The New Founders

by Joseph F. Connor

  His nerves were getting frayed and he consistently looked at the clock to see if it was time to wrap up. He glanced toward his producer, who signaled that they needed one more commercial break. Anders continued, “Well we have one more break before we wrap up, but stay tuned. We will take a few more calls before we finish with a reading from the nation’s most cherished symbol of liberty and Thomas Jefferson’s most enduring monument, The Declaration of Independence. So stay tuned.”

  As the show’s jingle began, Anders leaned back in his chair and motioned to his producer to bring the section of the document to be read on the air. His assistant, Betty, a middle age brunette, pulled a chair next to him.

  “We have time for two more calls before you read the passage and we pack up,” said his producer.

  Anders gave a quick nod and then turned to his assistant. “What do we have left on the agenda today?”

  Betty handed him a folder and reminded him that he agreed to go on Jenson’s show at one o’clock.

  “Yeah yeah, I remember, we’re giving him ten minutes right?” Anders asked.

  “Yes,” his assistant said. “We explained to his producer that we have a hard stop at ten minutes. When we finish with Mr. Jenson, we go back to the hotel for lunch, then up to the suite.

  You can freshen up there and relax for a little bit before we come back here at four for the interview with that gentleman from The Impoverished Review and a private tour of Independence Hall for you and Steve.”

  Anders turned behind him where his cousin Steven was sitting and nodded to him.

  “Steverino, five o’clock, you good with that?” Steve simply responded with a thumbs up. Anders turned back toward his assistant and with the radio console before him, asked what she had planned for the group for dinner later that evening. “We have arranged for a private room at the Philadelphia Art Museum where the chefs from Vetri, supposedly the best Italian restaurant in Philly, will prepare a great menu for us.”

  “Good, that sounds great. I’ll eat light at lunch if that’s the case. How many are we expecting?” inquired Anders.

  His assistant was about to speak when Anders’ producer motioned that they were about to go back on the air. Anders began, “Welcome back to the Josh Anders radio show!” Anders looked over to his assistant who put up eight fingers. Anders gave a puzzled look, but then continued “Mike from Raleigh, welcome to the show.”

  The caller from Raleigh began his rant by stating that the prior president of the United States did more damage to the economy than all previous presidents combined and that the current president was just trying to clean up his mess.

  “Mike, how many times have we gone over this the last three and a half years? You sound like an intelligent fellow, so listen up….”

  After explaining the president’s policies of massive debt and tax increases, Anders turned to his producer while still on the air and asked if people were really that ignorant out there. He continued by saying that he knew a lot of smart and rational people from Raleigh but would hazard a guess that this gentleman is not one of them. “Who do we have next?”

  “Joe from New Jersey will be our last caller of the day,” the producer whispered in his ear. Anders jumped on it. “Joe, you’re the final caller on this Fourth of July weekend, the pressure’s on so make it a good call.”

  The caller gushed that he was excited to speak with Anders on the eve of our country’s 236th birthday and cautioned that the Republican party candidates were in disarray. He wondered if Anders could forecast any candidate differentiating themselves in the two months leading up to the Republican convention.

  “Well, Joe, as of right now, I cannot lend my support to any of them. Out of the four that remain, not one has distinguished himself among the voters and it seems like each new day brings a new front runner. None of the contenders have been able to gain even an iota of momentum and each state has a different favorite each week, day and hour. Just when you think one of these guys is ready to take the reins, he’s bumped from the horse and has to scramble to get back on. So my opinion is that it’s going to be a horserace right up to and into the convention in September. This should make for a lively get-together in Tampa, wouldn’t you say?”

  The caller then quickly added that maybe Anders should run as the Tea Party candidate because he would vote for him.

  Anders let out a big laugh. “Well I’m flattered but I don’t know if I’m the running type. To paraphrase Marx, Groucho that is; ‘I wouldn’t want to join any club that would have me as a member.’ Thanks for the call, Joe.”

  Anders then reached down to the table to get the passage he planned on reading as he finished up his Philadelphia remote show.

  “As promised, given we are in Philadelphia broadcasting live from Independence Hall, what is a more fitting tribute to this great edifice before us than to conclude today’s show by reading a passage from the Declaration of Independence. Here, in exalted and unforgettable phrases, Thomas Jefferson expressed the convictions in the minds and hearts of the American people. The political philosophy of the Declaration was not a new idea; its ideals of individual liberty had already been expressed by John Locke and the Continental philosophers.”

  Anders began reading the Declaration. “The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of America; When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another….”

  Anders was halfway through the Declaration when he motioned to his producer. “Do we have enough time?” After his producer notified the audience that only a few minutes remained, Anders pushed onward, skipping the assertions and reciting the last three paragraphs. As he finished, he marveled at what he just shared with his audience. He could not help himself and decided to repeat the passage concerning Divine Providence before concluding how the founders mutually pledged to each other their Lives, Fortunes and sacred Honor.

  Anders then turned to the crowd and said, “If that didn’t give you goose bumps, then you might as well pack it in!”

  The crowd in the foreground let out applause and started chanting Josh, Josh, Josh. Anders shouted over the din.

  “My thanks to the audience and to everybody who made this remote broadcast possible, you did a terrific job. Have a great Fourth of July weekend and I will be back on the air live on Monday, July twentieth. The best to you and your family and God bless this great country of ours.”

  Anders leaned back again, took his earphones out and spun in his chair to face his producer. The producer leaned in and said that Anders had about three minutes before being introduced on the Jenson show. He pointed Anders down the row of portable radio console tables to where Jenson was gathering papers in front of him.

  Anders looked over his shoulder toward Jenson, then turned back and asked his producer what radio station was that again. The producer answered, “1220 WJMD out of Charlottesville. It’s in a college town but it has a strong conservative following. And this guy Jenson is good, really well-read, up on his history. You’ll like him.”

  Anders countered, “I read your notes and saw some of his writings, sounds intelligent. Make sure you signal me at nine minutes. I’m getting a little hungry.”

  On the other end of the row sat Jenson. He was going over some last second talking points before beginning the show. He was calm and composed, distinctly opposite of his frantic producer Keaton, who seemed to be having a minor nervous breakdown. “He’s right over there, why isn’t he moving yet?” yelled Keaton to the trees above.

  The yelling startled Jenson for a moment, then looking toward the other end of the row, looked back at his frenzied colleague and told him to relax. A commercial for a local car dealer was playing in the background as Anders approached the chair next to Jenson.

  Jenson stood, extending his hand to Anders. “Mr. Anders, thank you so much for giving us some time this afternoon.” Anders shook Jenson’s hand while sitting down.

  “D
on’t mention it, the pleasure is all mine. Glad to do it. I’ve heard you’ve developed quite a little following in Virginia.”

  “Miniscule compared to you but we’re trying,” Jenson responded. “Hopefully, today’s broadcast will keep folks tuned in following you.”

  Anders, putting his headset on and lounging in his seat, replied that he was happy to help.

  As the introduction song finished, Jenson commenced his show. “Welcome to a special Fourth of July weekend edition of the TJ Show. As always, I am your host, Tim Jenson, and we are sitting live outside of Independence Hall in Philadelphia as we celebrate the eve of our nation’s birthday. We have a lot in store for you today as we discuss the historic significance of this great city and the role it played in our independence.

  “We will also have a full slate of guests over the next three hours including our contest winner, Jack Murray, who traveled with our team to visit the sights. But our first guest here on the TJ Show needs no introduction. He is the host with the largest radio audience in the country and is heard live on WJMD 1220am weekdays from ten to one. It is my privilege to introduce Josh Anders to the show.”

  “Thank you, Tim,” Anders boomed.

  “You decided to broadcast your show today from Philly as did we,” Jenson continued.

  “What inspired you to come to the City of Brotherly Love on this particular day in this specific year? As you mentioned to us prior to coming on the air, this is the first time you’ve done a live remote show for the Fourth of July weekend in all the time you’ve been on the air.”

  Anders shuffled in his chair for a brief moment and then took over. “Tim, this country is at a dangerous crossroad. It’s teetering on the brink; a cliff is a better description. And if we do not grab it by the neck right now, we are in jeopardy of losing it forever the way a lot of European and foreign countries have been lost. So we felt it was important to come to this great city and set foot on such hallowed ground with this great monument before us and try to inspire the masses to wake up and rouse their patriotism once again. We had this idea to come to Philly months ago because I was overcome with this feeling that I needed to be here, almost drawn to it. It may sound funny to the audience, but it was almost as if I was obligated to be here on this precise day. Although they didn’t have to build anything, I just came.”

  Jenson laughed at Anders’ long-winded response and told him he felt the same way.

  Anders reiterated his feeling and began reading a passage from the Declaration aloud.

  “That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute new Government. Ain’t that the truth, wouldn’t you say?”

  Jenson stunned Anders by completing the passage from memory.

  “Laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes.”

  Anders sat silent, staring speechlessly at Jenson as an awkward quiet ensued.

  Jenson apologized for interrupting but explained that he was caught up in the moment and felt it was important to finish that specific thought verbatim.

  Anders stood, beamed a big grin and haughtily boomed, “Precisely! Mr. Jenson, I am quite impressed at your knowledge of this great document.”

  Jenson, looking satisfied but a bit embarrassed, said, “As most of my audience already knows, I am a self-proclaimed expert on the Declaration of Independence.”

  Anders, waving to the growing audience, confessed that he was no expert on the Declaration and asked Jenson if he could recite the names of the signers from Virginia.

  Jenson rattled off in no time flat, “George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Carter Braxton, Francis Lightfoot Lee, and Thomas Jefferson.”

  Anders turned to folks on the other side of the console table, clapped his hands and led a rhythmic applause that built to a stadium like roar.

  “C’mon folks, let’s give it up for this great patriot’s impressive display. So Tim, to you, what is the most meaningful passage in the Declaration?”

  Without hesitation, Jenson stood as if addressing the Virginia state-house.

  “Well, the most quoted part of it, and for good reason, is the strongest political text ever written, in my opinion, and that is, ‘We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.’”

  “My contest winning guest sitting to my right, Jack Murray, may disagree, saying that the preamble to the Constitution is the most powerful of all. And he may have a point.”

  Anders repeated his question noting that Jenson gave him the most quoted words, not the words he found most meaningful.

  “Josh,” Jenson said. “The words I find most consequential come from the conclusion, which states, ‘And for the support of this Declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.’”

  Jenson went on to explain that this was great foresight, how these special men knew they were doing something historic and realized the impact these words would have on generations to come. They knew full well that failure would mean facing the hangman’s noose. They would live together in freedom or die together in honor.

  Jenson, without realizing it, closed his eyes and spoke. “Finally, they understood that it was Divine Providence that brought them together, that by mutually pledging their lives, fortunes and honor, that the success of the group hinged on the success of the individuals. That was the only way they could declare their independence and survive as a new country.”

  Keaton gently tapped Jenson on his shoulder to break the spell, letting him know that they needed a commercial break. Jenson sat back down and leaned into the microphone.

  “Mr. Anders, thanks again for spending a few minutes with our radio audience. Let’s do it again if you make it down to Charlottesville.”

  Anders glanced toward his producer, then to his watch.

  “Boy, ten minutes certainly goes by fast when you’re having fun. Let’s have our people talk so we can get you on my show sometime soon.” Jenson smiled a big smile.

  “It’s a plan! We’ll be right back.”

  Keaton quickly motioned to the group that they were in commercial. The gathered crowd broke into applause again. Anders, taking off his earphones, turned to Jenson and said, “Tim, what are you doing later on this evening. We have a dinner set up over at the art museum and we would love to have you. What do you say?”

  Jenson looked toward his producer and Murray, and then back to Anders. He then replied that he would love to attend as long as it was okay to bring his guests along.

  Anders smiled, “Bring them along. The more the merrier. I think we’re on for seven-thirty, is that correct Betty?”

  Betty shot him a stern glance as she nodded her head in disgust. She thought to herself that he had done it again.

  Anders looked back at Jenson. “Listen,” he said. “Go talk to my assistant Betty here. She’s a darling and will give you all the details. Just give her the exact number of people because we’re arranging an Italian feast. See you later.”

  As Anders and his cousin turned and walked through the autograph seekers, Keaton put his hand on Jenson’s shoulder. “Mission accomplished, the guy loves you. National syndication, here we come!”

  Chapter 5

  The red light was on but this was a good light. It was again time for William Fredericks to shine again.

  “Good evening all you colonists out there. My name is William Fredericks and like all Englishmen based here in our former outpost, this weekend is my least favorite time of the year. Tomorrow all you descendants of émigrés will be sweltering in th
e hot sunlight, grilling up your wieners, hamburgers and beans and drinking down that disgusting yellow colored concoction you refer to as the king of beers. Budweiser, a beverage that Americans worship and drink by the gallons. And what Brits call a specimen can. Calling it a lager is an insult to lagers.”

  Fredericks let go a hearty laugh.

  “Well, I’ve digressed. What is on tap for today? During The World Today we will be focusing on the pathetic yet dangerous race for the Republican Presidential nomination and the future honor of being swept away by another historic Democratic Presidential victory.”

  William sat back in his chair.

  “We will listen to some inane clips from the Josh Anders Show, which aired earlier today among many of his flag-waving, single digit IQ lapdogs making their yearly pilgrimage to Independence Hall in Philadelphia. It’s getting bad out there for you red staters when even the water boy for your party, big Josh, and his monosyllabic callers are frustrated by the lack of quality in the GOP field and are calling for an uprising against society.

  The manic host stood and began his trademark of pacing the studio as he spoke.

  “I find it most amusing that these Conservatives, so-called Tea Partiers who quote their revered founders so often that they must wear powdered wigs to bed, have posters of Betsy Ross in a bikini on their walls and believe they are direct descendants of the sterile George Washington himself, cannot find a single soul even remotely suitable to become president.”

  Fredericks extended his hands out and continued.

  “Am I right? You would think these over paid, trust fund leaching one-percenters could at least pool their considerable wealth and purchase a candidate. Or perhaps have mummy and daddy buy one for them. It’s quite sad, really. My heart aches for them.”