by Johanna Maas
Without waiting for any sort of acknowledgment or reply, Kaye turned quickly and exited the hall as she left the two men silently gaping after her.
*****
Tor watched sadly as the pain and misery crossed her features as Kaye hastily retreated from the room. His own heart was now breaking for the misery that was obviously consuming her. How he wished he could take away her pain. But with a saddened heart he realized it was obvious that she would not or could not even allow him to try. Most likely could not ever. And for that understanding, he was truly wounded.
When he had brought her up from the floor to stand before him and prior to her father entering the room, how he had hoped he could have wrapped his arms about her and prove to her that he was there for her. He thought she had reacted to his touch for he believed he saw something within her eyes if only for a brief moment. But when her father had appeared within the room the spell had been broken and she had turned cold.
A sure misery encapsulated the whole of him for would he never have the chance to at least tell her of his feelings? He understood that she could very well refuse him even after he spoke of his devotion to her, but at least he would know for sure one way or another for speaking the words out loud for her to hear.
Lord Devon turned to stare at Tor after his daughter had removed herself from the room and broke into his thoughts with a sure grief upon his face.
"I am so very sorry, milord, for my daughter has not been herself ever since she was wed to that ghastly man. The things that poor child has had to endure…"
The two men looked knowingly at each other for no more words could be spoken as each understood the grief that she felt and they both felt completely powerless to do anything about it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Kaye laid upon her bed, the midmorning sun delicately brightening her room as the tears gently trailed down her cheeks. She had laid as such the whole of the night with sleep completely eluding her as she felt the sadness within all consuming. Her heart was constricting within her chest as the fear and anxiousness permeated her body. She concentrated on drawing in deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. What had come over her? Should she not be happy for being finally released from the prison she had originally called her marriage? She should be blissfully contented that she was now free…
Kaye had retired to her room late the previous night leaving both her father and Tor in the great hall below. She had been completely unable to absorb the news that her father was blissfully sharing. But why had she acted so strangely? Why had her fears overrun her? And now she was afraid to face anyone.
Kaye closed her eyes as she felt the warmth of her tears as they slid gently down her face while a sure sadness consumed her. She heard a slight knock at the door that broke into her deep thoughts as a panic began to consume her. She did not answer and could not even speak to give permission to whomever stood requesting to gain entry. She simply laid silently upon the bed with her back to the entryway while the pain emanated from deep within and her misery was all consuming.
From her place upon the mattress, she heard the knob turn slowly and the hinges give slightly as the door was partially opened. She continued to lie completely still upon the covers not wondering nor caring who was entering. She heard the door open further and within a brief moment listened as it closed gently once again. With deliberateness, Kaye heard the sound of slow and strong footfalls as the party crossed the floor.
Assuming it was her father that had entered her room for the steps were quite heavy, she continued to lay motionless upon the bed as she stared at the lone window upon her wall. The tears continued to lazily fall down her face as the man moved into her vision. With surprise upon her heart she noted a colored plaid as he turned to stand before her. She was startled and quite taken aback for it was not her father but Tor.
She wiped furiously at the tears upon her face as she quickly sat up in her bed. Kaye's heart was pounding for the man standing near and before her. Her mind quite twisted for she now feared that she must look dreadful. He stood before her with his plaid proudly displayed over the top of leggings and a shirt as his powerful body stood impressively before her. She noticed almost immediately that he had his heavy cloak about him attached around his neck, though it hung fully behind him.
"I have delivered my missive and I fear I must be returning back home to Scotland for my errand is now complete. I wanted to wish you my warm farewell before I go."
Kaye stared at the great blonde warrior before her as her heart continued to thunder within her chest for just the nearness of him. Her breath began to come in rasps as a fear and desperation within her chest clutched at her heart for what he had just said. For he was to 'return to Scotland'. A misery was now fully upon her as she was fighting for words that she wanted to say but nothing would come forth from her lips.
Tor looked down at her dejectedly with a pleading in his eyes as he hoped for her to say something…anything. All she had to do was to say just one word or just ask him to stay and he would. He most definitely would if she were to only ask. But when she sat staring up at him without saying a word, he nodded his head in concession for he felt that he now understood her true feelings. Her actions spoke volumes, or the inactions that he had taken where she was concerned. He realized now entirely that he must be considered as the Hann men were to her, for he understood now that he too could never be forgiven.
With a distressing sigh and his heart breaking for the final confirmation of the reality that he now found himself in, he spoke softy, "Then I apologize, milady, for intruding into your chamber so that I could speak my farewells. I just did not wish to make the same mistake twice."
Tor looked deeply into the dark haired beauty's eyes, still hoping she would speak as his hand reached into the small pocket that held his family's heirloom. Absently, he felt of its coolness and of its rough and round edges. He knew now that each time he would hold it within his hand or look upon it in the future, he would think of but one. He could only envision this woman that had most assuredly stolen his heart. When she still did not speak, he reached into his pocket and extracted it one last time. He now held the medallion and boldly resolved himself to this one final attempt.
"As I offered this to you as my protection once before, milady, I will do so again. If you are in need of me at any time simply return it and I will come. For that, you have my promise."
With a most aggrieved heart, Tor dropped the coin upon the bed next to her side. Resolutely, he turned on his heal and headed for the door with a profound sadness threatening to consume him.
As he reached for the handle, he heard her voice hitch in her throat as she tearfully choked out, "Please…do…not…leave!"
He stopped abruptly with his hand in midair and nearly upon the knob that would have taken him from her forever. His heart raced as his own breath caught within his throat and wondered if he had indeed heard her correctly. He turned from the door guardedly with a small hope resounding within his heart.
She sat upon the bed with her tears fully cascading downwards as she extended her hand towards him. Her eyes were beseeching as the medallion was lying clearly upon her small palm. He moved quickly back to her side and kneeled before her as he took her proffered hand in his. Slowly, he lowered his head as he gently placed a kiss upon her fingertips.
She grasped his hand tightly and with all of her strength, not releasing him and refusing to let him go. The small coin was now wrapped securely and most tightly between their entwined fingers. He felt her strength as she forcefully grasped his hand as he felt a elation in his chest for he hoped he understood her silent message. As he gazed into her eyes his body was warming to her touch as he noticed her fingers trembling within his.
She tried desperately to halt her tears as she breathed in deeply in an attempt to calm herself. For long minutes they sat as such, she upon the bed fighting for control and he kneeling before her. He watched her most intently as his heart raced wildly for the stre
ngth of her touch.
Finally after her tears had dried, she looked longingly at him as she pulled gently upon his hand so he would understand that she wished him to rise from the floor and sit next to her.
Tor stood and complied with Kaye's silent bidding and moved his body upon the soft mattress, never taking his eyes from hers. They sat for a long time as they simply gazed at one other, her hand still wrapped firmly within his own and the medallion being held by both. With his free hand, he reached up and softly wiped the last of the tears from the corners of her eyes. Slowly and most gently he began to outline the slight mark left upon her by the Lord Alden, the horrid reminder of the life that had once been hers.
Tor leaned in slightly, laying his lips upon her cheek as he gently splayed light kisses upon the scar. He wished he could remove the pain and the heartbreak of that time that he knew deeply affected her.
Her lashes fluttered closed as she felt him softly touch her first with his fingers and then with his lips, her remembrance of her earlier times and of her earlier mistakes heavily upon her. As he gently touched her, a satisfying warmth spread through her for the tenderness he was showing. His soft and gentle actions were taking away her sorrow and completely erasing her pain.
He continued to kiss her cheek softly, then began a slow descent to find her lips as he tenderly placed his over hers. She breathed in deeply of his scent as he continued to ever so gently lay claim to her senses. As he continued to kiss her, a small sigh escaped from the back of her throat providing the permission he needed to deepen the kiss further.
She released his hand that she still held leaving the coin now within his palm as she moved both of her hands around his neck to reside fully within his hair. She pulled him close as she felt the surprising softness within her hands. She leaned into Tor further, wanting more and feeling the safety and strength only his arms could provide as they wrapped completely and now protectively around her.
As he continued to explore her mouth, he loosened his lips and with his tongue he gently parted hers. She timidly learned from his lead, allowing him access to her sweetness within. He gently moved his tongue into her mouth and soon found their tongues dancing together, fully exploring each other for long moments. She leaned in further for she found herself wanting more for he had ignited a burning fire within her as her mind spiraled from his nearness.
A moan escaped him as he began to draw more deeply from her for she exuded such passion and he was beginning to lose himself in her. He moved his hands freely over her back as he touched of her and drew her ever so near. Kaye's body and her response was causing flames of passion to fervently course through him as his heart pounded wildly. He found that his pleasure was growing as a frenzied rush of excitement threatened to overtake him. He realized with a heavy conviction that he wanted her, all of her and his heart raced at this impassioned woman who he now held within his arms.
With a loud groan, he suddenly pulled back from the kiss and moved from the bed and quickly away from her as he strode to the window overlooking the courtyard below. He placed his hands abruptly upon the cool sill as he bent over slightly and gazed, unseeing, out at the expanse of the estates. He kept his back fully to her as his heart was racing wildly and his own breaths coming in rasps as he fought for control.
This woman had him heated and he was so concerned he was going to lose control and surely frighten her for he knew he must be slow and he had to be kind. But all he really wanted to do was to possess her and have her fully. And he knew he could not do that to her for she needed him to be gentle.
Kaye sat upon the bed still in the same position where he had left her with her breaths still coming quickly as her pulse thundered inside. When he touched her and kissed her he aroused such intense sensations within. They were such exquisite feelings she had never known could exist. He moved her entirely until she hungered for more and wanted nothing but to feel of his body close to hers. When he pulled away from her she felt only cold and surely abandoned as a fear rose in her. For did he not want her now? Had she done something wrong? Or did she repulse him and now he wanted her no more?
Kaye sat upon the bed with uncertainty upon her face and a sadness enveloping her heart. The tears once again threatened to fall for the confusion that she felt. She looked desperately upon the back of this man, Tor, who had created such fiery sensations and then had abruptly abandoned her side. She stared deeply at him as she silently willed him to turn back to her and regain her side so that he could take her once again in his arms. But he simply stood as such, only presenting his back to her.
She looked down as she spoke softly, a boldness coming over her for she wished to speak her mind and not let things go unsaid between them. He had kindled within her such a fire and a passion but now the confusion was entirely upon her.
"I am so sorry, milord, for whatever I have done that repulses you."
Tor spun back towards the bed at her words with an incredulous look upon his face as he returned to her side. He took her hands within his as he once again returned to sit upon the mattress.
"Oh, my dear, Kaye! There is nothing about you that could ever repulse me!"
She looked sadly into his eyes and asked, "But why did you abandon me just now? What have I done wrong?"
He could only close his eyes and shake his head for how could he explain to her how she moved him, how she excited him and how when he held her near that he almost lost his control? He wanted her desperately and needed her greatly. He would never want to harm her. Understanding how she had been hurt in the past, he was afraid and wanted to go slow for her. But the needs she had invoked in him…
He looked into her eyes and said, "Trust me my dear Kaye when I tell you that you have done nothing wrong. And nothing would give me more pleasure then to hold you once again and freely kiss you once again. Why would you think such a thing?"
Kaye looked up at him with a sadness in her eyes for her hopes and her dreams of her childhood continually plagued her. With resolve, for she knew she wanted and needed to trust in him and disclose her heart fully to him, she began.
"During my whole life all I have ever wanted is to be loved and to find someone whom I can love in return. I so longed to be wanted and to be needed. Family and love is all I have ever desired in life. I could live in a hovel within the woods and be happy as long as there was a mutual love."
Kaye breathed deeply and looked down, tearing her eyes from Tor's as she revealed herself and her shame, "But no one has ever wanted me. No one has ever fully claimed me. That is why when my own husband abandoned and rejected me and could not even stand to make me his own…"
Memories flashed through her mind for the time that she sat upon the horse in front of the dark man and her husband sat idly by watching her being violated. He did nothing and said nothing that could protect her. It appeared that his coin had meant more to him than what she had. Then when he left for London for the arms of his own mistress leaving her in the care of the young lord and how the Lord Alden he frightened and abused her so. Then finally, in the courtyard before the entire Bruce clan and the other Englishmen, when he called her soiled in front of all who mattered to her most.
She gazed up once again into Tor's eyes with a sad and imploring look she asked, "What is wrong with me, for why will no one have me or love me and claim me as their own?"
The tears welled once again within her eyes as they spilled over and made a new trail down her cheeks. Tor could only watch and stare with his heart breaking for her sadness and her tears as the realization of her pain overwhelmed him. He opened his arms to her and she moved forward laying her head upon his strong chest. He held her close within as he rocked her gently and comforted her for he was quite unable to find the words. For a long while they sat as such.
Tor gently placed a kiss upon her forehead and pulled slightly back so he could once again gain her face. He looked deeply into her eyes and spoke, "Trust me, milady, when I say that there is nothing wrong with you and you do
not need to worry more on that regard."
He continued to look longingly into her eyes as he bent forward and placed a single chaste kiss upon her lips as he hoped she would fully understand his thoughts and comprehend his intensions. But he recognized that she would be too naïve to fully grasp all that raged within his heart. But soon, he fiercely hoped, she would learn that she could trust him and maybe even love him.
Trust. This was something that Kaye knew that she had done too frequently and had been hurt dreadfully as a result of it. But here was this man Tor, asking her to trust him and begging her with his eyes to at least give him that chance. Kaye gazed back at the Scottish Highlander who touched her deeply even when he was across the room. She knew not entirely of what he spoke, but instead chose to concede and trust this man. He had always shown her a true kindness many times in the past and had always seemed to be there when she needed him most. And she knew that he most assuredly stirred her senses within.
She continued to gaze at him intensely as she was very deep in thought, recounting her life of the last few months. She considered her pains and the true blessing that now truly was hers.
She breathed contentedly, pondering all that was laid out before her and of the trust he asked of her now culminating a certain boldness. So she asked, "Tor? I have been thinking of how you and I have crossed paths these times over the last weeks and I have but one question."
He looked at her saying nothing with his voice, only prompting her on with his eyes.
"When I was in Scotland and you were called to duty to fight the Grants, why did you not come to me and at least say goodbye?"
Tor answered softly with a heavy sigh upon his voice, "But I did, milady. I was there within your rooms that night. I did not think that I had a right to speak to you for you had recently been through so much and I was unsure if you would forgive me for the many pains I allowed happen to you. So I placed my medallion upon the table for you before I left. It was my way of telling you that I would forever be there for you. All you had to do was to simply return it to me and I would come."
