by Johanna Maas
It was her father who spoke next. "Kaye, they are warring to the east and we need to go home now else we might not find it safe to do so any time soon. If we leave presently, we are assured to not encounter the lot for we head south. If we stay any longer our safety cannot be guaranteed. We need to ride almost immediately."
Kaye tried desperately to stay calm and to remain emotionless as the torrent of feelings plagued her body. Without speaking, she simply nodded and knew she must comply for there was nothing that was keeping her here. While Tor's actions and the feelings that he evoked each time that he held her gaze gave her hope, nothing had been spoken out loud. As much as she had dreamt within her mind, she conceded that nothing had been confirmed between herself and her blonde Scottish warrior as much as she had dreamed so in her heart.
With pure sadness she realized that it must be just a feeling and a longing that only she experienced as a result of the immature dreams of her past and her overwhelming desire for love. While she had hoped the attachment was perhaps on both sides, she now realized that it was just not so. Kaye now resolved that the deep feelings and what occurs between a man and a woman who are truly devoted to one another, surely must be of her own accord. Kaye reasoned that Tor was just like Matthew, extending his aid as he would to his sister or to his lord's wife's sister…what he would do for the simple duty of his clan.
With an empty heart she sighed heavily and replied with resolution, "Yes, father, I am ready to depart at any time. I have nothing to gather from my rooms for I only have these clothes upon my back. For the sake of our small party and for our family let us be on our way."
Kaye tried to smile and to put on a happy front. If those sitting before her had not known her well and had not understood her heart, then they may have been fooled and believed that she was untouched. But both Bridget and Matthew who knew her best understood that at least in part she had been truly affected. To their knowledge there were no certainties spoken or pledges that had been made so there was nothing more that could be said.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Within the half hour, the Devon family began their journey to return to their home in England. As they rode through the village adjacent to the Bruce keep and beyond in a southerly direction, Kaye sat tall and regally upon her own large gray mare feeling the power of her beast's muscles below her. As they crested the next hill, she sat unemotionally watching the rugged terrain pass them by as her mood remained somber and her chest was forever hollow. The cool and wintry breeze blew harshly through her dark tresses whipping the soft tendrils about as the wind bit cruelly at her ivory cheeks, the slight woman ever so unaware.
As the small party cantered along, she concentrated fully on the gray mare below her as she occupied her mind with their journey. This diversion gave her a slight sense of relief from the pain and sadness within her heart. As they began to descend the long and precarious trails of the rocky terrain, Kaye persistently and continually refused to give up her own mount for the safety of the back of the horse from one of the men. Each time they implored she stubbornly refused and chose to ride on her own.
Towards the late afternoon on that first day they picked their way carefully down one steep and perilous incline. The trail was quite rocky and the dirt path severely rutted from the recent rains. Slowly they descended single file with Kaye following both Lord Devon and Matthew with Roger in the rear. Kaye was brought out of her distracted state and her pulse quickened as her gray mare slowly descended the rocky trail. With a slight fear in her heart she gazed intently at the stone faced cliff that rose steeply to her right and the ground that fell rapidly away to her left. She realized in that moment that with one false step that both she and her horse would be sent to their deaths as they would surely end up far down in the rocky valley below.
When she was well over half way down the rugged trail and just as the path was beginning to slightly widen, the front hoof of her mare slipped on the loose rocks and spooked her beast greatly. A panic began to overwhelm Kaye as a loud whinny was heard by all and her horse reacted. The mare tensed her immense muscles as she jerked in her fright and then rushed forward with eyes wide and now feared.
Kaye held on to the sprinting beast as best she could as she pulled hard back on the reins in her unsuccessful attempt at stilling the now bolting animal. On and on it charged downward picking up speed as it stumbled down the incline as the hooves began to slip in the loosened dirt. Her mare raced onward and towards the bottom of the steep slope as it quickly neared the level ground of the valley below.
Just as the horse reached the bottom of the ravine it spooked further once again and reared up fully, causing Kaye to lose her seat and go crashing to the ground. She landed heavily on her shoulder beneath the horse's hooves and immediately heard the crunching sound of her bones reverberating within her ears as the air went rushing from her lungs. An intense pain flooded throughout her body unlike anything she had ever experienced.
Kaye lay upon the damp grass as the panic continued to rise as she desperately tried to gain her breath and at the same time avoid her beast's still flailing hooves. With a slight sense of relief, her horse suddenly moved away from her as she heard the pounding hooves of other horses and watched from the corner of her eye as the men galloped near. She rolled onto her back and held her left arm tightly to her chest as she felt the intense pain from her shoulder and the breath finally return to her lungs. As she tearfully looked down upon her body, she could see that her arm lay at a strange angle and knew immediately that something was very wrong with her shoulder.
She fought to control the tears as best she could for she knew she had no one to blame for her foolishness but herself. It was her own imprudence and her stubbornness that had led to this end. And for that willfulness she realized most miserably that she could be putting their entire party in danger.
Matthew knelt beside Kaye with a sure concern upon his brow as he gently took her arm within his hands and attempted to ascertain her injuries. He understood that each touch of his was agonizing and hoped that she could bear it so he could understand the true extent of the damage.
Matthew looked into her eyes and asked, "Your shoulder, I know it must be causing you great pain but is there anywhere else that you feel an injury?"
Kaye breathed deeply but knew she could not speak for the throbbing was so intense and completely consuming her body. All she could do was to move her head slightly from side to side as she attempted to indicate that her shoulder appeared to be her only harm.
By this time, her father and Roger had fully dismounted and had approached and were standing next to her and looking down at her with a grave concern. Matthew stood, so he could quietly converse with them to discuss their next plan of action with a fearful and knowing look upon his face. Within moments, he moved back down to Kaye as he knelt once again by her side.
"Kaye, I think your arm has been pushed from your shoulder for the bones are not aligning right. I am hopeful that this is your only injury and I think your arm otherwise is quite sound. But, we will have to move it back and into its rightful place."
He stared deeply into her eyes as he tried to gauge her reaction but knew that she most likely did not understand the full of it as he continued, "Kaye, moving it back is going to be quite painful but it will be quick and it must be done."
Kaye continued to lay motionless upon the ground as the tears escaped her eyes and the pain continued to resonate within her body. She was already in excruciating pain and more then she had ever known. Her injury was making it most difficult to breath and impossible to speak. She could not imagine a worse pain but she trusted these men to do what was right for it was her own foolishness that put her in this position and she had no one to blame but herself.
Matthew moved over and sat himself upon the ground on the side opposite her injury. The pain reverberated throughout her as he gently raised her so that he could hold her with within his arms as his legs surrounding hers. Each movement that was made pain
ed her further and she whimpered softly at every repositioning of her body as the tears streamed steadily down her face.
She held her injured arm tightly to her chest as Matthew wrapped his arms securely around her and locked his wrists high upon her waist. Roger gradually reached forward and as gently as he could he took her arm within his hands and began to move it away from her body in an attempt to straighten it.
Kaye closed her eyes as the pain continued to mount with each small movement that was so severe and unlike anything she had ever experienced. As her uncle extended her arm fully the tears continued to flow as her slight pained whimperings continued to come from deep within her.
Matthew's arms suddenly and severely tightened around her waist as her uncle pulled fiercely on her arm, wrenching it slightly back and away from her body. Kaye screamed from the shattering pain as she heard a slight popping noise. Almost immediately the blackness overtook her and she yielded to the total darkness that overwhelmed her completely.
With a full misery consuming him for the agony that he had caused, Matthew held Kaye for a long while and tightly within his arms. He had immediately felt her body go limp as his father set her shoulder right and knew she was at least for the moment unaware of the assured pain. His heart was breaking for the torture that she had to endure for he knew that it was his fault she had fallen and he had to own up to that fact. He should have insisted that she ride with him and not allowed her stubbornness to rule. He acknowledged that she had learned many skills allowing her to sit a horse well but her inexperience had put her in grave danger and it could have cost her, her life.
Matthew sat for long moments gently rocking her limp body as he fervently hoped she would soon awaken. Lord Devon pulled a piece of cloth that he had torn long enough to wrap her arm to her chest as he gently secured all of it in place. A long silence ensued as the guilt raged within each of them for the fallen Kaye. It was Roger who spoke next.
"Should we make our way back to the Bruce keep? We have ridden for less than a day and the ride may be easier for her. Although I must interject and say that I am greatly concerned for the battle that is ensuing for the Highlanders are a ferocious lot. We know we cannot stay out here and the journey back home will be very long and may prove to be too difficult for her."
The silence ensued further as each of the three men considered the options as they were laid out before them. It was the tiny but decisive voice who they heard speak next that quite startled the three Englishmen.
"We must go home. 'Tis my fault that we are in this predicament and I will not put your lives in any further danger for no one is to blame but me. I will bear the pain of the travels for I could not forgive myself if something were to happen to any of you for my foolishness and my absolute stubbornness."
Kaye struggled to rise as she felt the pain heavily within her arm but acknowledged that it was not nearly as bad as it previously had been. She breathed deeply and gritted her teeth as Matthew moved to help her as he kept his hands about her waist to ensure she was steadied while he held on to support her fully.
Soon and with a great effort, they were finally all mounted as Roger pulled the large mare behind him. Kaye found herself quite settled behind Matthew and the one that she knew to be her friend and her savior. As she sat upon his great steed, she buried her head deeply into his back as they continued on in their journey home. She wrapped her one good arm tightly around his middle as the other lay safely between them feeling the warmth of his body and the protection he would provide.
As Matthew's horse slowly picked its way down the next narrow and precarious trail, Kaye buried her face deeply into his back and allowed her mind to wander. She only wished to take her thoughts away from the panic of the trail and of the pain that every small jostling of the horse afforded her. She moved her attentions to another place as she saw another face and a dream she had hoped would have flourished. His long and blonde hair, his handsome face and powerful body both thrilled and frightened her immensely and took her breath away for merely the thought of his presence. A warmth moved through her body for the feelings that just a single look from him could evoke. But with desolation she realized that it was clear he had not wanted her, for if he had he surely would have spoken and would have communicated something. For if he had cared for her would he not have taken the time to say good-bye? Surely he must have understood that her family could not have stayed in Scotland forever.
Another wave of wretchedness consumed her for this rejection of this man truly hurt. The way that her blonde warrior had looked at her, the way he had come to her rescue time and again and the way that he had stood to protect her in the courtyard she was certain he would have wanted her. With a full dejection upon her heart she realized that the tarnish upon her person must have been too great and prevented him from speaking his mind and of claiming her. It was now quite obvious that he had not wanted her as a man would truly want a woman. How she pained from the thought of this newly recognized loneliness.
The day turned into evening as the small party broke to rest for the night in a small stand of trees. Kaye had only taken a few bites of the proffered refreshment as her stomach began to recoil and threatened to expel the small bit she had eaten so she refused further food. With a pained and weary body and an equally weary mind, she lay down upon her cloak and wrapped herself in an extra blanket for warmth with a sure wretchedness consuming her. Her father flanked her on one side as Matthew did on the other as they attempted to protect her from the cold winds that howled during this darkened eve.
Late into the night, Kaye laid upon the hard ground listening to the deep breathing of the men around her as her own sleep was completely eluding her. Her mind moved randomly in several directions and mostly to the battle that she feared was raging somewhere in the north. She was afraid for Alec, afraid for the rest of the Bruce clansmen and yes, she truthfully admitted she was very afraid for the man nearest her heart. For even though Tor had not wanted her in the end, he had been truly kind to her and had provided to her his protection when no one else had. How she prayed that he was safe and would return to his home unscathed.
She felt the warm tears begin to escape her eyes as they began to trail down her cool cheeks. They continued to flow as his striking face flashed once again within her mind as it branded itself entirely upon her heart. The tears came heavier as her breath hitched slightly and her grief entirely consumed her. The loneliness that she felt descended painfully upon her in the dark and cold night.
Matthew lay motionless next to Kaye, clearly hearing her misery and understanding that her anguish went beyond the physical pain that she had endured. His heart broke for her sure wretchedness as he thought of all that she had been through and had suffered. He wished ardently that he could make her life right once again. But he felt helpless and knew that all he could do was to lay by her quietly and be there for her if indeed she ever reached out to him.
*****
It took the small party six full days to reach England, their pace significantly slowed for their injured Kaye. In the late afternoon as they left the final section of the forest they could spy the Devon estates clearly visible in the distance. The horses naturally wanted to quicken their pace for all that was familiar was laid out before them but the Devon men held steady for they did not wish to cause further pain to their Kaye.
The riders made their way slowly beyond the drawbridge and into the courtyard laid out before the keep and were immediately surrounded by the Devon's men. Lord Devon quickly dismounted and reached up to remove Kaye from behind Matthew, her pain and grief forever etched upon her face.
Glad yet somber greetings were being exchanged for a safe journey as Lady Marion stepped out onto the landing above the square. With a cry of apprehension as she spied the large bindings on her daughter, she moved quickly down the long stairway and was next to Kaye and cautiously holding her as the tears fell freely down her cheeks. Lord Devon moved over and embraced both of his women at once as he move
d them slowly up the front stairs and into the keep knowing there was much information he knew he had to share.
The three from the Devon family made their way silently into the front hall and retired immediately to the warmth surrounding the great hearth as Kaye stood within the embrace of her mother's arms. For long minutes they stood as such, mother and daughter together tightly clutching and rocking each other as they fervently attempted to draw upon their strengths.
Time dragged by and Kaye eventually pulled back form Lady Marion as the tears fell from her eyes and a sure exhaustion permeated her body. As she gazed into her mother's eyes, the Lady Marion raised her slight finger and lightly traced the ragged scar that now resided permanently upon her daughter's cheek.
Kaye pierced her lips and looked away from her gaze for she was both saddened and embarrassed for the hasty decisions that she had made and the trouble that she had unknowingly caused. She breathed deeply as she lowered her head with her shame forever knowing she now had an obvious and permanent reminder for all to see.
Kaye looked sadly up at her father and in a soft voice she pleaded, "I am afraid the recent weeks and the journey have taken its toll upon me and I am quite weary as of now. I wish to retire to my chamber alone. Father, I do not think I can bear to speak of what has led us to this point once again and I would be ever so grateful if you would share with mother all of the tale upon my behalf."
With a hitch in her throat and tears in her eyes, Kaye silently turned from her parents and moved across the hall and up to her chamber. She was now left alone to face her sadness and her shame that now resided forever upon her heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
It had been over five long weeks after the Bruce clansmen departed their keep to protect their eastern borders and the warriors were finally on their way home. Once again they had fought fiercely and were now satisfied that the Grants had successfully been pushed back onto their own lands. Their battle was complete and their mission accomplished as the Bruce lands were rendered safe for at least a little while longer.
