Rock My Body

by Michelle A. Valentine

  I finish getting ready, deciding not to let it get me down too much because it’s possible she was really busy, or her phone could have been dead after traveling. As soon as I make it to the dining room, I find myself face-to-face with Josie, who doesn’t look too pleased to see me this morning. Her glare tells me that if she could shoot me and get away with it, I’d already be a dead man.

  I think the bitch finally got the hint. All it took was for me to be a major dick to make her understand that she and I weren’t going to fucking happen.

  Throughout breakfast, I obsessively check my phone like a crushing schoolgirl, waiting for Frannie to message me back. I’ve sent her three more texts but won’t allow myself to send any more because it would just make me look even more desperate.

  It’s not until it’s nearly dinnertime that I begin to worry, choosing to wander around outside because I’m too antsy to stay in the main house.

  Mine and Frannie’s relationship is still pretty fresh, and we’ve got a lot to learn about each other as we continue to grow together, so I’m not sure if this lack of communication is an indication that she’s pissed at me for something that I’m unaware that I’ve done, or if she’s just busy. I need to let her know that if I’ve done something, I’m sorry.

  I set out toward her cottage, completely unsure if I can even get in, but that’s the best place to leave a note without it being discovered.

  One of the things I’ve learned during this treatment program is to tell people exactly how I feel, instead of bottling my emotions up. Doing that was one of the things that pushed me deeper into my downward spiral. I hope Frannie, of all people, will understand that I need communication.

  When her cottage comes into view, I quicken my pace and rush to the front door. I turn the knob, but it’s locked tight.

  “Damn,” I mutter to myself, before heading around to the side of the building.

  The first window I try is locked, too, but the second opens with ease the moment I push up on the glass. I glance around, and when I’m sure that nobody’s watching, I shove the window completely open and hoist myself inside.

  It looks exactly the same as the last time I was in here—the last day I was buried deep inside her.

  I know it’s a touch creepy, but I pick up a pillow off her bed and bring it up to my face. Her flowery scent invades my senses as I inhale deeply.

  It makes me miss her even more.

  After I put the pillow down, I make my way to the small desk across the room and pull a pick from my pocket and write “Miss You” on the back of it. I place it on the desk, along with a piece of notebook paper with a single song title on it: ““What If I Was Nothing” —All That Remains.”

  My hope is that, no matter what she’s pissed at me about, she’ll forgive me and understand that I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m humming the song, thinking of how accurate the lyrics are in describing how I feel toward Frannie, when I glance down into the small wicker bin beside her desk. A small pink box with the word pregnancy catches my eye. I suck in a quick breath.

  “What the fuck?” I question out loud, bending down and pulling the box out of the trash.

  The words pregnancy test make my eyes widen and my heart does a double thump in my chest. I recall our little incident in the woods, knowing the fact that I came inside her, if Frannie is pregnant, that baby belongs to me.

  I swallow hard and lick my suddenly dry lips. I told her I wasn’t ready to be a father. If she’s pregnant, no wonder she’s not speaking to me. I probably seem like a complete fucking asshole right now.

  The urgent need to find out if she is pregnant rushes through me. I could try calling her, but seeing as how she’s not even returning my texts, she’s probably even less likely to take a call from me.

  I flip the wicker basket upside down, dumping all of the contents on her floor. Nothing but paper and other pieces of trash litter the ground.

  No test.

  I jam my fingers into my hair, gripping handfuls of it in my hands as I rush into the bathroom and find another trashcan. I flip that one over as well, thinking it’s empty, too, until a ball of toilet paper makes a small thud as it drops onto the wood floor.

  My hands shake and I reach down to unroll the paper, revealing a small plastic stick. I let out a slow breath through pursed lips as I flip the stick over in my hands, exposing the little results window. Two pink lines appear, clear as day.

  I rush back into the main room, and rummage around in the mess I’ve made on the floor before I find the box. My eyes quickly scan the back panel until they find confirmation that two pink lines mean that Frannie’s pregnant.

  Pregnant.

  HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

  I brace myself against the desk, and I clamp my eyes shut.

  Fuck.

  Shit.

  Dammit.

  I pinch the bridge of my nose as my anxiety levels hit a new all-time high and every muscle in my body shakes. It was situations like these that drove me to prescription drugs in the first place—the feeling of being lost in a situation that I can’t change.

  The need to use something to help me relax crawls through my skin, turning on its seductive promise to make me feel better. The thought of giving in hits me hard. I could turn away and leave this place: go find something that will settle my nerves and make me forget.

  As soon as that last thought rolls through my brain, I realize what will happen if I walk out of here. Not only will I be walking away from sobriety, I’ll be walking away from Frannie, basically confirming that she was right not to trust me. That I’m a selfish bastard who runs from things, who hides in a world where things stay foggy just so I don’t have to deal with my problems. It would kill me if she thought of me that way.

  I meant what I told her the other day: I want to be a stronger man for her.

  Standing in that little cottage, the need to stay clearheaded hits me like a ton of fucking bricks. I don’t want to pretend. I want to deal with the situation. I want Frannie to let me in and allow me to help her get through this.

  Together.

  “Say It” — Blue October

  All weekend long, I ignore every message Tyke sends me. One thing my blackmailer had correct is that I’m nothing special to him, because if I really mean something to him, he wouldn’t be lip-locking with Josie Sullivan the moment I’m out of sight. If I were special, kissing her wouldn’t have crossed his mind.

  I turn my phone on and swipe my finger over the screen as the train approaches the Cincinnati terminal. A new message catches my eye, and I click on the little envelope. The anonymous emailer has gotten a little braver. They haven’t allowed so much time to elapse between contacts this time. The subject line of this email simply reads: It’s Time.

  By now you know that I’m capable of digging up dirt. You should know that I’ve done my research on you as well. Don’t think I don’t know exactly who your father is, and how much money he’s worth. Between Tyke Douglas and yourself, you should be able to come up with enough money to allow me to live a pretty comfortable lifestyle. So here is my demand. I want two million dollars, in cash, brought to me by the end of this week. That should be ample time to pool your funds. On Friday I will email you again with instructions on where to leave the money. If you’re thinking of blowing off my request, Dr. Mead, I’d think again. I’m sure a nice woman like you has plenty of skeletons in her closet if someone chose to dig around enough.

  Sincerely,

  A Concerned Citizen

  I scroll down and find an old picture of me with my top off at a college frat party attached to the email. This was taken a couple years ago when I was in the height of my random sexual Olympics. I don’t even remember the name of the guy whose lap I’m straddling in the photo. One thing’s for sure: I won’t give whoever this is sending me these emails any additional incentive to go digging around in my past. No good will come of it.

  After I collect my bag, I exit the train and make it out to passe
nger pick up, fully expecting Wayne to be waiting for me like the last time I arrived, but I’m surprised when I spot Kimmy leaning against her beat-up red Honda, a huge smile on her face.

  “Surprise! I volunteered to pick you up,” she says as she greets me with a hug.

  I stiffen in her arms, not expecting the warm greeting. “Thank you.”

  She pulls back and then heads toward her trunk. “It was no problem. Besides, I figured it would be a good time for us to talk.”

  While I highly doubt the blackmailer is Kimmy, I don’t like the way she said that. It’s like she knows some juicy secret that she can’t wait to spill, and it puts me on edge.

  Traveling down the highway toward Serenity, I glance over at Kimmy, silently willing her to spill whatever beans she’s holding.

  Finally, she takes a breath and asks, “What’s going on with you and Tyke?”

  I shove my hair back from my face. I know she knows about us, but I’d like to keep exactly what she knows to a minimum. “Nothing more than what you already know.”

  She shakes her head. “Oh, I don’t think so. There’s got to be more. You should’ve seen him this weekend.”

  The picture of him kissing Josie floods my brain, and I can honestly say I didn’t miss him at all after seeing that. As a matter of fact, just thinking about him doing that pisses me off.

  I sit quietly, trying to pretend that I don’t want to hear what exactly Tyke did this weekend, but my damn curious brain wins out and I ask, “What should I have seen?”

  “Ha!” Kimmy laughs and smacks the steering wheel. “I knew there was more than just sex going on with the two of you. If I tell you what I saw, will you tell me about what’s going on?”

  I should say no, but it would be nice to get some of these feelings off my chest. It might be stupid and naive for me to confide in her, but I haven’t had anyone to talk to about what’s going on with me. Talking to Kimmy would be nice.

  “Deal.”

  “Awesome.” She grins even wider. “Okay, so while you were away, it was like he was lost. Tyke moped around, checking his phone every five minutes. It was totally cute. Of course, no one else but me seemed to notice how sad he was because he keeps pretty much to himself most of the time, with the exception of his random flirtiness last week, but that’s beside the point. That guy has it bad for you.”

  Warmth grows inside my chest at the thought of Tyke missing me, but the fuzzy feeling is instantly ripped away when I think about that picture I was sent. “I don’t know, Kimmy.”

  “Wait. Hold up. You think he doesn’t? Have you seen the way the man looks at you?” she asks, flabbergasted.

  I stare straight ahead as I think about the possibility that the blackmailer may have just been at the right place to catch a picture that would make Tyke appear to not give a shit about me. It’s possible, I suppose, that I have the situation all wrong, but a picture speaks a thousand fucking words.

  “Now, I’ve told you a little something. You going to tell me how serious the two of you are?” Kimmy’s question pulls me away from deep thought.

  I sigh. A promise is a promise.

  “We’re pretty serious, I guess,” I tell her honestly. “We barely know each other, and yet when we’re together, it always feels so intense. I don’t think we’re going to work out, though.”

  “I’m sorry. That sucks.” She frowns. “He seems deep, like he’s always got something on his mind, and a hard person to get to know.”

  She’s quiet for a moment and then she smiles. “When you say intense . . . does that carry over into the bedroom?”

  I blush fiercely, and decide it can’t hurt to be a little candid about our sex life.

  “It does.”

  I glance over at her, and we both burst out in a fit of giggles. It feels good to laugh. It’s been far too long since I’ve done that.

  The moment we park at Serenity, I make my way to the cottage to drop off my bag before I set off to find Tyke. I need answers. After unlocking the door, I set my bag just inside the entry without going all the way in and then quickly relock the door.

  I pull my cell out of my pocket and send a quick text to Tyke.

  Frannie: I’m back. Want to see you. Where are you?

  I keep my phone in my hand as I make my way to the main house, hoping that even though I’ve ignored his texts, he’ll answer mine. I check the time on my phone and see that it’s almost time for dinner to be over, so I make my way toward the dining hall in hopes of finding him. Before I get there, my phone chimes with a new message.

  Tyke: By the fountain in five.

  It’s time we get everything out in the open. If he means what he says about wanting to be with me, then now is the time for him to prove it. He can also tell me why in the hell he was kissing Josie Sullivan.

  When I come to the top of the hill, I allow my eyes to travel down the path and find Tyke, sitting on a bench, facing the fountain. He’s too far away for me to be able to read his expression, but he’s staring straight ahead, like he’s lost in deep thought.

  The moment I step into his line of sight he stiffens, which takes me aback because I don’t think he knows that I know he kissed Josie.

  “Hey,” I say as I approach him.

  He leans forward and rests his elbows on his thighs as he rubs his palms together. “Why didn’t you text me back this weekend, Frannie?”

  I bite my lip to keep from lashing out. I don’t want to be the cause of a relapse. So instead of saying anything, I stand there and allow the silence to wrap around us.

  Tyke stares at me for a long moment, gauging my reaction. When I don’t reply, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Were you ever going to tell me, or were you hoping I would go away and never find out?”

  My mouth gapes open, but I quickly shut it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You don’t, huh?” Tyke stands and reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a slender piece of plastic. “Then tell me what the fuck this positive pregnancy test was doing in your trash.”

  The breath whooshes out of me, and I clutch my chest as the guilt sets in. “You broke into my cottage?”

  “Don’t try to change the fucking subject.” When I still don’t answer, he raises his voice. “Tell me!”

  I knew I should’ve told him, but I had my reasons for keeping quiet. “Why would I? You don’t want a baby, remember?”

  “Don’t give me a bunch of bullshit, Frannie. It was wrong of you not to tell me, and you know it. I told you if something happened, we’d deal with it together. If you ever expect a relationship between us to work—”

  A sarcastic laugh bubbles out of my throat. “What makes you think I want anything to do with you now?”

  “You don’t mean that.” Pain flickers over his face.

  It’s a low blow, but he needs to know that he hurt me and that I can never trust him again.

  I square my shoulders as I fight back tears. “Why wouldn’t I? It’s obvious you don’t care about me, so why would I want a relationship with you?”

  Two long strides and he’s in front of me, gripping my shoulders as I try to turn away, but he pinches my chin between his thumb and forefinger and forces me to look at him. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I care more about you than anything else in this world right now. Frannie . . .” He swallows hard and places his hand on my stomach. “I need you. Don’t break my heart. Give me a chance to be a good man to you—to both of you.”

  I close my eyes and let the tears stream down my face. It takes a moment before I have the courage to look at him again and remain strong. “Then why would the blackmailer send me a picture of you kissing Josie?”

  I fully expect him to break into a string of excuses on why his lips were locked on another woman, but he doesn’t do that. Matter of fact, he does something that startles me.

  He laughs.

  I stare up at him with a perplexed expression because I’m positive he’s lost his ev
er-lovin’ mind. “Why are you laughing? It’s not funny.”

  He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest. “Oh, Frannie. Is that why you’re mad at me?”

  I push my hands against his chest, attempting to shove him back a bit, but without much luck. “Yes. That’s exactly why I’m upset. Explain yourself.”

  His shoulders relax a bit. “She kissed me out of nowhere. I shoved her off and told the bitch to take a fucking hike. Whoever is snapping pictures and videos of us was obviously spying again and caught that.”

  He wipes a tear off my cheek with his thumb. “I’d never hurt you like that. When I told you that you were special to me, I meant it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away about that kiss.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and inhale his scent. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away that I was pregnant. It was wrong of me.”

  He hugs me back and whispers in my ear, “No more secrets, okay? From now on, we handle everything together.”

  “Speaking of everything, I finally got a response from the blackmailer.”

  Tyke pulls back. “Did they send demands?”

  I nod. “They want two million dollars, in cash, by Friday.”

  “Fuck,” he says. “That’s a lot of fucking money to keep a goddamn video from hitting the web.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  He sighs. “Looks like you’ll be hitting the road with me after the video goes viral.”

  I furrow my brow. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not giving anyone that much money to keep the fact that I’m with you a secret. I don’t give a fuck if the world knows that I’m in love with you. I suppose you’ll be jobless when Dr. Shepherd sees it, so you’ll have plenty of time to come with me on the road.”

  My eyes widen at his admission. “You . . . you love me?”

  He leans in and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Yes. You and this baby are my world now. I won’t let anyone hurt you. Trust me to do right by you. We’ll take out this asshole together.”