Picnics in Hyde Park

by Nikki Moore

‘You threw it away the moment you made the decision not to tell me. If you’d come clean, told me what you’d planned, shown the article to me but sworn it was never going to be used and destroyed it in front of me then I might have faith now. I might trust you. But you didn’t. It’s another betrayal.’ He yanked his hands through his dark hair. ‘You and your sister really are two peas in a pod, aren’t you? You definitely share the same morals. To think what I’ve been exposing my children to. It makes me feel ill. All that publicity if the article goes out…’

  ‘That’s not fair! Don’t bring Mel into it. She’s done nothing wrong. This is on me. I made a mistake. We all make them, so please don’t act as if you’re immune. As for the kids, I told you, it’s not going out. I swear. I would never do that.’

  ‘Whatever.’ He turned his back on her, staring fixedly out the window. ‘You need to go. I’ll arrange to send your stuff to you in a few days’ time. Text me your address.’

  ‘Matt?’ she said uncertainly.

  ‘I said, go.’

  ‘You can’t mean that.’ Her eyes filled with tears.

  ‘Can’t I?’ he gritted, broad shoulders tense and set. ‘Get the hell out of my house, Zoe. Now.’

  ‘You’re repeating history. You’re doing to me what you did to Mel. You were wrong then, and you’re wrong now. Give me a chance to prove myself.’

  ‘How exactly are you going to do that?’ he asked without turning around.

  She hesitated, thoughts whirring. ‘I-I don’t know right at this minute, but there must be a way.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ He dropped his hands to the window sill, clutching hold of the edge, knuckles pale. ‘Leave.’

  She could see he wasn’t going to change his mind right now. He was too furious. Maybe if she gave him time, he might come around. ‘But what about the kids? I dropped them off and they’re expecting me to pick them up. I can’t just leave without saying anything. They’ll feel abandoned again after Helen and Melody—’

  He span around, eyes wide, ‘Don’t you dare talk about Helen. And you don’t deserve to say goodbye! You would have exposed them to the worst kind of ridicule at school with that article, would have marked them out for bullies. Did you ever think of that, or were you just too intent on getting revenge?’

  ‘I’ve already told you I wasn’t going to go through with it. Let me just see them, please. We can tell them I’m going away for a while, taking a holiday or something.’

  ‘I’ll tell them you had to attend to a sick relative. I’ll say that you’ll be gone for a while and then after a few weeks I’ll tell them you had to leave for good. They’ll understand. They’ll get over it.’

  She gulped, a sob lodged in her throat and a burning pain throbbing in her chest. ‘But maybe I won’t,’ she whispered.

  ‘What was that?’

  ‘Nothing. I’m sorry. About everything. I’m telling you the truth though. One day you’ll know that.’

  ‘What I know is that you’ve got exactly five minutes to pack anything you can into a bag and get out of my house. You can take the BMW because right now I want you as far away from us as quickly as possible. I’ll get it collected when your belongings are dropped off to you. But to be honest, at this moment I don’t care if you keep it. I want you gone and it would be a small price to pay.’ Marching across the room, he grabbed hold of the door handle and gave her a hard look. ‘Don’t bother coming to find me when you go. I’ll be busy calling my solicitor. Goodbye, Zoe.’ He slammed the door behind him with a scary finality.

  She heard his footsteps recede as she stifled a sob, feeling numb and dazed at the same time. What had she done? How had she messed up so spectacularly and caused both of them so much pain?

  Eyes glazed with moisture, she stumbled around the room, drunkenly stumbling from the bathroom to the bedroom and from one piece of furniture to another, hardly aware of what she was stuffing into a small vanity case. Holding it together, just, she lost it when she found a painting Jasper had given her, one of the four of them in Hyde Park sharing a picnic, a giant splodge of yellow sunshine in the upper right corner, lines of dark blue depicting a summer sky. Tears rolled down her cheeks and plopped onto her top as she carefully tucked a bookmark Aimee had made for her into the inside pocket of the case.

  A minute later she was ready to go, but there was one last thing she did before leaving the house that had become her home in such a short time. Scrabbling around the lockable drawer of the bedside unit, she slid out the redraft of the kiss and tell article she’d written one night and sealed it in an envelope. Sneaking into Matt’s room with guilt scorching her cheeks scarlet, she left it on the pillow she’d slept on for the last few nights, hoping he would understand what she was trying to tell him when she’d barely been able to put it into words herself. When she was only just in this moment realising what it was she was losing.

  Zoe and Mel hugged tightly, a bulging backpack at their feet. The sisters had travelled into London from Southend together by train and had lunch before parting ways outside the gracefully arched building that housed Fenchurch Street Station. Zoe clutched Melody against her, desperate not to let go but knowing she had to. ‘I’m going to miss you.’ She laughed and sniffed at the same time as a few people jostled past them with the arrival of a train. It was mid-September and most of the tourists had returned home. She couldn’t believe the summer was almost over. It was especially hard to process when the days were still so balmy and the evenings so light. They’d got the Indian summer that had been predicted after all. ‘Are you sure this is the right thing to do?’

  ‘Yes,’ Melody drew back.

  ‘Funny that this time it’s not me running away, it’s you,’ Zoe remarked. ‘That I’m the one staying put.’

  ‘Living with Ruth will give you both a chance to keep on rebuilding your relationship.’ Mel smiled, a sparkle in her dark eyes that Zoe hadn’t seen in months. ‘And I’m not running away. I’m going to find who I am.’

  ‘You think travelling across Europe will give you that?’

  ‘I think Jemima and I are going to have some wonderful adventures,’ Mel said firmly, taking Zoe by surprise with how confident she sounded, ‘and seeing the world will give me a chance to think, really think about what I want to do with my life and who I want to be. The last career decision I made was based on wanting to impress and be like you and while I still admire you loads I have to do something I’m passionate about. Plus it’ll finally help me get over Stephen. We know he’s back in the UK now,’ they’d caught a snippet in the celebrity gossip pages the previous weekend which had included a tiny picture of her ex going into his Chelsea apartment, ‘but he still hasn’t been in touch and after what he told Matt about me, I don’t want him anywhere near me anyway.’ Pain and bewilderment scrunched up her face but with an effort she forced it away, relaxing her mouth and blinking away tears.

  Zoe nodded, squeezing her sister’s hands, ‘Well, it’s your decision. You have to do what’s right for you. I’m not going to try and boss you around. I have learnt something from this whole mess.’

  ‘Thanks, Sis. Thank you so much for the money too, I really appreciate it. I’ll pay you back, I swear.’

  ‘There’s no need to, honestly. You deserve this, and I’m happy to share it with you. I saved up a lot when I was working for Liberty and I got back the share of the money I put into the wedding when I cancelled it. Ruth was pleased to help out too. She told me she’s had no-one to spend it on since we’ve both been gone.’ She smiled, thinking of her improved relationship with her aunt, one that meant she had somewhere to stay while she got her head together and tried to assimilate what she was going to do next. What the future may hold for her without Matt, Aimee and Jasper. ‘Actually,’ she shared, thinking of Ruth’s future too, ‘I was thinking that travelling and expanding her world might be good for her at some point. Maybe when you come back and tell us all about your adventures, we might persuade her to travel abroad?’

  �
��That’s a great idea. I’ve always thought she was too self-contained and should experience more of life. Not necessarily because she never got married or had kids of her own—after all, she had us—but more because she doesn’t have many friends or go out much.’

  ‘Well, I’ll see what I can do about that while you’re away,’ Zoe said decisively.

  ‘Good.’ Melody nodded. ‘You’ll be fine, you know. You always are. I’m sure interviews and job offers will start flooding in soon.’

  ‘Perhaps, if Matt even gives me a reference,’ Zoe gulped, mouth twisting. ‘I’m not that bothered about getting a job right now though, Mel. I don’t need the money immediately and I’ve been thinking I might do something else for a while. It’s just that I miss them so much. I should have handled things better. If only I’d told him the whole story when I told him I was your sister.’ She had so many regrets. But on the other hand, she had her family back. She and Mel were more than okay and after two weeks at her aunt’s home, coastal Southend was starting to feel comfortable.

  She sighed. Actually, the truth was that she longed for London, the size and shape of it, the people and places, the buzz and the hum, the architectural marvels amongst the modern skyscrapers, the wide open green spaces in the middle of the teeming city. She’d left her heart here and she wasn’t sure she’d ever get it back.

  ‘I know you miss them,’ Mel acknowledged. ‘It’s the sight of your moping face that’s driven me to fly to Paris,’ she teased, ‘and even Ruth is beginning to feel sorry for you.’

  Zoe’s face fell.

  ‘Hey, I was joking.’ Melody’s eyebrows pulled down in concern. ‘Look, are you going to be all right? I should be leaving to meet Jemima soon. Our flight is only in a few hours.’

  ‘I’ll be fine. Go.’ She didn’t tell her sister she still hadn’t brought herself to text Matt with Ruth’s details. That she couldn’t face the thought of all her stuff being dropped off to her, a tangible milestone that would signal the end of her relationship with him and the children for good. Clearing her throat, ‘Don’t forget I’m expecting regular Facebook posts and albums with anything too outrageous to share sent to me by email.’

  ‘I know, I know.’ Mel frowned, ‘Do you know what the time is?’

  ‘Hold on,’ she bent her head to dig her mobile out of her handbag. Squinting at the phone, ‘It’s just gone two ‘o’ clock,’ she said absently as she opened a text from Rayne.

  You need to pick up a copy

  of The Telegraph. It’ll be

  worth it, I promise.

  Let me know how it goes.

  xxx

  Wondering what on earth her friend was on about and if she should call her to find out, Zoe jerked her head up as Melody made a startled sound.

  ‘Is that Matt?’

  ‘What? Where?’ Zoe asked breathlessly, spinning around.

  ‘No. In the paper.’ Her sister pointed at the front page on a pile of newspapers on a stand along the concourse from them, where a grizzled guy in a flat-cap was taking money and giving out folded up papers to passers-by.

  ‘What the hell?’ Zoe hurried over to the man, rooting around in her jeans pocket for the right change and practically throwing it at him, almost ripping the paper out of his hands in her haste to see it.

  A picture of Matt sat under a bold headline. The Truth About Matt Reilly; an exclusive interview. The name of the journalist was one she recognised, a freelancer Rayne worked with sometimes.

  Mel was on her heels as Zoe wrenched open the paper looking for the right page.

  ‘An interview?’ Mel said. ‘I don’t get it. Matt never gives interviews. He hates the press.’

  ‘I know,’ Zoe murmured as she found the article, hope soaring in her chest, the newspaper jumping up and down as her hands shook. She started reading.

  I was lucky enough to interview a handsome, exhausted Matt Reilly yesterday, and he’s not at all what I expected. Staring out at the beautiful garden of his multi-million pound property in Knightsbridge, the famous music producer who has a reputation with the ladies looks reflective and answers my questions candidly. Everything I ask him about (save for his children, who he is very protective of)—his career, his ambitions for the future, the death of his late wife, his love life—he responds to with a brutal honesty that takes me by surprise, given how fiercely guarded he’s been in the past. The turnaround is surprising, but it soon becomes clear why he has chosen to make an exception. ‘I’ve learnt a lot about myself over the last few months,’ he states when I ask him what his biggest regret is, ‘that I’m quick to judge; that I trust the wrong people sometimes, which regrettably may include family; that I am human and it’s all right to make mistakes; and that I should follow my gut instinct and heart in knowing what’s best for me and my kids. Most of all I’ve learnt that contrary to what I thought, it’s okay to forgive myself for the things I can’t change, and move on. My biggest regret is that the person I most want to move on with, the girl I love and who loves my children, is out there somewhere and I don’t know where. So here I am, laying myself bare in the hope that she will read this and come find us. So that I can tell her how I feel, so that I can say sorry. If it’s a Sunday afternoon, she’ll know where we’ll be.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Zoe breathed on a small sob, clutching the paper to her chest and gazing open mouthed at her sister. ‘He loves me?’ she said in wonder. ‘He loves me. I can’t believe he’s done this. Rayne must have helped set it up, that’s what the text was about.’

  ‘It’s you. It can’t be anyone else.’ Mel shook her head.

  ‘It is me,’ she whispered, starting to smile before faltering. ‘But what about you?’

  ‘Don’t worry about me,’ Mel grabbed her elbows, ‘just because I don’t get my happy ever after, it doesn’t mean you can’t have yours. Go to him. Go to them,’ she pleaded ‘You’ve been so miserable, there’s no way you can ignore this. We know why he sacked me and chucked me out now. I don’t bear any grudge against him. It wasn’t his fault, he just believed his shit of a brother when he shouldn’t have done. It’s understandable. You would always believe me, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Of course. I love you. But I can’t do this again. You’re my sister and he’s a guy—’

  ‘Uh-nuh. No way,’ she started softly. ‘You’re not doing this. I know you feel guilty about the whole going to America thing after your break up with Henry, but I told you we’re cool about that. Plus, this is not the same thing. You’re not choosing Matt over me. I’m going travelling and I don’t expect you to put your life on hold while I’m gone.’ Her voice gained strength. ‘As long as you promise that you’ll stay in touch and that when I’m back we’ll always make time for each other, then that’s all we need.’

  ‘I promise. Of course I do.’

  ‘Good.’ She pushed Zoe away almost roughly. It was uncharacteristic and Zoe realised the breakup had changed her sister. But maybe it wasn’t a bad thing. Maybe it would make her more resilient and less naive. ‘Now get going,’ Mel instructed. ‘I have a plane to catch today and you have a family to reclaim. Tell them I said hello, by the way. That,’ she waved at a red bus that had just pulled into station, ‘is probably going to be your best bet at getting to them.’

  ‘Thanks, sis. Love you heaps,’ Zoe hugged Melody again, and started backing away, a sense of urgency filling her. ‘Safe flight, text me when you take off and land. Don’t forget to text Ruth too.’

  ‘I won’t,’ Melody rolled her eyes at her sibling’s bossiness. ‘I’ll see you in a couple of months. Love you too.’

  Zoe turned to go but stopped at the last moment, studying her sister’s face, memorising the curve of her cheek, the arch of her fine eyebrows, the dark eyes and blonde hair. ‘Have a brilliant time, Mel. I hope you find what you’re looking for and you’re happy. That’s all I wish for you.’

  Welling up, Melody ran over and gave her one last hug. ‘Thanks. Now you know I hate goodbyes, so please go.’

&n
bsp; Zoe chuckled as they separated. ‘We’ll make it a see you soon then.’ Blowing her a kiss, she sprinted to the bus and clambered on just as the driver was closing the doors. ‘Wait,’ she begged, ‘there’s somewhere I have to be.’

  Zoe threw a shadow across Matt as she stood over him in the afternoon sunshine near the Princess Diana Memorial fountain. It reminded her of the first time she’d brought the kids here. It wasn’t as roasting hot as it had been that day, but the air was still balmy and the sound of happy children rolled over her along with the tinkle and swish of water. Matt was lying on the familiar picnic blanket, eyes closed but looking far from relaxed with a crinkle between his eyebrows.

  The newspaper was rolled up in her hand and she’d read the whole interview three times on the agonising, crawling half an hour journey to Hyde Park.

  ‘Hi,’ she said simply.

  ‘Zoe.’ His eyes flew open. ‘Hi.’ He leapt up, an uncertain expression on his gorgeous face. It was just like she’d remembered it. The crooked nose, the sexy scar, the beautiful green eyes. ‘You came.’

  ‘I did,’ she agreed solemnly. ‘Was I right to? Am I the girl?’

  ‘What?’ he looked dumbstruck. ‘Of course you’re the girl!’

  ‘Good.’ Now she was here, she wasn’t sure what to say, how to act. She had missed them all so much. Why wasn’t he grabbing her and kissing her senseless? ‘Where are Aimee and Jasper?’ she swivelled her head to search for them.

  ‘Over there,’ he gestured to a spot ten feet away where the kids were sitting on the stone edge kicking water at each other. ‘I only had my eyes closed for a moment.’

  She smiled. ‘I’m sure you did. Don’t worry, I won’t call the police on you.’

  ‘Great.’

  ‘So.’ Zoe shifted from one foot to another.

  ‘So…shall we sit down?’ Matt gestured to the blanket.

  Why was he being so formal? ‘No. This is bullshit, Matt. What’s going on? You give this unbelievably romantic interview saying you love me and to come find you and when I come running, you act all weird.’