His Accidental Daddy

by Luna, David

  “You can see them after you’ve eaten.”

  Oh my gosh, it’s going to be such a good weekend. He hurried through his lunch, finishing every last bite and soaking in Daddy’s praise when he took his dishes to the sink. Daddy showed him his new sparkly gel pens, and he drew a couple of doodles but couldn’t hold back anymore and practically ran to the playroom, Beauty and Beast on his heels. When he saw the room had in fact been left as he’d requested, he squealed and got down on his knees to play.

  When Asher had seen that his place setting for dinner on Sunday matched Thornton’s, he knew little time was over. He’d had the best weekend and had been little throughout. He’d finally started feeling like he’d felt the week before, and he knew he’d flourished under Daddy’s care. He knew adult time was coming, but he’d been happy to ignore it and continue as his little self for as long as Daddy would allow.

  But after he’d washed up for dinner, he’d walked in the kitchen and seen the adult place setting, and it had been like a record player coming to a screeching halt. It almost felt like a physical blow; he’d stumbled a bit when he’d seen it. He glanced over at Thornton, who was getting them both some milk to drink with dinner. He met Thornton’s gaze and saw a deep well of understanding there, tinged with sadness.

  He felt tears well up and turned away to keep Thornton from seeing them and got himself under control before Thornton brought their drinks over. They ate together and chatted about Thornton’s week and the conversation Asher and Madi had with Jenn about buying The Glasshouse.

  She was still five months out from leaving, so they had time, but she’d begun to show each of them some things here and there that she did as the owner. She wanted to spread out their training so they could decide how they were going to handle the managerial tasks and didn’t want to push while Asher was still only working part-time, but they’d agreed as soon as he was back full-time, they’d start to sort out the particulars.

  He was both excited about that and scared to death. Being a co-owner of The Glasshouse had been all in his mind until he’d gotten back to work. Suddenly, it had become very, very real, and while he hadn’t changed his mind, it had overwhelmed him and, Asher could admit to himself, had probably prompted some of his anxiety during the week.

  When dinner was over, he brought his plate to the sink and began to clean up, but Thornton stayed his hand. “I want you to go take a relaxing bath while I finish up down here and lock up for the night. I’ll help you finish once I get up there, and then I think we need to talk, all right?”

  Asher drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay. Thank you for dinner, Daddy.”

  “You’re welcome, sweet boy. Go on, go relax for a bit. I’ll be up soon.”

  He’d put in his favorite bath bomb and soaked until he was nearly pruney. Thornton, true to his word, came up and washed his body from head to toe. He’d grown hard while Thornton’s soapy bath mitt was running over his body, but Thornton hadn’t done anything but clean him. Once he was dried, he brushed his teeth and packed all his toiletries in his bag, bringing it into the bedroom with him. He pulled on some fresh pajamas, began gathering his things, and putting them in his bag.

  “What did you want to talk about?”

  He figured he could play dumb and keep busy, so he never even looked at Thornton, who was in his lounge chair, his own pajamas on, watching his every move like a hawk. But when Thornton didn’t respond, he couldn’t help but look up. Daddy’s steely gaze was on Asher, and his expression was not happy. That sent a jolt of anxiety singing through every synapse in his body, and he stilled, caught in the trap of those eyes.

  His heart rate ratcheted up, and he looked down, folding the clothes painstakingly to avoid the scrutiny he knew was absolutely unavoidable. “Asher, put your clothes down and come sit with me.”

  “I’m almost do—”

  “Now, boy.”

  He shivered in some kind of weird “scared to death and yet turned on by that commanding tone” sort of reaction before he finally got his feet moving. “Yes, Daddy.”

  When he stood in front of Thornton, not knowing what he was supposed to do, Thornton tipped Asher gently into his arms and onto his lap. “That’s better. I’d like you to tell me about your week—”

  “I already told—”

  Thornton clasped his chin in his hand. “Boy, you will not interrupt me when I’m speaking. Is that understood?”

  Again, with his body’s weird reaction to Thornton’s tone. “Yes, Daddy.”

  “As I was saying, I’d like you to tell me the truth about your week. I want to know what you haven’t told me. I want to know what’s put the dark circles under your eyes, and the unhappiness there as well, and the tension and wariness in your shoulders. You were a mess on Friday, boy, and you looked so unhappy at dinner. It’s killing me.”

  A tear rolled down Asher’s face, and he didn’t think he’d be able to hold back any longer. He wanted to unload his burdens, and he wanted to tell Daddy everything, but he didn’t want to be weak, and he didn’t want Daddy to think less of him. Thornton wiped away the tear and leaned down to bring their foreheads together. “Asher, have you been happy this week? And please, for god’s sake, tell the truth.”

  Asher could only shake his head as more tears silently fell.

  “Me either.”

  That got Asher’s attention. “You haven’t been happy?”

  “Fuck no. I’ve been miserable. Just ask Beauty and Beast. Hell, ask Trent. He called me a grumpy bear, a pain in his ass, and an asshole.”

  Asher could hear Trent calling him all those things, and he couldn’t help but smile at the thought of asking Beauty and Beast if Daddy had been miserable. His voice was hoarse when he whispered, “You’re not an asshole, Daddy.”

  Thornton kissed his forehead and then gazed into his eyes. “Asher, I’ve thought of nothing but you this week. I hardly got any work done; the meetings I was in will have to be repeated because I was useless. I hate not being able to come home to you. I hate eating alone at my table with only the dogs watching me.”

  Asher gave a watery chuckle as Thornton continued his gentle tirade. “I hate taking showers alone and not giving you a bath. I hate not falling asleep with you lying next to me and waking up wrapped around me like a limpet. And I swear to god, if I have to keep walking by that playroom door with your train track set up but no boy there to play with it, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

  He couldn’t help but picture Thornton looking in the room every day and not seeing him there. It brought fresh tears to his eyes. All week he’d been thinking about trying to prove—god, he didn’t even know what. But one thing was for sure: he hadn’t thought about how it was making Thornton feel, and that realization, like nothing else, made him feel awful, and sick, and so angry at himself.

  “Asher, I don’t want the man I love to live across town. I want him with me, every day. I get that it’s quick. I know we’ve moved faster than what people consider normal, but fuck normal. I need you by my side. You’ve given me a taste of what my life could be like, and then you left and took it with you.”

  Thornton clasped Asher’s face in both of his hands; a tear rolling down Daddy’s cheek had him nearly losing it. “Please, please, baby, stop punishing yourself because you think you should be able to do it on your own. Of course you can do it on your own. You’ve been doing it your whole life. Let Daddy take care of you. Let Daddy be your strength when you need it. Jesus, just… let Daddy love you. Please.”

  Love. Love. Love. Love.

  “You love me?”

  “Sweet boy, I am so head over heels, cupid’s bow through the heart, over-the-top in love with you, it consumes me.”

  And just like that, every emotion, all the turmoil, every bit of the stress, and all his anxiety came out in a torrent of tears, the sobs wracking his body as Daddy’s arms wrapped around him and held him tight.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Thornton

  When As
her burst into tears in his arms, he wrapped himself around his boy and just held on through the storm of emotions Asher had clearly been holding in. Thornton had been miserable without him that week, but every time he’d seen him, he’d put on a smiling face and done his best to support Asher’s need for independence. But as the week wore on, he saw signs of things going downhill.

  Goddamn, watching his boy suffer every single day he’d picked him up, having Asher deny anything was wrong, and having to drop him off at his apartment had been torture. He’d asked Asher to call every night before bed. He’d also asked him to call if he was having a panic attack and needed help, even if it was just to hear his voice over the phone line. But other than the nightly calls, Asher hadn’t reached out.

  The fact that Asher had immersed himself so deeply into little time that weekend brought home like nothing would that Asher needed that time like he needed air to breathe and food to eat. Every bit of stress just floated away for his boy when Asher allowed himself to let go and be the little he was meant to be. This boy needed him, and not just on weekends. Asher needed him every day, and he needed Asher just as much.

  He could admit that it hurt when Asher had wanted to step away from them to be able to think clearly, and in the end, he’d needed to give that much to his boy so Asher didn’t have doubts later on. But in only a week, Asher seemed like a shell of the man he’d been the night they’d made love.

  It was obvious thinking clearly hadn’t been what had been going on. And the fact Thornton didn’t even know what had been going on had frustration churning in his gut. Asher was exhausted, that much Thornton could tell, but there was so much going on under the surface, and he was bound and determined to get at it and fix it.

  It wasn’t going to be easy, but he’d have to wear Asher down. He’d given him the weekend to relax, get some rest, eat well, and just be: no panic, no outside stimulation, no visitors. But he wasn’t about to put it off anymore. Asher was going back to work the next day, and damned if he was going to let the boy continue to torture himself.

  He started slowly talking when Asher’s tears wound down. “I realized I was in love with you the day before you went back to work. It happened gradually, before that, but when you were showing me your train track and everything it could do, you were so excited, proud, and happy, I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life making that smile, happiness, and radiance show on that beautiful face of yours.”

  Asher blinked, and another tear fell, his lashes wet, emotions written all over his face. “I love you too.”

  He smiled at that, knowing and feeling the truth of it. He’d known when they’d made love that night. It had been in his boy’s eyes, written so clearly. “Yeah?”

  Asher swallowed and nodded, his earnest gaze making Thornton smile. “I realized it that same day. It overwhelmed me, scared me. Suddenly, I had so much to lose, and I got scared I was going to be too much for you.”

  He shook his head, his heart breaking at Asher’s doubts, in himself and in Thornton. “Never.”

  Asher hunched in on himself. “You can’t know that.”

  “I can. Asher, I’m in love with you, and I’m a Daddy, a true caregiver, and it’s all I know how to be. The fact that you need my care, and thrive under my care, makes us a perfect match. I may not know the extent of your anxiety. I’m sure I’ll see that as time goes by, but it doesn’t matter what you need; I will always move mountains to help you get it.”

  “But you can’t fix me. And you can’t do everything for me. I don’t want that.”

  “Oh, baby. I won’t be doing everything for you. You’ll be doing the work, I’ll just be a safe place to run to; I’ll catch you if you fall, or I’ll bandage your knees if I don’t get there in time. And I’m not trying to fix you.”

  Doubt shone in Asher’s gaze. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m positive. I know you feel broken—you’ve said as much—but you’re not, Asher. You’re banged up, and you’re bruised, but it’s nothing a little time, attention, and a helping hand or two can’t fix as long as you’re putting in the work. And you know how I feel about the importance of therapy.”

  Asher nodded, looking down at his hands in his lap. “I know. I haven’t cancelled the appointment. Maybe…” Asher glanced up at him, eyes hopeful. “Maybe you could take me and go in with me?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, baby. I already had Jason block off my calendar.”

  Asher drew in a deep breath that faltered with shaky emotion and nodded. “I’d like that. Thank you.”

  He leaned down and kissed Asher’s nose, which earned him a little smile, and then those sweet kissable lips called to him, and he answered with a kiss. “You’re welcome. Now, I know you’re hoping I’ve forgotten, but I really do want to know everything you’ve gone through this week. I think it’s important for you to tell me what went wrong. It will help me know how to help, and it will help you learn to let your guard down and trust that Daddy can take care of you and your needs.”

  This time, the sigh Asher heaved out was frustrated but resigned. “I didn’t think it was going to be as hard as it was. You dropped me off at work on Monday, and I just felt untethered. Madi and Jenn were there waiting, and we had a quick meeting about the business. But then I had to fill out some paperwork about my medical leave, and I don’t know why, but it stressed me out.”

  Asher’s voice was taking on a frantic edge as he continued. “And then later that day, a customer approached me, and they wanted help and guidance on planting in their own gardens. I had to excuse myself because I felt a panic attack coming on. I got myself under control and eventually went back and helped them, but that isn’t usually something that would set me off. One-on-one discussions are usually okay. It’s crowds or too many people trying to talk to me at once that set me off.”

  “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, baby.”

  Asher shrugged. “After you dropped me off at home, I realized everything fresh in my refrigerator had gone bad. I had no fresh produce. And even though I had enough frozen meals and dry goods to get me through, I still felt panic clawing at me. Then I worked out pretty hard that night, but when I went to go shower, the shower curtain was still gone, obviously, and I had a flashback of that night, sitting on the floor of the shower with the freezing cold water pouring over me. I couldn’t hold a panic attack back, and when I finally got myself under control, I couldn’t sleep for hours.”

  He knew Asher needed to get it all out, so he didn’t interrupt. His boy took a fortifying breath and continued. “The next morning, I woke up late because I’d finally fallen asleep at four in the morning, and I kept hitting snooze. So then I made my coffee, but it was too sweet, so I made it again and added too much creamer. I made coffee four times for myself that morning. And I don’t know how, but I managed to get through most of the day on Tuesday without much incident, but after you dropped me off, I was getting calls from your car insurance company about my doctor appointments and my medical leave provider about my return to work. And it just seemed like it was all too much. I was panicking trying to get the information they needed.

  “On Wednesday—well, you remember Wednesday. It took me twenty minutes sitting in your car, doing my exercises, for me to be able to allow you to drive me to work. I had low-level anxiety all day that day and was so scatterbrained. I kept forgetting stuff. And you came and picked me up to drive me home, and I did okay, but when I got to my door, I realized I’d left my keys at work. I kept myself under control and contacted the landlord, but I had to leave a message.”

  Thornton pulled him closer, hugged him tighter, and murmured, “Baby, why didn’t you call me? I would’ve turned around immediately.”

  “I know, but that’s just the thing. I wasn’t thinking logically, and honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me panicking over something so stupid. I just sat in the hallway outside of my door and cried. I was about to order a Lyft ride to take me back to work, but the landlord f
inally called me back. He had to come over anyway for maintenance on another apartment, so he let me in with his master key.”

  “How long were you waiting on your own, baby?”

  Asher scrubbed his face, his frustration mounting. “An hour and a half.”

  Thornton wanted to ask again why he didn’t call; he wanted to point out he could’ve taken Asher home, and they could’ve had a nice dinner together, or he could have taken Asher directly back to The Glasshouse to get his keys. Either of those things would have worked as long as Asher called him. And it fucking killed him that Asher didn’t.

  “Thursday went pretty well. No big incidents. Just the low-level anxiety as my constant shadow. That and forgetfulness. My concentration wasn’t there. I was frustrated with myself. Jenn was so patient and kind, and so was Madi. But I just felt so out of control. Friday was pretty miserable. There was a big sale at The Glasshouse, which drew a lot of people. In the past, that would have bothered me, but I would’ve handled it better. And for some reason, it didn’t occur to me to get done with all of my work in the public areas so that when it got to be really busy, I would be working in the part of the greenhouse that is closed off to customers.”

  All Thornton could do was rub his boy’s back and let him get it all out. “I lost my shit, practically ran through the store, and locked myself in the supply closet in the stockroom. Madi eventually came back and helped me, told me I should have called you. Told me everything I already knew. And I wanted to. I so badly wanted to call you so many fucking times, but I swear to god, Thornton, we would’ve been on the phone every goddamn day, all day long.”

  He wanted to interject—he wanted to shake the boy for not calling him—but Asher was already down on himself enough. “I barely slept all week. I went home and tried every night to color in my coloring books, but I just couldn’t regress on my own, no matter what I tried to do. And when that happened the first night I was home alone, I think things just started to spiral out of control for me. Somehow, I felt like now that I had had a taste of life with you, I couldn’t function without you. But that just made me more determined to do so, and things just kept getting worse and worse. I felt weak, stupid, and so pathetic.”