Lighter

by Gia Riley

  “Dean. That’s not what I mean and you know it. If you weren’t drunk ninety percent of the time you might be able to tell the difference.” But he’s always drinking.

  He gets up in mom’s face and challenges her—his authority towering over her small frame. She takes a few steps back and the fear in her eyes is unmistakable. “You’re both worthless,” he grumbles before stalking out of the room and planting himself in front of the TV.

  “Don’t let him see you cry, Sophie. Men never deserve our tears. We’re stronger than words—you remember that always.”

  I nod my head. “I will, Momma.”

  “You’ll never be worthless, Sophie. I may be too far gone to turn it around, but you’re bound to be a star.”

  I’m not anything close to being a star today. In fact, I’m no closer than I was the day he spit those hateful words at us. Maybe he was right. Maybe this is all a worthless dream. With my confidence taking a beating, I struggle through the next two exercises. When I’m certain I can’t possibly do one more tumbling pass, we finally break for lunch. The other girls are running circles around me, making me stand out as the weakest link—a title I’ve never owned.

  “Sophie, I need to see you in my office.”

  “Sure, Coach.” I slip into my warm ups worrying he’s changed his mind about having me here. “Have a seat, Sophie.”

  “Thank you.” He hands me a bottle of Gatorade and I can’t get the top off fast enough. Chugging the orange liquid, it’s so cold I feel its entire journey to my stomach. When I finish my long drink, he’s watching me intently. His look is one I have trouble describing—it’s not angry or impatient, both being valid reasons for calling me in the office in the first place. Instead, he seems relaxed like he’s getting a glimpse of me for the very first time. As afraid of him as I am, it’s his authority I fear most—the way he holds my destiny in his hands. One word out of his mouth and it can all end. Right here, right now.

  “I’m going to lay it out there for you. From the moment I saw you at Regionals last year, I knew you had something special. You still do. You’ve got everything going for you—elegance, grace and beautiful lines. But your conditioning needs improvement. It would make you that much more explosive off the block. It’s all there, Sophie, but we have to fine tune your skill set to get the most out of you. I can get you there, but you have to work as hard outside of the gym as you do inside.”

  “Understood. I’ll work harder on my cardio and weight training.” Hell, I’ll do anything he asks.

  “I’m glad to hear that. Your body should be a tool, never a hindrance. We have some time to get you meet ready, but we’ll need every second.”

  “Okay. I’ll try harder.”

  “You’ll get there; I can already tell you have the drive in you. That’s one aspect of the sport I can’t teach. So we’ll focus on your conditioning and have you work with the team specialists. And please know you’re not the only one on the team who is struggling. Remember, temptation is everywhere on this campus, Sophie, but you have to want to win more. You’re only cheating yourself if you slack. I’ve seen the best of the best self-destruct so let me know if this environment is too much for you.”

  I nod my head in agreement. “I want this and I won’t let you down. Thank you for this opportunity, Coach Evans. This is my dream.”

  “It’s a pleasure, Sophie. You’re in a whole new world, now. What was once good enough at your old school won’t cut it here, okay? I brought you here to succeed because I saw it in your blood. You were born to do this.”

  “Thank you. I’m honored you chose me.” It’s not over.

  “Don’t let me down, Sophie. You’re dismissed.”

  “I won’t.” My mind’s a jumbled blur as I leave his office. The muscles in my thighs are already tightening up from the short time I was sitting in his chair. But it doesn’t matter. He wants me here. He actually believes in me. I stretch for a few minutes soaking up the excitement of being a part of this team. I’m not in top form, I agree with him on that, but I can get there. I’ll show him how regimented I can be when I put my mind to it.

  I won’t let my body fail me.

  CARA’S GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED I’m not going to the party tonight, but there’s no way I can risk it after the speech Coach gave me today. If I intend on stepping up my conditioning, the place for me is the gym, not a party.

  As I’m finishing writing Cara a note, letting her know she can go ahead without me tonight, anxiety fills my body to the point the pen is shaking between my fingers. I hate letting people down, especially since we have to live together. I can’t picture Cara acting spiteful or angry because of my decision, but we hardly know each other yet. Anything’s possible. Then there’s Kipton to consider. But gymnastics is why I transferred to this school—it has to come first.

  Just as I’m finishing signing my name to the note, the room phone rings. Without the caller ID I’m used to on my cell phone, I’m nervous about who could be on the other end of the line. “Hello.”

  “Hey.”

  A warmth rushes through my body from head to toe from the sound of Kipton’s voice. I’m racking my brain for something to say, but considering he called me, I’m at a loss. Instead of saying something flirty or settling for something interesting, I breathe into the receiver.

  “You still there?” he questions.

  “Yeah. I’m here.” Barely.

  “What are you wearing?” he whispers.

  His voice is low and deep with his words morphing the original warmth I was experiencing into fire. My arms are tingling and my heart dips like I’m flying down the first drop of a roller coaster ride. “Um, what?” I look down to assess my outfit. “I’m wearing my team warm ups.”

  Playfully laughing, he says, “Relax, Sophie. I was kidding.”

  “Oh. Okay. Um. Cara isn’t here. She’s still at the library,” I blurt out.

  “My sister is in the library?” From his skeptical tone of voice, this must be a rare occurrence.

  “That’s what her note says.”

  “I’ll have to find out which guy she followed in there. She never makes it easy for me. Anyway, I called to talk to you. You’re still coming tonight, right?”

  He called to talk to me? My mouth is suddenly so dry. I try to wet my lips with my tongue, but it’s no use. I panic about what to tell him. “Actually, no. I can’t make it. Something came up.”

  “Sophie.” My name sounds so sexy when he says it.

  “Yes?”

  “I want you to come.”

  “You do?”

  “Of course I do. I invited you, didn’t I?”

  Holy shit! I want to go so bad. If only it was that simple. Coach Evans would flip if he knew I went out partying. It’s irresponsible yet exactly what I want to do after hearing from Kipton. But I can’t let Coach down. I have to get into shape as quickly as possible or I’ll get tossed off the team. Bummed, I tell him the truth. “I have to go to the gym. My conditioning is in need of some serious help.”

  “Is this because I saw you sniffing your pillow? Please don’t be embarrassed, Sophie. I thought it was adorable.”

  I hadn’t even thought of that until he brought it up. “Well, that wasn’t my finest moment, but I have to get in shape. Coach gave me a warning today.”

  “On the first day?” he asks seeming genuinely interested. “What a hard ass,” he adds.

  “Yeah. A few form tips and that I need to condition harder. You know, work on the weights and cardio. I was sucking air big time today. It’s my own fault for slacking over the summer.”

  “You lift? You’re pint sized, Sophie.”

  “Very funny. You’d be surprised how strong I am.”

  “I’d love to find out,” he mumbles. Although his words are jumbled and not meant for my ears, I hear them loud and clear. I can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or flirtatious though. “What time will you be done at the gym?”

  “Um. I’m not sure. I’ll probably ru
n for a half hour and then do a circuit on the weights.”

  “That still leaves plenty of time after you finish. Come by for a little. You know you want to,” he whispers through the receiver.

  I want to so bad, but I can’t. “Kipton, that’s not a good idea. I have to go.”

  He sighs in defeat, “All right, be careful.”

  “I will. Have fun tonight.” I hang up the phone and want to kick myself. A large part of me didn’t want to turn down the invite because guys like Kipton normally don’t give me a second glance. I convince myself he’s just being nice so Cara isn’t alone tonight. It has nothing to do with wanting to see me for himself. Guys like him don’t fall for girls like me—especially if he knew the truth. Nobody wants to deal with the ugly truth.

  I’VE SPENT THE LAST HOUR and a half sweating my ass off. Of course I went overboard with my workout hoping I’ll whip myself into shape that much faster. But now, the only thing I want to do is take a cold shower and crawl into my bed.

  As my tired body inches closer to the dorm, the walk is the exact opposite from earlier today. While six in the morning is subdued, eight o’clock at night is rowdy. Everyone around me is getting ready to hit the town for a night of drunken debauchery. There’s a couple walking hand in hand; kissing passionately every few steps. At the rate they’re going, they won’t make it off campus anytime soon. To my left a bunch of girls giggle as they stroll down the sidewalk in their tank tops and short skirts. A guy with the longest dreadlocks I’ve ever seen wizzes by me on his skateboard, forcing me off the path and into the grass. Everyone seems to have a place to be—except me. I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly missing the few close friendships I had to leave behind in Ashland. Instead, I’ll have to settle for another movie and an early bedtime.

  My stomach growls loudly at the thought of buttery popcorn, reminding me I skipped dinner. Although bummed, I suck it up. So what if I have to miss a few parties and go to bed early. There are much worse problems to have.

  With everyone leaving the dorm, the elevator is waiting when I press the button. Inside I stare at the shiny metal wall, processing my defeated reflection. Today might not have gone as smoothly as I wanted in the gym, but tomorrow can only be better. I’m always stronger than I give myself credit for.

  I’m surprised when I open the door to my room to find Cara still inside curling her hair. I figured she’d be long gone by now considering how excited she was about going to the party. “Sophie! Hurry and get a shower. I won’t take no for an answer. You had your work-out. Now let’s go find us some cowboys!”

  I toss my gym bag on the floor and start chucking my sweaty clothes into the hamper. I’ll have to check out the laundry room sometime tomorrow. “Did you wait here for me?”

  “Don’t make me beg, Sophie. I don’t want to go alone and you need to have some fun. You worked your ass off today and deserve to let loose a little. I won’t let you throw away the best years of your life. Now let’s go drink cheap beer and make out with guys we won’t remember in the morning.”

  I laugh at her and as tired as I am, I debate my options one last time. Kipton’s voice replays in my mind, he looked so hopeful as he was asking me to come. The triumphant look when I agreed was exhilarating. I’ve wanted to be included for so long, I’m afraid if I blow this chance it won’t return. Just this once. “I’ll go, but I can’t drink. And only for an hour. Then I have to get to bed.”

  “I’ll take whatever I can get! It’s been a long ass summer and my roommate last year was a gamer who never left her computer. I’ve finally landed a normal roomie and I intend to take full advantage. Go get ready!”

  “Okay!” Rushing through my shower ritual, I realize how exciting it is to actually be doing something age appropriate with my night. I’ve always wanted to experience a real college party. It’s taken me two years of college to get to one, but I’m finally going.

  Knowing Kipton will be there has me wanting to look irresistible. Maybe if I look hot enough he will see me as more than his sister’s roommate. The other rational part of my brain knows I don’t do relationships and catching his attention for longer than a minute tonight probably isn’t in the cards. With his sinfully delicious looks, I’m sure there’ll be a flock of hungry vultures swarming him all night. For all I know, he has a girlfriend. Surely someone has claimed him for their own.

  Staring at my half full closet trying to figure out what to put on, I choose my favorite pair of distressed jeans with a simple black V-neck shirt. Hoping to dress it up a little, I wear my favorite Alex and Ani bracelet. My lucky horseshoe necklace is also draped delicately around my neck. It was a present from my mom the day of my first gymnastics competition. I won my level that day and have worn it every day since.

  “That’s what you’re wearing?” Cara questions. I didn’t realize she was watching me, but she looks appalled by my choice. Sure it’s simple, but I don’t have any tiny skirts that show half of my ass. I’d rather keep Victoria’s Secret a mystery.

  “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Glancing down at my shirt, it looks nice enough.

  She puts her hands on her hips and huffs. “How do you expect the guys to notice you if you’re dressed the same way they are?”

  “I’ll have you know I bought both of these items in the juniors department, not the mens.”

  “I’m sure you did. Now let’s sex you up a little. Here put this on.” She tosses me an itty bitty jean skirt with a frayed hem. It looks more like a remnant of fabric than something meant to be worn on its own. Thankfully I’m extra short, so it ends up covering more of my ass to thigh ratio than the average girl.

  “Here. Wear this tank.” She hands me a pale pink camisole that looks simple. I slip it on right as she tosses a see through floral top at my head. “Add that over top of the tank. It’s country chic. You’ll fit right in, Sophie.”

  I inspect the shirt. It’s forgiving compared to the skin tight tank top. “Can I wear my flip flops with this?”

  She gasps at my request. “No! You can wear a pair of my boots. Guys love this look. Trust me. They’ll be mentally undressing you the second they see you.”

  I try to stretch out the tank a little, feeling constricted by the spandex in the fabric, but it bounces right back. If I wanted to be uncomfortable I’d put a leotard on. “Don’t all guys picture chicks naked, though? I don’t think it matters what I have on.”

  Cara snorts. “It matters, trust me. But they’d rather see your clothes on the floor and you in their bed.”

  I pause and glare at her. “I’m not getting in anyone’s bed tonight, Cara.” I chance a peek at my reflection in the mirror and hardly recognize myself. I’ve never worn an outfit similar to this one. I’m so girly.

  “Never say never. Let’s go.”

  Dressed in Cara’s clothing and wearing some of her makeup, I tug on my skirt making sure I’m covered up. This version of Sophie that’s heading to her first party is the exact opposite of the one that walked into Johnson Hall a short forty five minutes ago. In true Sophie fashion, I start doubting my decision the closer we get to the party.

  “Stop fidgeting, Sophie. You look seriously hot. I’d do you.”

  “I never know what’s going to come out of your mouth next, Cara, but thank you.”

  “I call’em like I see’em. Don’t worry, I’m not into girls. I like the cock too much.”

  Shit. She’s exhausting.

  Cara walks inside without knocking, not that they’d hear it over the music anyway. I should follow her, but I’m still debating turning around and walking home.

  “Get in here, Sophie.”

  “Okay. Jeez.” Here goes nothing.

  Shuffling into the small kitchen, I’m immediately caught off guard when there’s a door being used as a table for beer pong. Being extra careful so we don’t spill any drinks, we side step the small crowd. Cara grabs two cups next to the keg and hands them to the guy manning the tap.

  “Two new faces. W
hat’s your name, beautiful?” he asks Cara.

  “Cara,” she says. She even giggles when he winks at her. He certainly didn’t have to work too hard for that.

  “Who’s your friend?” he nods in my direction. I duck my head and suddenly take interest in the boots I’m wearing. They’re too big and hard to walk in.

  “This is my roommate, Sophie.”

  “Here you go, Sophie. Just for you.”

  Awkwardly, I stare at the cup of beer he’s holding in his hand and debate the easiest way to say no without looking like a loser. “That’s okay. I’m not thirsty.”

  “Oh, come on. It’s just beer. Or do you like the harder stuff? I can get you some of that if you want.”

  Although I have no desire to drink, I succumb to peer pressure and accept the cup he offers. I’ll dump it down the drain in the bathroom as soon as I find one. Coach would flip if he knew I had alcohol tonight. It’s also louder than I expected in here and so damn hot. I’m starting to get claustrophobic as more and more people continue to pile into the small space.

  “So, you’re new here? I’d remember a gorgeous face like yours,” he adds.

  “Yeah, I transferred this year from Tennessee,” I reply nervously. He’s not my type at all. I could tell the second he opened his mouth to flirt with Cara.

  Cara slings her arm around my shoulder. “Can you believe she’s never been to a party before?”

  I don’t miss his shocked expression. “No shit. Then let me officially welcome you to the hottest spot on campus. I also insist on giving you the grand tour.” He offers me his arm like we’re at the prom or something. I look at him cautiously while he waits for me to latch on. “I don’t bite, little lady. Unless you want me to.”

  “No, thanks. I’m good.” I shift my cup to my left hand and accept his offered arm. It’s a little sweaty but he still smells good, thankfully. Cara is walking beside me for all of thirty seconds before someone wraps her in a gigantic bear hug. She laughs in hysterics as he spins her around. I slow down to wait for her, but we get separated in the mass of bodies. I tug on my tour guide’s arm, but he doesn’t stop until we come to a tiki bar in the living room that’s lined up with bottles of liquor for the choosing.