The Gold Touch That Went Cattywampus

by Amy Boyles

  She reached the door and turned toward us. Alice’s face twisted in concentration as she expelled another round of gas.

  “Oh my word,” Ruth said.

  Then she threw back her head, laughed, and shot through the glass in the door.

  We all gasped as the sound of shattering glass filled the room.

  I stood, unsure of what to do. My mind whirled as Alice’s hideous giggle could still be heard as she ran off the porch.

  My mouth opened, unhinged, but no sound came out.

  Roan was first to the door. He directed his words to me and Ruth. “Well? Don’t you think we should get out there and save her?”

  I stared at Roan. “Roan. This thing…this demon…it’s powerful.”

  Roan nodded. “I have an idea, something that I think will work, but we’ve got to get Alice to the antique store. We’ve got to trick her to go inside.”

  Ruth rolled up her sleeves. “Well, come on. What are we standing around here lollygagging for? Let’s get out there and save my friend before the smell of her farts kills someone.”

  BLISSFUL

  By the time we reached the outdoors, Alice was halfway down the block, screaming and laughing. Every few moments she’d stop to fart.

  Apparently putting a demon inside of her had given Alice an unlimited supply of gas.

  “She’s going to be so embarrassed when she finds out what she’s done,” Ruth murmured as we hightailed it to Roan’s vehicle.

  I cringed as I watched her gallop over the sidewalk.

  We reached Roan’s G-wagon and hopped inside. Roan cranked the engine and explained his plan as we headed toward downtown.

  “Ruth”—his gaze cut to the rearview mirror—“I’m going to drop you off first. I need you to corral Alice toward the antique shop. You don’t have to get her inside. That’ll be my job.”

  Ruth pulled a wad of tobacco from her purse and stuffed a gob in her mouth. “Will do.”

  “What do I do?” I said.

  “You—” Roan’s shot me a look so intent it would’ve made my heart flutter under any other circumstances. As it was, there was no time to think about anything other than the now.

  “What you’re going to do,” Roan continued, “is find the biggest mirror you can. Find it and set it up inside the antique store so that when Alice enters, she’ll be forced to see it.”

  “Got it. Find the mirror.”

  We were catching up to Alice, who ran along the sidewalk, flapping her arms and stopping to release gas among throngs of people.

  You could easily tell when she farted because folks would hold their noses or start coughing.

  “Let’s hurry,” Ruth said. “I don’t think Alice’s reputation will ever recover from this, especially if Mr. Hodges finds out.”

  Roan pulled over. “Here you go, Ruth. Remember, corral her toward the antique store.”

  “Got it.” She opened the door and spit a brown streak onto the sidewalk. “See y’all in a minute.”

  The door shut, and the truck rumbled on. Roan stopped the vehicle in front of the antique store. “Will you be okay on your own?”

  I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

  We hopped out of the G-wagon. Roan took his position outside the shop while I headed inside.

  Please don’t let there be an annoying salesperson in here. Please let me get this worked out without having to deal with someone.

  I pushed the door open. A bell tinkled, signaling my arrival.

  “Yoo-hoo, how can I help you?”

  I wanted to die. Like, already die and I hadn’t even seen the saleslady. And it was a saleslady; it was obvious from the voice.

  She appeared a moment later behind the counter. It was like she’d just popped up from nowhere. She wore red glasses, red lipstick and had her brown hair up in a bun.

  She waved, smiling. “Yoo-hoo! I’m Gigi. How can I help you?” She had a thick accent, Eastern European sounding.

  You can disappear, Gigi. I have a demon to fight in here.

  I clasped my hands and smiled, yanking out every bit of acting talent I possessed. “Well, Gigi. I’m here looking for a mirror.”

  She threaded her fingers together and brought her hands lovingly to her cheek. “You are in luck. We have so many mirrors. Short, tall, fat, thin, whatever you like.”

  Something crashed outside. This needed to go faster, much faster. I needed to find a mirror yesterday.

  “Big, tall, whatever, I need it. I don’t care what size it is.”

  The saleslady waltzed around the counter. “I have something back here.”

  I followed her to the very back, where there sat exactly what I was looking for. A gilded mirror, like something out of a French castle, stood before me.

  I gasped. “It’s perfect. Now, I need to see how it looks.” I grabbed the side of it. “Let’s take it to the front of the room.”

  But overzealous Gigi wagged her finger back and forth. “Oh, no, this cannot be moved by us. This mirror can only be moved by professionals, and only after you’ve purchased it.”

  Crap, I had a serious problem.

  “Pssst.”

  My gaze darted around the room. That sound hadn’t come from Gigi.

  “Pssst.” A man, the edges of him smoky, stepped out from the corner of the room. He looked like John Travolta’s twin from Grease. “Hey. You need the broad gone? I can make her disappear.”

  I stroked my chin and nodded.

  “So what do you think?” Gigi asked. “Do you want to purchase this?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  In the corner, a vase fell to the floor and shattered. Gigi’s hands flew to her face. “Oh no! What was that? Thank goodness everything in here is insured.”

  She flew past me. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to clean that up.”

  Gigi disappeared into a back room. That’s when I sprang into action. I walked around the mirror and grabbed it by the sides.

  I lifted it, but the thing weighed a ton.

  “Need some help?” the Greaser asked.

  “Yes, I need this by the front door. Now,” I whispered.

  The Greaser, bless him, drifted over, grabbed the mirror by the edges and moved it as if the object weighed nothing.

  I couldn’t have been more grateful to him. He’d just gotten it in place when the front door crashed open.

  From the back I heard, “Yoo-hoo!”

  Lord, please let Gigi stay in the back. Don’t let her see what’s about to happen.

  The first person I saw was Alice. Then I saw Roan behind her. “Turn around,” he said. “I command you to turn around!”

  “What’s going on out there?” Gigi called.

  “Oh, nothing,” I shouted. “It’s just some pre-festival stuff—no big deal. Take your time finding the broom!”

  “Turn,” Roan said one more time.

  Alice obeyed, wobbling from side to side before turning around and facing the mirror.

  I held one side as the Greaser held the other. I didn’t know what Roan’s plan was, and I didn’t know what Alice would do. Would she crash onto the mirror?

  Oh jeez, I hoped not. I did not want to have to explain to Gigi what happened to it, whether it be insured or not. That just wasn’t something I wanted to do.

  Alice’s jaw dropped open when she saw her reflection. Her black eyes widened. They became even more black, if that was possible.

  A low, guttural animal sound emanated from her mouth. It sounded like a mix between a screech and growl. It was nearly earsplitting.

  I covered my ears as best I could while I held the mirror.

  “Hold tight, Blissful,” Roan said.

  For a split second I wondered why; then I saw it. The demon flew from Alice’s mouth and hit the mirror with a hard thud.

  It was grotesque—pure black with red dripping from its eyes.

  My breath hitched as the demon stared straight at me. I felt like I was going to be sucked in, like I would fall prey to it, be its next vi
ctim.

  “Be gone,” Roan shouted.

  In a blink the demon sailed back, away, out the door and out of sight.

  It was gone.

  I exhaled a deep shot of air. My knees trembled. I hadn’t realized how afraid I was until that moment.

  My shaking fingers slipped from the mirror. I scrambled to grab hold of it.

  “I’ve got it,” Roan said gently. He grabbed the mirror and eyed me sternly. “Sit down and help Alice. She’s going to need some support.”

  “There’s a ghost that helped me.” I nodded to the Greaser, who sank back into the shadows.

  “Anytime,” he said.

  Roan picked up the mirror as if it weighed no more than a penny. I let him put it back where it went, and then I crossed to Alice, who sat on her rump in the middle of the store.

  She pulled her glasses from her nose and wiped them with her shirt. “What happened?”

  I was suddenly very exhausted. The burst of energy I’d used must have been the cause of my fatigue. All the running and worrying had wound me up, and now I was fading fast.

  I dropped a hand onto Alice’s shoulder. My arm seemed to weigh a ton.

  “What happened? Oh, Alice, I’m not sure you want to know.”

  Ruth appeared in the doorway. “Of course she wants to know.” She said pointedly to our friend, “You were taken over by a demon.”

  Alice gasped. Her gaze searched me and Ruth, concern flushing her face. “You must be kidding.”

  Ruth spat tobacco juice onto the sidewalk. My stomach turned at the sight of it. There was simply something gross about tobacco juice. It was absolutely revolting.

  “No,” I said. “We’re not kidding. You were possessed, but Roan”—my gaze cut to him; he’d just finished settling the mirror against the wall—“saved you. If it weren’t for him, you’d still be under attack from the demon.”

  Alice stared at her feet. She rotated her feet around and around in silence. I shot Ruth a worried look. Had what we told Alice been enough to break her? Would she be okay?

  “Alice?” I said gently. “Are you all right?”

  “Well,” she whimpered. “I just hope that I didn’t do anything foolish when I was possessed, but I’m starting to remember something about my tummy.”

  That’s because you farted on everyone you saw. That wasn’t exactly something I wanted to tell her, and I’m sure it wasn’t anything she wanted to hear.

  Before I had to answer, Ruth saved me. “What do you mean, foolish?”

  “Well, I just hope I didn’t lift my skirt over my head—something to that effect.”

  I exhaled, relieved.

  Roan extended both hands to her. “No, Alice. I can assure you that you didn’t do anything like that. You were a perfect lady.”

  Alice shot Roan a bashful smile as he hoisted her to her feet. “Thank you, Roan. That makes me feel so much better.”

  “Anytime,” he said soothingly. “Now. We probably need to get going.” He reached for me. “And great job, Blissful, getting that mirror. I don’t know how you managed it.”

  I opened my mouth to explain I’d had help when Gigi’s voice sounded.

  “Yoo-hoo!” A black curtain swept back, and Gigi appeared. “Oh, hello, everyone. I’m so sorry I’ve haven’t been out here.” She pressed a palm to her stomach. “I had a bit of tummy trouble. I see you are all in the store. Is there anything I can help you with? Something I can show you?”

  Roan, bless him, ran a hand over his hair, smoothing it. He took one look at Gigi’s name tag and said, “Gigi, thank you so much for offering to help, but I think we’ve seen everything we need to.”

  Undeterred, she smiled. “Oh, that is okay. If you think of anything after you leave, come back and I will help you. Okay?”

  I waved. “Thank you, Gigi.”

  Gigi smiled widely as we shuffled from the room. “You are very welcome, very welcome indeed.”

  BLISSFUL

  It was later in the day. Roan had dropped Ruth and Alice off back at Southern Ghost Wranglers. We’d then returned to Moira’s house to see about her and Cecil.

  The demon had not visited the house since Roan had banished it. Granted, it had only been a short while ago, but that was promising. So far, things were looking great. I hoped to keep them that way.

  After we spent some time with Moira, during which Roan had explained that if absolutely anything strange happened, she needed to call us immediately, Roan and I returned to the inn and then went for a walk.

  I was still tired, but it felt like a ball of energy was wedged in my chest. It needed to get out and be used up, so a walk was the perfect solution.

  Roan offered his hand, and I took it, threading my fingers through his. “Do you think the demon will return?”

  He shrugged. “I hope not, but you never know. Demons are relentless.”

  I bit the inside of my lip and prayed it didn’t come back. Moira and Cecil were regular people who didn’t deserve to be terrorized by an unseen force.

  “Let’s hope not,” I said. “I like them too much to see them hurt.”

  “Wow,” Roan said.

  I tipped my chin up at him. “What is it?”

  “Was that a statement of caring that I heard from you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m not a robot. I do actually have a heart that has love for you, you know.”

  “I’m pretty sure that’s only because I clonked you over the head and dragged you back to my cave,” he teased.

  I nudged Roan’s ribs with the point of my elbow. “Ha ha, very funny. Of course I care, and I’m insulted you’d suggest otherwise.”

  Roan slipped his hand from mine and wrapped me in a hug. He brushed his lips over the top of my head and squeezed me close. The scent of cloves drifted off him. Roan generally smelled good enough to eat, and today was no exception.

  “I know you care, killer,” he said. “I only like to tease you. You were much harsher when you first arrived in town.”

  “People can change,” I countered.

  “That they can,” he mused. “That they can.”

  “What made you think to use the mirror on the demon?” I asked.

  “That? Oh, it was something I read once. If the person being possessed can see themselves, often there is a split between them and the demon. The jolt or surprise actually spits the demon out of the body.”

  “It worked beautifully,” I said proudly. “It was just what we needed.”

  Roan’s mouth formed a grim line. “We were just lucky the demon hadn’t been in Alice very long. The mirror trick wouldn’t have worked on Cecil; he’d been possessed for too long. I’ll keep tabs on Moira over the next few days to make sure the demon doesn’t return.”

  I pulled on Roan’s arm until he bent where I could kiss his cheek. “You’re such a good man.”

  He gazed down at me, love filling his eyes. “And you’re a good woman.”

  I smiled up at him, feeling my chest bloom with love, an emotion that not long ago I would have scoffed at, but now I embraced.

  “That may be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I admitted.

  Roan winked. “There’s a whole lot more nice where that came from.”

  I giggled. I opened my mouth to return the favor and compliment him, when an old Land Rover rumbled down the street and stopped right in front of us.

  There was something familiar about the vehicle. I squinted, trying to figure it out, but it turned out I didn’t have to because Roan solved the mystery first.

  “Well, well, well,” he murmured.

  “Who is it?”

  A slow smile crept across his face. “It’s our talented friends from Magnolia Cove.”

  I felt my eyebrows shoot to peaks. “Pepper and Axel?”

  The words were barely out of my mouth when the passenger door opened and Pepper Dunn, an incredibly talented witch, exited.

  Roan and I had met Pepper and her fiancé, Axel Reign, about a year ago, when w
e needed help with a particular haunting. At the time Pepper and I had bonded over our relationship woes—she wasn’t sure about some whole mating thing with Axel, and I was trying to deny my feelings for Roan.

  Luckily I had lost my battle with myself. I wasn’t sure how things had gone with Pepper.

  I moved to greet her when the back passenger door opened. Out flopped an old lady who barely caught herself before she went splat on the sidewalk.

  “I don’t know how the heck y’all people travel in these contraptions. They bounce too hard. I just about got carsick in this thing.”

  Pepper placed a loving hand on the woman’s shoulder. “Well, you made it, and like we said, you didn’t have to come, Betty.”

  Betty scowled. “Of course I had to come. This mission is too dangerous not to.”

  Mission? Were they here for some top-secret reason?

  Betty patted her pocket. “Where’s my pipe? I could use a smoke.”

  I started to be appalled by the idea of her smoking a pipe, when Axel Reign appeared from around the nose of the vehicle.

  His gaze landed on Roan and me. Axel extended his hand. “Roan! Blissful! Great to see y’all.”

  Pepper’s gaze fluttered up from Betty. “Blissful,” she cooed. “It’s been too long.”

  Roan and Axel shook hands. I made my way over to Pepper for a hug. She directed her attention to the old woman.

  “Blissful Breneaux, I’d like for you to meet Betty Craple, my grandmother.”

  I took her hand. “How do you do?”

  “I’d be doing a lot better if I wasn’t here on a snipe hunt,” she snarled.

  That was not exactly the greeting I had been expecting. Of course, I don’t know why I was surprised given that she’d been griping about her pipe.

  “A snipe hunt?” I said.

  Pepper brushed a curtain of bangs from her forehead. It was then I noticed the sparkling diamond ring and band on her left hand.

  “Oh my gosh,” I gasped. “Did y’all get married?”

  Pepper beamed proudly. “We did. Only a couple of weeks ago. Haven’t even had a chance to go on our honeymoon.”

  She stared over at Axel with love brimming in her eyes. Axel caught her gaze and held it, smiling. He came over and wrapped an arm over her protectively.