by Johanna Maas
Matthew rode near and when his steed was even with her mare he dismounted quickly as he gained Kaye's side with just a couple of quick strides. She did not turn nor acknowledge his presence, she simply continued to stare off into the distance with a composed look upon her face. He was certain she was not appreciating the sheer beauty of the sunrise upon the frozen tree limbs in the distance for she was simply staring with a strange void upon her face.
Matthew reached over and placed his arm over Kaye's shoulders, a wordless and brotherly gesture to offer her his strength and to show her that he cared. He was saddened as he felt her cold and unresponsive body lean weakly into his. How his heart broke for the joyful person that she had once been and how he wished he could bring her back. He turned slightly so that he could look into her face as he spoke.
"My dearest Kaye. I have not approached you since we returned for I thought that you needed your time alone to recover from the tragedies that were laid upon you. But I think I have erred and should never have allowed this to go on for so long. I worry so greatly about you. You are not well and I am afraid you will do yourself a great harm if you continue as such. Please, dear sister, my dear friend, allow me to help you."
Kaye could only stare back at him without speaking for she was not sure where to begin or how to reach out. Her pain and her sadness ran so deep within and it was all just so personal and a horrid reflection upon herself. She knew that he wished ardently to help her but she was just not sure how she could reach back to him.
Kaye simply looked at Matthew, the tears beginning to well in her eyes as a hollowness played entirely upon her heart. She so longed for someone she could trust and someone she could divulge her misery to. But could she trust this one to bear her secrets? Was she being fair to him? Would he understand or simply think her an emotional woman and laugh at her silliness?
She knew she had to trust in someone so that he could understand her overwhelming grief and she truly wished for him to understand her anguish. She had placed her confidence in Matthew previously and he had protected her and she could only hope that he would do so again. So she guardedly began disclosing the dreams of her soul and the complete misery she felt.
"Matthew, you may think me quite the silly woman when you hear this and I tell you because you have asked and I truly wish for you to understand." She breathed deeply as she closed her eyes as she continued.
"When I was but a child, I had only one dream. And that dream was to someday marry, pledge my love and do my duty to my husband and my lord. But I had a most silly notion that I did not want just any husband, I longed for one that I could truly love and cherish and who would love me in return."
She looked down further and away from his eyes, unsure if she could go on for the misery was encompassing her. But Matthew did not speak, he simply moved closer and placed his strong arm around her shoulders further as he squeezed her gently and provided the complete strength she needed to go on.
With a deep sigh Kaye continued, "Then in the days before Marie wed, a certain panic began to overtake me for I was the eldest and had no one to love, no one that had claimed me and I had no prospects in sight. I was quite afraid of being alone and this greatly frightened me and wore heavily upon my heart."
She then next spoke of the fears that consumed her on that day as she witnessed Marie and Lord Stephen taking their vows and how alone she felt even though she was standing in the middle of a very crowded room. It appeared to her on that day that the Lord Hann was the answer to her prayers for he seemed kind and very attentive to her needs. While she admitted he was not the one in her dreams to whom she would have married, he had appeared to have only the best of intentions within his heart.
"I understand now that I made a hasty decision for the panic had greatly consumed me on that day. He was there and he appeared to be my only option and that is why I agreed to become his wife."
Kaye paused as the memories of Marie's wedding day flooded through her mind. She then explained that it was only after she had said her vows that she began to worry for the rushed decision she had made. But made it, she had and she was determined to live by her sworn duty for the pledges she had made had bound her for life.
Kaye sighed once again as she heavily lowered her head in shame. She had revealed much to her cousin but she could not yet speak of the one that had stolen her heart, the blonde Scottish Highlander warrior that continually plagued her dreams at night. For she was hardly willing to admit to herself out loud that he was the one she lived for and had hoped for.
Matthew looked at her deeply and finally spoke. "My dearest Kaye. You are such a beautiful woman and have the kindest of hearts! There are plenty of men out there that would fight to have you as their wife and some that could truly deserve you. Once your annulment is granted, I truly swear I will do all I can to find you one that you will be proud and happy to be with for the remainder of your days. Please do not worry or fret for this is my solemn pledge to you and honor it, I will."
He looked at her deeply once again, his sincere promise laid out before her and one that he took genuinely and seriously and would fulfill for her.
He continued on, "But for me to promise this to you, you must promise me one simple thing."
Kaye looked up into Matthew's eyes and knew that she could not refuse his request. She would do her best to comply with whatever it was for everything that he had done for her.
"You must take care of yourself. You must both rest and eat for I fear for your health. Please dear, Kaye, say you will promise me."
She was not sure if it was the pleading in his eyes or because she had finally spoken of the things within her heart that afforded her to free some of the great weight that had been heavily crushing her heart. She felt a sense of calm come over her and knew now that she could be strong for she truly realized that she was nothing like the young girl that was so sickly those two years ago when the Bruce Lord had come to claim her as a wife. Kaye had a new resolve and recognized that she was a woman with strength. She also understood that at that very moment whatever happened to her in the weeks and years ahead, she would do everything in her power to be strong.
Kaye gazed into Matthew's eyes and simply said, "Yes, dear Matthew, it is time. Time to move forward and it is now time to heal."
With that, Kaye moved back into Matthew's arms as she hugged her dear brother close and provided him a reassurance that she had made a vow to truly begin her life anew.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
The wind blew wildly as the unforeseen blizzard continued to rage blanketing the full of northern England and most of Scotland with deep and harsh snows. Tor continued to move forward trudging through the high drifts as the frigid winds cut through him as the wintry mix blinded his progress.
It was nearing the evening on the fifth day since he had left his Scottish Highlands as the darkness began to descend upon the lands around him. He had not slept for nearly three of those days for the weather had turned cold and intensified and he was concerned that if he stopped to fall asleep, that he may not awaken. To keep himself alert Tor chose to walk through the blinding snows as he led his horse behind, only hoping he traveled in the appropriate direction.
He bent his head down further with his chin nearly resting upon his chest as he pulled his cloak tightly around his body. The incessant howling of the winds consumed him and as he moved slowly forward, he would see Kaye's soft and beautiful face appear before him. He forever thought of her gentle smile warming his heart as it captivated his mind. It was the thought of her and only this that kept him moving as he trudged towards the completion of his appointed mission.
*****
Kaye sat alone next to the blazing hearth in the hall in the late evening as the fire warmed her while she embroidered and listened to the wind blowing furiously about outside the great stone keep. As had been her routine as of late, she sat in the hall each night far into the evening alone after all had retired to their beds as she waited for the exhausti
on to finally consume her. When she reached that end, she would go up to her chamber where she would finally be able to successfully claim at least a few hours of the much needed sleep.
As she sat near the fire, Kaye thought she heard a noise come from the courtyard below and heard it above the howling winds. Knowing that it was probably her imagination or the storm that was blowing fiercely about, she simply brushed the feeling aside as she continued to concentrate on her stitchery. When she heard what she thought this time could perhaps be a horse, she rose quickly and wrapped her cloak tightly around her. With a strange curiosity about her, she moved swiftly to the great chamber's doors. For who would be foolishly traveling about on a night such as this?
Bracing herself for the certain chill she would experience, she opened the door slightly and peered silently into the darkened and blustery courtyard below. She strained her eyes as she looked about, attempting to ascertain where the strange noise had come. Just when she was going to close the door on her folly, she heard the soft whinny of a horse over the howling winds. As the storm settled momentarily, she could see the beast's outline near the bottom of the steps below as the massive creature stood boldly before her.
Kaye looked back into the deserted hall knowing she was the only one that was about and all alone to ascertain the situation. Without hesitation, she stepped through the great doors of the keep and into the storm for she now heard what she thought may be a small groan coming from the base of the stairs. She looked down and in fear she saw upon the courtyard below and next to the great snow covered beast a still form. It was a large figure and most likely that of a man.
Immediately and with a startled cry she left the warmth and security of the great hall and ran down the stairs, her slippered feet falling deeply into the snow as the fierce winds whipped her cloak around her. Her skirts moved severely about her legs and the blowing snow was stinging upon her face. The angry storm was delivering its full wrath upon the land but there was but one thing upon her mind and that was to rescue the poor soul who was laying upon the ground.
She reached the large man's side, the snow now fully covering him and bent over to grasp at his arm. As she did so, she brushed away the snow from his head as she pulled the hood of his cloak slightly back. She stared in horror as she caught a glimpse of the side of his face and the long and very white blonde hair of her Scottish warrior.
Kaye grasped at his arm as she gently shook him in an attempt to wake him. She shouted his name but confessed rather sadly that he could hardly hear her over the raging winds. The tears began to fall downwards as she continued to prod him as she desperately attempted to make him stir. She took his long arm and lifted it over her shoulders as she tried to lift him from where he lay.
She heard Tor moan faintly as his lids began to flutter as they opened slightly. He looked up at Kaye and into her eyes as a sure smile crossed his lips. With his arm over her shoulders she attempted to rise as she tried to move the large man up the keep's stairs. He groaned and slowly he began to move with her as he gradually moved his legs and pushed himself upwards.
After several minutes of slow progress they were able to gain the hall. Tor's wet and nearly frozen body was now leaning heavily upon her for support as they made their way across the hall where she was able to place him heavily within the chair that she had just vacated. He leaned back as he closed his eyes and began to shiver as the snow began to melt from his cold and sodden clothing.
Kaye pulled Tor's dampened cloak from around his neck and stretched it out over a chair in front of the hearth where it would be allowed to warm and dry. She returned immediately back to him and pulled his wet shirt from his body as she exposed his very cold and hardened chest. Kaye reached over to a nearby chair that was flanking the hearth and grabbed a blanket that was neatly folded upon the seat. Quickly, she pulled the cloth that already was full of the warmth and wrapped it around his frigid body rubbing his arms and his shoulders as she attempted to restore his heat.
Leaving him unattended briefly, Kaye made her way to the kitchens to find something that could warm his insides and returned shortly with a tankard full of warmed soup that had been left over from that night's sup. She quickly moved before him and gently placed it to his mouth as she encouraged him to drink. He raised his hands to hers and together they held the mug as they tipped it to his lips where he could sip the hot liquid slowly. As he drank of its warmth, he looked over the rim and into her eyes as his heart thundered within his chest for the woman standing before him.
After he had consumed a small amount, Kaye placed the cup upon the table and moved before him. She sat down upon the floor and began the task of removing his boots and then the sodden stockings beneath. His skin and feet were freezing but as she moved her hands over him, the sensations felt as if it were burning her.
When his legs and feet were bare, she took another blanket that had been warming by the hearth and wrapped it securely around the lower half of his body as she once again began rubbing his skin in an attempt to warm him. Throughout her ministrations, she did not look up she simply continued to work to ensure he was warmed and that he was safe.
After a very long time and when the threat had finally passed and when the chills had begun to subside, he reached down for her as she sat upon the floor administering to his cooled body. He grasped her arms firmly as he guided her upwards and helped her rise so she now stood next to him. He settled his large hands upon her waist and held on to her slight body as she stood beside his chair.
His hands remained about her, Kaye intensely satisfied for the feel of his fingers through her gown. His touch radiated a sure fire and warmth throughout her as strange and heated sensations emanated from where his hands laid. She looked deeply into his darkened eyes as her breath hitched within her throat for the feelings he invoked within her. Slowly he moved his head towards hers…
"Kaye?"
The voice of her father could be heard across the hall as he began to descend the stairs. She could feel the movement as Tor immediately removed his hands from her body, the spell quickly broken and a coolness now settling where his heated hands had once lain.
"My dear, what has happened?"
"Father, I heard a noise outside and found Tor collapsed upon the steps of the keep. I was able to bring him indoors and set him by the fire."
By this time Lord Devon had made his way completely across the hall and was now standing before his new guest with a grave concern upon his face.
"Dear, sir! Are you alright?"
Tor had yet to speak, his body finally warming under Kaye's watchful eye and could only choke out, "Yes, thank you to your daughter. I am not sure what would have happened to me if I had laid out there the full of the night."
"But my dear son, what made you travel in such bad weather? Could you not wait until spring or when the threat of the storms had passed?"
A fear suddenly crossed Lord Devon's features as he pressed on. "Or is there something amiss? Has something happened to your lord or to our dear Bridget? The battle…"
Tor shook his head as he attempted once again to gain his voice. "No, milord, 'tis nothing like that. I came because I had an important missive to deliver. And it could not wait."
Kaye looked from Tor to her father and back once again. Not understanding what could be so important for any man to risk life during a winter storm such as this. Nonsense…
Kaye implored, "Pray tell, milord, what possibly could have been so important that it could not wait?"
Tor moved his deep blue eyes to Kaye with a knowing smile appearing upon his face as he reached within his pocket and extracted a flat parcel wrapped with a string in a small deer hide. He removed it and handed it over to the Lord Devon.
Kaye's father took the missive and carefully opened it as he removed the hide surrounding the parchment within. He tilted the papers towards the light of the fire so he could study them further. He stood for several moments quite deep in thought as he read the contents thoroughly
. With a slight smile, he folded the papers and returned them to the animal hide that had been covering it.
He now turned his gaze back to his daughter with a slight smile upon his face and a full relief upon his heart.
"Dearest, Kaye. This is what we have been waiting for! This is the communication from the church that provides the documentation for your annulment from the Lord Hann!"
Kaye stared blankly back at her father as sudden distressing memories surfaced from her short and treacherous marriage. As the nightmares began to plague her mind of the misguided union and of Lord Hann and the young Lord Alden, her breath began to quicken and a fear began to consume her. Harsh memories of the dark men and the beating that she took at the young lord's hands all had clearly returned in full force.
But what bit at her heart the most was that full realization that she was now entirely and completely alone once again. Her earlier fate and sure loneliness was now realized for there still was no one to love her and certainly no one to claim her. Even with all of Matthew's spoken promises, there was clearly no good end in sight.
For all of the preparing she had done for herself in the previous weeks, thinking of the happiness this news would surely bring and all the promises Matthew had provided, she was completely surprised by the reaction and panic that ran through her. For she thought she would be happy to be free but instead a sure despair was actually consuming her. Perhaps it was in embarrassment for all the poor decisions she had made and being completely reminded of it, or perhaps it was because she was now in the same place she was prior to her sister Marie's wedding. She now recognized completely that she was truly unloved and unclaimed and quite all alone. The tears began to well within her eyes as her breath began to quicken and all she could think of was escaping to her room so that she could bear her pain and humiliation alone and in secret.
With a sure sadness, she bowed her head and said lowly, "If you will excuse me kind sirs, I must retire to my room…"
