Something Like Love

by Catherine Dunne

  Lisa walked over towards the sink, leaned back against the counter and folded her arms. ‘You mad at me?’

  Rose shook her head. She put her cup aside, carefully. ‘No. I’m not mad at you at all. But I am very concerned.’

  Lisa looked down and examined her nail polish. ‘Why?’

  ‘I wasn’t expecting you to act like that. It was pretty . . . dramatic.’

  ‘I hadn’t planned it, you know.’ She stopped. Rose watched her face as she fought for control.

  ‘I’d been looking at the photographs ever since I got in from school. There were lots of ones from when I was little, and I’d kind of focused on those up until today. Then, while I was waiting for you, I started to look at all the other ones, the ones I haven’t put into albums yet.’

  ‘And what did you see?’ asked Rose, quietly.

  ‘All the important times – primary school graduation, first day at secondary school, my swimming medals: all that sort of stuff.’ She looked up, her eyes beginning to fill. ‘And all the times that you couldn’t be there, either, because you were working.’ She swallowed. ‘I never told you. On the last day at primary, I was the only one in my class to have my photo taken with no mum and no dad. I tore it up.’

  Rose bent her head. She felt the hot, molten lava of guilt begin to swell inside her.

  ‘And then, when we got to the café today, just out of the blue I thought about something you’d said. Remember the day I wouldn’t open the door to Dad, cos I didn’t know what to say to him?’

  Where the hell have you been?

  Rose groaned. ‘I was joking, Lisa. That was only a joke.’

  She nodded. ‘I know. But remember the comedian we saw interviewed a few weeks back?’

  Rose tried to recall his name: blond, outrageous, wearing stunning make-up and precarious high heels. ‘Eddie Izzard,’ she said, suddenly.

  ‘Yeah. ‘’Member he said something about how telling jokes meant telling the truth, but in a way that people would listen to, because it made them laugh?’

  Rose was speechless.

  ‘Well, that’s what I thought of today, just when I reached the top of the stairs. It just felt like the right thing to say. So I went for it.’

  Rose looked at her, feeling something like admiration. You’ll be all right, she thought, suddenly. I don’t need to worry about you.

  ‘So, am I in trouble or what?’

  Rose felt herself begin to smile. ‘No, indeed. You’re in no sort of trouble at all. In fact, I caught a glimpse of a very interesting young woman this afternoon. Feisty, no bullshit, able to stand up for herself. I don’t call that trouble, do you?’

  Lisa grinned. ‘Well, not the usual sort, anyway.’

  Rose stood up from the table. ‘Give me a hug.’

  Lisa walked over, wound her arms around her mother.

  ‘I also suggested you say “I’ve missed you”: do you remember that? That’s the one that wasn’t a joke.’ She stroked her daughter’s hair.

  Lisa nodded into her shoulder. ‘Yeah,’ she said, her voice muffled. ‘And I didn’t know I had, until I saw all the empty photographs.’

  Rose pulled her closer. It was a few moments before she was able to speak. When she did, she pulled back, looked Lisa in the eye. ‘So. Are you going to give him another chance? You’ve had your say today, in spades, or at least the start of it. What are you going to do next?’

  Lisa looked at her thoughtfully. ‘Are you saying it’s really my decision this time? Or are you telling me I have to?’

  ‘Your decision,’ Rose said at once.

  ‘I’ll think about it,’ said Lisa firmly. Her tone said that the subject was closed, for now. She rested her head on her mother’s shoulder again, saying nothing more.

  ‘Right,’ said Rose, a few moments later, breaking the silence. ‘I’ll wait for your decision then.’

  Lisa nodded, satisfied.

  Rose looked around her. ‘I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to do right now is start cooking. I’m not sure I’m up to it after all that. How about we share a take-away, and rent out a video?’

  Lisa shook her head. ‘I’ve no homework for tomorrow. I’ll make dinner, instead of a take-away. I’d like to. I’ll do my special pasta salad.’

  Rose smiled at her. It seemed the day’s surprises weren’t over yet. ‘Not too heavy on the chillies, then, okay?’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘I’m going upstairs to change my clothes. I’ll be down in a while.’

  ‘Cool.’ Lisa switched on the television in the kitchen and turned the volume up high.

  Cool, indeed. Sufficient unto the day.

  Rose stretched out on the bed and pulled the phone towards her. She dialled her son’s mobile.

  ‘Hi, Damien.’

  ‘Hiya, Ma. Can you hang on a minute?’

  Rose waited, heard the sound of a door closing, the blare of music receding.

  ‘Okay. I’m back. You all right?’

  ‘Fine. You?’

  ‘Yeah, great.’

  ‘How’s the new job going?’

  ‘It’s really good. I love it. Great gang to work with, as well. I think I’ve fallen on my feet.’

  ‘That’s wonderful. I look forward to hearing all about it.’

  ‘Yeah, I’ll probably drop in to the house some time over the weekend. There are still a few bits and pieces in my old room that I need to collect. That okay with you?’

  ‘Of course. Just let me know when, so that I can be here. Can I ask you something?’

  She thought she heard him sigh.

  ‘Yeah, go ahead and ask, and no, I haven’t contacted Dad. To be honest, he’s been the last thing on my mind. I’ve been too busy. We’re training all week and I’m knackered at the end of the day. Last thing I want is to have to gear myself up to talking to him. I need the time to sort things out in my own head, first.’

  ‘Okay. Just thought I’d ask.’

  ‘Has Brian met him yet?’

  ‘Yes. It went well. They’re meeting up again next week.’

  ‘Good. That’ll mean a lot to Brian.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Rose, surprised. She wouldn’t have expected that flash of generosity towards his younger brother. ‘It will.’

  ‘How about Lisa?’

  Rose smiled. ‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.’

  ‘Ah, go on, Ma, try me.’

  Suddenly, something that hadn’t been funny at all as it was happening, became transformed in the retelling. Rose started to laugh: she couldn’t help herself. ‘It was the most astonishing performance I’ve ever seen. I nearly fell off my chair.’ She paused for a moment, trying to get her breath. ‘Without saying a word, Lisa walks straight up to Ben, in the middle of Bewley’s, and looks him right in the eye. “Where the hell have you been?” she says, without even blinking.’ Rose had to wipe the tears from her eyes.

  Damien roared with delight. ‘Way to go, little sister!’

  ‘Well, I’m not sure about that,’ said Rose, laughter finally subsiding, ‘but at least she got something off her chest. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was like watching somebody change from the inside out. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.’

  ‘How did he take it?’

  Rose’s answer was a considered one. ‘Well, that’s another story. Lisa marched away once she’d said her piece and I didn’t hang around to find out. All I can say is that it wasn’t pleasant, for any of us. But she needed to do it. I’m hoping she’ll see him again, and maybe mend a few fences. So, please, don’t be too enthusiastic when she tells you what she got up to this afternoon.’

  ‘Why, Ma?’ Damien’s voice was filled with sudden incredulity. ‘Please tell me why. What can you possibly owe him? He left you in the shit, you hear nothing for years, and now he’s back two weeks and you’re suddenly on his side?’

  ‘You’re missing the point, Damien,’ said Rose quietly.

  ‘Tell me, then. What is the point? What am I
missing?’

  ‘This is not about your dad at all. This is about each of you – what you need.’

  There was a silence.

  ‘I’m thinking ahead, Damien, for all of you. That’s what parents do – it’s our job.’

  ‘Well, I don’t need him now – and he wasn’t around when I did. And I don’t think I’ll need him in the future, either. But I’ll call him at the weekend, if it makes you happy.’

  ‘I don’t know that “happy” is the word, but yes, call him.’

  ‘I might do a Lisa on him,’ warned Damien. Rose could hear him grin.

  ‘That’s up to you. I just want to make sure that you’re not closing off any options.’

  ‘Ma, I’m nearly twenty-five. When will you stop being a mother?’

  ‘Never!’ laughed Rose. ‘We just keep on going forever, hoping that one day we might get something right!’

  ‘You got lots of things right, Ma. More than you know.’

  Rose didn’t answer.

  ‘You still there?’

  ‘I’m still here.’ She made herself breathe quietly.

  ‘Gotta go now, Ma – I think I smell something burning.’

  She heard a door open. ‘Ah, shit!’ and then the line went dead.

  ‘How many have confirmed for tomorrow night, Sarah?’

  It was almost midday on Thursday. Rose stood at the counter, Betty and Angela on either side of her. Rose felt Angela’s presence beside her as an outrage: she had hardly been able to contain the wave of revulsion she’d felt when the young woman had arrived earlier that morning. She didn’t want to have to see her, speak to her, share space with her. It was an antagonism that was growing stronger by the hour.

  Rose waited while Sarah consulted her diary. Trays of beef bones crowded the surfaces around them, ready for the oven.

  ‘Eighty-four, but we’re catering for a hundred. They know that some people who haven’t bothered to reply to the invitations will definitely be there.’

  ‘Okay, I’m starting the stock now. Once these are in the oven, I can get going on the filo pastry.’

  ‘Great,’ said Sarah. ‘I’ve stuff here for prep – can you send Betty and Angela over, when you’re ready?’

  ‘We’re ready now.’ Rose motioned to the two young women. ‘Go over to Sarah, please – she’ll tell you what we need you to do.’ She watched them go, marvelling at her restraint. Ever since Sarah’s revelation on Monday, she’d wanted to shake Angela, or shout at her; she had visions of making her suffer, seeing her blush with shame. We’re onto you: you don’t fool us for a moment. Unshared knowledge hung in the air between them, an oppressive presence. Its weight made everybody quieter. Rose hoped that it wouldn’t drive Angela away before they were finished with her.

  Betty had come to her first thing that morning, her hands uneasy, her face flushed. Angela had just been sent shopping. ‘Can I talk to you?’

  ‘Sure,’ said Rose, clapping the flour off her hands. ‘Do you want to come into the office?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, glancing nervously towards the kitchen door. Rose thought she knew what was coming. Don’t worry, she’d told the girl, silently. Angela won’t be back for some time. She motioned to Betty to go before her. Sarah and her sisters stayed at their counters, looked studiously in the opposite direction.

  ‘Take a seat,’ said Rose.

  Betty sat, her large frame awkward on the swivel chair. ‘I need to tell you somethin’ privately, like.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Rose. ‘Fire ahead.’

  ‘You know that Angela and I are fightin’.’

  ‘Yes. There has been a bit of tension in the air for some time.’ Rose waited, careful not to draw conclusions. She hoped that Betty wasn’t going to lie.

  ‘Well, I’ve thought about this a lot, an’ I talked to my da the other night.’

  Rose nodded encouragingly.

  ‘Angela has been takin’ things.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Rose looked at her intently.

  ‘Stealin’ things,’ said Betty, with a surge of confidence. ‘I saw her. Food sometimes, then bottles of wine. And money.’

  Rose leaned towards her. ‘Betty, you need to be really sure of what you’re saying, that there’s no mistake. That’s a very serious accusation.’

  The girl nodded. ‘I know. That’s why I’ve said nothin’ before now. But I’m sure, I’ve seen it happen loads of times—’specially since last year. My da said I was to tell you. He said it was wrong, just plain wrong.’ She stopped for a moment, adjusted her hands in her lap. ‘Angela keeps sayin’ you’ll never miss it, that you’ve got plenty anyway. But he says it’s still wrong, no matter how much you have, and I’m to tell you just as soon as I can.’

  It was the longest speech the girl had ever made. Rose looked at her earnest face, trying not to smile at all the unconscious ironies buried deep among her words. She was glad she’d been right about her, all those years ago.

  ‘We’re going to have to take this very seriously, Betty. I want you to think very carefully about what you’ve just said. If you can remember any particular times when you saw this happen, then all the better. Before we say anything else, I need you to know that I’m going to have to tell Sarah. We’ll need to decide together what to do.’

  Betty nodded. ‘I’ll tell you everything I can remember.’

  ‘You’ve done the right thing, Betty, and I’m very grateful, to both you and your dad.’ She smiled at her. ‘You make sure to thank him from me – tell him he’s got a daughter he can be proud of.’

  Betty smiled back, her face transformed. ‘I wanted to tell you ages ago, but she warned me I had to keep quiet, or else she’d say it was me.’

  Rose felt a rush of sympathy for the plain, solid figure before her. ‘I know it’s not you, Betty. I’ve always been very sure you’d never do anything like that. Now, I want you to behave as usual; don’t let onto Angela that you’ve told me anything. Will you be able to do that, do you think?’

  She nodded, eagerly. ‘Oh, yeah. We’re not talkin’, anyway, not since the tennis club.’

  Rose’s curiosity got the better of her. ‘What happened that day, precisely, Betty, can you remember?’

  ‘She put four bottles of wine into her bag, and some of the duck breasts that were left over.’ She stopped.

  ‘And?’ Rose prompted.

  Betty began to look guilty. ‘That lady, Judy . . .’

  ‘Jenny?’

  ‘Yeah, Jenny. She gave Angela fifty euro, twenty-five for each of us. I know we’re not supposed to take it, but . . .’

  ‘It’s all right. You won’t get into trouble for that.’

  Betty’s face darkened. ‘After we had the row, she wouldn’t give me my twenty-five. Said I was thick and didn’t deserve it anyway.’

  Rose smiled at her. ‘You are anything but thick, Betty. You are thorough, reliable and trustworthy – all the things that count. And I’m very happy to have you working for me.’

  Betty’s face glowed. ‘Thanks,’ she said shyly. ‘I love my job.’

  Rose stood up. ‘I may have to ask you to repeat to someone else what you’ve just told me, but I’ll give you plenty of warning if I do, okay? In the meantime, don’t discuss this with anyone – except your dad, of course,’ she added hurriedly, seeing the girl’s worried expression.

  They left the office together.

  ‘Now, you start the prep for the soup and just carry on as normal.’

  Betty fled.

  Sarah turned, raised one inquiring eyebrow. Rose gave her the thumbs up.

  Later that afternoon, Sarah called to her across the kitchen.

  ‘Rose? We need to go over the details for tomorrow night. Can you spare ten minutes now?’

  ‘With you in a sec.’ She turned to Angela. ‘That’s fine. Can you put all that stuff away? And then maybe you could make a start on the dips.’

  Angela nodded. ‘Is the blender fixed?’

  ‘Yes – it’s under the
counter there. If you need me, I’ll be in the office for the next while. Betty – have you enough to keep you going?’

  She nodded. ‘I’ve just added the herbs to the stock and now I’m goin’ to get stuck into doin’ the vegetables.’

  ‘Right. I won’t be long.’

  Rose walked over to the office and closed the door carefully behind her.

  ‘Well? What happened this morning?’ Sarah looked anxious.

  ‘Same as usual. I gave her cash this time, and I have the receipt. It’ll be interesting to see the tape of this one – it was a fairly big order, just as Joe requested. But nothing unusual, nothing to make her suspicious.’

  ‘He’s just been on. They’re winding it up at the end of this week. Guards say they have more than enough for a prosecution.’

  Rose sat down. ‘Thank God for that. I don’t think I can bear the suspense for much longer. I’ll give something away, I know I will. I can’t even bear to have her standing beside me.’ Rose shuddered involuntarily. ‘I keep edging away from her, and it feels like she keeps following. The whole situation makes my skin crawl. And she’s completely blasé.’

  ‘She’s a cool customer, I’ll give her that. What did Betty have to say to you earlier on?’

  Rose smiled at her. ‘Strange how these things happen, isn’t it? The tennis club was the last straw, as far as poor Betty was concerned. Angela kept the half of the tip that was meant for her, and Betty was furious. I think a little bit of self-interest prompted the confession. I didn’t have to ask anything – she volunteered the information that Angela has been taking stuff for well over a year now. She’ll make a good witness, if it comes to that.’

  ‘Good. I spoke to Pauline, like you asked, so she’s up to speed. She’d no problem with my solicitor handling it.’

  ‘Okay. That’s another job off the list. It’s just one damn thing after another, these days, isn’t it?’

  Sarah grinned. ‘Keeps us out of mischief. And speaking of mischief, any fallout from your husband after Lisa’s stellar performance yesterday?’

  Rose glanced at her mobile. ‘No, nothing yet. I’ve been expecting a call all day. I haven’t decided whether to answer when he rings.’