Short Stories

by Agatha Christie

  Mr Wade was looking at him in bewilderment.

  "Well," he said, "what do you think I ought to do?"

  "That certainly is the question. Whatever you should have done nine years ago, it is too late now. New tactics must be adopted.

  Have you ever had any affairs with other women?"

  "Certainly not."

  "I should have said, perhaps, any light flirtations?"

  "I never bothered about women much."

  "A mistake. You must start now."

  Mr Wade looked alarmed. "Oh, look here, I couldn't really. I mean -"

  "You will be put to no trouble in the matter. One of my staff will be supplied for the purpose. She will tell you what is required of you, and any attentions you pay her she will, of course, understand to be merely a matter of business."

  Mr Wade looked relieved. "That's better. But do you really think - I mean, it seems to me that Iris will be keener to get rid of me than ever."

  "You do not understand human nature, Mr Wade. Still less do you understand feminine human nature. At the present moment you are, from the feminine point of view, merely a waste product. Nobody wants you. What use has a woman for something that no one wants? None whatever. But take another angle. Suppose your wife discovers that you are looking forward to regaining your freedom as much as she is?"

  "Then she ought to be pleased."

  "She ought to be, perhaps, but she will not be! Moreover, she will see that you have attracted a fascinating young woman - a young woman who could pick and choose. Immediately your stock goes up. Your wife knows that all her friends will say it was you who tired of her and wished to marry a more attractive woman. That will annoy her."

  "You think so?"

  "I am sure of it. You will no longer be 'poor dear old Reggie.' You will be 'that sly dog Reggie.' All the difference in the world! Without relinquishing the other man, she will doubtless try to win you back.

  You will not be won. You will sensible and give to her all her arguments. 'Much better to part."Temperamentally unsuited.' You realize that while what she said was true - that you had never understood her - it is also true that she had never understood you.

  But we need not go into this now; you will be given full instructions when the time comes."

  Mr Wade seemed doubtful still. "You really think that this plan of yours will do the trick?" he asked dubiously.

  "I will not say I am absolutely sure of it," said Mr Parker Pyne cautiously. "There is a bare possibility that your wife may be so overwhelmingly in love with this other man that nothing you could say or do will affect her, but I consider that unlikely. She has probably been driven into this affair through boredom - boredom with the atmosphere of uncritical devotion and absolute fidelity with which you have most unwisely surrounded her. If you follow my instructions, the chances are, I should say, ninety-seven percent in your favor."

  "Good enough," said Mr Wade. "I'll do it. By the way - er - how much?"

  "My fee is two hundred guineas, payable in advance."

  Mr Wade drew out a check book.

  The grounds of Lorrimer Court were lovely in the afternoon sunshine. Iris Wade, lying on a long chair, made a delicious spot of color. She was dressed in delicate shades of mauve and by skillful make-up managed to look much younger than her thirty-five years.

  She was talking to her friend Mrs Massington, whom she always found sympathetic. Both ladies were afflicted with athletic husbands who talked stocks and shares and golf alternately.

  "- and so one learns to live and let live," finished Iris.

  "You're wonderful, darling," said Mrs Massington and added too quickly: "Tell me, who is this girl?"

  Iris raised a weary shoulder. "Don't ask me! Reggie found her.

  She's Reggie's little friend! So amusing. You know he never looks at girls as a rule. He came to me and hemmed and hawed, and finally said he wanted to ask this Miss de Sara down for the weekend. Of course I laughed - I couldn't help it. Reggie, you know! Well, here she is."

  "Where did he meet her?"

  "I don't know. He was very vague about it all."

  "Perhaps he's known her some time."

  "Oh, I don't think so," said Mrs Wade. "Of course," she went on, "I'm delighted - simply delighted. I mean, it makes it so much easier for me, as things are. Because I have been unhappy about Reggie; he's such a dear old thing. That's what I kept saying to Sinclair - that it would hurt Reggie so. But he insisted that Reggie would soon get over it; it looks as if he were right. Two days ago Reggie seemed heartbroken - and now he wants this girl down! As I say, I'm amused. I like to see Reggie enjoying himself. I fancy the poor fellow actually thought I might be jealous. Such an absurd idea! 'Of course,' I said, 'have your friend down.' Poor Reggie - as though a girl like that could ever care about him. She's just amusing herself."

  "She's extremely attractive," said Mrs Massington. "Almost dangerously so, if you know what I mean. The sort of girl who cares only for men. I don't feel, somehow, she can be a really nice girl."

  "Probably not," said Mrs Wade.

  "She has marvelous clothes," said Mrs Massington.

  "Almost too exotic, don't you think?"

  "But very expensive."

  "Opulent. She's too opulent-looking."

  "Here they come," said Mrs Massington.

  Madeleine de Sara and Reggie Wade were walking across the lawn.

  They were laughing and talking together and seemed very happy.

  Madeleine flung herself into a chair, tore off the bret she was wearing and ran her hands through her exquisitely dark curls. She was undeniably beautiful.

  "We've had such a marvelous afternoon!" she cried. "I'm terribly hot. I must be looking too dreadful."

  Reggie Wade started nervously at the sound of his cue. "You look you look -" He gave a little laugh. "I won't say it," he finished.

  Madeleine's eyes met his. It was a glance of complete understanding on her part. Mrs Massington noted it alertly.

  "You should play golf," said Madeleine to her hostess. "You miss such a lot. Why don't you take it up? I have a friend who did and became quite good, and she was a lot older than you."

  "I don't care for that sort of thing," said Iris coldly.

  "Are you bad at games? How rotten for you! It makes one feel so out of things. But really, Mrs Wade, coaching nowadays is so good that almost anyone can play fairly well. I improved my tennis no end last summer. Of course I'm hopeless at golf."

  "Nonsense!" said Reggie. "You only need coaching. Look how you were getting those brassie shots this afternoon."

  "Because you showed me how. You're a wonderful teacher. Lots of people simply can't teach. But you've got the gift. It must be wonderful to be you - you can do everything."

  "Nonsense. I'm no good - no use whatever." Reggie was confused.

  "You must be very proud of him," said Madeleine, turning to Mrs Wade. "How have you managed to keep him all these years? You must have been very clever. Or have you hidden him away?"

  Her hostess made no reply. She picked up her book with a hand that trembled.

  Reggie murmured something about changing, and went off.

  "I do think it's so sweet of you to have me here," said Madeleine to her hostess. "Some women are so suspicious of their husbands' friends. I do think jealousy is absurd, don't you?"

  "I do indeed. I should never dream of being jealous of Reggie."

  "That's wonderful of you! Because anyone can see that he's a man who's frightfully attractive to women. It was a shock to me when I heard he was married. Why do all the attractive men get snapped up young?"

  "I'm glad you find Reggie so attractive," said Mrs Wade.

  "Well, he is, isn't he? So good-looking, and so frightfully good at games. And that pretended indifference of his on women. That spurs us one, of course."

  "I suppose you have a lot of men friends," said Mrs Wade.

  "Oh, yes. I like men better than women. Women are never really nice to me. I can't think wh
y."

  "Perhaps you are too nice to their husbands," said Mrs Massington with a tinkly laugh.

  "Well, one's sorry for people sometimes. So many nice men are tied to such dull wives. You know, 'arty' women and highbrow women.

  Naturally, the men want someone young and bright to talk to. I think the modern ideas of marriage and divorce are so sensible. Start again while one is still young with someone who shares one's tastes and ideas. It's better for everybody in the end. I mean, the highbrow wives probably pick up some long-haired creature of their own type who satisfies them. I think cutting your losses and starting again is a wise plan, don't you, Mrs Wade?"

  "Certainly."

  A certain frostiness in the atmosphere seemed to penetrate Madeleine's consciousness. She murmured something about changing for tea and left them.

  "Detestable creatures these modern girls are," said Mrs Wade.

  "Not an idea in their heads."

  "She's got one idea in hers, Iris," said Mrs Massing ton. "That girl's in love with Reggie."

  "Nonsense!"

  "She is. I saw the way she looked at him just now. She doesn't care a pin whether he's married or not. She means to have him.

  Disgusting, I call it."

  Mrs Wade was silent a moment, then she laughed uncertainly.

  "After all," she said, "what does it matter?"

  Presently Mrs Wade, too, went upstairs. Her husband was in his dressing room changing. He was singing.

  "Enjoyed yourself, dear?" said Mrs Wade.

  "Oh, er - rather, yes."

  "I'm glad. I want you to be happy."

  "Yes, rather."

  Acting a part was not Reggie Wade's strong point, but as it happened, the acute embarrassment occasioned by his fancying he was doing so did just as well. He avoided his wife's eye and jumped when she spoke to him. He felt ashamed; hated the farce of it all.

  Nothing could have produced a better effect. He was the picture of conscious guilt.

  "How long have you known her?" asked Mrs Wade suddenly.

  "Er - who?"

  "Miss de Sara, of course."

  "Well I don't quite know. I mean - oh some time."

  "Really? You never mentioned her."

  "Didn't I? I suppose I forgot."

  "Forgot indeed!" said Mrs Wade. She departed with a whisk of mauve draperies.

  After tea Mr Wade showed Miss de Sara the rose garden. They walked across the lawn conscious of two pairs of eyes raking their backs.

  "Look here." Safe out of sight in the rose garden, Mr Wade unburdened himself. "Look here, I think we'll have to give this up.

  My wife looked at me just now as though she hated me."

  "Don't worry," said Madeleine. "It's quite all right."

  "Do you think so? I mean, I don't want to put her against me. She said several nasty things at tea."

  "It's all right," said Madeleine again. "You're doing splendidly."

  "Do you really think so?"

  "Yes." In a lower voice she went on: "Your wife is walking round the corner of the terrace. She wants to see what we're doing. You'd better kiss me."

  "Oh!" said Mr Wade nervously. "Must I? I mean -"

  "Kiss me!" said Madeleine fiercely.

  Mr Wade kissed her. Any lack of elan in the performance was remedied by Madeleine. She flung her arms round him. Mr Wade staggered.

  "Oh!" he said.

  "Did you hate it very much?" said Madeleine.

  "No, of course not," said Mr Wade gallantly. "It - it just took me by surprise." He added wistfully: "Have we been in the rose garden long enough, do you think?"

  "I think so," said Madeleine. "We've put in a bit of good work here."

  They returned to the lawn. Mrs Massington informed them that Mrs Wade had gone to lie down. Later, Mr Wade joined Madeleine with a perturbed face.

  "She's in an awful state - hysterics."

  "Good."

  "She saw me kissing you."

  "Well, we meant her to."

  "I know, but I couldn't say that, could I? I didn't know what to say. I said it had just - just - well, happened."

  "Excellent."

  "She said you were scheming to marry me and that you were no better than you should be. That upset me - it seemed such awfully rough luck on you. I mean, when you're just doing a job. I said that I had the utmost respect for you and that what she said wasn't true at all, and I'm afraid I got angry when she went on about it."

  "Magnificent!"

  "And then she told me to go away. She doesn't want ever to speak to me again. She talked of packing up and leaving." His face was dismayed.

  Madeleine smiled. "I'll tell you the answer to that one. Tell her that you'll be the one to go; that you'll pack up and clear out to town."

  "But I don't want to!"

  "That's all right. You won't have to. Your wife would hate to think of you amusing yourself in London."

  The following morning Reggie Wade had a fresh bulletin to impart.

  "She says she's been thinking, and that it isn't fair for her to go away when she agreed to stay six months. But she says that as I have my friends down here she doesn't see why she shouldn't have hers. She is asking Sinclair Jordan."

  "Is he the one?"

  "Yes, and I'm damned if I'll have him in my house!"

  "You must," said Madeleine. "Don't worry. I'll attend to him. Say that on thinking things over you have no objection, and that you know she won't mind your asking me to stay on, too."

  "Oh, dear!" sighed Mr Wade.

  "Now don't lose heart," said Madeleine. "Everything is going splendidly. Another fortnight - and all your troubles will be over."

  "A fortnight? Do you really think so?" demanded Mr Wade.

  "Think so? I'm sure of it," said Madeleine.

  A week later Madeleine de Sara entered Mr Parker Pyne's office and sank wearily into a chair.

  "Enter the Queen of Vamps," said Mr Parker Pyne, smiling.

  "Vamps!" said Madeleine. She gave a hollow laugh. "I've never had such uphill work being a vamp. That man is obsessed by his wife!

  It's a disease."

  Mr Parker Pyne smiled. "Yes, indeed. Well, in one way it made our task easier. It is not every man, my dear Madeleine, whom I would expose to your fascination so light-heartedly."

  The girl laughed. "If you knew the difficulty I had to make him even kiss me as though he liked it!"

  "A novel experience for you, my dear. Well, is your task accomplished?"

  "Yes. I think all is well. We had a tremendous scene last night. Let me see, my last report was three days ago?"

  "Yes."

  "Well, as I told you, I only had to look at that miserable worm, Sinclair Jordan, once. He was all over me - especially as he thought from my clothes that I had money. Mrs Wade was furious, of course.

  Here were both her men dancing attendance on me. I soon showed where my preference lay. I made fun of Sinclair Jordan, to his face and to her. I laughed at his clothes, and at the length of his hair. I pointed out that he had knock-knees."

  "Excellent technique," said Mr Parker Pyne appreciatively.

  "Everything boiled up last night. Mrs Wade came out in the open.

  She accused me of breaking up her home. Reggie Wade mentioned the little matter of Sinclair Jordan. She said that that was only the result of her unhappiness and loneliness. She had noticed her husband's abstraction for some time but had had no idea as to the cause of it. She said they had always been ideally happy, that she adored him and he knew it, and that she wanted him and only him.

  "I said it was too late for that. Mr Wade followed his instructions splendidly. He said he didn't give a damn! He was going to marry me! Mrs Wade could have her Sinclair as soon as she pleased.

  There was no reason why the divorce proceedings shouldn't be started at once; waiting six months was absurd.

  "Within a few days, he said, she should have the necessary evidence and could instruct her solicitors. He said he couldn't live without me.
Then Mrs Wade clutched her chest and talked about her weak heart and had to be given brandy. He didn't weaken. He went up to town this morning, and I've no doubt she's gone after him by this time."

  "So that's all right," said Mr Pyne cheerfully. "A very satisfactory case."

  The door flew open. In the doorway stood Reggie Wade.

  "Is she here?" he demanded, advancing into the room. "Where is she?" He caught sight of Madeleine.

  "Darling!" he cried. He seized both her hands. "Darling, darling.

  You knew, didn't you, that it was real last night - that I meant every word I said to Iris? I don't know why I was blind so long. But I've known for the last three days."

  "Known what?" said Madeleine faintly.

  "That I adored you. That there was no woman in the world for me but you. Iris can bring her divorce and when it's gone through you'll marry me, won't you? Say you will. Madeleine, I adore you."

  He caught the paralyzed Madeleine in his arms just as the door flew open again, this time to admit a thin woman dressed in untidy green.

  "I thought so!" said the newcomer. "I followed you! I knew you'd go to her!"

  "I can assure you -" began Mr Parker Pyne, recovering from the stupefaction that had descended upon him.

  The intruder took no notice of him. She swept on:

  "Oh, Reggie, you can't want to break my heart! Only come back! I'll not say a word about all this. I'll learn golf. I won't have any friends you don't care about. After all these years, when we've been so happy together -"

  "I've never been happy till now," said Mr Wade, still gazing at Madeleine. "Dash it all, Iris, you wanted to marry that ass Jordan.

  Why don't you go and do it?"

  Mrs Wade gave a wail. "I hate him! I hate the very sight of him." She turned to Madeleine. "You wicked woman! You horrible vampire stealing my husband from me."

  "I don't want your husband," said Madeleine distractedly.

  "Madeleine!" Mr Wade was gazing at her in agony.

  "Please go away," said Madeleine.

  "But look here, I'm not pretending. I mean it."