by Audrey Harte
“Hi ladies,” he drawled with a smirk on his face, winking at Erin. He leaned over to greet Annie with a cheek kiss, then did the same to Erin. “When you said you were having drinks, I didn’t realize you were here. You like this place, huh?”
“Yep, it’s great! Excuse me a minute—I have to use the restroom. Be right back,” Annie said, hopping off her bar stool and scurrying off towards the ladies’ room. When she glanced back, she saw Erin and Traver talking, and then they were both laughing at something he’d just said. The sight of her friend looking so happy made her heart feel full and sad at the same time. It wasn’t that she felt like Erin didn’t deserve some happiness after all of the bullshit she’d been through in her life, but didn’t she also deserve a little?
It seemed like every time she found a bit of happiness, something happened to take it away from her again. More than anything, Annie wanted to break that cycle, but she knew that meant finding contentment and satisfaction in herself first. Well, she was finally on the road to achieving that. Every day, she felt like she learned something new about herself—that she was capable of more than she even imagined.
How can I know what my own limits are unless I test myself?
This was something she asked herself daily. As Annie stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, she shook her head. Stress and sleep deprivation had created dark circles under her eyes. She fished her powder compact out of her purse and touched up her make-up, making the tired look vanish from under her eyes with a few strokes.
After waiting for another minute, Annie finally exited the ladies’ room and returned to the bar. Traver nodded at her as he made his excuses and left to start his shift.
“So, how’s Traver doing?” Annie asked in a singsong voice as she lifted an expectant eyebrow at Erin.
“Good,” Erin replied with a grin. “Oh my God, that man smells like sin. And he looks like sin dipped in chocolate. And he’s so nice. Like what the fuck? Where the hell has he been hiding all my life?”
“Maybe he’s been waiting for you to be ready for him,” Annie suggested with a smile.
“I feel like I’ve been ready for a while,” Erin retorted. “The extra years of torture were completely unnecessary, in my opinion.”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“Just sayin’.”
“I know. You ready to blow this popsicle stand?”
“Yeah, I want to get some decent sleep tonight. Have you seen the bags under my eyes?”
“Have you seen the bags under mine?” Erin yawned just then, stretching at the same time. Then she saw Traver watching her, and she blushed and looked embarrassed. “Okay great. Hottie has now seen my oh-so-attractive yawning. He’s probably thinking I’m old, yawning at a bar when it’s not even midnight.”
“More like he’s thinking about the fact that you have a big mouth and can accommodate his big package when you give him a blowjob,” Annie said blandly.
“Oh my God, say it a little louder, why don’t you?” Erin complained, glancing around to see if anyone had heard Annie.
“Nobody heard me. Stop being paranoid.”
“How can I when I have to deal with your big mouth shooting off all the time?”
“Hey now,” Annie protested.
“Sorry. Come on, it’s late. Let’s get out of here. I don’t want Traver to think I’m lingering around just because he works here.”
Nodding, Annie picked up her drink and drained the rest of it through the little straw. “Good call. Let me just close out my tab.”
“Oh yeah, we kinda have to pay for our drinks, huh?” Erin said before bursting into giggles.
“You lush. How much did you have to drink? I thought we had the same amount.”
“Um, well… I didn’t just drink.”
“Huh? What do you mean?” Annie asked, then her eyebrows shot up in understanding. “Are you on drugs? What’d you take?”
“Shhh, say it a little louder—geez, Annie.”
“What’d you take?” Annie demanded, praying that it wasn’t anything too serious.
“I just have my vape pen. Calm down.”
Annie’s eyes widened and then she started laughing. “You blaze? Yes! I love it.”
“Wait, you smoke herb?” Erin asked in surprise.
“What? I don’t seem like the type?”
“Well,” Erin said, trailing off.
“Fuck you. And you do?”
Erin laughed and shook her head. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know. I would have offered you some earlier if I knew you smoked. Here, you want to hit this?”
“Fuck yeah. Let’s walk back to the hotel and smoke on the way.”
“Okay!”
They finished closing out their check and then made their way back to the hotel, passing Erin’s vape pen back and forth along the way. As she looked up at the night sky, seeing the tall buildings all around her, a smile of contentment curved Annie’s lips. It just didn’t get better than this. She absolutely fucking loved her life. She was in NYC, one of the most amazing cities in the world, she was getting closer and closer to changing her life and her family and friend’s lives forever, she had a new friend who was already like a sister to her, and whatever happened with Casey, they had created some great memories together. She knew she was blessed to be where she was now, so instead of worrying about what was going to happen with Casey and Kayla, she thought instead about how excited she was to have Alex and Katie coming out to NYC to see her perform. Somehow having them there would make it all that much more real.
It was a much more nerve-wracking experience for Annie to sit through the results show this week. They had saved her for last, so she had to wait through everyone else’s results before she finally got the confirmation that yes, she was safe for another week. Pure Flow was the first to be sent into the next round, followed next by Erin, so they were already waiting in the green room when Annie came offstage. When she entered the room, they all broke into applause and started hooting.
“Yeah, SoCal Strong!” Austin yelled as he bumped chests with Chris. “We are invincible!” Then they both yodeled and beat on their chests like they were Tarzan.
As she rolled her eyes and laughed at their antics, Annie saw Casey leaning against a wall and looked him straight in the eye. To her consternation, he only glanced at her briefly with a bland gaze, then returned his attention to Tommy, one of the other contestants who was talking to him.
Okay. So that’s how he wanted to play it. He wanted to give her the cold shoulder. Well, that was fine with her. She was sick of the game he was playing. He had come off as being such a genuine and honest person, but now she felt like he’d been hiding his real self from her this entire time. He’d lied about never having a serious girlfriend before—what else might he have been dishonest about? He wouldn’t stand up to Kayla and tell her to cease and desist with the unwanted sexual advances—not that she’d actually propositioned him, yet—at least not to Annie’s knowledge. Part of her felt like he should have grown some balls and reported Kayla for sexual harassment if he really felt that being firm about the fact that he had a girlfriend would jeopardize his job as one of her principle dancers for the Cold as Ice tour.
As soon as she was back in her room, Annie texted Alex to let him know she’d definitely made it to the next round.
Annie: Yay, I made it!
Alex: Woohoo! Congrats, baby girl. I knew you could do it.
Annie: Thanks for believing in me.
Alex: That’s what friends are for. I checked with Katie, and she conveniently has a modeling gig in NYC this weekend, so I am taking the day off and we are leaving out of LAX on Friday morning. We should be getting into JFK around 4:30 PM, so I’ll call you when we get to the hotel. I’m guessing it’ll be at least 6 or 6:30 by the time we’re all checked in.
Annie: Oh my God, I’m so stoked you guys are coming. You have no idea! How long can you stay?
Al
ex: Well, we’re planning on coming to both the performance and the results show if you can get us in.
Annie: Shouldn’t be a problem.
Alex: Awesome. How’s Casey and his crew doing?
Annie: Pretty good, I guess. They’re still in, just like me and Erin.
Alex: You and lover boy kiss and make up, yet?
Annie: No, he’s been a real prick lately. I don’t know what crawled up his ass, but he is not the same Casey I knew before.
Alex: Hmm, that doesn’t sound good. Well, never fear. Katie and I will be there soon. If you need us to beat him into submission, you know we’re your loyal thugs. If you want to do the beating yourself, we’ll help you dispose of the body.
Annie: lol… it’s good to know that I have such loyal thugs. Thank you. ;)
Alex: Of course! You can count on us.
Annie: You’re the best.
Alex: By the way, did you happen to give my number to a certain tall, dark, and handsome guy with a dick piercing?
Annie’s eyes almost bugged out as she read the last text from Alex.
Annie: Gabe called you? Why? What’d he want?
Alex: He wanted information on getting tickets to the live tapings.
Annie: Shut up. What’d you tell him?
Alex: That I’d look into it and let him know. Like I would tell him anything without getting your permission first. I’m not that stupid.
Annie: I didn’t say you were stupid. Oh my God, what do you think this means? I already told him I’m with Casey now, but with the way things have been going there…
Alex: I think he wants you to give him another chance.
Annie: Yeah, but the question is, can I trust him to give him that chance?
Alex: Life is full of risks, Annie dear. No matter what you do or where you go, you will always have to choose between one thing or another.
Annie: I know, but I don’t think I could take it if he broke my heart again.
Alex: Now please don’t get mad at me for saying so, but did it ever occur to you that maybe the fact that he could break your heart again means that you’re not totally over him?
Annie: Yeah, the thought has crossed my mind more than once.
Alex: Do you want him to come to NYC?
Annie: I don’t know. What are your thoughts on the matter?
Alex: The man is wealthy, gorgeous, adores you, and is willing to go to extreme means to see you again. And before the whole pregnant ex scare, he was making you really happy. It might just be me, but I’d give the guy another shot.
Annie: Okay… you’ve convinced me. Give him the dets. Let’s see what happens.
Alex: Time to roll the dice and take a gamble, but I have a good feeling about this.
Annie: I’m trusting your gut on this. Don’t let me down, Alex’s gut!
Alex: Oh boy, nothing like a little pressure, eh? Brat. I’ll text you when we’re checked into our hotel.
Annie: Yay! See you soon. Mwah!
When Alex landed at JFK with Katie that Friday afternoon, he texted Annie to give her a status update.
Alex: Just landed. At baggage claim waiting for our suitcases and then on our way to the hotel. Drinks are in order. We had to sit next to a mother and her baby who screamed bloody murder half the flight. It should be the new form of birth control—forcing teenagers to sit with screaming babies on planes.
Annie: Oh no! Screaming baby flights are the worst. As soon as you guys are settled, we can leave for dinner. I’ll swing by your room with a pre-party round of Fireball shots.
Alex: Whisky, huh? You’ve gone hardcore on me, haven’t you?
Annie: lol, not at all. It tastes just like a red hot, and it goes down so smooth. It’s good, trust me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t touch it.
Alex: Oh, Fireball and I are old friends. It’s been a while, but sure, I’m down for shots. Let’s get this party started!
Annie: What’s the word with Gabe? Do you know if he’s coming for sure?
Alex: Didn’t his assistant contact you to arrange his ticket for the show?
Annie: Yeah, but she never sent me a flight itinerary for him, so I have no clue if he’s actually coming or not.
Alex: Have you talked to him at all?
Annie: No, I’ve been too nervous. I needed to focus on rehearsals this week, so I just told myself to clear my mind and worry about him later.
Alex: My baby girl is growing up…
Annie: Better late than never, right?
Alex: Absolutely! Oh, here come our bags now. I’ll text you back soon.
Annie: Okay, see you shortly.
Annie felt a little guilty that she had an ex coming to see her when things with Casey were still unresolved, but at the same time, if she was being honest, she was more than excited to see Gabe. Enough time had passed that she’d finally been able to really forgive him for not sticking by her side when he found out his ex was pregnant with what at the time he thought was his child. Casey had pretty much ignored her since Kayla’s visit. He’d bumped into Annie during breakfast one morning, but when she’d invited him to sit down and eat with her, he’d declined and said he had to get to rehearsal. Then he’d given her an awkward kiss on the cheek and walked away.
Her plan was to take Alex and Katie to Chinatown for dinner with Erin, so as soon as she finished texting Alex, she called Erin to give her an ETA and then jumped in the shower. Not long after she finished drying her hair, she heard a pounding on her door. Jumping up, she ran to the door and peered through the peephole. It was Katie and Alex.
“Hey, guys!” she exclaimed in greeting as she opened her office door and invited them in. “You were supposed to text me when you got here. Sorry, I’m not quite ready, but I’m almost there. Just have to throw on some make-up, and then I’ll be good to go. I’m so glad you guys came!”
Throwing her arms around her friends, she tried to fight back the tears, but it was no use. Having them there felt so awesome. It was like having a piece of home with her there in NYC.
“My friend, Erin, is going to join us for dinner. You’ll like her—she’s good peoples. Let me tell her to come meet us here.”
“Cool, can’t wait to meet her,” Katie said as Annie sent a text to Erin.
“Okay, where’s the Fireball?” Alex asked, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
“On the bathroom counter with the shot glasses. You wanna pour us a round while I finish putting my make-up on?”
“On it,” Alex said as he headed towards the bathroom.
“So what’s been happening with Casey?” Katie asked as she perched on the end of the bed and watched Annie put her make-up on. “Alex has tried to fill me in, but what’s the latest?”
Annie gave her the lowdown while Alex poured the first round of shots that they quickly downed. A minute later, Erin knocked on the door, and upon entering the room was promptly handed a shot glass. Two rounds of Fireball later, the four of them headed out to an Italian restaurant that Erin had discovered on a previous trip to New York. It was exactly what Annie needed—time with her besties. The evening was filled with good food, laughter and hilarious dating horror stories; it was perfect.
By the time they stumbled back into the hotel after an evening of drinking, it was almost three in the morning. After they all exchanged sloppy hugs and kisses, vowing that they loved each other so much, they all parted and went back to their rooms to pass out for the night.
The next few days were like heaven for Annie. If she wasn’t rehearsing, she was hanging out with her best friends and discovering more of NYC. She’d always dreamed of traveling and experiencing all the different things the world had to offer, and here she was in one of the most interesting historical places she’d ever been. She loved the feeling of being right there in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the city.
By the time the next show rolled around, Annie’s stomach was in knots again. She was doing a Leona Lewis song called Bleeding Love, and while she was mildly nervous abou
t singing in front of her friends, she was scared shitless about singing in front of Gabe… if he actually showed up. She was up next and had no clue if Gabe was sitting out there in the audience or not.
Focus. Fade everything else out and just focus. You can do this.
As she straightened and smoothed the beige lace top and black leather pants she’d chosen to wear, Annie closed her eyes and breathed deeply… in and out… in and out. Opening her eyes again, she smiled as a calm settled over her.
I’ve got this.
When the applause for the preceding contestant started to fade away, the stage manager signaled her to take her mark. Gingerly she picked her way over the stage, following the dim stage lights and praying that she didn’t trip in the high-heeled boots she was wearing and do a face plant. That would be just perfect with the whole country and Gabe watching her.
Thankfully she made it to the microphone stand without incident, and moments later, her music started. As she sang the first rift, going straight up into her high range, she felt chills run across her skin. She’d loved this song from the very first time she’d ever heard it on the radio, and now here she was, singing it for millions of people. Blue and purple lights splashed across the stage, moving around in symmetrical designs to the beat of the music as she sang.
