by Johanna Maas
There was a long silence as he continued. "But you did not take it with you. When I returned and found it still where I had left it upon your side table I was devastated. For I assumed that you had rejected me…"
Kaye gasped in horror as she understood for the first time the pain she must have inflicted. She responded breathlessly, "But I never saw it! I rose that day and because of the uncertainties of the battle we left immediately."
Kaye looked once again into his eyes as she now understood how it must have appeared as she looked at him beseechingly. She raised her hand up slightly, to brush the back of her fingers across his strong cheek as she said, "Please know, milord, that I never rejected you…would never reject you."
With a smile he looked down at Kaye with a gladness upon his heart for he now understood fully what had happened on that day and his hasty assessment. He closed his eyes as he silently sent his full gratitude back to the Highlands, back to his lord's wife Bridget. For she was the one that must have known the feelings from both sides. She appeared to be the only one who had not given up hope for had she not asked him to make this journey…
He moved his hand to grasp hers that was still upon his face, placing a kiss once again upon her fingertips as he held it tightly within his. He looked forlornly around the room, her room and with a deep sigh and a full knowing of where he was he spoke again softly, "I must go…"
Kaye looked at him wide eyed and in terror as the feeling of abandonment and confusion permeated her heart as she tightened her grip on his hands.
"Please, you cannot leave me now!"
He looked at her genuinely, understanding what his words must have meant to her as a small smile appeared upon his lips.
"I am very sorry, milady, for I did not speak quite clearly enough. I meant I need to leave your chamber before we are discovered. 'Tis not proper that I be in here."
A full blush gently rose upon her cheeks for the truth that he had just spoken. For it was true that his presence was not appropriate.
He begrudgingly stood and bending over her hand, placed a gentle kiss once again upon her knuckles. With a smile he nodded, then moved to exit her room.
As he reached the doorway and moved his hand to the knob, she asked once again meekly, "You will not leave me?"
He turned and smiled back at the exquisite woman sitting upon the bed and said solemnly, "No, milady, trust me when I say that I will never leave you. I will wait patiently for your company in the great hall below."
Tor bowed deeply once again and walked from the room with a full smile upon his lips and an immense joy like no other he had ever felt within his heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Tor stood in the great hall near the hearth as the roaring fire created a pleasant warmth as he stood in conversation with the Lord Devon, the lord's brother-in-law Roger and Matthew. He was relaying the story of how Father Flannigan had arrived at the Bruce keep and had hoped that Kaye was still in residence for he had explained that it was not very often that he traveled to England. When he was told that she had returned home, his own lord and lady had commissioned Tor to do his bidding.
Tor began to explain further of how when he had left Scotland the weather had been tolerable when a slight movement caught his eyes at the top of the stairs upon the landing near the family's chambers. His words stopped mid-sentence as the breath caught in his throat and his heart beat wildly at the vision that appeared above them. The men within his presence watched him falter and openly gawk, turning to see what had gained the powerful warrior's attention.
Kaye had come fully into view pausing at the top of the stairs. Her beautiful ebony hair was long and unbound and its glorious waves fell magnificently past her shoulders and down to her waist. She had changed her gown to one of a deep blue that matched her eyes with sleeves that came down just past her elbows. The long and silky gown dipped low in front with the very tops of her generous breasts showing enticingly above the gilded edges of the fabric. The dress alluringly fit her tiny waist as the skirting flowed out generously around her.
As Tor stared at Kaye he fully acknowledged to himself that she was a vision of true beauty both inside and out and he wanted her and knew that he must have her for his very own and for all of time. But he wanted more then to just possess her for he wanted to love her and protect her and strived to ultimately some day, prove that he could truly deserve her.
Matthew had seen Kaye, too, and made a slight move in her direction so that he could assist her down into the hall. Before he could succeed with his first full step, Tor placed a strong hand upon his shoulder and halted him entirely in his tracks. As Matthew looked back at the Scotsman, he could only smile for the large blonde warrior was obviously staring at her and clearly had only one thing upon his mind and that was his obvious adoration of Kaye. With a full pleasure within, Matthew gladly conceded for he knew in his heart that he truly approved of what he hoped would be a favorable union. For Kaye deserved nothing less then what he knew this proud warrior would offer.
Tor moved forward through the hall, his eyes never leaving the woman before him as he took the stairs two at a time until he reached her side. She smiled warmly at him with a stunning smile, her eyes softening at his touch as she reached forward for his proffered arm.
With Kaye firmly grasping Tor's elbow, they walked down the stairs, he leading her across the hall and over to the grouping of men who now flanked the fire. When they reached the hearth, she was offered a chair but instead she chose to remain on Tor's arm and be by his side. She stood next to him proudly as she held a pleasant and genuine smile upon her face all the while.
The men continued their conversations of the weather and of the uncharacteristic and deep snows that had accumulated in the recent days. Kaye interjected as she deemed necessary, speaking and laughing as the conversations flowed from topic to topic with a true happiness and contentedness now openly upon her face.
At one point, Kaye asked the gentlemen to excuse her so she could make her way across the hall and over to her mother who had just made her way from the kitchens. She had one notion in mind and that was to ensure her mother placed Tor at the head table and next to her side. For while she had not acknowledged her full feelings for the Highlander to any other within the room, she was going to ensure he was always near.
The men all watched Kaye walk away, each one amazed for the sudden and complete transformation that had come over her with only one fully aware of the complete depth of it.
It was Lord Devon who spoke frankly, looking directly at Tor. "Milord, I am so glad that you have had the opportunity to bring us this missive. For I do declare that it has made a grave difference in our Kaye. I have not seen her as such for a very long while and for that, I am forever in your debt."
Tor could only incline his head slightly, the unfamiliar praise welcomed but slightly uncomfortable for the speaking of it.
It was Matthew that spoke next with a hopefulness upon his heart, "So how long will you grace us with your presence, milord?"
That was a much more difficult question to answer for had Tor not visited a certain maiden's chamber earlier in that very day, he may have already left to return to his homelands. But now, he was not so sure and he knew not how to broach the subject.
"That depends, milord."
Matthew spoke, attempting to hide the slight smile that pulled at his lips for he was quite certain he fully knew what, or better who had swayed him, "Oh really? Upon what, milord?"
Tor was now visibly shaken. Uncomfortable is what he really was for he was quite unsure of the customs of those who lived in England. He knew what was expected in Scotland, but things were so terribly formal here. He suddenly felt a warmth surround him, a heat as if he had been too close to the fire as he awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot.
So he simply blurted out for all the men to hear, the whole while looking imploringly at the Lord Devon. "Upon your daughter, milord. While I have not asked for her consent as of yet,
I intend to marry her for I wish to have her as my wife."
Matthew smiled widely as a pleased relief flooded his heart for the words he had so hoped to hear spoken. He understood most assuredly as he watched Kaye's face as she descend the stairs upon Tor's arm that the feelings were obviously mutual.
Lord Devon, however, who had not quite been privy to all of Kaye's feelings, could only gaze at the Scottish Highlander as he was severely startled upon his declaration. For long moments he simply stared at the large and now very uncomfortable looking warrior. For he never would have guessed that this would be the one that his daughter would have chosen. She was so English, so accustomed to their way of life and he was concerned that maybe she was not as adaptable as was necessary for her happiness. And he was so very frightened of her making yet another mistake and another grave error in judgment.
The silence stretched awkwardly on as the Lord Devon considered the words of the Scotsman. He was not really ready to speak and most definitely not prepared to consent. At that very quiet and awkward moment, Kaye returned to the small group of men as she took her place once again next to Tor, the stilting and discomforted silence looming on.
Kaye could only stare at each of the men in confusion for when she had left they were conversing steadily, cordially and quite gaily. Now, everything was very quiet and uncomfortable and her father was staring wide-eyed at Tor. What possibly could have gone wrong in her short absence?
At that very moment, the front doors opened wide and the hall began to steadily fill with people who were all coming to the great chamber for the evening meal. Lord Devon felt the movement within the hall and turned to gaze at the influx of people. He returned his eyes to the group before the hearth as he awkwardly excused himself from their sides yet ever thankful for this slight reprieve. Stoically and in deep thought, he walked across the hall to retrieve his wife and to get on with the evening meal.
*****
Tor sat between Lord Devon and Kaye at the head table as a stilted silence still ensued between the two men. To Kaye's immediate right sat the profusely smiling Matthew. Several times Kaye looked sideways at her dear cousin as his huge smile abundantly showed upon his face and a questioning look upon hers. His actions were just so much in contrast to the two sitting directly to her left and she was quite perplexed by all of it. The silence concerned her for she was still uncertain as to what had transpired in her absence. She sincerely hoped that the offense, whatever it could be, was not longstanding or harbored on both sides.
When the sup was over and the hall began to empty, Kaye reluctantly realized that the night would soon end for the two and they would need to retire to their separate chambers. A sadness began to grow and move through her for his missing presence already, even before he excused himself for the night.
When all had exited the hall for the evening with the exception of Tor, Kaye and her parents, Lord Devon turned to Tor and said, "If it pleases you sire, I would like you to join us as we sit before the hearth for a short while."
Kaye was happy for she could extend her time with her Scottish Highlander, but by the pained look upon Tor's face it was obvious he did not feel the same way. Confused, she followed the group to the chairs in front of the fire, her mood now sobering while her mind remained unsure of most everything.
The four sat before the fire, an uncomfortable silence laid out before them. It was the Lord Devon who finally spoke first, turning and looking directly and compellingly at Tor.
"That is your wish?"
Without hesitation and with a firm tone in his voice Tor replied, "Yes, milord, and without a doubt."
Lord Devon looked hard at Tor for extended moments longer, then without speaking he stood as he took his wife's arm within his own and turned to exit the great chamber. The lord and lady moved slowly away from the two who sat a bit started next to the hearth, quite confused by his response. As he drew near to the stairs, the lord turned back slightly and looked over his shoulder as he stated very loudly for them to hear, "Very well, milord, very well…"
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Kaye stared at the backs of her retreating parents as they walked away from them and silently moved up the stairs and in the direction of their own chamber above. She was quite perplexed by the short conversation that had occurred as she questioningly returned her gaze from them and over into the eyes of Tor. She was quite confused and uncertain as to what had just transpired.
Tor gazed at Kaye as a slight smile grew upon his face as he breathed a heavy sigh of relief. As an excitement grew within his chest, he stood and moved himself from his own place and over next to hers. He lowered himself before her as he placed one knee upon the floor. He held her hand within his own quite gently as he looked into her eyes, his face just mere inches from hers.
"Milady," Tor began, "I have long since hoped that I could ask you a question." He breathed in deeply letting the air out slowly as he continued, "Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
He looked deeply into her eyes and continued on before she could speak, "I do not have a lot to offer one such as you, for I own no lands of my own and simply have my protection, my honor and my clan to pledge to you. But I would promise to love and to cherish you every day of my life…"
Kaye drew in her breath, wondering if she had just heard him correctly. Was he really asking her? Could this be true? Was her life's dream really within her reach? For this man to whom she had given her heart, for yes, she now truly admitted that fully at this moment…did he genuinely want her?
She looked back at him intensely as a sudden fear began to build within her breast while the uncertainties of her recent history flooded her mind. For if she were to spend the rest of her life with this man, she had to speak freely and had to know his true thoughts for she was resolved that she would not repeat the mistakes of her past.
"I must ask, milord and you may find this question quite bold, but I must be certain..." She gazed into his eyes, his look unwavering as he waited patiently for her to continue.
"There has been so much that has happened to me and so much that I am not proud of…" She looked down, unable to hold his eyes in hers as she continued more quietly on.
"You know, for you have witnessed it with your own eyes, that I am not untouched. And I have been called soiled. Does this not matter to you?"
Tor could feel her pain and entirely understood her hesitance but had to make sure that she comprehended the truth of it. With his finger, he lifted her chin so that he could gain the full access to her face and her eyes as he spoke clearly and quite truthfully.
"There is nothing that is soiled about you, milady. You are a kind and most beautiful woman and one that has stolen my heart. I simply cannot live without you. So I am begging you and I am beseeching you to become my wife."
Kaye looked deeply into his eyes as a smile spread upon her face and a hope within her heart for his declarations were exactly what she had desired to hear. She believed in him, had long given her heart to him and knew above all else that she would trust him.
But there was something more that she had to know. Something more that she had to be certain of before she would give him her answer. For with the experiences she had over these last months, no man had lovingly touched her body and the thoughts of her prior experiences had repulsed and terrified her. She considered that it was not fair to him if she consented to become his wife then found out that she would not be able to fulfill her duties to her husband fully and lovingly. And that thought terrified her. She knew most assuredly that before she could pledge herself to him she needed to know with certainty the depth of her pain and the depth of her fears.
Without speaking, Kaye stood and as she still held his hand within hers, she began to walk from their place before the hearth. He pulled back on her firmly as he stopped her from where she stood not knowing what she was about. She turned and looked back at Tor who had confusion clearly written upon his face.
Without explaining fully, for she
knew she could not speak out loud of her reservations to anyone including him, she simply asked of him, "Do you trust me?"
Without hesitation, he stood and said, "Yes, of course."
Without speaking further, she pulled him along as she walked across the now empty hall floor and up the stairs. She moved down the darkened hallway and opened the door to her room. As she passed over the threshold, he hesitated and once again stopped her from where she stood. She standing within, he outside the chamber and still holding her hand while ever so confused.
"Please, milord." Kaye pleaded breathlessly.
She looked at him again as he removed his eyes from hers as he glanced down the deserted hallway. Tor wondered what her parents would think of this for he had no idea what was her plan.
Kaye pulled gently once again on his hand as he grudgingly moved within her room. She closed the door and bolting it behind them, Tor's thundering heart the only thing that could be heard.
In the murky darkness, Tor felt her move closer to him and come to stand close and within his arms. She then moved her hands to his face as she brought his lips down to find hers. For long moments they kissed fully, easily picking up the passions from where they had last left off earlier as their breaths once again began to come in rasps.
Kaye's breath hitched once again as the burning began to rise within her as a feeling of warmth spread throughout her body. The sensations were quite heady for she had never experienced anything like it before. She wrapped her arms fully around his neck as her lips moved across his and her tongue eagerly sought out Tor's.
For long moments they stood as such as their passions rose and the warmth continued to spread. Kaye's heart began to beat faster and she could feel his arms possessively surrounding her. She felt the power of his embrace as he placed one of his hands at the small of her back and the other pressing her nearer to him between her shoulders.
