Bad for You (Dirty Deeds)

by J. Daniels

It was all too much—being here in this stupid booth promoting something I was absolutely not participating in, seeing the one person I was hoping to see, who was never supposed to be here. Those eyes—those beautiful copper eyes that were now black and void of life, when they should’ve been filled with all the love in the world. Nothing but love.

  I didn’t understand it. Why did he look like that? He shouldn’t look like that. He shouldn’t look exactly like I felt. I gave him everything. I gave up everything so he could have the life he deserved.

  But the man staring back at me didn’t look like a man who had it all.

  He looked like a man who deserved nothing.

  “You left,” he growled.

  A stabbing pain shot through my chest.

  God…

  Hearing his voice, knowing I broke my promise to Sean, and seeing what it did to him…It was crippling.

  I didn’t think I had the words to explain myself, because they were locked inside my heart. I wouldn’t speak them.

  What could I say?

  “I-I—” My mouth snapped closed when Sean approached.

  >Glaring, he got up beside Preppy while reaching for his back pocket, his other hand fishing the five dollars out of the jar. “Take a walk,” Sean ordered, pressing the bill against the guy’s chest.

  The man backed up, muttering, “No problem, man. Sorry,” under his breath before he slinked away.

  Sean turned back to me, then held my eyes as he dropped his wallet into the jar.

  My brain short-circuited.

  The crowd reacted with interest and went quiet.

  I quickly glanced around.

  Everyone was staring at us, looking curious. Tori and Syd were grinning, most likely because it appeared Sean was purchasing the kissing booth and declaring my mouth his, which I wanted to grin about myself, but I couldn’t because he shouldn’t be declaring something like that anymore.

  What the fuck was happening? Why was he even here?

  Wide-eyed and heart racing, I watched Sean flatten his hands on the ledge and lean forward.

  “I fucked up,” he said.

  “What?” I whispered.

  Oh, God, his girls…

  “What happened? Is everything okay?” I asked.

  “You got my back, I should’ve had yours,” Sean replied, ignoring my questions. “I should’ve protected us and I didn’t. I let you walk. All your hurt, it’s on me, Shayla. I should’ve known what you were doin’. I was too fucked up to see it.”

  Blinking, I shook my head. I was so confused right now.

  So nothing had happened with his girls?

  Sean read that and continued explaining himself.

  “Hearin’ you tell me you were leavin’…You were puttin’ me first and thinkin’ I wanted my old life back. The life I had with Val before I fucked it all up. And it’s my fault for not informin’ you—that shit with Val? That was over before I got put away. We both know that now. Feelin’s are always gonna be there ’cause she gave me my girls, and she cares for me, knowin’ what all I’ve been through, but we’re better as friends. She agrees.”

  She agrees?

  “You talked to Val?” I asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “And you didn’t get your old life back?”

  Sean cocked his head. “Did you not hear me just say I don’t want it?”

  “I don’t understand…Your girls. Your family. You want that. I know you do.”

  That was everything he wanted.

  Sean leaned closer. “I got my girls. I got Val as a friend. What I don’t got is my family, ’cause you’re here standin’ in a fuckin’ kissing booth instead of at my back where you’re supposed to be. How the fuck can I have my family when the woman I love more than my own fuckin’ life isn’t with me? You wanna explain that?”

  My lips parted. I got it then. I understood why Sean was here and why he looked the way he did.

  I understood everything.

  Sean didn’t have it all because he didn’t have me. And he didn’t have me because I left when I said I wouldn’t. I had given him that broken, beaten down look. I took away his chance at getting all the happiness the world had to offer him, when I’d promised to make sure he got it.

  I left him.

  I did this.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

  “You’ve said that enough.”

  “I haven’t,” I argued. “I promised you I wouldn’t leave, and I did. You gotta know how much that killed me, Sean.”

  “I know how much, baby. I saw you.”

  I pulled my lips between my teeth as my eyes stung.

  God, I love him.

  “You stood there wantin’ me, wantin’ us, as much as I did, and you buried that want so I could get it all.”

  He knew. He knew everything.

  “Yes,” I whimpered.

  “But you didn’t know, I already had it,” he shared.

  Oh, God.

  “I should’ve told you,” he said, leaning closer. “I am so fuckin’ sorry I didn’t.”

  I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “It’s okay.”

  “It ain’t, but you know it now.”

  “I do.”

  He stared longingly into my face. “Am I yours?”

  I nodded immediately.

  “You love me?”

  My shoulders dropped. “Oh, my God, you have no idea,” I cried, my heart splitting open and letting those words spill out. “I’ve been in love with you since last summer. Maybe even before that. I don’t know. I don’t remember the time between meeting you and loving you. I just know I love you and I can’t stop. That’s it.”

  Sean’s eyes warmed to that beautiful copper shade again as his face got soft, then he glanced down between us, met my eyes again, and asked. “You gonna get the fuck outta this booth so I can get at you?”

  I stopped breathing.

  Holy yes, please get at me.

  “I didn’t want to be in here in the first place,” I informed Sean as I stepped out of the booth and met him around the side. “And I wasn’t going to kiss anyone. I swear.”

  “So what, you were just gonna take their money and chat?”

  “That’s exactly what I was going to do. And don’t act like people wouldn’t pay. I’m a good fucking time.”

  Sean chuckled, his mouth stretching into a grin, as he took my face between his hands. He bent lower.

  Arms around his waist, I rolled up onto my toes, head tilting back to give him access, and as his lips slid against mine and pressed, a round of applause surrounded us, along with sharp whistling and cheers from Tori and Syd.

  We laughed inside our kiss, but we kept it up.

  It was a kiss worthy of applause, in my opinion.

  When we finally pulled away, I planted my chin on Sean’s chest and smiled up at him as his arms circled my back.

  “Told my girls about us,” he said.

  Us. “You did?”

  “Yeah,” he murmured, brushing strands of hair off my cheek and staring into my eyes. “Val and I talked to them about it. They like you. They were excited.”

  I grinned. That felt nice. Almost as nice as this.

  “We’re splittin’ custody fifty-fifty.”

  My entire body jerked. “Oh, my God, Sean, that’s great!” I yelled. “I’m so happy for you.”

  He smiled, then he pulled me tighter against him and dropped his head so his mouth was in my hair. “Wouldn’t be happenin’ if it wasn’t for you. You gotta know how much you mean to me.”

  “Sean,” I whispered, leaning away so I could see his face. “It happened because of you…”

  He cut me off. “Meetin’ you, gettin’ your voice in my head and feelin’ what you’d say in my heart, I was able to get it knowin’ it was mine,” he shared. “I might’ve gotten it without you, but I wouldn’t know I’m worth it. That was you.”

  A tear slid out of my eye. “Okay,” I whispered.

  His brows shot up. “Yeah? You
ain’t gonna argue that?”

  He sounded shocked.

  “I’m too happy to argue right now,” I returned. “I’m in your arms, you just kissed me stupid…”

  “Shit, baby, if that’s all it takes.” Sean bent down, gripped me under my butt, and lifted me in the air while he pressed kisses all over my face. “I would’ve been doin’ this since we first fuckin’ met.”

  “Sean!” I screamed, holding onto him.

  It was not a scream of protest.

  I was laughing, shrieking, crying tears of joy, and waving at the crowd as they cheered us on.

  I said my happiness came from being in Sean’s arms and feeling his mouth against mine, and that was true, but it wasn’t all of it, and because Sean knew his worth now and was well on his way to living life in all its beauty, I knew I didn’t need to list the rest.

  But I was prepared to.

  For him, I always would be.

  Epilogue

  SHAYLA

  One Month Later

  I stood in front of the mirror in Sean’s bathroom as I popped in my silver hoop earrings, this pair the classiest I owned since they were studded in diamonds.

  The necklace I was wearing was classy too—a halo pendant, also encrusted in diamonds.

  Sean and I were going out tonight and eating at a restaurant that required reservations, and in my opinion, reservations called for classy jewelry.

  Aside from my earrings and necklace, I was wearing a blue sapphire ring my late nana had left for me. It was an antique, more than a hundred years old according to my mother, and if that didn’t scream class, I didn’t know what did.

  And on my left hand, I wore the threaded ring Sean had given me when we got to his house after working the Memorial Day carnival together, and after a round of hot and heavy hallway sex, not being able to make it to the bedroom.

  Classy was the best of the best, and the ring I never took off was just that.

  I loved it more than any piece of jewelry I owned.

  Sean didn’t propose to me that day, and I didn’t need him to. The ring was something he’d made thinking of me, hoping I’d wear it like he wore the threads around his wrist, and knowing how much those threads meant to him and the gesture he was making by giving me that ring, that was enough.

  It was more than enough.

  I didn’t need a proposal. I didn’t need Sean getting down on one knee. We were together, letting go and letting things happen like we always did, and because we were doing that, Sean and I both knew we would eventually get married and make things official.

  But right now? We were just enjoying the ride.

  And like all rides that included Sean, it was continually getting better and better.

  Life was truly amazing.

  Sean and I spent a lot of time with his girls, splitting weekends with Val and alternating weekdays, based on everyone’s schedules. Hair by Shayla was picking up thanks to word-of-mouth, leaving me to cut back on my hours at Whitecaps.

  I was still able to pick up a shift once or twice a week, which kept me happy. I loved that job, and not only because I had a mad crush on the cook.

  Working with my friends-turned-family was always part of my dream. And now with Sean, his girls, and my salon, I felt like I had it all.

  I was applying my lipstick—the deep ruby color Sean liked so much—when I heard the front door open and close, and then Sean’s heavy booted feet getting closer until he filled the doorway of the bathroom.

  “There you are. You better hurry up and get ready,” I told him. “Reservations are in thirty minutes.” I pushed my nail along the edge of my lower lip to sharpen up the line, then I capped the lipstick and looked over at him. “Where you been anyway?”

  Sean had his shoulder pressed to the doorframe, leaning into it, as his eyes slowly canvassed the little black dress I had on. “You wore that the night you couldn’t spell for shit,” he murmured. “Didn’t get to tell you then ’cause I didn’t know if I could, but that dress.” His eyes lifted and met mine. “Fuck,” he growled.

  My skin tingled. Best compliment yet.

  “You like?” I teased.

  “Oh, yeah.”

  I grinned. “Wouldn’t look half as good without this going with it.” I held up my left hand and showed him the ring.

  That got a grin out of Sean to beat all grins, equal parts beautiful and breathtaking.

  And holy Lord, was it sexy.

  “Shit. Go get dressed before we miss these reservations altogether.” I laughed, guiding him out of the bathroom with me. His arm draped over my shoulders, and I looked up at him as we entered the bedroom. “Where were you? I thought you got off two hours ago?”

  “I did,” he answered. “You look at that stupid snap app today?”

  “Not recently. I did this morning. Why?”

  “Go look at it.”

  I tilted my head. “Did you do something on Snapchat?”

  No fucking way. He hated that app.

  Sean didn’t answer me, and when he still didn’t answer me after I narrowed my eyes and inched closer, I squealed, spinning around and snatching my phone off the trunk he used as a night table.

  I ignored his breathy chuckle as I unlocked the screen and clicked on the app. When I pulled up my friends, my mouth dropped open.

  Sean had a story.

  “No way,” I whispered, smiling now as I made sure my volume was turned up before clicking on Sean’s icon, which didn’t give any hints to what his story was about. I could barely make out the tiny image, even when I raised the screen closer to my face.

  I didn’t need volume for Sean’s story after all. It was a still image of his ribs, and a tattoo-gun pressing into his skin. I gasped and looked up.

  Sean had pulled his T-shirt off. His chest and arms had bandages on them. The kind of bandages that obviously covered tattoos.

  I dropped my phone on the bed and walked over. “Sean,” I said, taking hold of his hand when he reached out for me.

  Staying silent, he pulled me in front of him and slowly peeled away one of the bandages, revealing the design underneath that hid the word I could no longer make out, even upon close inspection.

  “You got them covered up?” I asked, looking into his face.

  He nodded, smiling a little, then kept peeling away bandages and revealing more designs that were beautiful because of the way they looked—roses with soft shadows around them—and because of how well they concealed what had been there before.

  Sean would never see those words again.

  “Oh, my God, I’m so happy,” I whispered, not even caring about the tears in my eyes ruining my makeup job.

  Who the fuck needed reservations anyway? We could just go eat at Frank’s.

  The last bandage remained on his rib, and Sean left it there.

  “You do that one. That’s yours,” he said.

  My breath caught in my throat. Oh, my God.

  “You…that’s my tattoo? You got one for me?” I asked.

  “Told you I would.” Sean grinned and took in a deep breath, then he pushed his hair out of his face and held it back, keeping his fingers interlocked behind his head. “Fuck, I hope you like it. I like it.”

  “I’m sure I’ll love it if you like it,” I said.

  “Go ahead. Take it off.”

  “Okay.” I gave him a smile, and with excitement warming my blood, I reached forward and gently peeled away the bandage on Sean’s rib, revealing the word I’d written there all those weeks ago in black marker, but now, that word blended with another, so there were two words mirroring each other, and depending on where you focused determined which word you’d see.

  Worthy or Shayla.

  “Sean,” I whispered, blinking tears from my eyes.

  “You like it?” he asked.

  “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve done some amazing updos in my time. Let me tell you.”

  He chuckled. “I’m gonna assume that’s some fuckin
’ hair shit you’re talkin’ about.”

  I nodded, peering up at him then. “I love it. I love it so much.”

  His thumb caught a tear on my cheek. Then he dropped his arm and looked down at himself.

  “Couldn’t get one without the other,” he shared. “Wouldn’t be able to get worthy if it wasn’t for you, and your name…now I know I’m good enough to have that on my skin for fuckin’ ever.”

  My stomach flipped and dropped out. Oh, my God, did he just say that?

  Fuck you, reservations. We were not making those.

  “You’re goddamned right, for fuckin’ ever,” I cried, sniffling, letting the tears fall. I didn’t care.

  Sean lifted his head to look at me, then broke into laughter. “I am so fuckin’ insane for you, you know that?”

  I nodded quickly and wiped off my face, because I could not be crying while asking the next thing I needed an answer to.

  This was serious.

  “The question is, though, are you insane enough to skip out on a fancy steak dinner and make love to me on the floor instead, followed by some takeout from Frank’s? Because I can’t see myself leaving out of here before both of us orgasm at least once, and I really want you banging me where we first did it. I love that memory. I want to relive it.”

  Sean’s grin faded to a smile that was equally beautiful, then he reached out and took my face between his hands, bent down, and pressed his forehead against mine.

  “Frank’s does have good crust,” he uttered softly.

  My heart warmed and melted into a pile of Sean-loving goo.

  “You’re the best,” I whispered.

  “Say that while I’m fuckin’ you on the floor.”

  “You got it.”

  Sean grinned.

  I grinned right on back until we started kissing, then I just held on, let go of the dinner plans we’d made, and let what needed to happen happen.

  For Sean, with Sean, I always would.

  Look for Nate and Jenna’s story in

  DOWN TOO DEEP

  Available in early 2019

  Praise for J. Daniels’s Dirty Deeds Series

  Hit the Spot

  “An intense, passionate game of wills that will have you speeding through the pages to find out what happens next!”