Meant-To-Be Marriage

by Rebecca Winters

  Behind her mother’s intransigence, Sydney detected real anxiety. In all honesty, she couldn’t deny her own deep-seated fears that the day could come when marriage might not be the ultimate answer for Jarod. He might want to break his vows to her, too.

  She didn’t want to think about it or believe it could happen, but with his history, she had to at least acknowledge the possibility.

  “I’m scared, too, Mom. But I’m more scared of letting him go and never seeing him again.”

  “I know.”

  Her mother turned away and left the kitchen.

  Jarod grazed the TV channels. Nothing held his interest. Nothing could have captured his attention while he was waiting to hear from Sydney.

  For the last ten years he’d lived and worked among Midwesterners, but he had to admit her parents displayed an insular quality that was pretty well impossible to penetrate.

  Their quiet, disapproving stoicism explained the depth of her guilt. Nothing could be more intimidating to a child growing up than to read the censure in her parents’ eyes or tone of voice.

  He didn’t know what was worse. The ear-splitting battles his own parents waged for everyone in the household to hear, or the crushing silence from two parents whose demeanor would put off the most courageous of their children.

  Considering the life she’d come from, Sydney was the most unique, courageous woman he knew to be willing to take him on. But he’d be a fool to rule out the possibility that her parents’ arguments against marrying him had taken hold.

  The mere thought of a life without her caused him to break out in a cold sweat.

  By eleven, he couldn’t lie there any longer and levered himself from the bed to take a shower. When he reentered the room, he saw the blue light flashing from the cell he’d left on the bedside table.

  Sydney? Only a handful of people knew his number.

  In a few swift strides he crossed the room and checked the caller ID before phoning her back.

  “Jarod?” she answered breathlessly after the first ring. “I’ve been trying to reach you. Where have you been?”

  If he didn’t know better, he would think she was angry. But that was stark staring fear he’d heard in her voice just now. His black brows met in a frown.

  “I waited all evening for your call, then took a shower.”

  After a palpable silence. “You’ve been there the whole time?”

  “Where would I go without you?”

  “I—I don’t know,” she dissembled.

  His thoughts flew. He couldn’t let this pass. “Sydney? If we don’t have total honesty between us, we have nothing. Tell me what got you so worried.” He thought he knew, but he needed to hear her say it.

  “You can’t deny that you have friends at the diocese here in Bismarck.” Her voice trembled as she said the words.

  He unconsciously rubbed his thumb over his lower lip. “That’s true. There’ll be times in the future when I’ll want to see them, but you’ll always know about it first. That’s a promise I’ll make to you right now.”

  An anguished cry met his ears. “You don’t have to promise me anything! A marriage starting out with promises no one should be held to wouldn’t last two minutes.”

  Agreed.

  Shifting his weight he said, “Everything okay?”

  “Nothing’s changed. Will you please come and get me now?”

  He sucked in his breath. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  “I’ll wait on the porch for you.”

  After the way her parents had treated Jarod, Sydney reeled from pain she’d never get over. With them in bed, she tiptoed through the house and let herself out the front door to wait.

  The second she saw his rental car and climbed in the passenger side, he pulled her into his arms, covering her wet face with kisses.

  “Give them time, Sydney. For ten years I’ve worked with people exactly like your parents. They may be a different religion, but deep down inside we’re all the same. What they want is your happiness.”

  Even if what he said was true, she was too convulsed to speak. Finally she raised her head to give him room enough to drive. “I’m sorry,” she half gasped when she realized she’d wet the front of his shirt and jacket.

  “Shh.” He leaned across to silence her with his lips once more. “I’ve got you in my arms. It’s all that matters.”

  She turned her face into his neck. “They didn’t even ask about your family. Nothing!”

  “It’s human nature to fight for your own. Forgive them, Sydney.”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  After that remark, Jarod backed out of the driveway and they headed for town. “Marriage is one of the ceremonies celebrated by every group of people on earth. It’s the high point, something your parents have been waiting for, dreaming about. Today they were confronted by a reality they weren’t prepared for.

  “But since you’re living proof they raised a wonderful daughter, I have to believe that one day they’ll recover and embrace our marriage.”

  “You have more faith than I do.”

  “They’re not my parents,” he murmured dryly.

  She gazed over at him through tremulous eyes. “When am I going to meet your mother and father?”

  “If they don’t fly out for our wedding, then we’ll fly there at the first opportunity.”

  A shiver chased across her skin. “Something’s horribly wrong when our own families can’t break down long enough to celebrate with us.”

  “I know two people who will,” he assured her. “Rick said he’d be my best man. We talked on the phone earlier. He and Kay were going to join us for dinner tomorrow night, but some unexpected church business came up so you’ll have to meet them later.”

  “I’d like that. My friend Gilly will be back from her honeymoon next week. She was the one person I could confide in about you. When she finds out we’re together, she’ll be overjoyed. I know she and Alex will want to be witnesses.”

  “That’s good. I’m looking forward to meeting her.”

  “Alex is wonderful, too. He’s the head of the Volcano Observatory at Yellowstone Park. I’ve a feeling you and he will really hit it off.”

  “What’s he like?”

  “He lights his own fires, just like you.”

  “Is that so.” He reached for her hand and kissed her palm, sending darts of awareness through her body.

  “Yes, it is,” she came back slightly out of breath from his touch. “Jarod? Since you haven’t started that counseling job yet, do you want me to break my teaching contract so we can go to Europe? Please tell me the truth.”

  “I only mentioned it in case you couldn’t bring yourself to marry me.” He gripped her hand tighter. “But now that I know we’re going to have a life together, Gardiner sounds like an ideal place for us to start out. I love the area, but that’s because you’re in it.”

  Thrilled by his words, she kissed his fingertips. “I can’t wait till we get back. You can move into my apartment.”

  “You mean after we’re married.”

  “No. I mean tomorrow.” Her voice throbbed. “I couldn’t stay away from you now.”

  He pulled into a parking space at their hotel and shut off the motor, then turned to look at her through veiled eyes.

  “You’ve never been intimate with a man, have you?”

  Her cheeks filled with warmth. “No.”

  He drew in a deep breath. “I didn’t think so.”

  “Not so much because of any rules, but because you’re the only man I’ve ever truly desired heart and soul.”

  “That’s the way it should be.” His jaw hardened. “I’m sorry to say that in the past, I broke some rules to be with women I had no intention of marrying. But when I became a priest, I began a new life.

  “And now I’m a different man it wouldn’t be possible for me to move in with you and not make love to you. Since you’ve waited this long, then I want to honor you, so I’m going to stay at the
Firehole Lodge until we’re married.”

  “No, Jarod. I don’t want to live alone any longer.”

  “Neither do I.” His voice grated. “Since you left Cannon, I’ve had dreams about you, about holding you in my arms on cold winter nights and warm summer mornings. But I can wait a few more weeks for my prize.”

  Struggling against his reasoning she cried, “I don’t think I can—”

  “Don’t forget the word will spread you’re marrying an ex-priest. I’m already damned in some people’s eyes. Living with you before I’m your husband will add fuel to that particular fire. You know I’m right.”

  Yes. She knew.

  “That’s why we’re going to sleep in separate rooms tonight and every night until you become Mrs. Jarod Kendall. Which reminds me we need to see about a ring for you before we leave Bismarck in the morning.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t need one. It isn’t important.”

  “But I need to give you one. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to doing. You have to understand this whole experience is one I willingly gave up before I met you. Now everything is changed.”

  Another tremor shook her body. He sounded happy now. But what if married life didn’t live up to his expectations? What if her parents were right?

  “How about a solitaire?” The jeweler picked up another diamond ring with a white-gold setting.

  “Let’s see how it looks on your finger.”

  Before the jeweler could do the honors, Jarod reached for her hand and slid it onto her ring finger. It was the perfect size.

  “Do you like it?”

  Sydney felt Jarod’s eyes on her. Their green brilliance rivaled the dazzling one-carat stone. She could tell he wanted her to pick this one. It happened to be her favorite, too.

  “I love it!”

  “Then that’s it.” He looked at the jeweler. “Now we’d like to see some wedding rings. My fiancée has beautiful hands. I think a wide gold band.”

  His compliments at odd moments, so unexpected and genuine, thrilled her as nothing else could. All the time he’d been a priest, he’d noticed little things about her, but she hadn’t been aware of his private thoughts. To be with him like this and share everything in the open like a normal couple was a revelation.

  Once they’d decided on her ring, she asked him to bring out some men’s wedding rings. “I’d like one with a stone the same color as Jarod’s eyes.”

  The jeweler nodded. “I noticed them right away. Just a moment. Something came in from Hong Kong I want you to see.”

  While he went over to one of his drawers, Jarod slid his hands to her shoulders from behind. “I’d be happy with a simple band.”

  “You wore one like that when you were a priest. I want this to be different. Every time you look at it, I want it to remind you that when I fell in love with you, I fell in love with everything about you, especially your eyes.”

  He didn’t say anything, only buried his face in the gold silk of her hair.

  Seconds later, the jeweler returned. “What do you think?”

  It was a deep-set, square stone in a wide, dark gold band. “I adore it!” Sydney cried. She turned to Jarod. “Put it on.”

  Slowly he did her bidding.

  “It’s perfect, and it fits!” she announced to the jeweler. “We’ll take it.”

  A smile hovered around Jarod’s lips as he pulled out his credit card. But when the jeweler started to add up the bill, Sydney took a card from her wallet, too.

  Jarod frowned, but she cupped the side of his arresting face with her hand. “Your ring is my gift. I’ve waited years to buy one for the man I love. You wouldn’t deny me that pleasure, would you?”

  In a few minutes they left the shop with their purchases. The excitement of walking to the car wearing her new engagement ring made her positively euphoric. When they got inside, she threw her arms around his neck. Despite people walking by, she covered his face with kisses.

  “I love you so much, it hurts.”

  He devoured her mouth until she was witless. When he finally tore his lips from hers, she groaned in protest.

  “As soon as we’re married, I’m going to take all our pain away. That’s one promise I can make and know I’ll keep it. But right now we have a plane to catch, and I need to get the rental car back first.”

  “I—I didn’t know it was getting so late.” Sydney moved far enough away from him so he could maneuver the car.

  Once they reached the airport and returned the car, Jarod ushered her to the counter to check in their bags. When the female employee lifted her head, Sydney saw recognition flicker in the other woman’s eyes. She darted a brief glance to Sydney before her attention re-fastened on Jarod.

  “Father Kendall? I thought it was you!”

  “Good morning, Sally.”

  Sydney hurriedly stood behind him. A line had formed behind her. She noticed the way the thirtyish-looking employee was so busy staring at Jarod, she almost forgot to check him in.

  After handing him his boarding pass she said, “Someone at the diocese said you’ve been on retreat. You look…wonderful.”

  “I feel wonderful.”

  “Between you and me, I like you without a beard.” She bantered easily with him. “How does it feel?”

  “Liberating.”

  “What a surprise everyone in Cannon is going to have next Sunday.”

  “I’m afraid I won’t be there.”

  “Extending your vacation a while longer?”

  “Something like that.”

  Their conversation prompted Sydney to stand a little more apart from him so the other woman wouldn’t associate them being together.

  “Heaven knows you work so hard you deserve more time off than they give you. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.”

  “Will do.”

  Instead of walking on, he moved to the side so Sydney could check in. Once she had her boarding pass in hand, she started for the gate, trying to get ahead of Jarod so people would assume she was alone.

  But he was having none of that. Before they’d reached the crowd of people waiting to board, he put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

  “I know what you were thinking back there, but you’d be wrong. Let’s get one thing clear. The only reason I didn’t introduce you to Sally and explain myself was because other people were waiting to be checked through. She works part-time at the diocese answering the phone, and will learn the truth soon enough.

  “You could have no comprehension of what it means to me to be an engaged man. I’m living for the moment we’re married, Sydney. There isn’t a male in sight who hasn’t noticed you and wouldn’t sell his soul for the right to be in my place. It’s all I can do not to shout to everyone that you’re mine,” he claimed in a fierce tone.

  “Jarod—”

  “It’s true and you know it.”

  Keep telling me those things, my darling. I want to believe you.

  Three hours later, Jarod followed Sydney into her apartment and put her bag down in the living room. At last they were alone and turned instinctively to each other, not needing words.

  Like a man dying of thirst, he crushed her against him and drank from her mouth. Now that he had the right to communicate with her in the most elemental of ways, he realized she’d become his addiction.

  All he wanted was to cling to her. Being able to touch her, to bury his face in her scented neck and hair was so intoxicating, he feared he might break his own rule after all.

  “Help me, Sydney. Tell me to leave.”

  Her answer was to mold herself to him until their mouths and bodies crossed that seamless line into forgetfulness.

  He rubbed his hands over her back. “When you were in Cannon, do you have any idea how many times I imagined being together with you like this?”

  She took a shaky breath. “Yes. I lived for every precious moment I could steal in order to see you for even a few minutes in passing. Talk about torture.”
/>   “I know.” He clasped her tighter.

  “Brenda never betrayed herself, but she was a smart girl and knew how I felt about you, Jarod. I know that’s why she pretended she didn’t have the courage to attend her counseling sessions without me along.”

  His lips roved over her upturned features. She was such a gorgeous woman, he couldn’t get enough of her. “I’m afraid neither of us fooled Brenda. When I didn’t tell her I needed to see her alone, she never questioned it.”

  “You worked wonders with her.”

  “So did you, Sydney. That entry in her journal was a plea for help, and you picked up on it as she hoped you would. The last time I ever saw her, she said she wished you and I were married so we could be her baby’s adoptive parents.”

  “What?”

  Sydney’s throat almost closed up. She tilted her head back so she could see into his eyes.

  He brushed his mouth against her. “At the time, Brenda couldn’t possibly have known how her comment affected me. I was consumed with thoughts of what it would be like to have children with you. Our own children.

  “Sydney? After we’re married, do you want to start a family right away?”

  She heard his unspoken plea, but he needn’t have worried. “Yes! Oh yes!”

  An unmistakable gleam of satisfaction caused his eyes to radiate little points of green light.

  “My cousin’s about ready to give birth to her first child. I’m happy for her, but I’ve been envious, too, because she and Joe were able to meet and get married without problems.”

  “In other words, they were surrounded by family and friends when they took their vows in church,” Jarod added.

  “Yes.”

  “Your father talked to me about those two.”

  “Dad approves of Joe, he comes from a ranching background. He fits right in.”

  “Lucky Joe.”

  She darted him a pleading glance. “You’re the man I’m going to marry so none of it matters—”

  “I disagree, Sydney. Though I plan to marry you any way we can, I’d much prefer to do it the old-fashioned way.”

  “But how can we do that?” Her voice trembled.

  “I saw past your parents’ guard. If ever two people are grief stricken over what’s transpired, they are.”