Lighter

by Gia Riley

  “Well at least you finally admit you want her. Maybe there is hope for you yet, brother.”

  I look at her like she has three heads. “But you told me not to–“

  “I know what I said, but when have you ever listened to me? Now will you please get out of here so I can say goodbye to Drew? You’ve clearly ruined my chances of experiencing an orgasm tonight.”

  “Christ, Cara.” Groaning, I shut the door and focus on my date. I’m not done with her yet even though our moment was also ruined by their sexcapades.

  “Are you okay?” Sophie asks. Her voice is timid and I realize she’s never seen me lose my shit before.

  “I’m fine. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “I raised my voice like an asshole. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be, it’s over. It’s not every day you walk in on your sister having sex. I don’t imagine that’s too much fun.” She’s trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

  “It’s not and it better never happen again, but thank you.” I need to touch her, so I wrap my arms around her snugly this time. She locks her arms around my back, accepting my apology completely. I savor our connection for as long as possible before I have to leave. I hate having to say goodbye while she’s not feeling well. “Do you want to come back to my place? You don’t have to stay here in this brothel by yourself.”

  Laughing, she smiles the first genuine smile I’ve seen since dinner and I melt like ice cream on the fourth of July. Take my man card, universe, it’s all yours.

  “I’ll be okay. Thanks for everything today. I appreciate you rearranging your schedule for me.”

  “Promise me one thing.” I reach for her hand and interlock our pinkies.

  “Pinkie swear?” She giggles. “I haven’t done that since elementary school.”

  “Yup. It’s that important.”

  She tilts her head to the side, contemplating what I’m asking of her before I even get the words out. “You have to tell me what it is first?”

  “Next time, come to me when you need something.” Before I finish my sentence, she’s already looking away from me. I lift her chin back up so she’s absorbing every word I’m saying. “Anything, Sophie. Okay? Please call me, text me, email, whatever form of technology you prefer. Just don’t shut me out, okay?” She hears me, but doesn’t respond. “Okay,” I question again. I need some kind of confirmation.

  Smiling she nods her head and says, “Pinkie swear.” God she’s adorable.

  I hug her one more time before placing a kiss on the top of her head. I’d much rather have her lips, but this will have to do for now. I don’t want our first kiss to be tainted by the memory of Drew’s naked ass every time we look back on it. “Sweet dreams, beautiful.” I take a few backwards steps away from her. She stands rooted in the same spot with her hand covering her heart.

  “Bye, Kipton.”

  Turning around, I’m pleased with the progress we made tonight. While I understand her independence is important to her, she needs to realize she can have everything she wants and still be mine. That I’m sure of.

  I’m not even halfway to the elevator when I hear Drew yelp like a teenage girl. Laughing to myself, I know the fucker stepped on a tack. Justice served!

  IN A DAZE FROM OUR goodbye hug, I smooth out the hair on top of my head where Kipton’s lips came in contact with the strands. Tonight was the first time his actions gave off the impression of more. He’s been flirtatious, but he’s never given me physical proof that he wants me. Tonight was more than a friendly gesture yet not enough to cross any lines—unlike Cara and Drew.

  Peeking inside our room, I give Cara another minute to say her own goodbyes considering Drew’s tongue appears to be shoved down her throat. When I hear her moan Drew’s name and fall onto the bed, pulling him along with her, I quietly close the door to give them some privacy. Thanks to my car nap and medicine, I’m no longer entirely exhausted and my vision isn’t screwed up anymore. It was scary enough to have me praying it doesn’t happen again though.

  I’m about to sit on top of the heater and wait, but another moan and slap come from the other side of the door. Not wanting to hear the play by play, I take a walk while they finish getting each other out of their system. Something tells me Cara isn’t giving up tonight until she’s been thoroughly satisfied.

  Passing by several dorm rooms, some girls are watching movies, a handful of guys are playing video games and a few others study quietly amongst the chaos. I could stop and chat, but I settle for some fresh air. It’s a nice night with a gentle breeze to dull the humid air. I take full advantage and sit on the ledge of the marble fountain that separates our dorm from the next. I dip my finger into the cool water, hoping there’s nothing grotesque or alive below.

  I’ve always been a daydreamer, creating visions of the life I always wished I lived. Now is no exception because all on its own, my mind travels back to a half-naked Kipton carrying me in his strong arms. He took care of me without even being asked. A guy’s never done that for me before unless they knew some form of repayment would be headed their way. My ex always expected sexual gratification as his form of payment. But I wouldn’t consider anything he ever did even comparable to what Kipton did for me tonight. With Blaine, our interactions always felt forced, like if I messed something up I’d pay for it. So, while I struggle to believe Kipton wants me for me and not simply for the pleasure I can give him, I still need a little convincing as far as that goes.

  I jump when my phone starts ringing in my hand. Juggling it back and forth, I’m thankful when it doesn’t fall into the fountain, instead landing safely on my lap. “Hello?”

  “Are you okay, Sophie? Where are you?”

  “Kipton? Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Hearing his voice has me smiling like a loon. I didn’t expect to hear from him for a couple days. I always thought guys have some kind of three day call back rule to make girls want them yet make it known they’re the ones calling the shots.

  “Cara said she couldn’t find you and you weren’t answering her text messages. Where are you?”

  He’s worried about me. “I’m sitting at the fountain. They weren’t done yet after you left, so I took a walk.”

  “Motherfucker. I’m going to kill the both of them. I’ll come and get you. You should be in bed resting, not sitting in the dark all by yourself.”

  “I’m fine. I didn’t see her messages, but I’m already on my way back inside.” He sighs and I’m pretty sure he’s in his bed from the muffled rustling I’m hearing in the background. I find myself wishing I was back in his bed next to him.

  “Sophie.”

  “Yeah?”

  The line is silent for a few long seconds before he exhales like he’s battling with what he wants to say to me. “Nothing. You’re sure you’re okay? I’m sorry my sister is such a pain in the ass.”

  Part of me is disappointed when he doesn’t elaborate. It’s been nice to feel wanted by a guy—a guy I don’t fear. “You don’t need to apologize for her. I happen to know she’s awesome. Her brother is too.” I’m so lame when I flirt.

  “So now I’m awesome and sexy.” I love flirty Kipton. I mean like. Sheesh. Turn down the hormones.

  I giggle and pretend to be annoyed. “Yes, we’ve already established you’re nice to look at.”

  “The feelings mutual, you know,” he murmurs.

  He catches me off guard. “It is?”

  “Yeah, Sophie. It is.”

  I fumble for something to say and when I come up with nothing but air, I decide to end the conversation. I wish I was better at this. “I should go. Thanks for checking on me.”

  “You don’t have to thank me.”

  Yes, I do. For so many reasons. “Night, Kipton.”

  “Night, beautiful.”

  Hanging up, I exit the elevator and round the corner smiling from ear to ear. The door is wide open when I reach our room, but there’s no sign of Drew. Cara’s sittin
g on the edge of her bed messing with her phone, her leg bouncing nervously.

  “Sophie! There you are.”

  “Here I am.” I change into some pajamas, my mind a million miles away.

  “You’re mad at me aren’t you?” Cara asks.

  I turn sideways with a surprised expression on my face. “What? No. Not at all.”

  “I’m sorry I have no will power when it comes to Drew. It was rude of me not to kick him out when you got back.”

  Setting down my brush, I close the door to my closet. “Trust me, Cara. It’s okay. He looked like an amazing kisser.” I laugh at the visual they gave me of him practically sucking her entire face off.

  “Ohmigod, Sophie. That’s not the only thing he’s amazing at. I’ve never gotten off so many times in one session.”

  I pull back the blankets on my bed, sliding under the cool sheet. Having no idea what she means, I’m almost afraid to ask. But I do anyway when curiosity gets the best of me. “Session?”

  “You know, from start to finish. Foreplay until the deed is done.”

  I prop my head up on my elbow so I can look at her while we’re having this enlightening conversation. “I’ll have to take your word for it.”

  “What do you mean?” She asks as she fixes the disheveled comforter on her own bed before climbing underneath.

  “I’ve never well, you know.”

  “WHAT!” Cara shrieks.

  “What?” Maybe I should have kept that tidbit to myself. There is such a thing as oversharing even if Cara has no boundaries. I’ve never gotten off during sex though. My one and only relationship wasn’t the healthiest. It was a lot of trying to please him and not myself. A lot of give with barely any take.

  “Sophie please tell me you at least toot your own horn then. Maybe a B.O.B?”

  “Who is Bob?”

  “Holy shit. Bob is a battery operated boyfriend. My God, you’re practically Sandy from Grease, blond hair and all.”

  “Too pure to be Pink,” I fire back at her. Grease happens to be one of my all-time favorite movies so I get what she’s saying completely.

  Cara sits up on her bed and scoots to the end as close to mine as she can get. “Tell me more, no pun intended,” she giggles.

  “I’ve never met Bob or any of his other friends. Sex with my ex was pretty standard. Nothing kinky or off the wall going on. As long as he got off, that’s all he cared about and it definitely lacked the passion I saw between you and Drew tonight.” That should hold her over for now.

  Cara flops on the bed dramatically and squeals. “This is going to be so much fun.”

  “What is?” I’m afraid to find out what she’s busy cooking up in that adventurous mind of hers.

  She claps her hands together and her eyes light up with excitement. “Turning you into a seductress.”

  “What? I don’t even have a man, Cara.”

  “Yes, you do. You just aren’t admitting it yet. We can go buy you some sexy lingerie tomorrow and turn you into an irresistible piece of ass.”

  “No way, Cara. I’m doing fine on my own.”

  “The hell you are! But whatever. If you don’t want my help then I have another suggestion.”

  This ought to be good. “I’m not sure I want to hear any more ideas out of you.”

  “But you want my brother? Don’t you?”

  I lie back down and turn to face the wall. I’m all done with this confession fest.

  She must sense my fear because the next time she opens her mouth, her voice is tender. I can tell she’s dropped the ploy to sex me up. “It’s okay if you do, Sophie. He’s a good guy when he wants to be. I was against the idea of you and him dating at first, but only because I was scared he would steal you away from me all the time. Considering you both have a thing for each other, I promise I won’t interfere.”

  He really has a thing for me? “Now you’re talking nonsense. He doesn’t want me, Cara. While part of me thinks he may have been hinting at more tonight, I think we’re only ever going to be friends. He could have kissed me tonight, but he didn’t. And we were really close.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. Let me fill you in on a little secret, Sophie. My brother doesn’t text girls, check-up on them, take them places, or any of that relationship type stuff.”

  “Then why is he doing it for me?”

  “Because he finally found a girl worthy enough. Something tells me he isn’t going to give up until he has you all to himself. I happen to agree with him.”

  I try to contain my smile, but fail miserably. “You saw us hug; it’s not a big deal, Cara.” The idea of him wanting me blows my mind. I have a hard time looking at him without blushing let alone actually kissing him. If he touched me touched me, like beyond a kiss, I’m not sure I’d even survive.

  “Earth to Sophie,” Cara says, while chucking a small throw pillow at my bed.

  I’m not paying attention and it hits me in the stomach. “Ugh, what was that for?”

  “Oh shit! Did I hit you in the head? I forgot!”

  “No, I’m fine. What were you saying before you pelted me?” I toss her pillow back onto her bed where it belongs.

  “You like him don’t you?”

  “Goodnight, Cara.” I roll over, officially ending our pillow talk.

  Laughing, Cara claps her hands. “I freakin knew you two had a thing. Goodnight, Kipton lover.”

  I snort at her lame comeback, smiling from ear to ear because she’s absolutely right. This girl has a big ole crush on her brother. Sleep. I need some sleep.

  “HIS NO GOOD, SORRY ASS is leaving. I’ve had enough of this shit. This is the last time that man plays me for a fool. On our property for christ’s sake. In front of all the neighbors. He can have his skanks. I’m done.”

  I tiptoe into my parents room, where I find my mom pulling every item of clothing my dad owns from his closet. An open suitcase rests on top of the bed. Once everything’s off the hangers, she piles it into her arms and stuffs it inside. Pieces are hanging over the sides and it’ll never close. Determined, she grabs his cologne from the dresser and tosses that in too. “Mom, what’s wrong?”

  “Go back to bed, Sophie. This doesn’t concern you.”

  “But Mom, -”

  “I said GO, now!”

  Obeying her order, I slink back into the hallway out of her line of vision. She slams the suitcase closed to no avail. There’s too much fabric blocking the zipper’s path. Pounding her fists on top of it, she lets out a blood curdling scream loud enough to wake the dead. Giving up her futile efforts, she falls to her knees and sobs into her hands. Within seconds, she’s laying in the fetal position in the middle of her bedroom floor. Shaken, I’ve never seen her so helpless—so out of control. Desperately wanting to comfort her, I risk her anger and move closer.

  The front door slams and there’s laughter mixed with obvious drunkenness. Footsteps come stomping up the stairs, so I bolt back inside my bedroom, not wanting to be in the way of my father.

  “What the fuck you doing woman?”

  Mom sits up and wipes her tears from her eyes. She never lets him see her tears. “Get out of this house. You’re a pathetic excuse of a man. How dare you bring one of your tramps into my home. I’ve put up with a lot of your bullshit over the years Dean, but this is the last straw. I’ve had it and I deserve better. My daughter deserves better than this pathetic example of a family.”

  “Don’t you dare preach to me. She’s your daughter, not mine, Victoria. But I’ve been here and I’ve taught her as much as you have over the years.”

  I should be in my room like mom asked, but I can’t watch him destroy her any longer. She’s all I have. I need her. “You’re right, Dad, you did teach me a lot. You taught me exactly who I don’t want to be.”

  “Sophie, go back to your room. Please,” mom begs.

  Dad walks over to me and gets in my face, the whiskey on his breath almost knocking me over. I hold onto the wall for support. He’s never hit me, but
I’ve never pushed him either. I’ve never been strong enough to say a word—until now. Now, I’m old enough to know this isn’t how life was intended to be. My mother shouldn’t be on the floor in a heap of numbness. I shouldn’t have to hide in my closet.

  “Dean, baby. Are you ready to go?”

  Standing at the top of the stairs is a woman dressed in a skin tight red dress, her chest spilling over the plunging neckline. Appearing as classy as a two dollar hooker, she smacks her pink bubble gum and twirls a piece of her over processed blond hair.

  “You brought her in here?” I don’t know why I’m surprised, nothing he does ever makes sense or is deserving. He’s a pathetic excuse of a human being most of the time.

  He has the audacity to laugh at me. “I pay the bills around here, Sophie. What I say and do is none of your damn business. Never has been and it never will.” His smile morphs into an evil grin. “I didn’t want you back then darling and I don’t want you now either.”

  “Dean!” Mom yells. “You’ve done enough damage for one night. Get whatever you need and leave. I’ll leave your things on the porch. Pick them up in the morning or they’re going to the dump where they belong.”

  Dad backs down, taking his little whore along with him. I hear her cackle all the way to the front door. “I’m going to bed.” I turn and walk to my room. Mom’s standing in the doorway of her bedroom just as shell shocked as I am. We should expect this behavior by now, yet it’s still a mind fuck each time. I pray mom’s strong enough to stand by her word and have this be the last time. Something tells me it’s simply another attempt for her to make her husband see her—to make him understand she can be gone from his life permanently. He’s never respected her the way a man should respect his wife and she’s a fool for putting up with it.

  “Sophie, I’m sorry,” she cries. She knows her threats were nothing but a bunch of lies.

  “Don’t be.” I shut my bedroom door and my eyes fixate on the trashcan next to my desk. Relying entirely on muscle memory, I end up in the closet, hunched over top of it purging every bit of anger, sorrow and resentment inside of me. It’s painful, but so are my emotions. Is it too much to want a family who gives a shit about each other? Too exhausted to move, I fall asleep next to a pair of worn sneakers and my favorite stuffed bear. Teddy’s always loved me.