The Sweetness of Her Love: A Christian Romance (Fostered by Love Book 2)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Slowly, Erin turned to face him, trying her best to remove any emotion from her expression. Unfortunately, they really didn’t have the time to deal with this right then. She had a cake to set up and not a lot of time to get it done to her satisfaction.

  “I’m going to start bringing in the pieces of the cake,” she told him.

  “Erin, please. Let me explain.” There was regret in James’s voice and in his expression, but Erin didn’t know if it was because she’d heard what he said or that he’d said it at all.

  “We don’t have time for that right now,” she told him. “I need to get that cake put together.”

  “This is important,” James said as he came nearer to where she stood.

  Erin held out a hand to stop him from coming any closer. “So is the cake. Right now that is more important because we don’t have much time before people start to arrive for the party.”

  “I just want a chance to explain,” James pleaded, his expression serious. “Promise me you’ll give me that, and I’ll let it go for now.”

  Erin didn’t want to give him that chance. He had a way with words and would no doubt use that ability to convince her not to break things off. Even as her heart had been fully on board with pursuing a relationship with James, her mind had been there in the background telling her that a leopard didn’t change its spots.

  “Please, Erin,” James said again, obviously reading her hesitation correctly. “It wasn’t what you think.”

  She’d been looking forward to this evening. To spending more time with James and his family. Now, all she wanted to do was escape. Unfortunately, she’d already told Joanna she’d be there, so she couldn’t back out.

  “We’ll talk later,” Erin said then leaned against the door to push it open, relishing the rush of cold air against her heated cheeks. What a difference a few minutes made.

  Hopefully, she’d be able to get through the next few hours. She had no intention of hanging around until the end to talk with James. Her new plan was to set up the cake, greet Joanna happy birthday and then leave. What they did with the cake after the guests had all gone was not her responsibility.

  Pushing aside all of the emotions, Erin opened the back doors of the van. James appeared at her side, now wearing a thick jacket. She felt her throat begin to tighten with emotion and swallowed hard against it.

  Now is not the time!

  “All of this needs to go to whatever table you have set up for the dessert,” Erin said as she leaned in to pull one of the cake layers toward her.

  James nodded and carefully lifted out a box containing several dozen cupcakes. For the next little while, they worked in silence transporting the baked goods. Once they had everything on the table and the van had been moved to a parking spot, Erin slipped on the chef’s coat she’d brought along to cover her outfit and began to work on assembling the cake.

  She worked much more slowly than she had to, hoping to kill the time between now and when the first guests started to arrive. James hovered around the table at first but eventually went off to help his sister, leaving Erin to sigh in relief. She glanced around and saw that the caterers had arrived with the food, while another group of people were setting up the tables.

  Normally, she loved putting together a cake, and she tried to capture that feeling again as she arranged the layers and the flowers she and Betsy had made. In spite of everything with James, Erin wanted Joanna to love her cake.

  Every once in awhile, out of the corner of her eye, Erin would catch sight of James watching her. Thankfully, he didn’t approach her because she wasn’t sure she would be able to hold her emotions together. She and James may not have been in a relationship very long, but her heart hurt just the same.

  Once there was really nothing left for her to do at the cake table, Erin headed for the bathroom furthest away from the party room—it paid to be familiar with the church—to remove the coat covering her clothes and to freshen up. She lingered in there far longer than was necessary, giving her reflection in the mirror a pep talk.

  Smile. Act like you’re happy to be in the presence of the man who is breaking your heart. Be outgoing and friendly. Sparkle!

  Easier said than done. James had told her he didn’t want to be the reason her sparkle dimmed, but man, he’d sucked that sparkle right out of her, and Erin didn’t know what it would take to get it back.

  The sick feeling in the pit of James’s stomach just wouldn’t go away. The last time he’d felt like this was when he’d gone to write the bar exam. His future had hung in the balance then, and he couldn’t escape the feeling that that was the case now as well.

  “She’s back,” Kaylee said as she elbowed him in the ribs.

  James glanced over at the entrance to the room, relieved to see Erin standing there talking to an older couple. It dawned on him that she’d know people there aside from him and Nana since they had invited people from the church. From this distance, he could see the smile on her face but not what was in her eyes. He had no doubt that whatever sparkle had been there when she had arrived was gone. Long gone. And all because of him.

  Again.

  He watched as Erin made her way around the room, periodically stopping to talk to people until she ended up next to Nana’s seat. He’d made arrangements for the delivery of a super comfortable chair for Nana since she’d be sitting for an extended period of time. Her well-being was of utmost importance for this day. He knew it would be taxing on her, but he hoped that at the end of the party, she would be glad she’d come.

  Nana’s face lit up when she saw Erin. He was close enough to see that, but he couldn’t see Erin’s expression since she had her back to him now. As he watched them, he wondered if that was the sight that would linger in his mind for years to come. Erin’s back as she walked out of his life.

  He told himself she’d be reasonable. After all, she had promised to give him a chance to fix things before she bailed on him, but now anything he said, she’d hear through the echoes of his own voice saying he wasn’t sure about love and marriage. Would she accept that in the heat of the moment, he’d gotten too caught up in the strife between his parents to realize he was stepping back into past views and behaviors?

  James frowned as he thought about that. He didn’t want to give excuses that made him look weak. But that’s what he’d been. Weak. Instead of taking the issue with his mom in stride, he’d allowed it to drag him back to a place he hadn’t wanted to go ever again. He’d never realized how bad that place had been until he’d seen it in the light of what he’d experienced recently.

  Everything had been loaded down with negativity, and he viewed relationships with a sarcastic eye that kept things from getting too serious. Erin had brought a sweetness to his life he hadn’t even known he was missing. And it hadn’t just been her baking. It had been her outlook on life—which had been so very different from his own. Even though he’d always had Van as a close friend, seeing Erin with her group of friends made him want more—for both him and Van.

  James couldn’t fathom going back to way things had been. And in that moment, he resolved to do what he had to in order to prove to Erin that the changes he’d made were the real deal, and he was in it for the long haul. He didn’t care how long it took her to see that. He hadn’t wanted a relationship at all before, but now that he did want one, he was willing to wait as long as necessary to be with the woman he loved.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Erin changed into a pair of warm sweatpants with a matching sweatshirt before crawling into bed. It wasn’t anywhere near time for bed, but it was the only place she wanted to be.

  New Year’s Eve and she was spending it on her own. That hadn’t been the plan, obviously, but once everything had fallen apart at the party earlier, Erin couldn’t follow through with the rest of the plans she’d had with James. She could have gone over to the Johnsons’, but answering all their questions about why her plans with James had changed was the last thing she wanted to do.

&nbs
p; The house was quiet since Noella was in Scotland, and Erin wouldn’t be at all surprised if her friend returned with a real engagement ring to replace the promise ring Finn had given her on Christmas Eve. Even if it didn’t happen on this trip, their engagement was going to happen sooner rather than later. She was happy for her friend and Finn. If only she could find someone whose life meshed with hers as well as Noella’s and Finn’s did with each other.

  But as her mind played back over the weeks when the two of them had been trying to figure out their relationship, Erin realized that they hadn’t meshed well together initially. In fact, Noella and Finn had been on opposite ends of the spectrum with regards to at least one major issue.

  Erin punched her pillow into a different shape to tuck it under her head as she turned onto her side. Noella and Finn had done the work and overcome their biggest hurdle by agreeing to compromise. That was something she understood and would be willing to do, but what exactly could she and James compromise on? Clearly, he still struggled with the idea of love and marriage, but for her, that’s all she was interested in when it came to a relationship. How could she feel any security when she knew James had those doubts in the back of his head?

  She’d let her heart lead the way earlier, now it was time for her head to step in and make her think rationally. It’s what she should have done in the first place.

  But in the semi-darkness of her bedroom, tears pricked at her eyes as she remembered the times she’d spent with James. They were some of the happiest times she’d ever had with a guy. In spite of their differences, she and James had managed to connect in a way Erin had never before experienced with a man. If only his past would leave him alone so he could fully trust in love and what they could have together, because as long as there was a chance he’d walk away from her, she couldn’t trust him.

  Erin scrubbed at the tears on her cheeks with the sleeve of her top. Noella had managed to overcome her past, so it was possible James could overcome his too, but it was such a big risk. Bigger than Erin’s heart was willing to take.

  But as she lay there missing James more than she would have imagined possible, Erin had a realization that she didn’t particularly like. She pushed to a sitting position, crossing her legs as she stared out the window next to her bed. Yes, James had allowed his past to cloud his better judgement, but then, so had she.

  Without a doubt, Erin knew her inability to trust James was a result of her past. She was scared to love someone and then have them leave her. She wanted to love and be loved but was too scared to do what she had to in order for that to happen. Yes, she’d been willing to take a chance on James, but it was like she’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop, and as soon as it had, she’d hurried away in order to avoid further heartache.

  Erin slid off the bed and headed for the kitchen. Soon, with Christmas music playing in the background, she was pulling out the ingredients for her favorite oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. She always thought things over better when she was baking something.

  While her hands were busy, her mind went back over the past month. She really hadn’t given much thought to how her own past was influencing things with James. It had been so much easier to focus on his past issues than hers.

  As she mixed the ingredients and began to prepare the baking sheets, the ache in her heart grew until the pressure felt very real. She rubbed the palm of her hand against her chest to try to ease it, but it didn’t help.

  She slid the first cookie sheet into the oven and then sat down on a stool at the island. Her phone sat face down on the counter, surprisingly quiet. For some reason, she’d thought that maybe James would have tried to call her or at least text. Erin picked the phone up and looked at the time.

  10:09

  Joanna’s party would have been over for awhile now. They had planned for it to end early since a long party would have left Joanna exhausted. Plus, it would then allow people to celebrate the New Year with friends and family. She and James had planned to go to Van’s family celebration along with his sister, Kaylee. Of course, now she was on her own, but hopefully James was still able to celebrate with them.

  The second batch of cookies came out of the oven, looking as perfect as the first. Erin touched the top of one of the cookies, grateful that at least she was capable of doing something right. As she finished with the rest of the dough, she kept looking at her phone. Maybe she needed to be the one to make the first move.

  The thought caused a flare of panic within her. In reaching out, it would basically be opening a door for more hurt. Could she do that again? Was he worth the risk? Were they worth the risk?

  She picked up her phone again but this time tapped to open her photos. With her finger, she swiped through the pictures on the screen, pausing when she came to one that James had taken of the two of them at the bowling alley. She’d asked him to do it since his arm was longer, and they’d been laughing together. He’d ended up taking a series of photos, one of which was of him looking down at her while she looked at the camera.

  The emotions and all the thoughts of the times she spent with James swept over her. And with it all was the reminder that she had promised to give him a chance if something happened between them. She’d always prided herself on being a woman of her word, but clearly that was not the case in this situation.

  She reached for a cookie and took a bite, but even the burst of chewy chocolate goodness couldn't erase the bitter taste in her mouth over everything with James. As she sat there with a broken cookie in her hand, Erin realized that she owed James the opportunity to explain himself, so she would give that to him. And she prayed that she wouldn’t be ruled by her fears and emotions. That she would be able to see what God wanted for them.

  Erin finished her cookie then went to make a pot of coffee. She didn't know if James would come right over, but if he did, she had a feeling they’d need it. Finally, she sat back down and picked her phone up.

  Erin: Can we talk?

  She hadn't expected an immediate answer, but her phone chirped right away.

  James: Yes. Now?

  Erin glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven o’clock, but she knew she wouldn't sleep well with this hanging over her head.

  Erin: If it’s a good time for you.

  James: It is. I’ll be right there.

  Erin glanced down and wondered if she should change into something more attractive but decided not to. This meeting wasn't about trying to attract his attention. She didn’t have high expectations for their conversation because she just couldn’t allow herself that privilege, but there was no denying the flickering hope in her heart.

  James left Van’s parents’ place and headed for his SUV. There was a layer of snow on the vehicle now that he didn’t even take the time to clear off. He just climbed behind the wheel, turned on the engine, cranked the heat and switched on the wipers. It took a few minutes before the heat really kicked in and began to cause the snow to smear across his windshield in wet streaks.

  He wasn’t a man given to nerves, but this situation with Erin was making him extremely nervous. It shouldn’t. They hadn’t known each other long enough for this to be upsetting him as much as it was, but he couldn’t deny the impact she had had on his life from the first moment they’d met.

  That knowledge gave him a huge sense of urgency to get to her and to figure out what he had to do to get her to give him another chance. He took some hope from the fact that she had contacted him, wanting to talk. Surely if she wanted nothing more to do with him, she wouldn’t have texted him. He’d wanted to text her, but he’d been afraid that putting pressure on her would just cause her to back away from him even further. He definitely hadn’t wanted that. So seeing that text from her pop up on his phone had sent a wave of relief through him.

  Now if he could just not screw up this chance she was giving him to explain things.

  He slowed his vehicle as he came to a red light, pumping the brakes slightly since it seemed the roads were getting slick
from the snow coming down. As he stared at the light, waiting for it to change, James gripped the wheel tightly and took several deep breaths. He wasn’t going to pressure her. He was going to go to her house and listen to what she had to say and then hopefully have his own chance to share what he’d been thinking when he’d made the statements he had earlier that evening.

  The light turned green, and he pressed down slowly on the accelerator. Suddenly, a horn blared. James glanced to his left in time to see a set of bright lights heading his way at much too fast a speed. The crunch of metal was followed by an intense wave of pain that seemed to take him to another place. A place where only pain existed.

  He prayed for relief from the worst pain he’d ever felt and was grateful when blackness began to edge in and overtake the agony. Finally, the darkness eclipsed his consciousness and swept it away with the pain.

  Erin turned her phone to look at it again. She didn’t know where James was coming from exactly, but she would have figured he’d be there already. Though a glance outside the window a little while ago had shown her that the weather had taken a turn for the worse, so it was possible he had to drive more slowly. But still, it had been an hour since James’s last text.

  With her phone clutched in one hand, Erin crossed her arms and paced in front of the Christmas tree. Had he changed his mind? Decided it wasn’t worth the effort of trying to deal with Erin and her inability to trust him?

  The thought made her feel a little sick to her stomach. It seemed that both of them had expected him to be the one who messed up—after all, he’d asked for her to promise she’d give him a chance to make things right if something went wrong between them. But even though he had been the one to mess things up, she’d definitely compounded it all with her actions.

  How had she thought that what she’d done earlier was right? The clash of their fears had made things so much more complicated. But as she waited for James, as she replayed the good times they’d had together, Erin knew that if James was willing to try again, so was she.