She Sins at Midnight

by Whitney Dineen

  Monica Funk Goes Kerplunk!

  Movie star, Melinda Forrester, a.k.a. Monica Funk, has added another notch to her bed post. Her latest conquest is Jim Farrel, bartender at The Chessie Bar and Grill in Bentley, Illinois. This brings Melinda’s two week total up to five men that we know of. There’s the janitor, the agent, the movie mogul, the lawyer and the bartender. You’ve got to give the girl credit. She’s an equal opportunity slut.

  In a series of events that you would never believe, Melinda actually sat down and gave this reporter an exclusive interview yesterday at the same bar where she met her latest bedmate. After spending two hours with the actress, I can safely say that her life story is so trashy that even the garbage man wouldn’t pick it up. Melinda confessed to sleeping with more men than she could count but she estimated the total at over three hundred. At the mere age of twenty-six, I can assume this means she can’t have spent much time on her feet.

  When asked if she avoids entanglements with married men, Forrester/Funk replied, “Why would I do that? Most of the men with clout in Hollywood are married. They’re the most important conquests to make.” Stay tuned, dear reader, as The Inquisitor is going to run the full Monica Funk story in a five part, tell all series. The fun begins Thursday, so make sure to pick up your copy, steaming hot off the presses!

  It finally occurred to Melinda that the woman at the bar the day before must have actually been a tabloid reporter. She started to remember the stories she told the woman and she knew that when her series hit the newsstand, her career would be sunk. When the world found out the truth about Melinda Forrester, she would lucky to be hired to work on a soap opera. Melinda wasn’t sure what she could do, if anything, to rescue her career, but she did know one thing. She was going to get revenge against Lila Montgomery, if it was the last thing that she did.

  Chapter 37

  Lila, Jilly, Jessica and Barry decided to meet at the county club for dinner before the reunion. Creigh drove with Lila and Jilly and Bill picked up Jessica and Oscar. Cynthia didn’t really know how it happened, but not only did she get roped into going to a high school class reunion that wasn’t her own, but she was going as Barry’s date. She assured herself that this did not mean that she was the least bit attracted to him. She was merely going to spend a fun night with her friends.

  Cyn couldn’t figure out which outfit to wear. She naturally wanted to look beautiful, but she did not want Barry to think she was doing it for him. She wouldn’t have had to worry about it if she hadn’t kissed him that day at the pool. But ever since then, Barry was convinced Cyn wanted him and he never passed up an opportunity to tell her so.

  Cynthia finally put on a short black slip dress with matching shantung mules. While rubbing lotion into her legs she wondered why Barry couldn’t be a nice normal guy, like an accountant. After all, if he wasn’t a rich boy, she might actually be able to give him a chance.

  Cyn hurried out the door of the guest cottage as it was her intention to meet her date in the driveway. She didn’t trust that he wouldn’t try to kiss her if given the opportunity. But just her luck, as she walked up the path in front of the house, she ran right into his arms making a “hrumph” sound as they collided.

  Barry put his arms around her to keep her from stumbling on the cobblestone path. But once he felt her in his embrace he kept going until he had her wrapped in a full body hug. Resting his chin on the top of her head he said, “You just can’t keep your hands off of me, can you?”

  Cynthia pushed him away and shrieked, “You mauled me, you pig.”

  Grabbing her hand, Barry answered, “Whatever you need to tell yourself, darling.”

  Not even thinking to pull her hand from his, Cyn retorted, “I am not your darling.”

  He replied, “Of course, you’re right, sweetheart.”

  Cyn, grumpily responded, “I’m not your sweetheart either.”

  Barry inquired, “What are you then, my dumpling, my love, my dear, my date?”

  Cynthia fought to keep a smile from creeping over her face and answered, “You can call me Miss Flynn.”

  Laughingly, Barry replied, “That sounds very naughty, but I like it.”

  Barry opened the door of his SUV and offered Cyn a hand up. She refused to take it. As she was not very tall and her skirt was rather short, she realized too late she should have let him help her. In an effort to maintain her dignity, she tried to pull her skirt down as her right shoe slipped off and she lost her balance and fell backwards. Barry caught her in his arms and for a moment cradled her like a small child.

  Cyn lost her breath at the feeling of being held by this man. After pausing a moment to long, she whispered, “Put me down, Barry.”

  He answered, “No.”

  She demanded, “What do you mean, no?”

  Before she could say anything else, he inquired, “Can nothing shut you up, woman?” Then he leaned down and pressed his mouth against hers. It was not a timid kiss. It was intense and powerful and deeply passionate. Somewhere in the midst of it, he turned Cyn in his arms so that they were facing each other. Barry still held her so that she was at his level and within seconds, she wrapped her legs around his waist to secure herself in that position.

  Cyn wasn’t sure how long the kiss went on as she had lost track of time. Somewhere in the recesses of her brain she realized that it was a lot like the first kiss between Brinker and Arabella in She Sins at Midnight. The thought aroused her even more and she let herself surrender to the sensual feelings that engulfed her.

  At one point Barry tried to pull away, but Cynthia wouldn’t let him. He tried to say something to her but she wouldn’t listen. She just shut him up until he forgot everything else. Barry lifted Cynthia up and placed her on the passenger seat of his SUV. He stood between her open legs so he could keep close contact with her. His hands were sliding up and down her arms and she thought she would die from all the shivers rippling through her. Cyn ran her hands through Barry’s hair and kept pulling him closer as if she were trying to devour him.

  Barry finally remembered what he was going to say and managed to put a couple inches between them, “Cynthia, we have to stop or we won’t be going to any dinner tonight.”

  She seemed to remember herself and accused, “But you kissed me.”

  Barry smiled at her perception of the events and answered, “It was an accident.”

  Seeing the humor in his reply, she pushed him away further, “Fine, we’re even then. No more accidental kissing.”

  Barry walked around to the driver’s side and got in before he responded, “I don’t think so. I’m rather accident prone, Miss Flynn, so you had better watch yourself.”

  They pulled up to the club without further incident but as soon as Barry helped her out of the car, there was another accident. Cyn was mad at herself for allowing it, but as far as Bartholomew Stratton was concerned, she just couldn’t seem to keep her hands to herself.

  They arrived so late they missed the salad course. Lila stood up to greet her as Creigh shook hands with Barry and whispered, “What were you doing?”

  Cyn boldly lied, “I was getting ready for dinner.”

  Lila laughed, “Well you forgot to brush your hair, iron your dress and apply your lipstick.” Then she added, “In fact, if I didn’t know better I’d think that you had been kissing someone.”

  Cyn demanded, “Who told you? For heaven’s sakes, I didn’t kiss him on purpose, it was an accident.”

  No longer keeping her voice down, Lila declared, “Cynthia Flynn, you big fat liar! You would never kiss someone unless you wanted to, and Barrington Stratton of all people. You must know how rich he is and you hate men with money.”

  Cyn’s eyes bugged out, “Barrington?! He said his name was Bartholomew!”

  Confused, Lila explained, “No, he’s Barrington Stratton the fifth, heir to the Stratton Corporation.”

  Cyn looked like steam was about to come out of her ears. She turned an angry shade of red and yelled down the lengt
h of the table, “Barrington, could I have a moment?”

  Upon hearing his real name, Barry knew that his cover had been blown. As everyone at the table stopped to stare, he walked toward the person who summoned him. He kissed Lila on the cheek and then looked at Cynthia and inquired, “You wanted to see me?”

  Accusingly, she snapped, “You said your name wasn’t Barrington!”

  Sheepishly, he answered, “Yes, but you see, you seemed so set against the name that I didn’t want to disappoint you. Plus, I’m fully prepared to change it to Bartholomew if you’d prefer.”

  Cyn declared, “I could care less what your name is, but you lied to me.”

  Barry smiled, “I was going to tell you before we got married.”

  Cyn screeched again, causing everyone to stare, “Get Married?! Are you insane? I’m not going to marry you!”

  Barry leaned in and whispered, “Only because I haven’t asked you yet.”

  Cyn shook with fury and a little something else. Without another word, she sat down in her chair and fully ignored Barry.

  After the main course was served Creigh stood up and raised his glass, “To the most beautiful woman in the world.” Everyone toasted Lila. Creigh looked at their friends and continued, “Not only is she the most talented, wonderful, beautiful woman in the world, but she has also agreed to be my wife!” Everyone at the table clapped and hooted and congratulated their friends.

  Then Oscar stood up and announced, “I hope I’m not steeling anyone’s thunder here, but I would like to make a toast of my own.” Then with his glass raised to Jessica, he added, “To Jessica Bowman, the woman who has changed my world and has also agreed to become my wife. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.” Jessica had tears in her eyes and she gazed at the marvelous man who was giving her another chance at love. More whoops and cheers met Oscar’s news.

  Just as everyone started to carry on their conversations, Barry stood up. The gathering looked at him anxiously to see who he was going to toast. It was a comical sight because Cyn started to pull on his sleeve and demanded, none to quietly, “Sit down, you jackass!” Barry ignored her and raised his glass, letting a pregnant silence fill the air before declaring, “To the brides!”

  Cynthia was beyond relieved that Barry didn’t try to make an outlandish announcement of his own. The friends had so much fun celebrating that the reunion was in full swing by the time they left the dining room and made their way to the ballroom.

  * * * * *

  Jim and Melinda walked into the reunion at ten minutes after seven and the ballroom was already full of Bentley High alumni. Melinda milked the moment for all it was worth. She wore a skin tight snakeskin dress that was cut so low that her nipples were nearly showing. She couldn’t wait to see Lila and Jessica’s face when they got a load of her.

  Melinda searched the ballroom for her two nemeses but didn’t see them anywhere. She whispered to Jim. “Come on. Let’s go get a drink.”

  He warned, “You’ve already had a lot to drink, Melinda. You’d better watch yourself.”

  She hissed, “What do I care what these people think?” Then grabbing his arm, she pulled him in the direction of the bar.

  Melinda threw back three cocktails in quick succession. She was so excited and euphoric about the night ahead that she almost immediately felt tipsy. By seven-thirty there still wasn’t any sign of Lila and Jessica. Melinda was starting to get seriously angry. Where were they? She and Jim were sitting at a table with some of his loser friends when she decided to get up and look for them. She started with the bar where she quickly drained another double martini.

  When the band started to play, Melinda danced her way across the room toward them. After the first song, the lead singer asked if there were any requests. Melinda jumped up on the stage and whispered something into his ear. Recognizing the movie star immediately, he handed her the microphone.

  Melinda looked at all the faces staring at her and slurred, “I’d like to shing a little shong for all of you. It’sh an oldie but a goody!” With that, the band started to play and Melinda entertained the crowd with her painfully out of tune rendition of Soft Cell’s, “Tainted Love.”

  Melinda teetered around the stage belting out the song for all she was worth. When she got to the line, “touch me baby, tainted love…” she proceeded to grab her left breast. She continued to fondle herself until her boob popped right out of her dress. This didn’t seem to faze Melinda in the least as she kept singing until she finished the song.

  As soon as she got up on stage, Jim Farrel grabbed a camera out of his coat pocket. He caught the whole pathetic performance on tape and knew that the pictures would be well worth the fifty grand that “The Inquisitor” offered to pay for them. Of course they were just looking for photos of any scene that Melinda planned on creating with Lila and Jessica. Who knew what they’d pay once they saw these babies.

  As Melinda started to sing another song, she looked up and noticed that Lila and company had just walked into the ballroom. With her breast still hanging out, she screamed into her microphone, “Look everyone, Lila Montgomery is here!”

  Lila whispered to Creigh, “Good lord, what is she doing here?”

  Oscar spat, “That woman is trash.”

  Jessica actually tried to hold back a laugh but failed.

  The entire room got dead quiet in anticipation of what was going to happen next.

  Melinda did not disappoint. She held onto the microphone and walked slowly and wobbly toward Lila and broadcasted, “Well if it isn’t the big-assed nobody bitch!”

  Lila held her ground and said, “Hello Melinda.”

  The starlet screeched, “Don’t hello me, you cow!”

  Oscar interrupted, “Melinda, you’re the one with an udder hanging out.”

  Melinda looked down and realized that her boob was no longer covered. Instead of putting it away, she popped the other one out too. She shook them at Oscar and asked, “Remember these Oscar? Remember how much you loooooooove these?”

  The whole crowd was holding their breath en masse wondering what could possibly happen next, when Jessica declared, “Oh for god’s sake Melinda, you’re making a fool of yourself.”

  Melinda swung on Jessica and taunted, “Well if it isn’t the barren old hag. Just so you know, I’m thrilled to be rid of Oscar. That limp dicked old fart couldn’t satisfy a woman if his life depended on it!”

  Jessica replied, “It might just be you Melinda because I’ve had a smile on my face all week.” The crowd cheered when they heard that and Jessica turned and winked at everyone then waved like she had just been voted homecoming queen again.

  Melinda was so infuriated that she threw herself at Jessica and tried to grab her hair. Lila and Cynthia immediately jumped in to help their friend. In the ensuing struggle, Melinda’s skirt hiked up to show that she didn’t believe in wearing underwear. Then the starlet slipped on her spilled drink and wound up at the feet of the three women that she hated more than anything in this world.

  Jim Farrel stepped forward, aimed his camera and started to snap pictures. Lila, Cyn and Jessica started to ham it up for the camera and in one shot they all placed a foot somewhere on the movie star who was lying at their feet. Then they all raised a fist in the air and let out a victory cry. That picture ran on the front page of “The Tell All Tattler” under the headline:

  Three Weddings and a Funeral?

  Jim earned enough money from that shot to open his own bar.

  Chapter 38

  Lila took her mother with her as her date to the RITA awards. When the nominees were announced, Bitsy squeezed her daughter’s hand in excitement. The host of the evening read from her cue card, “And finally, the nominees for best historical romance.” She opened her envelope and read, “Lilly Cummings for Deflowered.” She paused so the audience could express their appreciations. “Amanda Heat for Plucked,” again the crowd applauded, “and finally, newcomer Jasmine Sheath for She Sins at Midnight.” The crowd went wild!<
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  Lila held her breath and tried not to get her hopes up. But when the winner was announced, “And the winner is, Jasmine Sheath for She Sins at Midnight!” she almost didn’t make it to the stage her knees were shaking so badly. When Lila finally got to the podium, she accepted her award and stood in front of the microphone for several seconds until the applause died down. Then she leaned toward the microphone and said, “I would like to dedicate this award to my mother,” everyone turned to look at the woman who Lila was honoring, “Bodacia Charms!” The entire audience rose to their feet and clapped wildly at finally seeing the elusive novelist in person. Bodacia had won six RITA’s herself, but had never once accepted in person. Consequently, rumors abounded that she was either really a man, or was perhaps hideously disfigured. When everyone saw that she was really the elegant beautiful mother of their favorite new author, the appreciation was overwhelming.

  Lila smiled at her mother and continued, “Thank you so much for raising me to believe in myself and giving me the courage to discover who I really am.”

  Bitsy smiled back at her daughter with tears in her eyes and blew her kiss. She and Lila had made a pact to no longer pretend they were anyone other than their true selves. This night and this award symbolized a new beginning for both of them.

  * * * * *

  Jilly hung her head over the toilet and strained to listen to what her husband was telling her. It sounded something like, “And that’s when I found Jack sticking pins into the condoms…” But he couldn’t possibly be saying that, could he? Was it really possible that she didn’t have the flu and that she was pregnant, again? Jilly closed her eyes and said a brief prayer that Bill was just yanking her chain. But on the off chance that he wasn’t, a terrible thought hit her. She shared that box of condoms with Lila, Jessica and Cynthia!

  * * * * *