Witch Snitch
Page 9
‘Is the Witch Order like the magic police?’ Fluffanora asked, completely gripped.
Gretal Green nodded. ‘Mrs Clutterbuck’s trip above the pipes has been branded a CODE Y, which is serious. Not her fault though! And I hear the cocktails she’s made from her stolen goods are truly delicious! Oh, do you want to see my cool pen?’
‘What does it do?’ Fluffanora asked excitedly.
‘WARDROBE!’ Fran snapped. ‘Less yapping. You work behind the scenes.’
Fluffanora stuck out her tongue.
‘THE GREATEST INSULT!’ Fran roared. ‘Did anyone see that?’
‘So,’ Tiga said, trying to move things along. ‘The pen.’
‘It’s a travel pen. I call it Travelpenpen.’
Tiga looked bored. ‘It’s a pen you can carry when you’re travelling? That’s not that great.’
‘No,’ Gretal Green said casually. ‘You draw wherever you want to travel to, and then it takes you there.’
‘NO WAY!’ Fluffanora cried, zipping in front of the camera and grabbing the pen.
‘I give up,’ Fran said, pinching the bridge of her nose. ‘I just … amateurs.’
‘Why don’t you try it?’ Gretal Green said. ‘Where’s your next stop?’
‘We’re going to Brew’s to interview Fluffanora’s mum,’ Tiga said, brandishing her notebook.
Fluffanora bit her lip and began carefully sketching the outside of Brew’s in the air in front of them. The pen ink was dark and gloopy. When she finished, the drawing began to flash.
‘Step on through,’ Gretal Green said with a wink.
And just like that, they were gone.
Five Things You Didn’t Know About Gretal Green, by Tiga
1.Gretal Green’s work at NAPA (the National Above the Pipes Association) has transformed witch science, linking it with human science in magical ways. This year she will receive the Top Witch Award of Wonderfulness at a special ceremony.
2.She believes in telling certain human children about witches and the world below the pipes, in the hope that one day humans and witches can exist together peacefully.
3.She has burnt her eyebrows 2,599 times.
4.She has a team of two thousand witches who help develop NAPA projects. She hopes to double that number this year and find more young witches who would like to get jobs in science.
5.Her best friend is Mrs Brew. They have matching best-friend gloves that have been specially customised with a spell to wriggle off the wearer’s hand and collect cakes, pies and tarts when commanded.
How to Make a Witchoween Drawing Wall and Party Pen
Every good Witchoween party features a large piece of paper on the wall. Guests are encouraged to draw fun things (or just write notes and their names). Witches often write why they think their fellow witches are fabulous, while some draw pineapples. So stick a piece of paper to the wall, and then spruce up your pen to make it extra Witchoweeny. Unfortunately, it probably won’t be a transporting pen like Gretal Green’s, because she’s a scientist and makes these things in a controlled lab with strict health and safety restrictions in place.
WHAT YOU’LL NEED:
•A pen
•Two fabric strips – one about an inch thick, the other twice as thick
•Glue (glue guns are best)
•Scissors
•Needle and thread
HOW TO MAKE IT
1.Add a bit of glue at one end of the pen, and fix the thinner fabric strip to it. Wrap it around, gluing as you go. The pen should now be covered in the fabric.
2.Fold over the second piece of fabric and cut a fringe into the open side.
3.With the needle and thread, stitch along the closed side using a running stitch (or ask an adult to help you. They make good servants). Now pull it together and it should bunch and make a crazy pom-pom.
4.Glue the crazy pom-pom to the top of the pen.
Mrs Brew at the Brews’ Studio
They didn’t quite arrive at Brew’s, but emerged from the drawing at the Wartwell & Witch Toy Store, which was about five minutes down the road in a very similar-looking building.
‘Oh look,’ Tiga said. ‘Wartell & Witch, I’ve never noticed that toy shop before – that must be where Felicity Bat gets all those cuddly spiders.’
The four of them charged up the road, past the witches dining outside the cafés and reading the latest Ritzy City Post.
They stopped outside Brew’s. ‘Why is the lamp post wearing a dress?’ Tiga asked.
Fluffanora shook her head and walked in. ‘You don’t want to know!’
Mrs Brew’s studio was one of Tiga’s favourite places in Ritzy City. Around the edges were rails of half-made dresses and piles of hats, and the back wall – known as the Embellishment Wall – was stacked high with containers full of beads and gemstones and pearls and feathers and buttons. And in the middle sat Mrs Brew’s huge desk, illuminated by the huge, round window that looked down on the busy Ritzy City streets outside.
‘I thought we’d make some couture hats,’ Mrs Brew said. She flicked her finger and four black hats landed in front of them with a bang, plus a tiny one for Fran.
‘You could just set your camera up there,’ Mrs Brew suggested to Lizzie Beast, ‘then you can join in too.’
Fran was about to protest that the camera would have to move and zoom and such, but Tiga distracted her with a tube of glitter.
‘So, Mrs Brew,’ Fran said as they got stuck into designing their hats. ‘What advice would you give to any young witches who want to be fashion designers?’
Mrs Brew glued some gemstones around the rim of her hat. ‘Well, I’d say, practise on yourself first. I was always altering my own outfits as a young witch – adding furry cuffs to a cardigan, gluing little gemstones to the pockets on my jackets, dyeing the laces on my boots. Start designing your clothes now, and keep a notebook with all the things you’ve done!’
Tiga and Fluffanora came back from the Embellishment Wall with armfuls of stuff.
‘I’m going to make little glittery slugs and sew them all over my hat,’ Tiga said.
‘I’m going to completely cover mine in pom-poms,’ Fluffanora said as Fran dropped the feather she was about to glue on to her hat and picked up some pom-poms instead.
‘And who is your favourite designer at the moment?’ Fran asked.
‘Now that’s a good question,’ Mrs Brew said. ‘I would say Paisley Parade; she makes couture shoes in Silver City. She adds lots of colourful embellishment and fun laces. Some have magic elements, like self-tying laces, and patterns that change colour. I think she made a pair that shouts directions if you get lost. She’s just about to open her first shop; she’s taking over Shoes by Karen. I predict this time next year every witch in Sinkville will be wearing a pair of Paisley Parade shoes.’
‘FINISHED!’ Fran roared, holding up her pom-pom hat. It was virtually identical to Fluffanora’s.
‘Wonderful!’ Mrs Brew said, admiring their creations. Lizzie Beast had gone for neon ribbons, Tiga was sparkly slugs and polka dots, and Mrs Brew had made a striking silver-embroidered one, with gemstone edging.
‘Where are you off to next?’ she asked.
Tiga opened up her notebook. ‘We’re going to see Trilly at her tea shop in the forest.’
‘Oh, well in that case, I’ll drive you! I’ve been meaning to take Ratty Ann for a spin.’
‘Who is Ratty Ann?’ Lizzie Beast asked.
‘It’s her car,’ Fran said with a scoff. ‘Can’t believe you don’t know that. Mrs Brew is famous.’
Five Things You Didn’t Know About Mrs Brew, by Tiga
1.Mrs Brew was given Ratty Ann as a birthday present, from Freddie Crow, the witch who owns Crow’s Toes in Pearl Peak.
2.Her favourite book is called The Witch in Wardrobe, about a small witch who lives in a world called Wardrobe.
3.In the morning, she drinks Jumpjam Juice, which is a blend of jam and raw frog tears.
4.Every year she attends the Glamo
ur Gala, a dinner and ball featuring all the top designers and stars of Sinkville. They wear incredible outfits, and the designers compete to see who can come up with the most creative design.
5.She likes to dress up the lamp post outside her shop, just for fun. She calls her Lanky Lorna.
How to Decorate Your Shoes Like Paisley Parade
WHAT YOU’LL NEED:
•A pair of plain shoes or trainers (preferably white fabric)
•Glue
•Laces (preferably white fabric)
•Felt pens in different colours
•Pom-poms
•Gems
•Some real or fake flowers
•Glitter (in assorted colours)
•Any other things you fancy sticking to your shoes
HOW TO MAKE THEM:
GO NUTS. Paisley Parade is excellent at creating unique designs – glitter-covered trainers with flowers glued to the tongue and multicoloured striped laces coloured in with pens. One of her popular designs features blue laces and black glitter stars with pom-poms around the edge of the shoes.
You can design them however you want – and they will look FABULOUS.
Trilly’s Tea in the Forest
They waved goodbye to Mrs Brew and made their way through Ritzy City and into the forest. Tiga helped Fluffanora carry her trunk, walking in silence, while Fran whistled the theme tune for Cooking for Tiny People.
Up ahead Tiga could see a replica of Peggy’s shoe house. The same shoe house she and Peggy had slept in during Witch Wars.
Little laces and heels in a heap,
Make me a better place to sleep!
The sound of Peggy cheerily chirping the spell echoed in Tiga’s head.
‘They made a replica of the shoe as a tourist attraction,’ Fran explained. ‘Witches come from all over Sinkville to stay in it and pretend to be you and Peggy!’
‘Well, that’s not weird at all,’ Tiga said.
‘The shoe house is so popular it’s booked up seven months in advance!’ Fran went on. ‘There’s a huge waiting list. Lovely Trilly of Trilly’s Tea fame looks after it.’
Lizzie Beast shuddered. They were near the spot where she had crashed into a chandelier, squashing her best friend, Patty Pigeon, and knocking her out of the Witch Wars competition.
‘How is Patty Pigeon?’ Fluffanora asked, clearly thinking the same thing as Lizzie Beast.
‘SHE’S ALIVE,’ Lizzie Beast grunted defensively.
‘Well, I assumed that,’ Fluffanora said.
Up ahead, there was a little clearing in the forest. A small house sat surrounded by hanging vines and sweet black flowers.
There was a loud BANG, and a perfectly crisp Toad magazine landed with a thud on the trunk.
TOAD MAGAZINE
WHAT’S BEEN HOPPINING AROUND SINKVILLE!
ON A ROLL
According to our spy, the Witchoween documentary is on a roll! And Lizzie Beast, their camera witch, has been quite literally rolling – knocking over seventeen Cove witches in the process!
Fran began flying close to the ground, her fists grabbing at clumps of air. ‘WHO LET THE MICRO CAT GO!’ she roared.
‘Fran,’ Fluffanora said. ‘You were looking after the micro cat. You’re pretty much the only one who can see it!’
Fran stopped and looked up. ‘This feels like fairy discrimination. I’m not quite sure why. BUT IT DOES.’
Fluffanora sighed. ‘I’ll be in my trunk. I can’t deal with any more today.’
‘BUT I NEED NEW BOOTS AND A HAIR WRAP!’ Fran roared.
‘What’s all the racket out here then?’ came a voice from the house.
‘Hello, Trilly,’ Fran said flatly. ‘Sorry about Fluffanora.’
‘Sorry about Flu–?!’ Fluffanora began. But Tiga sat on the lid of the trunk before she could burst out of it.
‘Do come in,’ Trilly said kindly. ‘I have something to show you!’
‘You bought the old Flappy Flora’s Floral Foot Cream recipe and are going to remake it?’ Tiga asked, picking up one of the jars. It had a picture of a foot on it, covered in flowers.
Trilly skipped around the room excitedly. ‘Yes! I don’t know why they stopped making it.’
‘Because Flappy Flora’s Floral Foot Cream is really hard to say,’ Tiga, Lizzie and Fran said together. It sounded like Fluffanora said it too, but it was difficult to tell from the muffled mumble that came from the trunk.
‘Would you like a witch pedicure?’ Trilly asked Tiga.
Tiga looked at Fran. ‘Is it like an … above-the-pipes pedicure?’
Fran thought for a moment. ‘Does an above-the-pipes pedicure involve sparkly black nail polish?’
‘Could do,’ Tiga said.
‘And a cat?’
‘No,’ Tiga said.
‘Well, then it’s probably different,’ Fran said.
Tiga looked nervously at Trilly, who was placing a little black basin next to a chair. ‘Want one?’ she asked Tiga.
‘I …’ Tiga began. ‘Don’t … think so?’
FIVE MINUTES LATER …
Tiga sat with her feet in a basin of Flappy Flora’s Floral Foot Cream.
‘Another cup of Trilly’s Tea Punch?’ Trilly asked, scooping some of the delicious stuff from a Crinkle Cauldron.
‘Yes, please!’ Tiga said as she flicked through her Toad magazine.
‘Relaxing, isn’t it?’ Fran said. She was standing in the basin next to Tiga’s feet, her legs completely covered in the cream.
Trilly poured a tiny amount of punch into an equally tiny cup and handed it to Fran.
Lizzie Beast zoomed the camera in on them.
‘Trilly’s Tea Retreat is a lovely way to spend a relaxing afternoon,’ Fran said, taking a sip of the punch. ‘I highly recommend her pedicures. And the Flappy Flora’s Floral Foot Cream recipe has been altered, to smell less of feet and more of flowers, which –’ She sniffed. ‘Hasn’t worked at all!’
Fluffanora peeked out of the trunk. ‘I’m actually a bit jealous,’ she whispered to Tiga. ‘But if I come out then that means Fran wins.’
Tiga suddenly remembered something and looked up anxiously. ‘Wait, when does the cat come into it?’
FIVE SECONDS AND A LOT OF FUR LATER …
‘MAKE IT STOP!’ Tiga roared as the cat rolled about on her feet, tickling her uncontrollably. ‘THERE’S NO POINT TO THIS BIT!’
‘It’s a massage,’ Trilly said, calmly lifting one of Tiga’s feet and flicking her finger, covering her nails in a gorgeous, glittery black polish.
Tiga jolted in the seat, her eyes squeezed shut while the cat finished wriggling about on her other foot. ‘MAKE THE CAT GO AWAY!’
Trilly flicked her finger and Tiga’s other toes were perfectly painted too. Fran lay down in the thick cream bath and stuck her feet in the air. ‘ME NEXT!’
The cat came galloping over.
‘NOT THE CAT!’ Fran quickly corrected herself. ‘JUST THE POLISH! JUST THE POLISH!’
Five Things You Didn’t Know About Trilly, by Tiga
1.Trilly has always lived in the forest and finds Ritzy City overwhelming.
2.She spreads her possessions across the forest, bewitching trees to act as cupboards. Every so often a witch will lean against one of the trees and a pile of pyjamas or dresses or board games will pop out.
3.Trilly’s grandmother invented the very popular witch board game BROOMSTICK BOOM.
4.Her favourite plant is weeds.
5.Her pet plant is a weed called Creeper. She ties bows in his leaves to make him pretty.
How to Do a Witch-style Pedicure
WHAT YOU’LL NEED:
•Plain skin cream
•Rose petals
•Feet
•Sparkly black nail polish
•It’s best not to include the cat bit
•A small basin to put your feet in
HOW TO DO IT:
1.Put some cream in the basin.
2.Add the rose petals.
3.Put your feet in.
4.Swish them around, read a magazine, drink a glass of Trilly’s punch.
5.Take your feet out and wipe them with a towel.
6.Paint your toenails with the sparkly polish.
7.Let it dry.
Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really
Tiga could see the rooftops of Ritzy City glinting up ahead, and no matter how many times she visited, the sight of the place made her tingle every time.
‘I think we should go to Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really,’ Fluffanora said, emerging from the trunk. ‘We deserve it.’
‘Yes!’ Fran squealed. ‘And we can film them making their special That’s About It Really tarts, tell everyone the recipe and make me a hero.’
‘It’s not on my list …’ Tiga said.
‘I just want something to eat,’ Fluffanora grumbled.
‘I’ll need Wardrobe to get me a nice tart-themed hat,’ Fran said.
Fluffanora marched on with purpose, pretending she couldn’t hear her, and stormed through the door to Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really, making the witches inside jump.
‘Afternoon,’ Tiga said awkwardly. ‘We’re just going to … go back there … and –’ She dived behind the counter and made her way through to the back.
They stopped and stared at all the witches racing around carrying pies. Huge conveyer belts were magically suspended in the air, and all along them, That’s About It Really tarts and fabulous cakes wobbled along and out to the front of the shop.
‘Five pies for table ten!’ came a shout.
‘Black cake with jam glaze for table two!’ came another.
Lizzie Beast hastily set up her camera and flicked it on.
‘My hat! Hurry up, Wardrobe,’ Fran hissed.
Fluffanora rolled her eyes and pulled a tiny hat from the trunk.
She smirked.
‘What are you smirking at?’ Tiga asked as Fran snatched the hat and put it on her head. ‘Ah. I see what you’ve done.’
The hat was shaped like a tart and had NARF written on it. ‘Narf’ was Fran’s least favourite word, because a long time ago, when Fran made her film debut in Fly Like the Wind (a classic about a fairy who unfortunately encounters a tornado), the director of the film spelled her name wrong on the credits at the end, writing it backwards. For four years, she was known as Narf. It was a dark time for Fran.