Now Sydney’s breathing had grown ragged.
“I never believed I could cross the line to get involved with a married woman. I could never have imagined sinking as low as my own father. Yet after labeling him with silent accusations, I realized I wasn’t that different from him in my thoughts. I despised myself for my weakness where you’re concerned, Sydney.
“In my resolve to have answers one way or the other, I drove to the high school. Out of desperation I used one of my parishioners, Jeanine, who works in the office, to get me the information I needed.
“I told her a deliberate lie. But I had an excuse, I beg you to forgive me because I had to find you.” His voice throbbed.
“While Jeanine did some detective work, she thought that you might be teaching in a nearby town, but I doubted it.
“After the way we’d parted, I had the gut feeling you’d moved out of state and were now married to a man who enjoyed all the privileges of being your husband…including the right to share with you what Rick and Kay had been doing earlier.”
Jarod’s words sent a thrill of desire through Sydney’s body.
“During the torturous wait, I determined that if you were married, I would go on retreat to Europe for a couple of months’ renewal and hope for some kind of epiphany that would help me survive the rest of my life without your memory sapping my joy in the work.
“But if by some miracle you hadn’t met a man you wanted to marry yet, then I was at the point where I had to face what it was I really wanted. Even if it meant hurting other people, I knew what I had to do.
“I wanted to be with you,” he said in a deep, husky tone.
She weaved in place.
“The second I learned you were still single and working at Yellowstone, my decision was made. After months of trying to fight my natural desires, it became clear I would never win the struggle.
“I owed my superior all the truth in me when I announced I was leaving the priesthood. The very fact that I could say those words aloud should have made me tremble with fear. Instead, I felt like a real man again at the mere idea of seeing my heart’s desire, again.
“From that moment on, I never looked back.”
Jarod— Could what he was saying really be true?
“It was the measure of how far removed my thoughts were from everything else important to me. Once I’d laid my case before the bishop, I began to make plans.
“I scanned the Yellowstone Park Web site for work possibilities and noticed a link to their Employee Assistance Program. They run a counseling service for their own people. I read the list of skills for the manager position. My qualifications were perfectly suited for the job. Which means I can support you if we decide we want to remain here.
“The head woman, Maureen Scofield, told me it was mine if I wanted it, but I have to let her know soon.”
Sydney knew Maureen well. Jarod would have bowled her over.
He raked his hands through his hair. “So now that you know everything, I’m going to ask you one more time to be my wife.”
Sydney’s heart raced so fast, she could hardly breathe.
“How can I give you an answer when you have no idea how you’re going to feel a month or a year from now? Once the first thrill of being together wears off, you’ll probably start to compare your level of happiness against the joy you felt serving the parish. No matter what you say, a wife will come in second best.
“Knowing how honorable you are, you’ll remain silent even though you’ll be dying to ask me for a divorce. I can’t fathom how terrible it would be to watch you suffer over a decision you should never have made.”
His sensuous mouth flattened to a thin line. “I’ll be taking the same risk.”
Her head reared. “What do you mean?”
“After a few months, it’s possible you’ll become disenchanted of married life with me. We’ve been forbidden fruit to each other, but maybe you’ll decide I wasn’t everything you desired in a husband.”
Her cheeks flamed.
“I’m not going to tire of you, or long for my old life.” Shadows darkened his handsome features. “Don’t you understand I want to grow old with you?”
“You say that now—” she cried, doubt flooding through her.
His lids lowered so she couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. “Forgive me for keeping you up so late.” He turned to leave.
“Wait—where are you going?”
He paused midstride. “To the motel.”
“You know what I meant.” She moistened her lips nervously. “What will you do?”
“Without you in my life, I plan to move to Europe to work and live.”
The blood pounded in her ears. “Europe?”
“Yes. You and I are going to need an ocean between us. Since I spent some of my happier times there with friends, it makes the most sense. I want a life, Sydney. I crave all the things other men take for granted. A wife…children…
“I wanted you to be the woman I married, but since that isn’t possible, then I’ll meet someone who can handle the fact that I was once a priest. Someone who wants the same things out of life I do.”
His words caused excruciating pain. She took a step closer. “You mean you really aren’t going to go back to Cannon?”
His body stiffened. “Obviously I underestimated the strength of your misgivings. There’s only one thing I want to hear, and so help me, you’re not able to tell me, so let’s not prolong this.” His voice grated.
“Since I’ll be leaving Gardiner in the morning, I’ll say goodbye now and let myself out.” He headed for the entrance.
“Jarod—”
His tall, powerful body kept on walking right out the door into the chilly night. She listened for his footsteps until they faded. Tomorrow he’d be gone and she’d never see him again. By the time she heard his car drive off, she was frantic.
During their long, painful separation, the knowledge that Jarod was in that safe place in Cannon where she could always find him and know he was there serving the parish had sustained her.
But by leaving the priesthood, he’d become a free agent to roam at will wherever he wanted. With whomever he wanted.
She let out an anguished cry.
If she thought this last year had been unbearable without him, she couldn’t imagine what the rest of her life would be like not knowing where to find him.
He’d said he would meet a woman who wanted the same things out of life he wanted.
A tremor shook her body.
Sydney was that woman!
Without him, there would be no life for her, only pain. If she married him and he broke her heart later, could it be any worse than the way she was feeling right now? Probably it would be so much worse, she couldn’t abide the thought. But all she knew right now was that she loved him beyond caution or reason. She had to take the risk, if it wasn’t too late!
What if he changed his mind and left town tonight? Terrified over the possibility, she found her purse and flew out the front door to her car.
He’d said he was staying at the Firehole Lodge. But when she reached it, she couldn’t see his rental car in any of the parking areas.
Where had he gone?
Maybe he’d checked out before he’d come over to the school earlier. If that was true…
She jumped out of her car and dashed inside the lobby. The clerk at the front desk observed her approach with a look of male admiration.
“May I help you?”
“Yes.” She swallowed hard. “I’m here to see Mr. Jarod Kendall. Do you know if he’s still registered?”
“I’ll check.”
“Please hurry.”
“Sounds like it’s a matter of life and death,” he teased.
“It is,” she answered soberly.
If I can’t find him, then I might as well be dead.
“I have good news. He hasn’t checked out yet.”
“Thank heaven. I didn’t see his car, but would you mind r
inging his room anyway?”
He nodded before doing her bidding. After a minute he hung up. “Sorry. He’s not answering.”
“Could you tell me what room he’s in?”
He grinned. “I shouldn’t, but I will. Number 25. The entrance for that part of the building is in back.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
She hurried outside and drove her car around where she could see his when he returned. But it was after midnight and all the parking spaces were taken. Since it was the beginning of the long Labor Day weekend, she wasn’t surprised to see so many last-minute vacationers.
Where was Jarod?
Finally she found one empty spot at the far end and pulled into it. While she waited for him, she turned on the heater. No telling where he’d gone. If he’d taken a drive, he might not return for hours.
Just when she thought he wasn’t going to come, she saw headlights and watched him pull into his designated spot near the entrance. Like quicksilver, he got out of his car and went inside the building, too fast for her to catch up to him.
She raced from her car to follow him. Just before he disappeared inside his room, she called his name. But by this time she was so out of breath, she wasn’t certain he even heard her.
“Jarod?” she cried again outside his door.
Suddenly it opened.
In the orange light of the hallway, she saw his broad chest rise and fall as if he were sustaining a great shock.
Wordlessly, he reached for her.
CHAPTER FIVE
SUDDENLY Sydney found herself backed up against the inside wall, pinned there by Jarod’s hard-muscled body. His hands were braced on either side of her head as he leaned into her. Only a few centimeters separated their mouths.
“Though you can’t say the words yet, you wouldn’t be here if your answer weren’t yes. Kiss me, Sydney.”
Moaning her compliance, she obeyed her own overpowering instinct to meet the compelling urgency of his entreaty. At the first fusion of their lips, the world swirled around her, driving her to cling to him. He was the breath of life to her.
Nothing had prepared her for this explosion of hunger or the ecstasy he created. There was a refined savagery in the way he was holding and kissing her.
Delirious with the passion born of their suppressed desire, they drank longer and deeper from each other’s mouths until she felt white-hot heat start to devour her. It spread from the secret core of her body to radiate to her very fingertips.
His moans followed hers as they gave and took indescribable pleasure from each other in the dark confines of the room.
“I love you, I love you,” she cried rapturously while her lips traveled the contours of his unforgettable male face. “You’re such a beautiful man, I’m in awe,” she whispered into the luxuriant black hair she couldn’t stop touching.
She felt him suck in his breath. He kissed the base of her throat where her pulse throbbed. “I don’t dare tell you how I feel about you or else I will really start to show you, and I can’t do that until I have your parents’ permission to marry you.”
Very gently, he disengaged himself until she stood there alone, swaying and bereft.
After emerging from a fiery furnace where she wanted to stay and be consumed by the flames, the mention of her family acted like a numbing cascade of glacier water. It effectively put out the fire he’d generated, robbing her of the inexplicable joy she’d just experienced in his strong arms.
She turned her body away from him and clung to the wall. “They’ll never give it. I’ll quit my job and we can be married in Europe.”
Sydney couldn’t believe she’d just said that, but her love for Jarod was too great for it to be jeopardized now.
Jarod was still so close to her, she could feel the heat from his body. “I won’t marry you without at least giving them a chance first. Your parents brought you into this world. You’re their only child. They adore you.
“Do you honestly believe you and I could take full joy in our union if they weren’t behind it, anxious to be a part of it? If my own family’s miserable failures did nothing else, they taught me how precious and sacred those ties are.
“I haven’t given up on my family yet, Sydney, and I refuse to start out married life with you estranged from your parents. It won’t work. We’d both be desperately unhappy—unable to build a life that’s going to last.”
White-faced, she turned to him. “You don’t know them the way I do. To marry a man outside their church would be incomprehensible to them. Especially one w-wh—”
“Who’s an ex-priest?” he broke in. His lips twitched. Any hint of a smile made him so gorgeous, she got lost just staring at him. “Maybe that will work in my favor.”
“Don’t tease about something this earthshaking—” she begged him.
“Sydney—”
He pulled her back in his arms. She burrowed against his solid shoulder while he rocked her in place. “Our love has brought us this far. It’s going to take us all the way.
“Since you don’t have to be back to school until Monday, let’s fly to Bismarck tomorrow morning and pay them a surprise visit.”
In anyone else’s case, his suggestion would have made perfect sense, but Jarod had no idea what he’d be up against with her parents. A frightened tremor shook her body.
He buried his face in the gold satin of her hair. “When you tremble like this, I want to take you to bed and make you forget everything and everyone else but me. Soon that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
“But for now, you have to leave my room. Otherwise I won’t be responsible for my actions, and then you’ll have something else to feel guilty about.”
She groaned, knowing he was right, but her reaction was to press herself harder against him. “I don’t want to move from your arms. Not ever again.”
“After we receive your parents’ blessing, I swear I’ll never let you out of my sight.” He took her mouth in another long, hard kiss, then abruptly tore his lips from hers.
“Come on. I’ll walk you to your car and follow you home so I know you get in your apartment safely.”
She gazed up at him with her heart in her eyes. “I wish—”
“So do I.” He read her mind with unerring accuracy. “But it wouldn’t be a good idea to spend the night at your place. I wouldn’t last two minutes on your couch before I came in your bedroom and joined you. So I’ll pick you up at six in the morning and we’ll have breakfast on our way to the airport.”
Six in the morning.
As he walked her to her car, Sydney didn’t know if she could make it through the night without him—now that they were finally together again. Right now he was being the strong one. The discipline of a priest made him exceptional…yet she wished that for this one time, he’d give in to his human side.
After he’d helped her in the car, he took another sensuous kiss from her mouth.
“I’m aware of what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong about me. I’m more human than you know. One more hurdle, then you’re going to find out what it’s like to be loved by a man.”
“Rick? Did I wake you?”
“You know better than that.”
“It’s still early, but this news can’t wait.”
“Then my prayers have been answered.”
“Almost. We’re at the Bismarck airport waiting for a taxi. I’m about to meet Sydney’s parents. Depending on how things go, I’d like her to meet you and Kay. Is your schedule flexible enough for you to drive over from Cannon tomorrow and meet us here for dinner?”
“I’ll fix it so it is.”
“Good. I’ll call you in the morning and let you know the exact time and place.”
“Jarod?”
“Yes?”
“You sound different. The happiness in your voice—” Rick couldn’t go on, he was struggling to stay in control.
Jarod discovered he had to clear his own throat. “Only a happily marrie
d man like you would know how I’m feeling right now.”
The taxi had pulled up to the curb.
“Thanks for being there, Rick.”
He hung up and turned to Sydney who was looking too anxious and frightened on this incredible day of days. “They’ll join us tomorrow evening.”
Taking her arm, he helped her into the back of the cab and shut the door. Sydney gave the driver directions to her parents’ ranch house, then clung to Jarod’s side.
She was trembling again, this time out of pure fear.
As Jarod had learned early in life, for good or bad, the power of family was the greatest force there was. He held her tighter.
Finally she sat up straight. “I—I’d better phone my parents and tell them I’m about to arrive with someone.”
Jarod had wondered when she’d get around to it. It worried him she’d taken this long to find the courage.
“This is wonderful, honey. Your mom was just saying how upset she was that you wouldn’t be here for the holiday. She’s going to be thrilled when she comes back from the store and finds you here.”
“Dad?” Sydney’s voice caught. “Before we hang up you need to know I’m bringing someone with me.”
“One of your girlfriends from the Park?”
She gripped her cell phone tighter. “No. It’s a man.”
Silence greeted her ears before he said, “Well, this is news.”
Oh Dad— If you only knew—
The dynamics in the Taylor household didn’t work the same way they did in some families. Inviting a man home to dinner, let alone to be an overnight guest, meant something of extraordinary significance had happened.
Sydney knew instinctively you didn’t take that final step unless you wanted the family to assume this was the man you were going to marry.
Jarod Kendall had only made it over her parents’ threshold in her dreams. All of them had turned into nightmares because he’d come dressed in his priestly vestments. Such wouldn’t be the case if Sydney had fallen in love with a local from Bismarck who attended her parents’ church. They could approve wholeheartedly of someone like that, a man they could relate to spiritually, who had no baggage.
Meant-To-Be Marriage Page 7
