Time After Time

by Elizabeth Boyce

  Camden was about to press his case when he stopped himself.

  He closed his mouth and took a step back, his body going cold. Something in what his father had said, in the way he had said it, sent a jolt of horrified suspicion down Camden’s spine.

  “How do you know the search would be pointless?” Camden spoke the words very carefully, his voice low and biting. “How do you know it will accomplish nothing?”

  Camden saw a flash of unexpected uncertainty in his father’s eyes before the man’s familiar mask of dangerous irritation slammed back in place.

  “I do not know if the search will prove fruitless, I am simply not willing to sacrifice a day’s work to find out,” his father said carefully but firmly.

  Mr. Camden sounded again like his usual malevolent, authoritative self. He spoke as if there was nothing left to discuss. But it was too late. It had been in his father’s eyes when Camden mentioned Del. He had heard it in his father’s voice when he declared the search pointless. Camden saw it in his father’s stiffness and the way his eyes darted from Camden to his desk.

  His father knew.

  He knew Camden would find nothing if he searched for Del throughout the city. He knew it because he knew where Del was, because he was the one responsible for her disappearance.

  Camden’s breath caught and his mind reeled. His heart slammed against his chest. His skin dampened with cold perspiration. It seemed so obvious now. His father hated Del and what she was. He hated that his son wanted to marry her, so he had made sure it could never happen.

  “What have you done with her?” Camden barely recognized his own voice. It was deep and gravelly, with no hint of equivocation or deference.

  “I do not like your tone,” Mr. Camden warned. “I do not like what you are accusing me of.”

  Camden took a step toward his father’s desk. His blood pumped through his veins, his muscles tightened. Everything about him was taut, ready to spring. “What have you done with her?” he repeated even more forcefully. “Where is Del?”

  “Enough of this ridiculousness!” Mr. Camden stood from his chair and planted his hands on his desk, leaning forward. It was the posture he always adopted when he was trying to intimidate, but Camden barely noticed. “I will not stand for the insinuations and accusations. Stop engaging in fantasies. Go back to your office and finish my prospectus and do not let me see you until it is done!”

  There was a part of Camden — the part of him that was still the small, scared boy he had once been — that wanted to obey his father’s commands. He felt it pull at him, a little voice that spoke to him of fear and consequence and duty, and he almost retreated.

  But he fought it.

  He dug deep into that part of him that was now a man, that loved Del and needed her and would do anything to find her and keep her safe. The part that would stand up to years of lecturing and threats and escalating violence and would defy the father who still had the power to intimidate him.

  “I will not leave.” Camden spoke each word slowly and carefully. “Not until you tell me what you’ve done with Del.”

  His father’s eyes widened and his face went red. He tensed to the point of vibrating. Camden saw the emotion boil in him, the anger at being questioned, the rage at being defied.

  “What does it matter what’s happened to her? She’s just a whore!” his father spat. “She’s probably run off with any one of a dozen random men. And good riddance! To think you wanted to marry her, to sully our name and degrade our station by attaching yourself to such a creature.”

  Camden looked wordlessly at his father, a feeling of unreality taking over him. It was as if he were looking at something that could not exist, that defied all laws of nature and went against everything known to humanity. His father was yelling at him, a note of shrillness creeping into his voice, and Camden couldn’t be moved to care. All he could think of was how he needed to find Del. How his father had to tell him where she was so he could go to her and make sure she hadn’t been taken from him forever. It was the only thing that mattered. All his father’s disappointment and judgment, all his anger and commands and threats, it meant nothing to him now.

  “You will tell me where she is.” Camden closed the distance between him and his father in a few long strides. He planted his hands on his father’s desk, mimicking his father’s stance, and God help him, the man actually took a step back. “You will tell me now.”

  His father began to sputter incoherently, too surprised or enraged to form actual words. Camden was about to repeat the commands, to lean in further and raise his voice and even lay hands upon his father if necessary to make him talk, when it struck him. He remembered earlier in the day when he had encountered his father in the corridor. He had been coming out of the records room and when he saw Camden, the briefest look of guilty surprise had crossed his face, like he was a boy caught pilfering sweets.

  Del was in that room.

  His father or one of his men had gone to her townhouse, struggled with her, and brought her here where his father had locked her in that room. He didn’t know exactly what his father had hoped to accomplish, but Camden knew she was there with the surety and infallibility of his love and devotion to her.

  Without another word to his father, Camden turned on his heel and left the room. He stalked down the corridor, fighting the urge to break into a panicked run. He was barely aware of his father behind him, chasing him down the passageway, shouting at him to stop and cursing him for his perfidy. If he hadn’t been so utterly preoccupied with desperate worry for Del, Camden would have been completely gob smacked by the unprecedented absurdity of the scene.

  He finally reached the records room, his father right behind him, still yelling. He called out Del’s name and tried to open the door, but it was, unsurprisingly, locked. Camden whirled to face his father and was about to demand the key from him when he was met with a hard slap across the face. It stunned him for a moment, the sudden and unexpected violence, and Camden staggered back a step.

  “Stop this right now!” his father yelled.

  Camden blinked at him. The man was completely out of control now, wild-eyed and shaking in fury. Camden had never seen him like this. Even at his angriest, even when meting out his most violent punishment, his father had always been controlled and methodical. Now he was like a mad man gone unhinged.

  “Get back to your office!” His father was almost screaming now. He brought up his hand, preparing to strike again.

  Camden didn’t stop to think. He was pure reaction now. He wasn’t Camden, the dutiful son; he was a man desperate to reach the woman he loved. That wasn’t his father, a man to be obeyed; he was nothing more than a threat to that woman’s safety and an obstacle to her rescue.

  Camden grabbed his father by the lapel of his coat and propelled him backwards. He slammed him into the wall, lifting him off his feet. He let go, and his father fell to the floor. Camden cocked his fist back, ready to strike, prepared to beat his father into a bloody mass, when some semblance of sentience returned and he stopped himself.

  He looked down at the man, trembling in fear on the floor, and Camden wondered why he had ever been afraid of him. Had his father always been so small? Had he always seemed so shrunken and shrill and ridiculous? Why had he ever let this man rule over his life? Why had he ever wanted his approval so desperately, fought so hard to avoid his disappointment? George Camden was nothing, just an empty shell of a bitter and lonely man.

  Camden dropped to his haunches and his father shrank back against the wall at Camden’s nearness. Ignoring him, Camden reached into his father’s waistcoat and withdrew his ring of keys. Without another glance at the man who had once loomed so large in his life, Camden rose and went back to the door. There were perhaps a dozen keys on the ring, and Camden, in his desperation to reach Del, didn’t have the patience to try each one. Throwing t
he keys to the floor, he stepped back and then launched himself at the door, dropping his shoulder and putting his full weight and rage behind it. The door heaved and he heard the wood crack and split. One more hit and the door gave way in a flurry of chips and splinters, and Camden burst through the gaping hole.

  Del was sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, her wrists and ankles bound to it. Her head was down and her long, unbound hair hung in her face, obscuring it. For one numb, agonizing moment, Camden wasn’t sure if she was still alive. But then she moved and Camden could breathe again.

  He rushed to her, murmuring her name. He knelt beside her and put a hand under her chin. He gently brought her head up, brushing her hair back so he could see her face. He gasped when he saw it, how she was gagged with a filthy rag, how her eyes were half-open as she struggled to stay conscious, how her hair was sticky and matted from a bloody cut just above her eye, how that eye was puffy and swollen from a hard blow viciously dealt. His rage came back full force. The blood pounded in his ears and his vision went dark and he was consumed with the urge to go back out to the corridor and beat his father until he was unrecognizable.

  With a great and purposeful effort, he calmed himself. Going after George served no purpose. His father was a useless man and beating him would do nothing to help Del. And that was what mattered. Freeing Del, getting her out of here, and tending to her wounds was the only thing Camden cared about right now.

  He untied the rope holding the rag in her mouth. “Del. Del, honey, can you hear me?”

  “Camden,” she said, the words barely escaping from her dry, cracked lips.

  “I’m here.”

  Camden worked to untie the knots binding her to the chair. He was beyond frustrated at how his shaking hands made freeing her difficult. He wanted to rip the ropes from her wrists and ankles but he could see they were already bruised and raw, and he would kill himself before causing her any more pain. Finally, the ropes were undone and Del was free. He lifted her from the chair and gathered her to him, taking just a moment to revel in the feel of her against him.

  “My God, Del, I was so worried I had lost you,” he murmured.

  “You haven’t,” Del said, choking back a sob. “You’re here.” She spoke as though in wonderment, as though trying to convince herself he was real.

  Camden squeezed her against him, battling his own emotions. He needed to be out of here, away from this place and his father and the temptation to exact vengeance upon him. He needed to get Del somewhere quiet and safe where he could tend to her and perhaps be convinced she was really all right.

  He rose, still cradling Del in his arms, and left the room. In the corridor, he stepped over the still supine George and walked out of the shipping offices, never once sparing a backward glance for the broken man heaped on the floor.

  • • •

  Del held her breath. The touch of the wet rag to her bloodied wrist hurt, but she tried not to wince because it greatly upset Camden whenever he saw signs of her pain. Even with her effort, however, she wasn’t able to completely hide how tender her injuries were.

  Camden stilled his hands as soon as she moved. “I’m so sorry for hurting you,” he said, his voice full of worry and concern.

  He was frowning, brows knitted, with such a stricken look on his face that Del smiled weakly in an attempt to comfort him.

  “It isn’t so bad,” she said.

  “Let me fetch the doctor. I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m afraid I’m only making this worse.”

  “No,” Del said, struggling to sit up in her bed, getting tangled in the bed covers and her nightgown.

  “Shhh,” Camden said. He took her gently by the arms and eased her back against her pillows. “Don’t exert yourself.”

  “You’re almost done cleaning the wounds and bandaging them,” Del reasoned. “There is no need for the doctor. And certainly no need for the questions and suspicions this is sure to cause.”

  “Damn whatever suspicions he has. I will deal with him. What’s important is making sure you’re well.”

  “I am well, truly.” Del put a hand on Camden’s arm, and she felt some of the tension and frustration leave him at her touch. “A little bruised, yes,” she added when Camden had been about to speak. “But it’s nothing rest and time won’t heal.”

  Camden looked at her wordlessly, and Del knew he was deciding whether to let her have her way. In the end, he simply resumed washing her wrist and binding it with a clean, dry bandage. He would let her win, for now at least.

  Once she was completely cleaned and bandaged, he went to fetch water and then sat back down on the bed beside her to help her drink. He put the glass down and brought his hand to her cheek, studying her.

  “Bloody hell, I was scared,” he whispered. His voice was so quiet Del wondered if he had even meant to speak out loud. “When I came here and saw the blood and the man’s glove — when I realized you were gone — I was so terrified I wouldn’t be able to find you, or that if I finally did, it would be too late.”

  Del placed her hand on his. “It wasn’t too late,” she said, trying to calm him. “I wasn’t going to leave you. I was fighting to find a way back to you, and then you came.”

  “But if I hadn’t come, if I hadn’t figured out what happened — ” Camden shuddered.

  “You did come, though. We fought our way to each other.”

  Camden looked at her, his eyes round from emotion. “I’m so sorry.” His voice was full of quiet agony. “My father, what he’s done — ”

  Del reached out to touch his face. “No. It’s not your fault. What he did, he did on his own. You couldn’t have known.”

  “But I should have. I should have known what he was planning. I know him, how he thinks, how he reacts. I should have guessed what he intended.” Camden pulled back and turned away, looking overcome with guilt, afraid to meet her eye. “He’s always thought himself entitled to demand certain behavior from people. I’ve seen him seek his revenge whenever someone fails to do what he demands. I knew he didn’t want me marrying you. I’ve experienced his retribution often enough, I should have known what his disapproval meant. I should have protected you.” Camden turned back to her and gathered her in his arms. “Forgive me for not protecting you.” He hugged her tightly, as though loosening his grip or letting her go would be to risk her disappearing.

  “You’ve done nothing to forgive.” Del took his face in her hands, made him meet her eye. “You did nothing wrong.”

  “But I have!” Camden released her and rose from the bed. He paced the floor of her bedroom like a caged animal with too much pent up aggression. “I’ve spent my life trying to appease that man. I’ve let him run my actions and rule my emotions. He’s been vicious and cruel my entire life, and still I’ve nearly worked myself into my grave trying to appease him.” Camden paced faster, clenching and unclenching his fists in frustration. “I’ve sacrificed so much — my time, my friends, my dignity, my autonomy — in the vain hope that it would gain me — something — some small measure of approval, of — of the slightest sliver of love from him. But it’s gotten me nothing, not even a reprieve from his unrelenting censure. And now — now I almost lost you.” Camden sat back on the bed and took Del’s hands in his. “And now I must be done with him.”

  Del forgot sometimes how young Camden was. He was mature, yes, and had the self-possession of a much older man, but he was still only twenty-one. He was still struggling with what it meant to be a man. He was still pulling away from his childhood and the power his parents had over him and learning what it meant to be a person, fully formed and independent of them. Del had been forced to leave childhood early and stand on her own, and she knew it was never easy. It was a process full of pain and self-doubt, and the difficult relationship Camden had with his father only complicated things.

  “Oh, Camden,
to sever ties with your father completely — ”

  “I must do it. I want to do it. For my sanity and for your safety. My father and I are nothing but poison to each other, and I want to be free of it. I have spent far too many years in the fruitless endeavor of trying to be his son, and it’s ended badly for all of us. I refuse to allow you to remain in danger and my father is nothing but danger for us both. I will not risk you or your happiness. I am through wasting my time on him.”

  Del nodded. She knew what it meant to be locked in a battle with persons who represented nothing but pain and degradation for you, and she knew how cathartic it was to finally free yourself from them. It was a monumental thing to walk away from a family member, but she would support Camden if he needed to do it.

  Camden kissed her gently, sweetly. “I’m just glad I found you and we’re together once more. I’ll never let another thing get in our way.” He kissed her again.

  “I’m so sorry there ever was anything keeping us apart,” Del said.

  The guilt returned to Camden’s face. “I know, I — ”

  “No, not you. I meant me, how I kept myself at a distance, how I let my fears come between us.”

  Camden looked confused. “What do you mean?”

  “I spent so much time trying to protect myself, to guard my precious independence and freedom, I didn’t even notice that I had built a cage for myself, had cut myself off from everything that mattered. Love, friendship — you. I held myself back from you, even after I knew what you meant to me and how much I loved you.” Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Camden, I’m sorry for how, in my foolishness, I squandered so much of our time together. What terrifies me is how I almost didn’t have the chance to atone for it.”

  “So we’ve both been foolish.”

  “Yes, and we almost let that foolishness keep us apart. For so long, we’ve been beholden to our fears, imprisoned by the expectations of ourselves and others.”

  Camden picked her up, so very, very gently, and placed her on his lap. He smoothed her hair from her face and dried the tears from her cheeks, placing soft kisses there instead.