Tanner's Promise

by Kaylie Newell

  She stilled. Then turned to face him. “To check on you. Why? What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I think we’re dancing around something here. And doing a pretty shitty job of it, too.”

  “I’m not dancing around anything.”

  “Really?” He dropped his arms to his sides. “Why didn’t you just call, then?”

  “I…”

  He took a step toward her, the sultry summer rain pulsing against the house. “You, what?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see you.”

  “After what almost happened at your place?”

  She shrugged, looking away. He could tell, even through the damp curtain of hair, that her cheeks were pink. Probably hot. He wanted to cradle her face in his hands, run his thumbs underneath her lashes. He wanted her looking up at him and saying his name. The Francie he’d always known wasn’t shy. Far from it. So what was it about him that was making her blush like this?

  “I know what you said before,” she muttered, “about being responsible…was right. But I guess I just wanted to be impulsive for once. Even though it might not be the best thing. Or the safest thing.”

  She looked up then and he’d been right. Her cheeks were a bright, throbbing pink. And the color was stunning on her. “I did want to check on you, though,” she continued. “But maybe that wasn’t all of it…”

  They watched each other as the seconds ticked by on the old grandfather clock on the mantel. Something he’d bought at an estate sale because it reminded him of stability, if that wasn’t the most boring thing in the world. But the passing of time had always held a strange kind of comfort. No matter what transpired in life, it was there in the background, steady and reliable. Even now, the sound of that ticking grounded him. Which was a good thing, because the look on Francie’s face didn’t.

  He took a step closer, then another. He didn’t want to think about what she’d just said about responsibility. He didn’t want to think at all. And when it really came down to it, maybe he’d never had a chance in hell where keeping his hands off her was concerned. It was like holding back the tide or harnessing a blizzard. Maybe he’d been powerless to it all along.

  She watched him, her eyes bright. Francie Tate was standing here in his living room, her lips parted, her skin flushed. Her chest rose and fell with shallow, nervous breaths. Breaths that said she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

  “Tanner…” she said.

  And then he reached her. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close. Her body was soft and giving. Her breasts were warm, generous mounds against his chest.

  Bending, he breathed against her neck as she tilted her head to the side. The delicate line of her jaw led into the curve behind her earlobe where a small diamond stud sparkled. Slowly, slowly, he touched his lips to her skin, not trusting himself to move any faster. He breathed in her scent which made him think of everything he’d ever wanted up until this moment. Everything had always led right back to Francie.

  She reached up and put her hands in his hair, making a soft sound that lit up every one of his nerve endings.

  “Tanner,” she whispered again.

  Before he could try and talk himself out of it, he bent and picked her up, cradling her against his chest.

  She stared up at him, her eyes dark, her lips wet and glistening in the dim light of the room. And then he kissed her. She opened her mouth, her warm, wet tongue flicking against his. She reached up, her fingertips playing at the nape of his neck, moving through his hair like she had a doctorate in how to make men crazy. He realized with a sudden moment of clarity, that she held his heart in her hands now. That she had the absolute ability to crush him where he stood.

  Slowly, be broke the kiss and pulled away. He’d been so careful since growing out of that quiet, stuttering boy in school, to protect himself. He didn’t get close. Ever. It was the safest way to ensure he wouldn’t experience any of the pain his mother had invited his entire childhood. The result was a guy who was closed off from everyone and everything. And now, this afternoon, he felt her chipping away at that wall he’d worked so hard to build, felt it physically falling away, and it scared the shit out of him.

  She must’ve read the look on his face, because she moved her hand to his cheek.

  “What is it?”

  “You,” he said. “It’s always been you.”

  Very gently, he set her back down on her feet. He’d been about to carry her into his bedroom. He’d been about to make love to her, and worse, fuck the consequences like a goddamn idiot. What if she did end up crushing him where he stood? What if she was that same girl from high school with the bouncing ponytail and complete inability to follow her heart because she was so programmed to do what everyone else wanted? He’d bet money that her friends wouldn’t want someone like him for her. Much less her parents. He’d always felt he’d never been good enough for Francie. Why would eight years and a house full of nice furniture change all that? So far, she hadn’t shown him that he was anything but a novelty, something to play with over the summer. Albeit sweetly.

  The bottom line was, he wasn’t ready for this. Sex was sex. But this was different, and he knew it.

  She looked up at him, confused.

  “I don’t have a condom,” he said. “And this is a bad idea.”

  “Tanner…”

  If she said his name again, he’d come undone. He’d finish what they’d started, and he didn’t know if he could take the aftermath.

  Leaning down, he kissed her again. This time tenderly, with everything he felt for her, that he’d always felt for her. And then pulled away with the wall surrounding him damaged, but intact.

  “The rain stopped,” he said. “I need to get back to work.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Francie pulled up to her house with her backseat full of groceries, and her heart heavy as a cement block. She put the car in Park and sat there as the wipers moved back and forth over the windshield, the sound monotone and drab.

  Her yard was empty in the steady rain, the sod covered with tarps and Tanner’s tools sitting underneath the overhang on the porch. The weather had stayed dark and dreary for the past three days, so he hadn’t been back to work. She’d kept Maddie a few times, but he’d always made some kind of excuse not to stay, and in the process had left her longing for him more than ever.

  They hadn’t talked since the afternoon at his house, but he’d made himself clear enough—together, they were trouble. And could she really argue with that? Who said she was ready for some kind of spontaneous love affair with Tanner Harlow? Who said he was ready for one with her? Even though his aunt had left yesterday, she could still sense the heaviness in his mood. The situation with Maddie weighed on him now more than ever. But she also felt something else keeping him at bay. It was as if he didn’t trust her, not completely. Ever since they’d seen Guy that night, he’d seemed hesitant. Like she’d start rummaging in her closet for her old cheerleading uniform and go running after her old boyfriend, her old life.

  There was a part of her that wanted to bow up to that. But there was another part that understood. To him, she might as well still be that girl, since she hadn’t exactly proven otherwise.

  Francie watched the raindrops snake their way down the glass, startled when her phone rang. Turning, she fished it out of her purse, and frowned when she saw the screen. Tanner…

  “Hello?”

  “I didn’t know who else to call.” His voice was strained.

  She sat up straighter, her heart skipping a beat. “What is it?”

  “It’s Maddie. She’s okay, but…she’s not okay. She’s having some kind of meltdown and I can’t get her to come out of her room.”

  She could hear muffled crying in the background. “Oh, no. Will she talk to you at all?”

  “No. The last time I went in there she went berserk. Threw a pillow at me.”

  “What?” She couldn’t picture Maddie doing anything close.

&nbs
p; “I’ve never seen her like this. I don’t get it.”

  “Okay, I’m coming over. I have to run my groceries in really quick, but I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  He exhaled on the other end of the line, clearly relieved. Tanner was one of the biggest, strongest guys she knew, but right now he was putty in her hands. Which touched her.

  “Francie…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  *

  Francie knocked softly on Maddie’s bedroom door, with Tanner a safe distance down the hall. He stood with his hands in his pockets, watching her warily.

  “Honey? It’s Fran. Can I come in?”

  Sniffing. “Francie?”

  “Yes, babe.”

  More sniffing. “Yeah. Come in.”

  She threw Tanner a cautious look, and he shrugged, staying where he was.

  Francie pushed open the door, and her heart squeezed. The room Tanner had decorated for her was a perfect representation of the middle schooler she knew. A purple accent wall, framed posters of Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran, even a hammock strung up over her desk where a perilous amount of stuffed animals lay hibernating.

  Maddie was curled into a ball on her bed, but when she saw Francie, she sat up and wiped her nose with a tissue. It was the first time Francie had seen her without her glasses, and her big, hazel eyes were red and puffy. Her cheeks were colorless and streaked with tears. Whatever it was, it was significant.

  “Honey…”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Okay…but can I at least come sit by you?”

  The little girl scooted over and made a spot next to her.

  Francie sat, and when she knew Maddie would allow it, wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

  “I wish you’d tell me what’s going on,” Francie said. “Or at least give me an idea? Your brother’s pretty worried.”

  “I know. I almost hit him with my pillow. I feel bad.”

  “Well, I think he could’ve taken it, but he is worried.”

  Maddie pulled away and wiped her nose again. She seemed to be considering whether or not to say anything else, then sighed heavily. “I’m bleeding,” she finally said.

  “You’re what?” Francie couldn’t process the words. She took her by the thin shoulders and looked her up and down. “Where?”

  Maddie reached for her glasses, put them on, and then blinked matter-of-factly. “Down there.”

  Bingo… It was all starting to make sense. Tears, meltdown, pillow as a weapon… Francie felt her stomach muscles relax.

  “You mean your period?”

  Maddie nodded.

  “Is this your first one, sweetie?”

  She nodded again, her chin trembling this time.

  Francie hugged her. “It’s okay. It’s all right. Do you know anything about menstrual cycles, Maddie?”

  “We learned about them in health class last year. Gross.”

  Francie smiled against her hair. Being this age was so hard. “I know. It’s going to be tricky for a while until you get used to it. But you will. And the great thing is that someday, if you want to, you might be able to have a baby because of your period. It’s all pretty cool, really.”

  Maddie sniffed. “I think it’s disgusting. And my stomach hurts. And Colton asked if I could go swimming at the lake tomorrow if it stops raining, and now I can’t.”

  “Well, you could, if you’d try a tampon—”

  The little girl shook her head adamantly. “No way. And I feel pressure to say yes, even though I don’t want to.”

  Something about that was like a punch to Francie’s stomach. It sounded all too familiar. Pressure to say yes, to please everyone else.

  “Listen…” She pushed Maddie away enough to look at her. “Colton will understand. If you don’t feel comfortable this time, it’s okay to say no. The people who really care about you will get it. And they’ll stick around for next time, okay?”

  Maddie nodded, miserable.

  “Do you have anything? Any pads?”

  She shook her head. “I used toilet paper.”

  “Oh, honey. Okay. I’ll run to the store.”

  Maddie grabbed her hand. “Don’t go yet. Please?”

  She was barely twelve. And had no mother to talk her through one of the most important days of her adolescence. It made Francie’s throat ache.

  “But you need something other than toilet paper. You’ll be more comfortable that way, I promise.”

  The grip on her fingers remained tight, unforgiving.

  “Okay…we can ask Tanner to go.”

  Maddie’s eyes widened, but she didn’t argue. If she was willing to let her big brother embark on a maxi pad mission, she must’ve really needed a hug right then.

  “Let me tell him what’s going on,” Francie said, “and I’ll be right back, okay?”

  The little girl, who was tall and gangly for her age, and who had the softest, sweetest eyes Francie thought she’d ever seen, pushed her glasses up and smiled. Just a little. “Okay.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Tanner stood in aisle five of Monroe’s Market, arms crossed, feet planted apart, staring in complete and utter confusion at the products lined neatly on the shelves.

  There were pads with wings, pads without wings, thin pads, heavy pads, pads that boasted “flex technology,” whatever that was. Francie had specifically promised there’d be something for tweenagers, but he hadn’t stumbled over that particular gold mine yet.

  Frowning, he rubbed the back of his neck.

  “Tanner?”

  He turned to see EJ Corpa standing a few feet away. He held a basket full of groceries, with a bottle of wine sticking out the top. Probably for his girlfriend who drove in on the weekends from Missoula. He was always talking about her. They shared a hyper, one-eyed puppy named Wink that Charlotte thought was the Antichrist.

  “How’s it going, man?” EJ asked, glancing at the pads. The grocery store elevator music played lamely in the background, stretching the moment into infinity.

  “Holy shit, dude. I’m lost, here. Do you know anything about this stuff?”

  The look on Tanner’s face must’ve spoken volumes, because EJ came over and began studying the display like an algebra problem.

  “It’s okay,” he said, giving Tanner a slap on the back. “We’ll get you through. Who are they for?”

  “My little sister. Twelve.”

  “Okay. How active is she?”

  “Likes to ride bikes and stuff. She’s been riding horses at Lou’s lately, too. She likes to swim.”

  EJ frowned. “That’s where you’re fucked looking at these things. She needs some tampons.”

  “I don’t think she wants those.”

  “Better to have them and not need them, then need them and not have them. That’s my motto, and I’m usually right. At least about this shit.”

  They exchanged a look of silent understanding.

  “Here.” EJ grabbed a couple of pink boxes off the shelf and tossed them in Tanner’s basket. “And you’ll need some of these. And this. And a few of these wouldn’t hurt, either. Remember, if she doesn’t use them all now, she will eventually, and then she’ll have an arsenal.”

  Tanner nodded, feeling his blood pressure begin to come back down again. “Thank Jesus you came along when you did. I might’ve been here until Christmas.”

  EJ laughed. “We’ve got to stick together, man. Take care of our girls. That’s what it’s all about.”

  “True.”

  The other man eyed him curiously. “Speaking of girls…”

  “I know what you’re going to say. You heard about Francie, and we’re just friends.”

  “Uh-huh. That’s not what Carol Bingley says.”

  “God. Carol Bingley says a lot of things.”

  “Friends don’t usually suck face in front of the movies, Tanner.”

  “Technically, that’s true.”

  “Technically th
at’s true.” EJ rolled his eyes. “Come on, man.”

  Tanner took a deep breath and let it out evenly. It was only a matter of time before somebody confronted him about this. And EJ wasn’t going to buy any of his bullshit, either. He knew exactly how Tanner had always felt about Francie.

  “I can’t get involved with anyone right now,” he said. “I’ve got my sister to take care of.”

  “Yes, you do. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop living your life. Last time I checked, raising kids and having a girlfriend aren’t mutually exclusive.”

  “No. But it complicates things.”

  “Maybe. But don’t you think it could be worth it this time?”

  EJ knew some of the stuff about Tanner’s mom, his history and childhood. He knew it wasn’t easy for him to open up, much less to people who had the ability to screw him up emotionally. EJ had a tough past, too, but he’d moved on. Found happiness. There was a part of Tanner, small and tucked away, that admired that.

  He squeezed the handle of his basket and looked past EJ to a big banner in the window advertising steaks for 20 percent off on the Fourth of July. The market hummed around them, with people shopping and chatting up their fellow customers. From somewhere up front a checker got on the loud speaker and asked for a price check on cherry tomatoes. The surroundings felt as normal and safe as anything would on a Tuesday night in Marietta. So why did he feel so close to losing it? He knew the answer, of course. It was the mention of Francie. The suggestion that maybe he should trust someone not to be an asshole for once. Maybe settle down into some kind of give-and-take relationship.

  But Tanner was a loner. He’d always been a loner, and that’s what he identified with. If he wasn’t busy being alone, then who was he really?

  Clearing his throat, he looked back at his friend. “Hey, man. I appreciate it, okay? But I’d better get back before the shit hits the fan.”

  EJ nodded slowly, recognizing he wasn’t getting through. That maybe he never would. Tanner felt bad about that, he really did. But that’s just how it was.

  *

  Francie sat on the couch with Charlotte and Maddie, a soft pink blanket draped over all three of them. They were watching the Disney Channel—something about twins who were having boy problems. Seemed legit.