Finding Serenity

by Amanda Perry

  “Why does it matter?” If I had the guts, I’d tell them I love them and that I want them all to love me, too. I’d say we need to be together and raise this baby as a family because any other way just doesn’t feel right. But unfortunately for me, I’m a spineless coward.

  “It matters because we’re all in love with you, damn it!” Marak’s shout surprises us all. It isn’t like him to get loud.

  His confession sinks in slowly, and the more it does, the wider my eyes grow. “Is this a trick to get me to pick one of you?”

  “Do you want to pick only one of us?” Allistar asks.

  The four of them hold their breath, but it isn’t clear if they want a yes or a no.

  Holding everything in has me completely drained, and I can’t do it anymore. I decide to be honest instead of flippant. They already want me gone; it can’t get worse. “No, I can’t pick one of you.”

  “Why not?” Maverick asks.

  “Because...” I shrug, then suck in a slow breath. “Because while I was staying here, I fell in love with all of you. I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but I won’t say I love any of you more than the others. I can’t decide to be with only one of you. It destroys me to let any of you go, but I’d rather do that than ruin a family.”

  “You’re wrong.” Marak scoots forward on the couch, wincing as his bad leg taps the coffee table. My arms itch to wrap around him and help, to make sure he’s alright. My body literally jolts forward minutely, but I catch myself before I can jump up and run to him. He smiles softly at my subtle move. “Red, you’re so fucking wrong it isn’t even funny.”

  “Which part?” My hands turn to fists, partly to hold myself in place and partly to mask the tremors.

  “Pretty much all of it,” he scoffs. “You think we want you to pick one of us?”

  “Or worse, that we want you to leave us,” Syn adds.

  Marak glances back at his friend and nods. “That’s not even close to what we want. We know what picking one of us over the others would do to our friendship. We won’t risk that, but we can’t lose you, either.”

  My heartbeat thumps in my ears, and my body vibrates. Allistar pushes himself up, walks to me, and sits on the coffee table in front of me. “We want you, Taylor. All of us want you and all of us love you. We want you to want us all.”

  “We want to try it like the Harper-Smith family does it.” Syn shrugs as if it’s no big deal. “You’ll belong to only the four of us, and we’ll be only yours.”

  This is exactly what I want. To have the four of them love me the way I love them. My heart soars at the idea of my wish coming true, but I smash the excitement down. They don’t know what they’re getting themselves into. They supposedly wanted me. But now it isn’t only me. I’m a package deal, and they can’t make the choice without knowing everything.

  “I can’t,” I choke out, biting the inside of my cheek.

  Maverick jumps to his feet, his eyes burn into me with anger. “What the hell do you mean, you can’t? You just said how you feel, and we want the same thing.”

  “Things have changed for me,” I whisper. My head drops to hide the ever-falling tears.

  Allistar exhales sharply. “Did you find someone else?”

  Maverick growls low and deep. “If it’s that fucking boy at your job, I’ll wring his little neck.”

  “Oh, calm down you damn caveman!” I shout and jump to my feet. My finger pokes into Maverick’s chest. “I never even sent Tim a text telling him I wasn’t interested anymore because I completely forgot about him. You four make me forget about everything.”

  “Then what is it?” Syn asks harshly. “We just saw you less than a week ago, Taylor. You and Marak are still covered in purple and black bruises that haven’t had time to heal. What could have possibly changed in such a small amount of time?”

  “It’s not just me, anymore,” I whisper.

  Syn stands and grips my chin. He gently pulls my head up and forces my eyes to meet his. “You’re not making any sense. What do you mean, baby?”

  “Exactly,” I whimper.

  He stops breathing, and I know he figured it out. Out of all the guys, I knew Syn would understand what I meant to say without forcing me to say it. His mind always searches through any medical reason for a situation before he moves to other options. This time he didn’t have to think further.

  Sobs wrack my body as I step away from him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t planned, I swear. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

  “Can someone explain this shit to me?” Maverick growls while Allistar puts his arms around me. He must notice my intentions to run away before I made a move.

  Syn blinks at me, silent for a long time. Then finally, he slowly turns toward Maverick and Marak. Allistar remains behind me, holding me tight to his chest while I let the tears flow. If I had any fight left in me, I’d pull away, but I’m exhausted mentally and physically. “She’s, uh...” he clears his throat and shakes his head, “she’s pregnant.”

  No one speaks for what feels like hours. Finally, Syn turns his shocked blue eyes back to me. “Why would you keep this from us?” The stricken look from Syn tears at my heart, but I try to remain indifferent for my sanity’s sake for after they’re gone.

  “It’s not your responsibility.” I shrug, wiping the tears away angrily.

  Maverick’s expression twists with anger and hurt. “The fuck it isn’t! The responsibility belongs to all of us. All five of us.”

  “It does not,” I fire back. “You didn’t ask for this. I’m not going to put this on you guys. I’ll be fine on my own.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Marak explodes. He pulls his crutches under him and uses his anger to push himself up. “Were you not going to tell us? What the fuck was your plan, Red?”

  “I didn’t think that far ahead,” I admit. Allistar makes it easy for me to pull away from him this time. My palms push into my eyes and rub at the soreness. After too many tears, my eyes hurt. “You guys need an out. If you were smart, you’d take this chance and run now.”

  “What makes you think we’d want an out?” Allistar challenges. He sits on the ottoman across from me.

  I blink down at him, unsure if he’s serious. He clearly is as there’s no humor or irony in his eyes. “Of course, you want an out! No man in their right mind would want to be in this situation.”

  Marak reels back as if physically stricken by my words. “Why would you say that?”

  “Marak, come on. What was I supposed to tell you guys?” A humorless laugh escapes, but quickly turns into more sobs. “The best I could come up with was ‘Hey guys, I’ve fallen in love with all of you, but only one of you is going to be a daddy, and I have no fucking idea which one. Hope that’s cool with everyone’. Not exactly what a guy would want to hear from the girl he’s only sort of, kind of, not really dating.”

  “Jesus, Taylor,” Maverick growls, his anger stronger. “We all agreed to date you. We told you we were fine with it. Why don’t you believe us?”

  “Date, Mav,” I counter. My nerves won’t allow me to sit still, so I pace the room instead. “You all agreed it was okay if I dated the four of you. No one said anything about being okay with me screwing all of you.”

  I spin on my heel and pace the other way. “I didn’t mean to do that, either. I didn’t plan it or scheme or anything. It just sort of happened.”

  My gaze snaps to Syn, who probably thought of how this happened. “I was on birth control. I get the shot, or I did. Trish said something about it being part of an ineffective batch that was recalled or some crap.”

  His eyes soften with understanding. He probably saw the commercial for the recall like I did. It came about ten weeks too late for me, but at least they issued some sort of warning. “Either way, the four of you didn’t sign up for this. You didn’t say ‘Let’s all be one big happy family and have a baby together, the five of us. Let’s raise the baby as ours and live happily ever after.’”r />
  “But what if we did?” Syn speaks up, his shock slowly disappearing.

  All eyes turn to him, mine impossibly wide. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean.” He pushes himself off the wall he’d been leaning on and strides slowly over to me. “What if we did say we wanted to be one big happy family, the five of us plus the baby. What would you say to that?”

  31

  Maverick

  “I...” Taylor opens and closes her mouth repeatedly.

  She didn’t expect us to still want her? If anything, this only makes my determination to have her stronger. She isn’t going anywhere; I won’t let her.

  “You guys can’t want this,” she finally says.

  She might think she’s hiding it, but I can see the hope blossom in her eyes.

  “Why can’t we?” Allistar challenges.

  Taylor throws her hands in the air in exasperation. “The four of you are going to stand there and tell me you’re not upset knowing that I’ve slept with all of you? You’re okay with not knowing who the father of the baby is? You won’t get upset to find me kissing, hugging, touching one of your best friends. You’ll shrug it off if you find me in bed with one of the others. You’ll keep the bond you have now and not let jealousy tear you apart. We can live happily ever after and raise the baby to know you all as their dads.”

  “Yeah.”

  “That about covers it.”

  “Mhm.”

  “Basically.”

  She reels back, not expecting our immediate responses. “You really want this? All of you want me and a baby you didn’t plan on? You’re not just saying this because you feel responsible for the baby?”

  “Goddamn it, Taylor!” I don’t mean to shout, but she’s being a stubborn brat. Since she’s pregnant and we’re in front of my brothers, I can’t bend her over the couch like I want to and teach her a lesson. “We told you we want this before we knew anything about the baby.”

  Allistar drops a hand onto my shoulder, a silent reminder to breathe.

  “We’re going to get jealous,” Marak admits, rolling his eyes when I growl at him.

  What the fuck does he think he’s doing? That shit won’t convince her how serious we are.

  He hobbles closer to Taylor. “We will get jealous of each other because all of us want to keep you in our own bed forever. But knowing you’re loved and safe with the three other people we trust most in the world will outshine that jealousy every time.”

  Syn strides up next to Marak, patting him on the back. “Does it make me crazy to know you’ve slept with them and will continue to while you’re with me at the same time? Hell yes, but that’s only because I’ll be wishing I can sneak you into my bed every ten minutes.”

  Marak chuckles and bumps fists with Syn. “Same, bro.”

  “Is it going to be weird seeing you kiss and touch them? Yeah, it’ll be weird at first.” Allistar shoves his hands into his pockets. “Then, it won’t be weird anymore, and we’ll all adjust to our new normal. A normal we’ve all decided we want.”

  “That baby,” I say pointing to her stomach. “That’s our baby. I’m that baby’s father. I will protect that baby and you with everything I have. I’ll take care of everything that needs taking care of. I’ll make sure the car seat is installed correctly. I’ll check crib ratings to make sure we get the best one. I’ll research schools and send him or her to the best school.”

  She starts to protest, but I hold my hand up. “Allistar is that baby’s father. He’ll be there to hold that baby when it cries because of a skinned knee. He’ll teach that baby how to treat others with respect. The baby will run to him when their friends are mean to them or someone breaks their heart for the first time.”

  Allistar swallows hard a few times, blinking back moisture as it wells up in his eyes. “I will, I promise.”

  “Syn is that baby’s father. He’s going to teach the baby terrible knock-knock jokes. He’s going to be responsible for the baby’s first laugh and many more that’ll follow. He’ll be there to run around the park and to swing on the swings and slide down the slide. He’ll be the one to buy them their first box of Legos with the excuse it’s for them, but really, we’ll all know that it’s because he wants to play, too. He’ll keep them young and carefree for as long as possible.”

  Syn grins wide and goofy. “I really do like Legos.”

  Taylor giggles through her tears.

  “Marak is that baby’s father. He’ll introduce the baby to superheroes and sci-fi and whatever other dorky crap he likes. He’ll help with homework even after the rest of us can’t keep up. He’ll show the baby how to see the world with the glass half-full. He’ll encourage them to follow whatever dreams they have, and he’ll do everything in his power to help them achieve every single goal they set.”

  Marak drops his head in an awkward nod, his cheeks turning a little pink. “He’s right.”

  “And you,” I say, wrapping her in my arms. Allistar comes up to her left side while Marak leans on her right with his good side. Syn slides up behind her, his hand sliding over her side to rest on her belly. The gesture makes my heart squeeze. This feels like where we’re supposed to be. It feels right. “You’ll teach our baby to love fiercely and with their whole heart. You’ll pick them up from school and drop them off at soccer or whatever other activity they decide is right for them. You’ll veto our decisions when the four of us become overprotective fathers. You’ll be the mom your Grammy was to you, and you’ll be so damned amazing at it.”

  Taylor falls apart in our arms, but she allows the four of us to hold her. “I’m scared,” she admits.

  “You don’t need to be, baby.” Syn kisses the top of her head. “You’ve got the four of us. We love you, and we won’t ever let anything happen to you or our baby. We’re a family, and we’re in this for the long haul.”

  “Will you please accept that we want you and that we love you?” Marak asks. His pout is theatrical and over the top, but it gets a smile out of her.

  She takes a few deep breaths, then finally nods. The four of us sag in relief. “We should probably take this slow, though,” she says. “It’ll give you all time to ease into it and all.”

  She rests her head on my chest while her hands reach out for Allistar and Marak. Syn drops his chin onto her shoulder. All of us holding our girl.

  She’s crazy if she thinks we’ll take any of this shit slow, though. The look me and my brothers exchange says it all. We’ll have her moved in by the end of the week.

  The End…For Now.

  Note from Publisher

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  About the Author

  My name is Amanda Perry, and I have a writing problem. Really, it's true. I've been writing stories for as long as I can remember thanks to my Grandmother who is a scriptwriter. When I married the love of my life things got a little crazy and I took a step back from writing for a while. We had our first baby and I became a stay-at-home mama. Time flew and my baby became my big kid! While my Big started school, I decided to take up writing again. We became pregnant with our angel baby boy a while later. God decided he needed our baby boy more, but a few months later blessed us with our youngest child. My Little has become very active lately and keeps us all on our toes. While my spare time is minimal, I do enjoy dancing with strangers in casinos, googling odd facts, and drinking my weight in Diet Coke. My family means everything to me, and in that, I include a few close friends. Writing is my passion and as long as I'm able, I'll continue to pursue my dream.

  Website | Reader’s Group

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