She blinked up at the pictures, wondering how in the world he’d end up parting with Maddie. It’s complicated, he’d said. More than once. It was almost like he was trying to convince himself of that very fact. I can’t keep her because of this, and this, and this…
Rolling over, she reached for her shorts and T-shirt that lay in an unceremonious pile on the floor. It was going to be sunny and warm today—the first day it hadn’t rained in almost a week. Which meant Tanner would be coming back to work on her yard. He’d be done soon, which made her unspeakably sad. She’d gotten used to him pulling up in his big, white truck, to Maddie bouncing through the front door, to Charlotte lapping water from the bowl she now kept on her front porch.
Clasping her bra, she frowned, reminding herself that this was normal. This was what people in their twenties did. They hooked up. They had friends with benefits. They could sleep together casually and not expect anything too heavy afterward. But the way she felt, though. That was the part that scared her. She guessed it was easy to think you were falling in love with a smoking hot guy at the same time you were experiencing a mind-altering orgasm. But the morning after, that warm, lusty fog should be lifting. At least a little.
She caught sight of herself in the mirror on the back of his bathroom door. Not only did she not feel it lifting, but she also appeared to be…glowing? Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were red and tender. And her eyes…there was something about the look in her eyes that terrified her, actually. If he saw this, if he recognized it, he’d run for the hills, and as far away from her lovesickness as he could get.
From the kitchen, there was the clinking of silverware. He’d be coming to get her soon. He’d probably walk through the door, tall and handsome, and freshly showered. He’d lean down to kiss her temple. He’d remind her that he was taking Maddie to Lou’s to ride horses tomorrow and would ask her if she still wanted to come.
Her heart ached at that. She knew, no matter how this would end, that Tanner would always be a gentleman. He’d want her to have a connection with Maddie, and he’d want her in their lives in some form or another, at least for a while. Until Maddie left, and things went back to normal. He’d want that, because she knew enough about his childhood, that he detested meaningless relationships. No matter how many one-night stands people their age had. He was different. He’d be a nice guy, and he’d let her down easy.
In Francie’s world, men were attracted to her. That didn’t mean they loved her. She’d experienced enough to know the difference. Guy had said he loved her. He’d been the first. Since then, there’d been more, and the words had continued to ring hollow and empty. She didn’t think Tanner would say it unless he meant it, but the question was, would he know the difference, too? Would he be able to separate his high school crush from the woman she was now?
She glanced at her reflection again—the long, blond hair, the big boobs. Her looks had only given her a false sense of security growing up that she’d had to slowly accept as her truth. In the past few years, she’d had to turn herself inside out to find the real Francie. And she was still looking.
If this man didn’t want more, she’d grit her teeth, raise her chin, and find it within herself to heal and move on. But she didn’t think she could do it with a smile. And for the very first time, she felt that was okay.
*
Tanner walked along the dusty trail around Lou’s pond and kicked at a rock, watching it skip off into the knee-high prairie grass. Francie walked beside him. She wore a bulky University of Montana hoodie that was doing a pretty good job of hiding her curves. But he knew what was underneath.
In fact, he’d had to force himself to keep his hands in his pockets for the past hour because Maddie and Colton were riding around in the pasture next to them. Within sight. Within hearing distance, for sure.
He looked over at her now and caught the scent of her perfume on the gentle evening breeze. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, but strands of it kept blowing in her face, and she pushed it away with one hand.
She glanced over. “What?”
“Nothing.”
Everything. Truthfully, the other night had blindsided him. He thought he’d been careful enough, at least with his emotions. He had no interest in falling for her any more than he already had, but the temptation to carry her to his bed had been too much. It was as if it had been a script already written for them, a movie that begged to be acted out.
He’d wanted her for so long, but the actual act of making love to Francie wasn’t anything he’d been prepared for. He was in deep shit now. And he knew it.
The kids’ laughter reached them from the pasture, and he turned to see Maddie jumping the little white mare over a log, while Colton held up an imaginary score card. “Five point two!” he yelled. “I’m taking off points for form!”
“No way!” she cried, patting the horse’s neck. “One more time!”
Pulling his phone from his back pocket, he took a picture to send to his brothers. Maddie and Luke had been able to FaceTime a few nights ago, which was rare, and his brother had asked for more pictures. Luke had hung up promising he was going to send her a present made by the local schoolkids, and she’d been excited. He loved kids, always had. Tanner wasn’t surprised that he’d managed to make friends with them over there.
Francie laughed, watching Maddie turn the horse around and trot toward the log again. “She’s actually really good, Tanner,” she said. “She’s got a great seat. A natural.”
“Oh, yeah?” He squinted in that direction, trying to see what she meant. All people on horseback looked the same to him. Bouncy.
“Look.” Francie leaned close and put her hand on his arm. The evening was on the chilly side, but the warmth of her touch had an immediate effect on how his jeans fit. “See how her body moves with the horse? She’s always looking forward, never down. Did Lou teach her that?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I think she just taught her not to fall off.”
She laughed again. “Well, that’s a good start.”
“How do you know so much about horses?”
“I rode for a while. After high school.”
“Why’d you quit?”
“I didn’t want to. But I couldn’t pay for school and a horse at the same time.”
He looked down at her, surprised. “You…”
“Paid for my own school?” Her lips tilted. “Yeah. Why’s that so hard to believe?”
“I just thought your parents…”
“I was spoiled, I know.”
“Francie…”
“No, it’s true. I was. But when it came to college, my mom kind of assumed I’d get married right away like she did. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But it wasn’t for me.”
He watched her. Another layer peeled away.
“How’d you do it?” he asked.
“Waited tables. My parents helped with books, so that was more than a lot of kids had.”
“Books. Those were a killer.”
She nodded.
Something they had in common. Go figure.
“So, now you’re a teacher,” he continued. “And a really good one, if I know you at all.”
She looked away. “I get by.”
“Someone like you doesn’t just get by, Francie.”
She took a deep breath but didn’t look back.
Taking her by the shoulders, he turned her gently, so she didn’t have a choice. Her eyes were glassy.
“What is it?”
“Sometimes…”
“What?”
“Sometimes it scares me, the things you say.”
He brushed the backs of his fingers along her cheekbone, but she jerked away. It was obvious she was trying not to cry, but for the life of him, he didn’t know what the hell he’d said.
“What? That you’re on another level? You are.”
A steely look settled over her features. “Which me are you talking about, Tanner? The teenage me? Or the adult me?
Because they’re not the same. You know that, I know you do. You’re even worried I’ll go for coffee with Guy, for God’s sake.”
He frowned, watching her.
“I see you’re not going to deny it.”
“I know you’re different,” he said after a minute. “It’s mixed up, how I feel.”
“I know it is.” Her voice sounded smaller then. Tired. “You feel both ways. You think of me like I was then, and you like that. And you don’t.”
It was as if she’d opened up his brain, picked out his most precise thoughts, and put them on a tray in front of his face. She was absolutely right. But he hadn’t realized it until just now.
“Don’t you see?” she said. “You can’t have it both ways. You can’t keep seeing me as perfect, because then you’d have to accept my flaws. And you’re not willing to do that, are you? Not when you’d have to open yourself up a little to do it.”
Right then Charlotte came bursting through the trees where she’d been chasing something for the past ten minutes. She ran straight for Francie’s crotch, making her laugh.
It was a moment of brevity that Tanner was thankful for. What she’d said was profound. And he didn’t have a good answer for her. She deserved one. He deserved one. No matter what happened between them, even if it stopped right here, right now, they both needed to make heads or tails of it.
He smiled down at his dog and patted her glossy head. “Where have you been? Rolling in something, by the smell of it.”
Francie smiled, too, put her hands in her sweatshirt pocket, and began walking back the way they’d come. The sun was starting its slow decent toward the mountains, and Lou would be waiting at the house with coffee and hot chocolate for the kids.
They fell into step beside each other, and despite the tension that had been hanging over them a minute ago, it was now an easy silence. Francie had a way of doing that. Putting people at ease.
Even the most hardened ones.
Chapter Fourteen
“Francie Tate?”
Other than some background noise, it sounded like Luke was next door. Tanner had to remind himself that his brother was half a world away.
“Yeah.”
“Blonde? I remember her,” Luke said. “Most of my buddies had a thing for her.”
“Everyone had a thing for her, dude.”
“So…what does she look like now?”
Tanner sat on the edge of his bed with his elbows on his knees. He’d been banished to his bedroom by Maddie who was planning some kind of elaborate surprise. She’d apparently called Francie to come over at seven sharp. Whatever the secret was, it was serious twelve-year-old business.
He looked out the window to the clear jewel-blue sky. It had warmed up again and July was barreling past in a blur of barbeques and leftover firecrackers. Before he knew it, it’d be August. And then September. The thought made his heart beat slow.
The past few weeks had been among the happiest of his life. He didn’t want to admit that to anyone, much less himself. What he really wanted was to avoid thinking about it. To bury it deep down and let things happen the way they were going to. But the problem with that was obvious. Maddie would leave soon and Francie would want more. Two things he was going to have to deal with, whether he wanted to or not.
“Tanner?”
He licked his lips and switched the phone to the other ear.
“I’m here.”
“So, what’s the deal with her? Maddie says you’ve been spending a shit-ton of time together. Which isn’t like you, I might add.”
Tanner smiled. Leave it to Luke not to pussyfoot around. “Meaning?”
“You know damn well. Are you falling for this girl?”
“You know how I felt about her in school…”
“This isn’t high school, man. You’re a grown-ass adult. If you’re not that into her, you shouldn’t be jerking her around.”
“Oh, Jesus. Since when are you the Buddha of relationship advice?”
“Since I had to take over being your mother fifteen years ago, remember? I could never afford to be a total dick where you were concerned. Somewhat of a dick, yes. A total dick, no.”
He knew Luke had meant that to be light, a joke more or less, but it wasn’t. They both knew it was true. Luke and Judd both had to lead by example. They loved Tanner, and knew he’d always looked up to them. Not having a stable parental figure in their lives, meant the Harlow boys had to learn what they could, when they could, the best they knew how. Even now, all these years later.
“So, how do you feel about her, Tanner?” Luke asked. “Seriously?”
Tanner looked down at his boots, clean because Maddie insisted he wipe them down before coming inside these days. He wondered how much of that she was picking up from Francie, and assumed it was plenty. Francie was rubbing off on his little sister, having a profound effect in just a short amount of time. It was something female, something inherently soft and sweet that he wouldn’t have been able to give her on his own. He guessed Vivian would accomplish it, too. But for some reason, he felt cold at that. Would it really be the same?
“Seriously?” he said, his voice low. “I’m in deep here, Brother. Pretty fucking deep.”
Luke was quiet on the other end of the line. There was some shouting in the background, maybe his friends playing a game of football on their downtime. It sounded like family. And they were. But at that second, he envied those guys, because his brother was there, and not in Marietta. And he missed him.
“Then what are you gonna do about it?” Luke asked.
“I don’t know. I really don’t. Maddie’s leaving soon. That’s about all I can deal with right now.”
“Then don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t deal with it. Don’t let her go.”
Tanner rubbed his face. His hand was dry and calloused. Too much time outside. Too much time in the sun, trying to make a life for himself. But for what? To end up alone in a house that echoed empty and hollow at night?
“What do you mean, don’t let her go? We’ve talked about this.”
“Yeah, I know. But it doesn’t feel right.”
“It doesn’t to me, either, Luke, but it’s not that simple. She needs parents.”
“Listen.” Luke’s voice took on the low, authoritative tone of Tanner’s youth. “I know that. But you wouldn’t have to do it alone. I told you I’m coming home after this tour. Judd’s working on it, too. Something permanent. Think about it. Why couldn’t we raise her together?”
“What are you talking about?”
“We’re not kids anymore, Tanner. We’re not idiots. Between us, I think we have at least a full functioning brain. Mom, bless her, did a lot worse.”
Tanner’s thoughts were racing around so fast, he barely had time to catch one before Luke went on.
“I’ve talked to Judd. He’s on board if you are.”
“What? When did you talk to Judd?”
“The other day…the other night. Hell, I don’t remember. Over here everything runs together. But my point is, we’ve talked. And now I’m talking to you.”
Tanner shoved a hand through his hair. He had no idea how to process this. He thought they’d decided, grudgingly, to send Maddie to Hawaii. Now, he didn’t know what to think. Was this actually possible? Could they finish raising her and do a decent job of it? He recognized that he was fairly screwed up. Luke and Judd were screwed up, too. He was scared shitless they’d screw Maddie up by association.
“You don’t have to decide tonight, little brother,” Luke said. “All I’m asking is for you to think about it. It’s a challenge. But I think we’re up to it.”
“Yeah…” Tanner took a deep breath and caught the smell of warm bread coming from the kitchen. “Maybe. Even assuming we are, Vivian will never go for this. She was just here. She’s ready to take her home.”
“Vivian wants what’s best for Maddie. All we’d have to do is convince her we’re it.”
/> “She thinks I’m a gardener.”
Luke laughed. “Sounds about right.”
Staring out the window, Tanner realized he was holding the phone too tight, and loosened his grip. The doorbell rang, jarring him from his thoughts.
He looked at his watch. Seven sharp. Francie was there, and the feelings that followed weren’t unpleasant. They weren’t unpleasant at all. At that moment, he realized that half the people he cared about most in the world would be under one roof. And the other half might be home soon.
“Luke?”
“Yeah, Brother.”
He swallowed hard at the sudden wave of emotion that threatened to knock the breath from his chest.
“Be careful, okay?”
*
Francie looked across the table at Tanner, unable to hide the smile that tugged at her lips. Her cheeks were warm. Actually, they were burning. He seemed to notice, and smiled back, the candlelight flickering across his features.
A homemade pizza sat between them, along with two wineglasses full of apple juice, and a plate of chocolate chip cookies for dessert.
Maddie beamed, untying her apron and taking it off.
“Sweetheart,” Francie said. “Did you do this all by yourself?”
“I did. And the cookies are only a tiny bit burned on the bottom.”
“Where’d you learn to cook, Mads?” Tanner asked.
“From you, silly. I pay attention when you’re in the kitchen.”
Francie’s heart fluttered. She could picture him cooking for her, getting her ready for school, helping with her homework. And she fell just a little harder then, a little more out of control.
Sitting up straighter, she looked down at Charlotte, who had her head strategically placed in her lap. Probably hoping for a few cookies crumbs. Francie rubbed the soft ears, the pointy head, not saying anything for fear Tanner would make her go lie down on her bed. She was beginning to love this dog and was finding that just the simple act of petting her calmed her nerves. She’d never had a dog growing up. Her mom hadn’t liked hair on the furniture.
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