Finding Serenity

by Amanda Perry

  She moves the subject to random, safer topics for the rest of lunch. We spend a few hours at the diner, then she drops me off back at the guys’ house. If I could pick my own mother, I'd pick Grammy, but June comes up as a close second. Even while warning me to watch myself without actually using the words, she's motherly, and I want to hug her.

  When she drops me off, I'm sad to watch her go, but she promises we will get lunch again soon. It’s a wonderful gesture, but I doubt I’ll ever get to meet with her again.

  The second I open the front door, I wish I stayed with June. The shouts ring through the house, four loud males fighting with each other.

  "What the fuck is wrong with you, Maverick?" Syn can be heard above the rest. "You just let her and my mother go out alone while some psycho is willing to kill to get to her. I swear to God, if something happens to my mom because of you, I'll kill you myself."

  The others join in again, and it's too much for me to handle. Listening to them upset over something to do with me breaks my heart. I spin on my heel and leave the house, shutting the door quietly. With a quick call, I get an Uber to pick me up and take me to my apartment. Supposedly, the window got patched until it can be replaced. All I need to do is vacuum the glass up, and it should be fine.

  If Michelle or Evelyn were here, I'd go to them. They're too far away, and they don't need to be concerned with me even more. Grumpy called and texted a few times since he got to Oklahoma. He’s enjoying his visit though he'd never admit it. He deserves a good vacation, and if I call him now, he'll know I'm upset and come straight back. His safety is more important than my crazy emotional roller coaster.

  The drive to my apartment goes quick. I'm thankful I brought money with me to pay for lunch, or I'd be out of luck. June refused to let me pay for myself. She scared the waiter when she snatched the bill from his hand and stuck her card in the folder without letting him leave the table.

  After paying the driver, I hop out and drop my head for the stroll to the door. It’s an idiotic attempt at discretion in case anyone’s watching. At the last second, I remember I didn’t grab my keys and curse under my breath. My irritation turns to fear when I notice the door is already cracked open.

  In horror movies, the dumb blonde always goes into the abandoned building or dark woods alone, unarmed, and without anyone knowing where she went. Every time I watch those movies, I yell at the girl to stop being stupid. Good thing I'm not blonde, or I'd be exactly like those girls.

  With a soft push to open the door, I peek around the frame, and my heart stops. The place is completely trashed. The couch is cut up; the television is smashed to pieces. The coffee table sits in two pieces surrounded by the glass shattered from the last time I was here. Everything in my kitchen was thrown around and broken, the fridge turned onto its front and the glass-top stove shattered.

  My feet move me farther into the apartment, and it only gets worse. Holes decorate the walls. The doors were pulled from their hinges. Every piece of artwork I painted for my home is ruined, slashed and burned. When I make it to my room, I find it completely upturned. Red paint on the walls spells out a message for me—Your only home is with me.

  My knees hit the ground as I let out a cry, followed by an overflowing of silent sobs. My home is gone. I worked my ass off to make my place nice and make it mine. Everything I worked for, everything I took pride in, is broken beyond repair. The material stuff isn’t why I curl into a ball in the corner of my destroyed room. It's the sense of safety I used to have in my home. It's the realization that this man won’t stop until he gets me. The idea he’ll hurt someone else because of me.

  My phone dings with a text and assuming one of the guys wants to know where I went, I pull it out. Instead, it's a text from an unknown number.

  Unknown: Don't cry. You'll be where you belong soon.

  My hands shake violently as I scroll down to find one of the guys' names. Syn pops up first, and I hit call. My teeth chatter from fear and mixed with the sobs flowing out of me, it makes talking difficult.

  Syn answers on the first ring, already yelling before I can say a word. "Where the hell are you, Taylor? I called my mom, and she said she'd dropped you off hours ago! Your GPS is disabled, and you didn't tell anyone where the fuck you were going."

  "I need you." My voice is muted.

  Syn draws in a sharp breath, and his tone changes completely. "Where are you?"

  "My... The apartment." This place will never be mine again. It no longer gives me safety, and it never will.

  "Stay on the phone with me, baby. I'm on my way." I'm impressed he understood me. His voice becomes muffled for a second as if he pulls the phone from his ear. When he speaks again, I know he put me on speakerphone. A tap sound comes over the line. “I’m sending the guys a text. They’re all out looking for you, too. We split up.”

  My head bobs up and down, but a second later, I remember he can’t see me. He doesn’t like my silence. “Baby, I need you to talk to me. Are you hurt?”

  "No." I know he means physically. Otherwise, I’d be lying.

  He continues to ask questions of little importance, but they force me to talk to him. It helps he hasn’t asked anything that truly requires an answer because there’s no way for me to give him any right now. I find enough difficulty in yes and no answers. The longer it takes for him to get to me, the harder my body convulses, and the more the tears flow. As he asks another question, a hard tremor runs through my body. My hold on the phone slips, and it drops to the floor.

  It takes three attempts for me to pick it back up. The second I place it back to my ear a loud crash comes from the front of the apartment. My phone falls once more, and I draw my knees to my chest, cover my face with my hands, and bury it in my knees. My ears ring, all noise fades into a loud buzz. My mind goes straight to the man who ruined my apartment. The text message he sent made it clear he knew I came here. Now, he came to get me while he can.

  Arms wrap around my body and pull me into a chest. The buzz in my ears disappears as my scream echoes off the walls.

  “Shh, baby. It’s okay, it’s me. Calm down, take a deep breath.” Syn’s whispers break through the panic.

  My mouth snaps shut, and my eyes pop open, desperate to find Syn’s smooth blue eyes. My attention snaps to our surroundings to ensure we’re truly safe. Syn pulls me on his lap, his gun lays on the ground next to us.

  He places both hands on either side of my face and pulls my focus to him. “Please, tell me you’re okay. Did you get hurt at all?”

  “I-I’m fine.” My voice barely reaches above a whisper, and it takes three attempts to utter the words correctly.

  Syn shakes his head back and forth as his eyes roam over my face. “You’re not fine, baby.” He brushes a few tears from my cheek with his thumb, then pulls my head gently toward his. His chin rises, and he plants a soft kiss on my forehead. He trails more kisses down the side of my face, kissing the tears away as fast as they fall. He’s not being sexual with his kisses or attempting to turn the moment into a make-out session. He’s comforting me, and it works enough that I can draw in a few steady breaths. “Let’s get you out of here.”

  This will be the last time I come to this apartment. As Syn picks me up and holds me tight to his chest, I fall apart once more. Not only did my home get stolen from me, my sense of safety went with it. The only other place in the world I feel secure is with the guys, and they already learned what a terrible idea it is to keep me around them.

  Syn manages to drive to their house with me sideways on his lap, my head buried in his shoulder. No matter how hard I try, the tears won’t quit, and the shudders continue to wrack my body. He doesn’t say anything to me during the drive home. He calls Maverick and tells him to meet us at their place. Other than his call, the only sound in the car is my sobs. When we arrive, he carries me into the house, straight to his room. He sits down with his back against his headboard and holds me close. His fingers run through my hair, his free hand holding mine.


  “I’ve got you, baby. It’ll be okay, I promise.” He continues to whisper reassuring words to me with the occasional kiss dropped to my forehead and the hand he holds in his.

  Thunderous footsteps echo through the house, then stampede up the stairs. I don’t bother to sit up or open my eyes, I know who it is, and I can’t handle the disgust they’ll show when they find me and Syn in this position. If any fight was left in me, I’d probably kick him out and cry myself to sleep, but I can’t let him go yet. As it is, I only managed to truly get air into my lungs moments ago, and I know the guys will want answers. If I talk to or see them, I’ll break down again.

  “Keep it down, you guys. I just managed to get her calmed down.” Syn’s generally happy tone drops low and grows full of authority. “If you wake her up, I’ll kick your asses.”

  “What the fuck happened?” Marak demands, though he keeps his volume low. “Is she hurt?”

  “She didn’t tell me exactly. She called, and she was crying. She said she needed me, and I was already on my way to her place. I kept her on the phone, kept her talking.”

  Syn tightens his hand around mine as he speaks. “When I was pulling in, she stopped answering my questions. I panicked, I thought something had happened. I went in ready to shoot someone, but instead, I found her place fucking destroyed. There’s no way to salvage anything from the apartment. Even those paintings Marak mentioned of hers were destroyed. She was in the corner of her room when I finally cleared the house and got to her. She didn’t even hear me call her name. She freaked when I picked her up, screaming until she realized it was me.”

  “You’re sure she’s not physically hurt?” Allistar asks.

  He sounds closer than Marak. Syn continues the soothing rhythm of his fingers through my hair, and his free hand keeps ahold of mine. A third hand, presumably Allistar’s, rubs soft circles on my back.

  “She’s fine physically. But she’s really upset. She was shivering so hard I thought she might be convulsing at first.” Syn sighs softly, his breath ghosting across my hair. “There’s more. Whoever fucked up her place also wrote your only home is with me on her bedroom wall in blood red paint.”

  “Jesus,” Maverick mutters, making his presence known to me for the first time. “God damnit. I fucked up, Syn. I never should have let her go anywhere without us. This is my fault.”

  “Mav—” Marak begins but stops when someone stomps out of the room.

  “Let’s let her sleep,” Allistar suggests. “Syn, will you stay with her while we go talk with Maverick?”

  Syn makes a quiet noise of confirmation, and seconds later, the room descends into silence. The safety of being in Syn’s arms mixed with the exhaustion of my mental breakdown drag me under, and I fall into a deep sleep.

  21

  Syn

  The girl in my arms shifts in her sleep. Her contented sigh breaks through the quiet room. The guys asked me to stay with her, and I gladly agreed. If I didn’t get to hold her and comfort her, I’d be headed out on a murderous rampage to find the motherfucker who ruined her apartment.

  Finding Taylor in the corner of her bedroom, curled into a little ball, sobs wracking her small frame ranks one of the worst things I’ve witnessed, and I’ve witnessed a lot of shit in my life. The squeeze my heart gave physically hurt, and the only thing I wanted to do was fix everything for her.

  After the original text I sent the guys to tell them she called, I managed to send another one after I got her home and somewhat calm. I wanted them to know I took her to my room, hoping they wouldn’t flip their shit when they didn’t find us downstairs.

  After they came home and barreled in, their faces showed fear that mirrored my own. They worried about her, and it’s undeniable their worry hit them as intensely as mine did. It kills me that my brothers want the girl I’ve fallen for, but to know they’re as invested in her as I am gives me a sense of relief. The two feelings contradict each other in every way. I want her to myself, but I want them to look out for her and care about her as deeply as I do. It doesn’t make any fucking sense.

  Maverick got close to getting hit for his suggestion of talking to the Harper-Smith family. They’re fantastic people, and the relationship between Maggie, Collin, and Jack doesn’t bother me in the least. They’re perfect parents. Neither does the relationship between Parker and her guys. But it isn’t something I ever thought twice about for myself. What guy would picture himself sharing his girl with his best friends? Or anyone else for that matter.

  The way Taylor melted into me when Allistar started to rub her back earlier made shit more complex for me. She was calm with me, but she relaxed further under his touch. It was a relief to know she wouldn’t wake up and breakdown again. Then again, I wish my touch was the only one to make her melt.

  With too many unanswered thoughts in my mind, I can’t keep still any longer. It isn’t easy for me to sit still for long periods of time under normal circumstances, and it’s worse when shit runs rampant through my head and decisions need to be made. The need to move overwhelms me, and I decide to head to our basement gym for a long workout and exhaust myself into a nice deep sleep. I start to wiggle away from Taylor. While I lie on my back, she lies with her head on my chest, her leg thrown over mine, her arm tight around my waist. Originally, she sat on my lap, but she squirmed around in her sleep until she found a comfortable position.

  My attempts at breaking free don’t go well. Taylor groans and grabs a fistful of my shirt, then pulls it toward her. “Syn?”

  She’s half asleep, her voice rough with sleep and from crying.

  I push my fingers through her hair and press my lips to her forehead. “I’m here, baby. I’ve got you.”

  She turns her head, presses her face into my chest, then pulls in a deep breath. “You stayed with me?”

  “Of course, I did.” I tuck her closer to me with my arm under her and breathe her in. “How do you feel?”

  She stretches, yawns, then turns her face to watch me. “Tired and embarrassed. I’m sorry I fell apart on you.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’ll always here for you when you need me.” My fingers trail lightly up and down her back. She shivers under my touch, and my dick twitches at her little sigh of contentment. This girl keeps me semi-hard all the damn time. All she needs to do is look my way, and I’m done.

  “Were you going somewhere?” she asks with a frown. Her hand flattens against my chest, right over my heart.

  I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere if you want me here.” She sounds upset at the idea of me leaving her and damn it, if I don’t love it.

  She nods against me. “I want you.” My body reacts instantly to her words. She may mean she wants me to stay with her, but my dick doesn’t hear the difference.

  My mind scrambles to come up with a response that doesn’t sound like a dirty joke. It takes a while, and I have to glance away from her. She slides her body half on top of me and presses her lips to mine. I inhale a sharp breath, shocked as shit by her bold move. She backs away, only by half an inch, and her hooded, sleepy eyes seek mine. “You’ll stay with me?”

  The silent plea in her gaze breaks any resolve I might possess to mind my manners. “Always, baby.”

  With surprise on my side, it barely takes any effort to flip Taylor over and bring my body on top of hers. I use the surprise to my advantage and lock our mouths together. I force myself to go slow and give her enough of a chance to push me away if I read this all wrong.

  Thank fuck I’m right about her wanting this as badly as I do. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my mouth harder against hers to deepen the kiss. Her teeth nip at my lips, and I smile into the kiss, teasing her tongue with mine. She continues to try and deepen the kiss, but I pull back every time she thinks she’s won. I make her wait while I tease and nip at her lips.

  When she growls in frustration, I can’t help but chuckle. Her heels unexpectedly dig into my ass, and her hips thrust up against mine. The smile fades, and
I shut my eyes tight to keep from showing how badly I want her to do it again.

  “Are you trying to tease me, Syn?” she whispers in my ear. Her voice sounds more awake, but still breathy and sexy as fuck. She presses her hips to mine again and circles them this time.

  I grunt and drop my forehead to her shoulder. “Fuck. You’re doing that on purpose.”

  “Doing what?” Her tone drips with fake innocence. “You mean this?” She slides her hand down my back, around my hip, to the front of my jeans. Her hand slides up and down my length.

  My jeans get tighter. I idly wonder if my dick could pop my zipper. “If you don’t quit that shit, I won’t be able to control myself.”

  She giggles but doesn’t stop her torture.

  I grunt and tighten the muscles in my stomach to gain some control. “You’re asking for trouble, aren’t you?”

  “Depends.” She leans forward to nibble on my neck. Her free hand travels down my back, then back up. She pulls the hem of my shirt with her. “Does this trouble you’re talking about mean I get to see you naked?”

  “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I wink, and she tosses her head back to laugh. A bit of the Taylor I’ve fallen for is back.

  While she laughs, I push myself to sit up and reach behind me to grab my shirt and pull it over my shoulders. Her attention goes straight to my nipple rings, and it makes me laugh. She really seems to like them. My high school wild years may finally pay off.

  She scoots back and sits up on her knees in front of me. Her hands hook onto my shoulders, then slowly slide down my sides and up my stomach. Finally, she lands on my chest. Her fingers lightly play with the metal bars, which is a sensitive spot for me. My body tenses, and I breathe deeply. The small bit of control left in me is the only thing preventing me from flipping her over and fucking her like a damn animal.