Unforgiven

by Lorhainne Eckhart

  “And you do now?” She hoped she was right. Candy wasn’t acting like a woman on her way out the door. Becky hoped not, anyway.

  She shrugged. “He saved me when the storm swept in, and he stayed by my side. He’s just that kind of man. Where I’m scared at times, he’s confident. He loves our children, and after coming around about Cat, falling in love with our sweet little girl, he’d move heaven and earth for her. He’ll be there for me no matter what. It may not always have been this way, but he’s given up so much of himself and what he’s loved for me, without me asking him. One of the hardest things for Neil is caring enough about what I think and feel to share with me before decisions are made, but he’s really trying. I’m glad Rodney shared your story with me.”

  “No one else knows in the family, Candy. Rodney shared that with you because we knew you had one foot out the door. It was all he could think of at the time to make you stop and consider.”

  “You never told Neil?” Candy asked.

  She shook her head. “No one knows. It was something I swore I’d never speak of, and I knew Rodney would never want anyone knowing. The boys wouldn’t understand, and I couldn’t bear them thinking poorly of me.”

  Candy started to shake her head as if to argue the point.

  “No, Candy, we all do things when we’re young and stupid, and even though people can be well meaning and sympathetic, we all have a little something that we shouldn’t share with others. People judge because that’s easier than looking yourself in the mirror and seeing everything you’ve messed up in your own life. Oh, I know you want to argue with me that Neil would understand, and maybe he would. But maybe he wouldn’t. I don’t want to see that in his eyes, the question that would always be there: How could I have done something so horrible?”

  Maybe Candy understood, as she nodded.

  “You love him,” Becky said.

  “Yes, more than I thought it was possible to love a man.” She was tracing a tiny leaf etched in the fabric of the arm of the sofa. “I worry, though.”

  Candy didn’t have to look up for Becky to realize there were tears misting in her eyes. She could see the stubbornness in her daughter-in-law as she blew out her breath. Candy was clearly determined not to cry after all she’d been through, losing her home and any chance of carrying a child herself, then Neil’s lie that had nearly destroyed everything between them.

  “What are you worried about?” Becky said.

  “This may sound silly to you, but everything is so good, almost perfect, between me and Neil. He listens to me now. He hears me. I feel for the first time that we’re in a marriage together, like a real partnership, and I know he loves me. With Cat and Michael, he loves them so much. He’s an amazing father.” She stopped talking and was biting her lower lip.

  “You’re worried that it could be too good to be true and that something is going to come out of nowhere and rip the ground right out from beneath your feet.”

  Candy glanced up fast, and her eyes widened in surprise.

  “Oh, Candy, I understand better than you think. It’s not foolish to have those thoughts, but take my advice. If you spend your time worrying that something is going to go wrong, then you can’t enjoy the special moments you have now.”

  There were footsteps and voices in the hallway, and Becky could see Candy considering. Their time to talk would have to wait, though, as she was surrounded by her grandkids wrapped in towels and dripping from the pool.

  Chapter 3

  “Mom, please sit down,” Jed said. He wasn’t used to the heat, even this late in the day, with the sun setting in the sky, and he shook his head. His mother had been on death’s doorstep three months earlier and was pushing herself harder than he liked. It was a miracle she was walking, talking, and the thought of Becky Friessen no longer being around scared him more than he could admit to anyone, even himself.

  “Jed, let me go give Ana a hand in the kitchen,” she replied. She was trying to get up from her chair around the large patio table where the family had enjoyed dinner together. Fitting eight chairs around the outdoor table had been great, and the kids had eaten together on a blanket on the grass, with Brad’s eldest, Katy, twelve going on thirteen, watching all the younger ones and running after his two little boys, Danny and Christopher. His wife, Diana, joked that they were hell raisers, and he had to agree they were, at least now, at ages four and two.

  “No, Mom, Jed’s right. Sit down,” Brad said from where he sat beside her. “You’ve been on your feet, trying to direct Ana with dinner and seeing to the kids. Just sit here and talk with us.”

  Neil was at the end and picked up the wine bottle, filling up his glass and then Brad’s as he walked around. He said something to his wife, who came out of the house, holding the baby. They shared a moment before he kissed her and she walked back inside.

  “I noticed how you let your wives all tend to your kids,” Becky said. “I can’t remember the last time I got to sit around with you three and just talk.” She lifted her water glass and took a sip, bumping the plate before setting it back on the table. Then she frowned. “I should help Ana clear the table.” She started to lift her plate on top of Brad’s.

  Jed could see his mom wasn’t comfortable having everyone around her do everything. She was the one who always showed up to help out. “Mom, just let Diana and Emily look after cleaning up. Dad’s in the kitchen, too. Besides, you’ve always been the one to organize and look after things. Just relax for once and let someone else wait on you,” Jed said. He could hear the kids running and yelling and laughing in the yard, and then Diana, his gorgeous red-haired wife with the most amazing deep blue eyes he’d ever seen, came out in a simple pink sundress.

  “Danny, Christopher!” she called out to where the kids were all playing, but she stopped beside Jed when he reached out for her arm. He could feel how tense she was before he pulled her a bit so she could lean over and kiss him, her short hair brushing his face. “I’m going to get the boys bathed and ready for bed.”

  “Diana, why don’t you leave them for now? Let them work off all that energy after traveling all day. They’re excited to see their cousins,” Jed said. He was happy to have the older kids, Katy and even Trevor, who had autism, playing with the boys. Little Becky, Brad and Emily’s youngest, at seven, was also a big help, especially because she kept Cat, the little deaf girl Neil and Candy had adopted, glued to her side. The kids had such fun. They really needed to bring the family together more often.

  Diana frowned, and Jed could see that she wasn’t entirely comfortable letting the boys run wild as they were, both barefoot in their shorts with chocolate smeared on their clothes from the ice cream they’d had for dessert.

  “Hey, Katy,” Neil cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted out. Brad’s stepdaughter had her brown hair up in a high ponytail, and it swung around as she stopped from the game of tag the kids were playing.

  “Yeah?” she called out. She was wearing jean shorts, and a black spaghetti-strap tank top. Anyone could see how self-conscious she was crossing her arms over her small breasts just beginning to grow in her skinny chest. Jed had noticed, and he could see Brad had a few more grays mixed in his thick dark hair.

  “Look after Danny and Christopher for your aunt Diana,” Neil said.

  Jed just stared at his brother. Neil could be such a smartass, giving a dashing smile as he glanced up at Diana. Jed had given Neil a second and third look when he arrived with the light beard he appeared to be growing. It was so unlike him.

  “Okay,” Katy called out before joining back in the game.

  “See, Diana?” Neil said. “Stop worrying. Go inside and have some fun with Emily and Candy. You’ve got a built-in babysitter here, and the kids are having a blast. Let your boys run themselves out so they crash from pure exhaustion. Have a glass of wine. Ask Ana to grab another bottle from the wine cellar.” He lifted the bottle and filled up Jed’s empty glass.

  “Whoa, enough. I think I’d rather have a
beer.”

  “That’s because you have no taste, brother dear,” Neil said. Jed realized he really did look happy.

  “Jed, keep an eye on them,” Diana said, patting his shoulder.

  “Diana, they’re fine. Neil’s right: They’re having fun. Just let them play. You go and hang out with Candy and Emily. I can see the kids,” he said. He could see she was going to argue for a minute, as she had been worrying more about the boys as of late.

  “Fine,” she said, not entirely happy, and started back to the house.

  “What’s that about?” Neil frowned as he watched her. Even Becky was watching Diana as she strode away. Something wasn’t quite right.

  “Oh, Diana’s been worrying lately,” Jed said. “Her mother stopped by.”

  “Oh. That doesn’t sound good, Jed,” Becky said. “Didn’t you tell me Diana’s mom was in jail, that she’d done some awful things? When did she get out?”

  Neil had that look about him that was all big brother. “What in God’s name could that woman want after what she did to Diana? I hope you didn’t let her stay.”

  For a minute, Jed forgot how close Neil was to his wife. But then, if anything ever happened to him, his brother had promised he’d look after Diana. He didn’t miss the concern Brad leveled his way, too, as he slipped his arm over the back of their mother’s chair.

  “No, I sent her on her way, but it shook Diana up, having Faye show up at our house. Hell, I was stunned at how she’d found Diana. Worse, I could see where my wife gets her looks. Her mother’s a looker, but there’s something cold about that woman, too, something snaky that makes me uneasy.”

  “What did she want?” Brad asked, frowning.

  “Said she wanted to get to know Diana. She even played up the grandmother thing. And for a minute I saw something in my wife that I didn’t like. I wonder if she’d have let that woman come in if I hadn’t walked up to the house. It was as if this woman had a power over her and could make her do anything.”

  “She’s her mother, Jed. Don’t be so hard on Diana.” Becky tapped the table with her hand. “It’s a good thing you were there, though. I can’t imagine what she went through as a child. She must have been so disillusioned. But we can’t choose our parents, and as children we love our parents unconditionally whether they deserve it or not.”

  His mom surprised him sometimes. He didn’t get it, and he hated Faye Claremont for the childhood horror Diana had survived. She had lost a baby sister who had her own set of challenges, and Jed knew the reality of watching her drunken, drug-dealing whore of a mother had to have been worse than the few stories she had shared with him. Her memories were a scar on her soul that he didn’t think she’d ever recover from.

  “Do you want me to talk to Diana?” Neil looked over his shoulder again toward the door as if ready to jump up and go in to take his wife aside.

  He wondered if he scowled. “No, she’s my wife, Neil. Don’t you have your own to deal with?”

  Neil turned slowly. “That’s not what I meant, Jed.”

  The way he said it, Jed could tell Neil had been reminded of how he’d lied to Candy about the surrogate. He’d weaved a whole lot of secrets to have his family and keep his wife, but then, Jed didn’t know what he’d do in the same situation. Sometimes, Neil was a mystery.

  “I’m just saying, Diana is my wife. I’ll work it out with her. She just needs some time, and it’s good, too, that we’re here, far enough away that I don’t have to worry her mom will show up again.”

  “I don’t know, Jed,” Brad said, still lounging comfortably beside their mom. “If that was Emily’s situation, I’d make sure that woman never showed her face on our doorstep.”

  “Really, you mean like when your ex showed up on your doorstep for Trevor’s birthday and you let her in?” Neil said. “You made Emily feel—”

  “I know what I made her feel, Neil.” Brad slapped the table, cutting his brother off. “You don’t need to bring that up. It’s not the same thing.”

  For a minute, Jed wondered whether Brad was going to reach around their mom and grab Neil’s shirtfront. Becky slapped her hand against Brad’s chest.

  “Just cool down, Brad,” she said. “Sometimes, the way you three talk, I wonder if you’re about to break into a fistfight.”

  “Mom, we wouldn’t do that.” Neil flashed her one of his dazzling smiles.

  “I cleaned up enough bloody noses from you three.” His mom didn’t back down. “Especially you, Jed. You got pounded on by your brothers more times than I could count when you were growing up.”

  “Yeah, we did, didn’t we? You think maybe that’s why he is the way he is?” Brad joked to Neil, and they both laughed at his expense.

  “You guys are assholes,” Jed said before finishing off the wine and moving his glass away so Neil couldn’t pour him another.

  Even his mom was laughing softly. “Okay, enough, you three. Brad, how is Emily doing? In all this commotion today, I haven’t had a chance to talk with her. She’s been herding your kids around and then on the phone nonstop. She seems distracted.” Becky patted Brad’s arm.

  Jed hadn’t realized Emily was distracted. He thought she was just being a mom, but then, Emily was always on the kids, being a mother and raising an autistic child. Trevor was from Brad’s first marriage, but no one would ever suspect that Emily was anything other than his mother. Maybe his mom was reading more into the situation than she should.

  Brad glanced to the door, and his expression changed. Jed had seen that look a time or two and could tell something was up. Then Brad wiped his hand roughly over his face, and Jed could hear the scrape of his whiskers. Brad, too, was looking a little rough around the edges, needing to shave.

  “She’s worried about next year for Trevor. He starts a new school, and we’re running out of options for his grade level, as high school starts at grade nine. Our school district has had so many changes—new people, new administrators who don’t want to work with his program, his consultant, or us, for that matter. They want to do things their own way as if they have it all figured out.” Brad leaned back, scraping the chair legs, and frowned. “Emily is taking it hard. She’s been fighting with the school, the counselors, the principal. They say no, she argues and won’t go away. She’s become a thorn in their side, as one of the teachers said to her.”

  “That doesn’t sound good, either, Brad,” Neil said. “She’s done so much for Trevor. Where would he be without her?” He probably understood more about Trevor’s situation, living closer to Brad now in Hoquiam, than Jed did. Jed loved his brothers, but he also knew that once he said goodbye, he would always go back to his world, his life with Diana and the boys.

  Brad’s face darkened, and he shook his head. Jed knew everything Emily had done, including opening Brad’s eyes so he could see that Trevor had autism, helping him understand when he couldn’t see what had been right in front of him.

  “So what does this mean for school? Are they not going to take him?” Neil asked.

  “Oh, they’ll take him, but it’s a question of what they’ll do for him, what support he’ll have. They won’t allow his current support worker to stay with him in high school. There are so many closed-minded people we’re dealing with right now. Emily handles it better than me. I’m not as nice, but at least when we walk in the school together and I’m with her, they treat my wife with more respect. They’re not as nice if she goes in alone.

  “It’s becoming very political. It’s all about the money they get from the state for a child with autism,” he said. “It’s extra funding for the school, but the administrators can do anything with the money. The principal doesn’t have to account to the parents. He can decide what resources he wants to use. It’s frustrating when you don’t have a voice, and it make me so angry to realize that Trevor is literally a dollar sign to them. Unfortunately, we’re finding the older Trevor gets, and the more kids are now being diagnosed, the less willing schools are to work with us or his consultant,
who’s the one responsible for how far he’s come. We had it good, or Trevor did, for so long, with a school and principal who understood what we were doing, who were willing to work with us.”

  “But you paid for the support, the therapy, the courses, everything, and the school benefited. I don’t understand, Brad. This is a no brainer for them to want to work with you and your consultant.” Neil sounded irritated.

  Jed didn’t know what to make of it as he listened. He couldn’t add anything, because if it were him, he’d go in demanding, not knowing what else to do. But it made sense now, Emily’s distraction. He couldn’t imagine Diana dealing with that, and he didn’t know how he’d handle any of it if he were in Brad’s shoes. Probably not well.

  “We’d gladly continue to pay for services, support, anything we need to. We may have to consider home schooling, but that goes against everything Trevor needs socially.”

  “Well, what about a private school, Brad? That may be a better option,” Neil said, looking around the table at all of them as if he already had some ideas.

  “At the high school level, there isn’t much around. I wish there was. There’s more in the city, but I’m not packing my family up and moving there,” Brad said. “We’ll figure something out.”

  “Of course you will,” Becky said. “You have a good woman in there who will make sure you’re headed in the right direction. Sounds to me as if maybe it would be good for me to spend some time with my daughter-in-laws.”

  Jed wasn’t sure what to make of that—but maybe that would be exactly what Diana needed: another woman, his mother, to talk to.

  Chapter 4

  “Em, you’re worrying yourself to death,” Brad said. “Come to bed. There’s nothing more you can do tonight. This is mom and dad’s anniversary, so just try to put it out of your mind for now. You can’t solve it from here.”

  Brad was in bed in the guest room where they always stayed when they came to Cancun to visit his parents. It had a small balcony with French doors that overlooked the swimming pool. Everything was yellow and white, with an easy chair in the corner. It was comfortable, or should have been, except for the fact that his wife was pacing the tile floor barefoot in her short blue nightgown. He loved how it draped to her thighs, the thin spaghetti straps and flattering cut teasing him with her cleavage. She ran her fingers through her shoulder-length brown hair. She was slender and curvy, and his body stirred just thinking of settling inside her.