky and Michelle went back to school they slotted easily into the routine they’d established before the end of term in July. The only difference was that after a couple of days Vicky started taking the bus with Michelle, as she said it would help in her continuing battle to stop smoking. In the evenings they both did their homework and spent some time in each other’s rooms before coming down for dinner together, and Michelle had somehow managed to get Vicky to wear the new shirts and use the pencil case I’d bought her: to this day I’ve no idea how.

  ‘Do you know, they’ve become as thick as thieves,’ I found myself saying to Jonathan one evening, as the girls had been so engrossed in whatever they were doing they had to be called three times to come downstairs to eat.

  ‘I’ve noticed that too. I never would have thought they’d get on so well. It’s great to see.’

  Unfortunately, one evening I noticed Michelle wasn’t quite herself around the table, and I took her to one side as soon as we’d cleared the dishes away.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘Has something happened at school?’

  ‘No, it’s not that, Angela. I’ve been dreading telling you this, but it’s about Florida. My mum really has put her foot down and it’s as I thought. I can’t go, there’s no way.’

  By now Hayley had also taken over as Michelle’s social worker. She had picked up where Tricia left off and had been talking to Maureen about the holiday, hoping to nudge her in our direction despite her reservations about the hotel accommodation. I’d been so focused on Vicky’s review that I hadn’t chased Hayley up on this for a week or so, but the last I’d heard was that Hayley was hopeful she could talk Maureen round.

  ‘Really? Are you absolutely sure, Michelle?’

  ‘Certain. She said that is her final word and she really means it.’

  ‘OK. Let me talk to Hayley again,’ I said. ‘I’m sure there must be a way of fixing this for you.’

  It took me three days to get hold of Hayley, and when I did so she said she’d call round and see me straight after work the following evening.

  ‘Great,’ I said. ‘I’d like to sort this out as soon as possible. Apart from anything else I need to pay the next instalment on the holiday shortly.’

  ‘I understand. Actually, I also have several other things to discuss, some involving Vicky. It’s been a busy week. Can you make sure both girls are in?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘Great. See you tomorrow. By the way, would it be all right for me to come to the front door rather than through the shop?’

  ‘Yes, no problem. I’ve remembered about your hay fever. I’ll also make sure we don’t have flowers in the house.’

  ‘Brilliant! Thanks so much. I know summer’s over but I don’t want to take any chances.’

  Jonathan was out making a delivery when Hayley arrived. She was looking uncharacteristically sombre, and I was hoping Jonathan would hurry home, as I instinctively felt this was going to be a difficult meeting.

  ‘Both girls are in their bedrooms,’ I said, showing her up to the lounge. ‘Please make yourself comfortable. Shall I make us some tea?’

  ‘No, thanks, I’ve not long had one,’ Hayley said, perching herself on the edge of the settee.

  ‘I have quite a lot to say about both Michelle and Vicky,’ she went on, taking out her files. ‘It’s been an incredibly hectic week in the office, and there are several issues and developments to discuss. Can I have a word with Michelle privately, before we begin?’

  ‘Of course. I’ll fetch her.’

  Michelle looked sheepish when I brought her down to the lounge, and I left her and Hayley together while I went to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water.

  ‘Just give me a shout when you want me back,’ I said.

  ‘I will do,’ Hayley said.

  Ten minutes went by before I heard the lounge door open and Michelle climb the stairs back up to her bedroom.

  ‘Are you there, Angela?’ Hayley called down to me.

  ‘Coming!’ I said as cheerfully as I could manage, though I was trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

  Hayley didn’t beat around the bush.

  ‘Right,’ she announced as soon as I was back in the lounge. ‘Michelle has been telling her mother that you and Jonathan are too strict, and Maureen has put in a complaint.’

  ‘Oh!’ I said, extremely taken aback. ‘In what way?’

  ‘Michelle claims that you force her to scrub the floors, clean the toilets, do all the washing and ironing and peel sack loads of potatoes.’

  I laughed indignantly.

  ‘That’s simply not true!’ I said. ‘Has she honestly said all that?’

  ‘Yes, and her mother is hopping mad. She has asked if Michelle could be moved to another foster home. Needless to say, she has also refused permission for Florida.’

  ‘OK,’ I said, taking a deep breath, my mind going into overdrive. ‘And I take it you’ve checked this with Michelle, and you aren’t just taking Maureen’s word for it?’

  ‘Yes, I have spoken to Michelle about it just now, and she says it is all completely true.’

  I was shocked to the core and it took me a moment or two to try to digest this information.

  ‘Well!’ I finally exclaimed, feeling myself getting very annoyed indeed. ‘I think this is Maureen’s way of derailing the holiday once and for all. She has been awkward about it all along. I think she regrets giving her permission in the first place.’

  ‘OK,’ Hayley said, jotting down some notes. ‘What Maureen has said is that she has lost trust in you as foster carers, and she doesn’t want you taking her daughter out of the country.’

  ‘That is just so unfair and unbelievable! And the most outrageous thing is that Michelle is the loser in all this!’

  Jonathan walked into the room to hear my outburst, and once the details had been explained to him he was equally cross and indignant.

  ‘I’m actually really bloody offended,’ he said, which was a shock as he very rarely uses bad language. ‘After all we’ve done for Michelle, I really can’t believe it. I’m stunned.’

  ‘So am I!’ I added. ‘I’d like to fetch Michelle back, to speak to her myself, if you don’t mind, Hayley.’

  ‘That’s fine by me, if she’s willing,’ the social worker replied.

  Minutes later, Michelle was installed on the settee beside me. She had looked embarrassed when I’d knocked on her bedroom door and asked her to come back down, and she hadn’t said a word or given me any eye contact whatsoever as we returned to the lounge together.

  Hayley spoke first.

  ‘I have just explained to Angela and Jonathan that, ultimately, the reason your mother has refused to give permission for the holiday is because you have told her you are unhappy living here, as you are forced to do too many chores.’

  Michelle blushed and remained tight-lipped.

  ‘They are shocked by this and say it isn’t true.’

  ‘That’s right,’ I said, looking at Michelle. ‘Because it’s not true, is it?’

  ‘Er, it is true, actually,’ she said, looking intently at her Winnie the Pooh slippers.

  ‘Michelle!’ I gasped.

  ‘Just a moment, Angela,’ Hayley said. ‘Can you repeat what you told me earlier, when you described the chores you say you have to do?’

  ‘Er, all the cooking and cleaning and washing and stuff,’ Michelle muttered.

  ‘Michelle! I ask you to do the bare minimum of chores that any fourteen-year-old would be expected to help with around the home!’

  ‘It’s too much!’ she shouted. ‘I want to go home! I want to go back to my mum!’

  With that she ran out of the lounge and back up to her bedroom, and then she refused to come out or even speak to anybody.

  ‘I’m afraid parents can sometimes cause the breakdown of a placement, even when this does not put their child’s best
interests first,’ Hayley consoled. ‘But I’m sure you know that already.’

  Jonathan and I looked at each other in despair.

  ‘We know that in theory,’ I said. ‘But we’ve never experienced the breakdown of a placement before. And of all the children, Michelle is the person we would have least expected this to happen with.’

  ‘I do sympathise,’ Hayley said. ‘I’ll need to discuss the case with my manager, but I’m very glad you are in the picture. Is there anything you would like me to report back?’

  ‘Yes, there certainly is. I want it to be stated very clearly that Jonathan and I have never, and would never, place unreasonable demands on any child in our care. We have nothing but Michelle’s best interests at heart. She has willingly helped with chores like clearing the table and keeping her bedroom tidy, and she has regularly volunteered to peel vegetables and help with the cooking, but she has never been forced to do so.’

  I spoke firmly and confidently. I wanted to set the record straight, and I was very keen that this breakdown would not affect the way Social Services viewed us as foster carers.

  Hayley scribbled some notes in her pad, reassured us she would prioritise discussing Michelle’s case with her manager, and then swiftly moved the conversation on to Vicky.

  ‘There is good and bad news to report regarding Vicky,’ she stated, which made me catch my breath.

  ‘Go on,’ I said, afraid of what Hayley might say next.

  ‘I’m sorry to tell you that her sister, Lorraine, is in hospital. She took an overdose a few days ago.’

  ‘No! Oh my God, is she going to be all right?’

  ‘As far as we know it appears to have been a cry for help. She’s been struggling with the baby, and her husband has reported that she has a history of depression. It’s not the first time she has done this, apparently.’

  ‘That’s terrible! What does this mean for Vicky?’

  ‘It certainly rules out a return to her sister’s home, in the foreseeable future, at least.’

  ‘So she’ll continue staying with us?’

  Hayley hesitated and I had a dreadful feeling she was going to talk about Vicky’s mother.

  ‘You’ve spoken to her, haven’t you? Brenda?’

  ‘Yes. I knocked on her door last week and she actually answered it long enough to tell me she does not want to know about Vicky.’

  I gasped, feeling a mixture of shock, upset and relief. Brenda had been so elusive that in my mind’s eye I’d started to view her as an almost fictional, ghost-like figure, shut away from our reality. Now she was suddenly catapulted into my conscience as a living, breathing human being, and I felt a wave of fear that she could somehow cause further heartache for Vicky now she was back in the picture. My mind was reeling. I was horrified that any mother could be so cruel and dismissive towards her own daughter, but I took some comfort from the fact that at least Vicky would not be returning to her mother.

  ‘Can I ask . . . what exactly did Vicky’s mother say?’

  ‘Just as I said,’ Hayley replied. ‘I think her exact words were: “I don’t want to know about Vicky.” She opened her front door for all of the ten seconds it took to deliver the sentence, and then she slammed it shut, telling me not to bother coming back.’

  ‘You mentioned good news,’ I ventured.

  ‘Yes, we’ve made some progress in finding out more about Vicky’s father.’

  ‘Oh. That sounds promising.’

  ‘Let’s hope so. Lorraine went round to Brenda’s with the baby a few days before she took the overdose, and she managed to obtain Vicky’s birth certificate, along with a little bit of information.’

  I was on tenterhooks, desperately wanting to know more about Vicky’s dad. I was also concerned about what may have happened to Lorraine during the visit to her mother, and whether it contributed to her taking the pills.

  ‘So Vicky’s father is still alive?’ I asked, probably quite impatiently.

  ‘We don’t know. What we do know is that he was in the Armed Forces and, though Vicky had always used the same name as her mother, she was actually given her father’s surname, Taylor, at birth. We’re very hopeful we’ll know more soon. The Ministry of Defence is being very helpful.’

  ‘Should we tell Vicky this?’

  ‘I would like to tell her about Lorraine, as it’s something I’ve been trained to deal with. Perhaps I could talk to her now, if she’s here? I’m happy for you to stay in the room, if she has no objection.’

  Jonathan and I both nodded.

  ‘It’s fine,’ I said. ‘I’ll go and get her. Will you mention the progress with her dad?’

  ‘Yes, if I think it’s appropriate after telling her about Lorraine. Let’s see how she is. Needless to say, I will not tell her exactly what her mother said.’

  Vicky was quietly doing her homework when I went up to her room, and when she came to answer my knock on her door she looked very pleased to see me.

  ‘Look, Angela! I got an A for my home economics,’ she said, showing me a marked test paper. ‘I want to show your mum, because do you know what got me lots of marks? It was remembering the rhubarb crumble recipe by heart.’

  ‘Really?’ I said, recalling how she broke the microwave the first time she made it.

  ‘Yes! I even remembered to bake it in the oven at gas mark 6 for half an hour. Mind you, I won’t forget that in a hurry, will I?’

  ‘No, I don’t expect you will! Listen, Vicky, Hayley’s downstairs and she has some news for you. Can you come and talk to her?’

  ‘What news?’ she asked, a flash of fear flickering in her eyes

  ‘I’ll let her tell you, but don’t worry, you don’t have to go back to your mum’s house.’

  Her frightened expression softened.

  ‘That’s all right then. As long as it’s not that, I don’t care.’

  Of course, when Hayley explained what had happened to Lorraine she did care, very deeply. As soon as she heard the word ‘overdose’ she went into a frozen trance, staring through us and appearing not to hear any of our voices, no matter what we said.

  ‘Lorraine is going to be fine,’ Hayley reassured. ‘The doctors and nurses are looking after her, and the baby is perfectly safe and happy too, being cared for by your brother-in-law. You don’t need to worry, Vicky. Your sister is in good hands and the doctors say she will make a full recovery. She’ll be out of hospital in a day or two.’

  When Vicky failed to respond to Hayley, I tried to bring her round by reiterating the fact she would not have to return to her mother’s and could stay with us.

  ‘That’s good news, isn’t it, sweetheart?’ I said. ‘You can stay here, with me and Jonathan. We’ll keep looking after you while Lorraine gets better.’

  After about a minute of total silence Hayley broached the subject of Vicky’s father.

  ‘We’ve found out something about your dad, Vicky,’ Hayley said softly.

  There was no response, and Vicky’s glazed eyes didn’t flicker.

  ‘Your dad was a soldier. He served in Northern Ireland before you were born.’

  Vicky turned to look at Hayley, her head clicking slowly round in the mechanical, puppet-like way it had done when she had panicked in the delivery van with me. Once she was looking straight at Hayley, Vicky released a long, slow breath and blinked rapidly several times.

  ‘Is he . . . still alive?’ she asked quietly, barely moving her lips.

  ‘We don’t know yet, but we will find out shortly. The Army has agreed to help us find out more about him.’

  ‘Wow,’ she said. ‘Maybe that’s why he was nasty, being in Northern Ireland. That’s got to be hard.’

  I caught Hayley’s eye.

  ‘I have been trying to explain that Vicky’s father might not have been nasty,’ I said. ‘Her mother said he was nasty, but that might just be her opinion.’

  ‘Angela has a very good point, Vicky. As soon as I hear any more I’ll be in touch, and hopefully you can judge for yo
urself, when we know more about him.’

  ‘What if he’s dead?’ she said flatly.

  ‘Well, you will still get to know more about him. His name is Vincent Taylor, by the way. The Army will be able to tell us more, very shortly, I hope.’

  ‘OK,’ she shrugged, looking thoughtful and giving the tiniest flicker of a smile. ‘Can I go back to my room now?’

  Hayley nodded. ‘Thanks, Vicky. It’s a lot to take in. Are you feeling all right?’

  ‘Yes, I think so.’

  After we saw Hayley out, Jonathan and I asked each other the same question.

  ‘I feel like I’ve been hit over the head,’ I said. ‘My nerves are jangling.’

  ‘I feel the same,’ he replied, squeezing my hand. ‘I’m so shocked by Michelle, it’s unbelievable, isn’t it?’

  ‘Totally. I never expected that in a million years. As for Lorraine, I suppose it explains a lot. It’s hardly surprising she put Vicky in care if she was so vulnerable herself. And I guess it’s no wonder she was so unreliable about sending Vicky’s belongings, or that she wasn’t up to having visitors after she had the baby.’

  We sat in silence for quite some time, trying to digest all we’d heard in the last hour, and then Jonathan went out to pick up a takeaway. Michelle refused to come down and eat with us, but Vicky ate heartily before getting ready to go to the youth club with her friends.

  ‘Can I come home at 10.30 p.m. tonight?’ she asked.

  ‘No!’ I said. ‘The nights are drawing in and it’s term time. I want you back by 9.30 p.m., please.’

  ‘Will it be dark then?’

  ‘Yes, it will be. Do you want a lift?’

  ‘No, thanks. I can get myself home. No need to send a search party!’

  ‘No need to be cheeky, Vicky!’ I smiled, glad to see her in such good spirits, considering all she had heard that evening.

  She winked at me and swaggered out of the house with her ‘gangster gait’ as I’d jokingly started to call it.