Ryan's Love

by Charlie Dillard

  That caused me to cry also. She pulled me into her and again we cried together. I felt a hand move to the small of my back. I swatted it away. But the hand moved back to the small of my back and began rubbing right at the top of my bottom.

  “Please whoever you are, remove your hands from my back,” I said stepping away.

  Without turning around I tell Mrs. Callahan that it was time for me to leave; and I grabbed my suitcase and started to the front door.

  “Sunshine, wait. You can’t leave me. I love you,” I hear Ryan call out.

  I stopped and a tremble went throughout my body as the words hit my brain. It sounded so nice and my pregnant self wanted to believe that, but a flash of him having sex with Rachel popped into my head. That immediately sent a wave of nausea thru my body.

  “I don’t ever want to see or hear from you again,” I say without turning around to look at him.

  “But what about the baby. I want you be in my child’s life,” he said reaching around me and putting his hand on my stomach.

  I quickly knocked his hand away, still not turning around I say, “You lost that right when you did what you did.”

  “You can’t leave. I won’t allow it,” he boomed, as if that was going to scare me and make me stay.

  Oh no he didn’t. I whipped around to face him. I was shaking from head to toe with rage. My hand slipped into my pants pocket and I held onto my security.

  “I’m leaving and there isn’t anything that you or anyone else can do to stop me,” I say and I stand there waiting for him to say otherwise.

  “Ryan, you can’t leave. I love you,” my brother says standing by me.

  “You you you. You are supposed to be my brother. How could you be apart of this. I saw the whole damn video. You disgust me,” I spat out at him.

  His face paled and he tired to reach out for me.

  “Don’t touch me. I don’t want your filthy hands to ever touch me again,” I say stepping back away from him and Ryan.

  Everyone else started over to where we were. I could see Killian, Patrick, Mr. Callahan, and Charlie making their way over to me.

  “Charlie, please. I need you right now,” I cry reaching out to her.

  She pushed her way thru everyone and gathered me up into her arms. I sank into her and cried into her neck.

  She rubbed my back and said, “Shush. It’s going to be ok.”

  “No its not. I’m always going to be alone now. I don’t know what to do.”

  “No your not. You have your precious baby coming along soon, and you have me,” she said trying to sooth me, holding and rocking me in her strong arms.

  “But I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. What if I end up like my mom. I never want to be like her,” I cried.

  Hands upon hands touched me all at once.

  “It’s going to be ok Honey. Please just let us explain what happened last night,” one of the guys said.

  I jerk away from everyone and turn around with fire in my eyes. I never wanted to say any of this in front of Mrs. or Mr. Callahan, but these guys are never going to let up; so I guess I have to say what needs to be said before I leave.

  “There is nothing you can tell me that will ever excuse what I saw on that video.”

  “Its not what you think,” Ryan said shyly.

  “Its not what I think. What I think is I saw you, you, you, and you fucking the shit out of Rachel; and you all liked it,” I screamed pointing out each one of the guys.

  All four of the guys shrunk into themselves and Mr. and Mrs. Callahan gasped as well as Charlie. She glared at all of them especially Ryan.

  “You Ryan, have no rights to anything ever again. And you James were supposed to be the one person that I could count on. Along with everyone else I don’t ever want to see you again. You all are disgusting. Do you know how I feel right now,” I yelled crying holding onto my belly.

  “I feel like the lowest person on this earth. Not only did you lie to me. You broke me down to a place that I know that I will never return from. I feel like a piece of dirt. I feel disgusted, used, violated, and miserable. I will never come back from this type of betrayal. Never. So if you will excuse me I have somewhere to be,” I say turning around and grabbing onto my suitcase.

  “Wait. You’re not leaving until we straighten everything out. You have to at least listen. You have to let us explain ourselves,” Ryan say grabbing onto my shoulder.

  Returning my hand to my pocket I pull out my stun gun and click it.

  “If you don’t get your filthy hands off of me, I’m going to shove this up between your balls and asshole and shock you until you shit in your pants. Don’t try following me no matter were I go. I have this and more. I won’t hesitate to use it on anyone,” I say.

  “Thats right, girl,” Charlie says patting my me on the back.

  “Goodbye, Mrs. Callahan. I hate that things have to be this way, but I have no other choice.”

  “But please what about the baby. I want to be in its life,” she cried.

  “You can discuss that with those three. But I won’t be back ever. I may send word and pictures of the baby, but I won’t be back,” I say and quickly leave out of the house with Charlie in tow, before anyone could say anything else.

  Charlie threw my suitcase into the trunk of my car, and we were off to my apartment. We drove in silence. When we pulled up to my place and got out; she went to grab my bag from the trunk, but I told her to leave it.

  “What? Where are you going to go,” she asked?

  “I don’t know yet,” I shrugged as we walked up the stairs to my apartment.

  I haven’t been here in a few weeks and I truly don’t know why I kept it. But now I’m glad I did.

  “But what about the baby. You can’t have him on your own.”

  I opened the door that we were now standing in front of and stood to the side as she followed in behind me so I could shut the door and be in the safety of my house, before I answered her.

  “Well, I’ve been pretty much taking care of myself my whole life. I know that it will be extremely more difficult to do that with a child, but I’m strong; I know I can do it. I have plenty of money here at the apartment to take with me; and I can stop at the bank tomorrow before I leave and get the rest,” I say absent- mindedly as I walk around my apartment, trying to figure out what I needed to take, what I wanted to take, and what could fit into my car.

  “Don’t do this. I know you are hurting right now, but you’re going to need someone to help you,” Charlie pleaded with me.

  “I know you are trying to help me right now, but I can’t stay. You have to go home to your job and life. Anyone I had here, I don’t have anymore. I have no other choice but to leave.”

  “But Ryan, please. I don’t want anything to happen to you or the baby. I love you. You are my best friend. I know Mrs. Callahan will help you.”

  “I’m sure she would, Charlie. But she is his mother. I can’t ask her to put me before her own son. It wouldn’t be right. I’m leaving. I know you don’t like this; honestly I don’t like it either. But I’m leaving. Now I would prefer to be able to call you whenever I need my best friend to lean on. If you don’t want that I will still always love you,” I say crying as I stuffed all of my very important papers and pictures into a plastic bin.

  She threw her arms around my neck.

  “I know I might not fully agree with what is going on right now, but I want you to always know that I love you; and I will always be here for you whenever you need me,” she said sniffling.

  “Good. I need you to carry this darn bin to my car. Its heavy,” I say laughing and squeezing her tight, kicking the bin with my right foot.

  She sat back on her heels and let out a nervous laugh. But she did have a smile on her face as she bent down and picked up the bin, carrying it out the apartment door. I wanted to collapse into my couch, but I knew I couldn’t. If I took just a second to relax, I knew that someone might make their way to my house to try a
nd stop me. So I pushed on and gather up two other bins and began to put all the other clothes and keepsakes that I needed to take with me. When I finished Charlie was back up into the apartment and carried the two other bins down to the car; and plopping down on the couch next to me.

  “You better be glad that I love you. Those darn bins were so heavy,” she panted.

  “Charlie, why aren’t you married yet. You are such a beautiful loving woman. I know men have to be crawling all over you,” I ask?

  “Oh no. After seeing what went on here, I don’t think I will ever get the courage up to give myself fully to a man,” she said.

  But she quickly felt bad saying it, when she saw the pained look on my face.

  “Oh I’m so sorry for saying that. I should be more sensitive to your situation.”

  “You were only being honest. I’ll be fine,” I tell her putting on a strong face.

  But I knew deep inside I was only being held together by a weak thread.

  “Do you need to use the bathroom or anything, because I think I’m going to head over to the hotel now. I need a nice long sleep; and I’m not going to get any sleep here,” I say.

  She thought to herself for a second, looked at her watch then looked back up at me.

  “Well my plane comes in about two hours. So I’m going to catch a cab to the airport and get me something to eat and well a stiff drink, before I take off back home.”

  “Are you sure? I mean you can come to the hotel with me for a bit before your plane comes,” I say.

  She smiles and replies, “No I think I better go, because if my head hits anything remotely soft there I will be out like a light.”

  She seemed like she was trying to hurry out of here. Its was weird. But then again, I really can’t blame her. Its been a crazy crazy day; and I want to get out of here just as much as she does. So I really don’t think too much else about it and call her a cab, take one last look at my apartment. Then I lock up and we both go downstairs and wait for the cab out by my car.

  “Crazy day, Huh,” Charlie says as we lean on the hood of the car, waiting for her cab to come.

  “Yeah, I guess it has been. But at least I got to see my best girl,” I say grinning.

  “It has been good to see you again. I hope that we can keep these visits a lot closer together now,” she said and leaned over to hug me, when the cab pulled up they beeped their horn; like we weren’t standing right there.

  “I guess thats me,” she says smiling then quickly hugging me, walking over to the cab.

  I follow behind her and watch her get in cab.

  “Call me when you get wherever your going,” she said as the cab pulled off.

  I waved and cried. I am totally alone now.

  I wallowed in my own pity as I slowly walk to my car and get in. I take one last look at my apartment, then I was off to the hotel for the night. All the time knowing that when I wake up in the morning, I will be off to some foreign place that wasn’t my beautiful Boston. I cried knowing my life would never be the same.

  Chapter 12 (Ryan)

  “Ryan, what have you done,” my mom cried as she collapsed on the floor of the foyer.

  She cried and rocked back and forth.

  After my father scoop my mother up and carried her off the their room and getting her settled, he made he way back into the living room and took a full bottle of brandy out of the bar and sat down hard on the couch. The four of us just eyed him. I know him and I know he is upset, and I didn’t want to say anything to upset him anymore than he already was. So I quietly walked over to where he was and sat down on the couch opposite to him. He opened the bottle of brandy and took a massive drink straight from the bottle. After two more deep gulps, he sat the bottle down on the table in front of him and leaned back into the couch.

  With his eyes closed he says, “This is going to be a one time conversation. So I want you guys to think long and hard before you answer any questions that I have for you. Because I will not be lied to, and I wont be listening to this filth again.”

  “Yes, sir,” we all say in unison.

  “Good. First I want to see this video everyone is raving about,” he orders.

  “Dad. I don’t think thats a good idea,” I say.

  His head snaps up and he looked something like the devil as he glared at me. He sat up on the couch and looked straight at me.

  “Ryan, I’m not going to ask you again.”

  “Dad, I’m not a baby anymore. You can’t scare me into doing something,” I stupidly say.

  I swear I could see steam coming out of his ears. But he quickly masked that and grabbed the bottle back off the table and took a couple more long drinks. Then quietly got up off of the couch and made his way back to his room.

  Damn, he is really pissed.

  “Dad, wait,” I call out to him.

  He stops and turns and looks back at me.

  “Patrick, go get the phone out of the bathroom for dad,” I say.

  Patrick reluctantly gets up and heads back to retrieve the phone. Dad walks back over to the couch and sits back down.

  Patrick walks back into the living room with the cellphone and a pair of earphones. I assume so he wouldn’t have to hear while Dad watched it. He hands them to Dad and stands as far away from him as he could. I can’t say that I blame him either. I wanted to be anywhere else but here also.

  “You guys might as well stop looming over me and have a seat somewhere. I’m going to watch this whole video before we finally talk,” he said as he put the earphones in his ears and sat back into the couch and pressed play on the video.

  We all cringed as his eyes went wide as the video played. I see disgust play all over his features as he watched the video. I’m sure he never thought that he’d have to see his own son’s doing something like that, no matter what the reason. It took about 10 minutes for the whole video to play. While he seemed a bit relieved as he watch the last most important minute of the video. When he took the earphones out of his ears and gently sat the phone down on the table, I could still see he looked very troubled.

  The four of us didn’t dare say a word until he did. I needed any help he could give in order to fix this. We all wanted to know what he thought we should do. I need my Sunshine and the baby back, and I know James wants his baby sister back. All of us want mom to not be so sad. We want her to look at us with love again, and not sadness.

  “Well after watching the whole disgusting video, I have to say I maybe can see why things happened why they did.”

  “Thank you Dad. I’ve been trying to say that all day,” I say, a little relieved.

  “Shut up. I’m not done talking,” he booms.

  I shrink back and let him finish what he needed to say.

  “As I was saying. I am thoroughly embarrassed, disgusted, and disappointed at the whole thing. What were you guys thinking? Why did you get so drunk that you let the wretched woman trick you like that,” he asked looking at the four of us.

  “Well Dad. You see what she said to us to get us to do it. She had four other men there with her. She had pictures of Sunshine and mom all thru out their day. She even had pictures of the two of them asleep in their beds.; and one of a man holding a gun pointed at Sunshine’s stomach. We had to do it or she said that she would make a call and have the people she had in the house shoot mom and Sunshine. I couldn’t let that happened,” I cried.

  I didn’t care that I was this big 6 foot 3 man sitting on the floor in front of man dad, brothers, and James crying like a baby. I just needed him to understand why we did what we did, and help us fix things.

  “Why didn’t any of you guys try and contact someone? How did you get in the situation in the first place,” he asked?

  Patrick spoke up this time, thankfully.

  “Well dad we were all at the hotel having a good time drinking and laughing, teasing Ryan about having to change tons of poopie diapers; when someone knocked on the door. We didn’t think anything of it when Killian went to g
et the door because we had ordered a ton of pizzas and wings. But when he did, the door was kicked out of his hands, and he was knocked back on his butt as Rachel and four other men with guns stormed into the room. It was utter chaos after that. The men had the guns shoved into our guts as she spouted off her demands. We objected with everything she demanded until she showed us the pictures of mom and Sunshine. Dad, we’re all so sorry and disgusted with ourselves. Please forgive us,” Killian cried as he rushed the whole story out.

  “Again why didn’t you contact someone,” dad asked.

  “Those guys rushed in and had their guns in our stomachs before we could do anything,” James said.

  He was only only of the four of us that wasn’t crying. But I know its probably because this wasn’t his dad, and the one person that mattered to him most wasn’t here right now. He or I may never see her again.

  “I see,” my dad said and took another long drink from his bottle of brandy.

  “Dad, what do we do,” I ask?

  “About,” was all he said.

  “About Sunshine and the baby. About what happened to us and the people who followed mom around all day taking her picture; as well as breaking into the house and taking pictures of mom and Sunshine while they were sleeping.”

  “I’ll take care of all of the following and breaking into our house stuff. But as far as Sunshine and the baby. I can’t help you guys while that.”

  “But Dad,” I say.

  “Son, what do you want me to say. If I was her I wouldn’t want to see or hear from you again either. That video was hard to watch, and I’m not a hormonal pregnant woman. Aside from praying, as well as crawling to her, explaining to her what happened; then begging her to take you back. There is nothing else you can do. Even if you do happen to find her she probably won’t speak to you. I really don’t know what else to tell you,” he said getting up off the couch and stumbling into the kitchen and getting a tray filled with sandwiches from the fridge.

  I followed behind him.