Twisted (Torn Series)

by Robinson, K. A.

  “I don’t think I can do this.” I whispered.

  “Take your time Chloe, we can stay out here as long as we need to.”

  “Thank you, not just for this, but for everything you’ve done for me.”

  “We’re family, and I know you’d do the same for me. I love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  We sat in silence as the boat swayed back and forth gently. My mind moved at warp speed as I thought of all the moments my mother had hurt me. I tried to ignore them, to focus on happier thoughts with her, but the sad truth was that there were none. Never once had she ever told me that she loved me, or even that she was proud of me.

  A tear slipped down my cheek as I stood and walked to the edge of the deck. I removed the lid and stared down at the urn in my hands. This wasn’t just goodbye, it was peace. I held the urn over the edge and tilted it to the side, letting the ashes slowly slide out. A breeze caught them and carried them away as I poured, until there was nothing left.

  I stared down at the empty urn in my hands before throwing it into the ocean. There was no comfort in its presence, only an empty shell and a reminder of the pain my mother had caused. I watched it hit the surface of the water and sink down into the dark depths below. As it sank, I let it take all the pain and regret with it. I would leave my pain here, in the middle of the ocean and start over again.

  I hugged myself as I turned to face Danny. “I’m ready.”

  “Are you sure? We can stay for a while if you’d like.”

  “No, there’s nothing here and there never was.”

  He stood and wrapped his arms around me. “All right then, let’s go home.”

  He started the engine and took us back to shore. I stared straight ahead, refusing to look back. I was leaving it all behind.

  We docked and I helped him to secure the boat, before making the drive back home. The car ride was as quiet as the trip back to shore in the boat and I appreciated that Danny was trying to give me space.

  Drake was standing outside as we pulled up to the house and I smiled at the sight of him. Regardless of where life took me, I knew he would always be by my side. As soon as Danny parked, I jumped out of the car and ran straight into his arms.

  He stumbled back as I jumped into his arms. “You ok babe?”

  “I am now.”

  “Glad to hear it. Let’s go inside, Allison has dinner ready for everyone.”

  We walked inside, with Danny close behind. As soon as I stepped into the house, my stomach growled from the smells coming from the dining room. Everyone was already sitting around the table eating as we entered.

  I smiled as everyone looked up. “I hope you saved something for us.”

  Adam snorted. “It’s every man for himself around here. I don’t think I’ll survive once I have to start eating Drake’s Pop Tarts on the bus again, this food is the shit.”

  “I knew it was you who was stealing them! You asshole, I asked if it was you who took them and you denied it!” Drake said as he pretended to be outraged.

  “No, you asked if I touched your shit, which I didn’t. I ate your Pop Tarts.”

  They continued to bicker back and forth as we walked to the table and sat down. Allison had gone all out, making all of my favorites. The table was piled high with homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, fried chicken, shrimp linguini, crab legs, fresh dinner rolls, ribs, and two Key Lime pies.

  Drake looked disgusted as I added a little bit of everything onto my plate.

  “What? I’m hungry.”

  “That has to be the most disgusting combination I have ever seen.”

  “It’s not like I’m going to eat it all together.” I said as I rolled my eyes.

  “It’s still nasty. I’m not kissing you after you eat all of that.”

  I laughed. “Whatever, your idle threats won’t stop me.”

  As I ate, I watched Jordan from the corner of my eye. He was a few seats down from me, deep in conversation with Danny. Drake and I had talked last night, and we had decided that the band and I would leave early tomorrow so that they didn’t have to miss any more shows. I needed to fix things with Jordan before I left.

  When we finished dinner, I stood and walked over to where he and Danny were sitting.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked.

  Jordan seemed surprised, but nodded as he stood to follow me from the room. Drake was watching us closely, and I stopped beside him.

  “I need to patch things up with him. Just give us a couple of minutes alone, ok?”

  He gave me a curt nod, but said nothing.

  I sighed as I led Jordan from the room and out the patio doors to the pool. I knew I had upset Drake, but Jordan deserved better than to be left hanging with no answers.

  I was still wearing a knee-length skirt from the services, so I sat down at the edge of the pool and stuck my feet into the warm water. Jordan sat down beside me and leaned back on his hands.

  “You wanted to talk?” He asked.

  “Yeah, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am over everything. I shouldn’t have pushed you away these last few days. I care about you, but just not that way.”

  “I know that and I was an idiot to push you for more. I can see how much you love Drake and I just wanted that with you. You’re unlike anyone else and I can’t help how I feel about you, but from now on it won’t be an issue.”

  I reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “I’m glad that you understand where we stand. I didn’t want to leave tomorrow if we weren’t ok.”

  His shoulder tensed under my hand. “You’re leaving tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, the band has to get back on the road and Drake won’t leave without me.”

  He brushed my hand away as he stood. “I see. Make sure you come back to visit when he lets you.”

  I watched him walk back into the house with a heavy heart. Regardless of what we both said, there was no way we would ever really be ok as long as I was with Drake and I had to accept that. Drake was the most important part of my life now and if Jordan couldn’t accept it, then so be it.

  Chapter Twenty

  Chloe

  There was something wrong with Drake, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I had been on tour with the band for just over a week and everything had gone smoothly, apart from Drake. His moods were starting to give me whiplash; one minute he was normal cheerful Drake and the next he was yelling at me and storming off over the littlest things.

  The worst fight, and the stupidest as well, was when I had tried to be nice and clean the bus for them while they were practicing in a bar before a show. I scrubbed every inch of the bus, from the makeshift kitchen to the bathroom, and had even ran to the local store and stocked the bus up on everything from toilet paper to his worshipped Pop Tarts.

  The rest of the band had been grateful for my hard work, but Drake had flipped out and started yelling at me. Shocked at his outburst, I had stood frozen while he screamed at me. When he was finished, he stomped off to the bathroom and locked himself in there for over an hour. When he came out, he apologized over and over but I ignored him. I was hurt, but I was mad too. I had tried to do something nice for him and he didn’t even care.

  At first, I had assumed his anger was from my attempt at making amends with Jordan, but that didn’t seem to be the case. He wasn’t only lashing out at me, but at the band as well. Eric had all but thrown him off the bus when he and Adam had almost come to blows over who was going to drive. I knew they were as concerned as I was, but we were lost with how to help him. Whenever one of us would try to talk to him about the changes we had seen, he would either get angry or blow us off.

  We were only a couple of weeks away from the end of their summer tour and I was secretly glad. I hoped once we were back home, Drake would return to normal. Tonight they were playing in one of the biggest bars on the tour in Trenton, New Jersey. The bar itself was easily three times the size of Gold’s back home and word had spread quickly that Breaking the H
unger would be here.

  With only half an hour until they started their set, the room was filled to capacity. The bar had reserved a table next to the stage for the band, and I sat with them; watching the bar skanks and sipping my beer. There had been a few who were brave enough to approach Drake while he sat beside me with his arm around my shoulders, but he quickly got rid of them. I had to admit, that was a major plus side to Drake’s newfound temper. I couldn’t help but smile as Drake not so politely told them all to fuck off.

  Drake kept his arm around me until it was time for them to take the stage. He had been in a bad mood most of the day and I was surprised when he bent down to kiss my forehead before leaving me alone at our table. I watched as he followed the other members onto the stage and took his place in the front.

  He still looked every bit the badass rocker I had met almost a year ago, but I could see how tired he was. Living on a bus and the events of this summer had taken a toll on him, both mentally and physically.

  He introduced himself and the band before Jade started into the first song. Their performance was good, but not one of their best. I nearly had a heart attack when Drake stumbled and nearly fell, but he quickly regained his footing and continued on with the song like nothing had happened.

  I glanced up when the chair beside me was pulled out and a guy sat down next to me.

  “Why are you sitting over here all by yourself?” He asked.

  “Um, just watching my boyfriend on stage.” I emphasized the word boyfriend, hoping he would take the hint.

  “Oh, which one is he?”

  I pointed to Drake. “The one singing.”

  “He’s got a hell of a voice. Kind of reminds me of a mix between Three Days Grace and Seether, which are two of my favorite bands.”

  “Yeah, he does.”

  “I’m Ron by the way. Do you mind if I sit with you until they’re done? I’d love to meet them.”

  “Nice to meet you Ron, I’m Chloe. I don’t mind, I’m sure they’d like to meet you since you’re not a screaming fan girl.”

  He laughed. “No, definitely not a screaming girl.”

  My reply was cut off by the shrill sound of a microphone being thrown down. I glanced up to see that Drake jumping from the stage and rushing over to me. My eyes widened as he grabbed Ron and pulled him from his chair. I scrambled out of my chair as he threw him on the table and slammed his fist into Ron’s face.

  “Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend!” Drake shouted as he landed another punch.

  “Stop!” I screamed. I tried to grab his arm to keep him from hitting Ron again. Before I even realized what was happening, Drake spun around and shoved me away. I lost my balance and tumbled to the ground.

  Drake froze as he stared down at me. “Oh my God Chloe, I’m so sorry.”

  Jade rushed to my side and helped me up. “Are you alright?”

  “Fine.” I growled.

  Drake reached out for me, but I pushed him away. “Chloe, I’m so sorry.”

  “Just stay away from me right now,” I pointed to Ron, who was sitting on the table, holding his face. “You hit an innocent guy who was sitting with me so that he could meet you and then pushed me down. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ve had it!”

  I turned and stormed away as one of the bouncers rushed over to the scene Drake had caused.

  “We don’t put up with this shit, especially from the performers. Pack your stuff up and get out!” I heard him roar as he reached Drake.

  The bar was deathly quiet as I walked through the crowd. They parted easily for me and I was out the door in seconds. I ran to the bus and jumped on, with Jade right behind me.

  “I can’t believe him!” I shouted.

  “I know honey, this isn’t like him.” Jade said sadly.

  “He just beat up some random guy and got you guys kicked out of the bar. Was he like this before I got here?

  “He’s been a little off for a while, but it’s getting worse.”

  “What’s wrong with him?” I asked as I started to cry.

  I felt like I was losing him, and I was powerless to stop it. He was slowly slipping away and he refused to open up to me so that I could help him or fix whatever was bothering him.

  Eric stepped on the bus, looking more pissed off than I had ever seen him. “We have a serious problem.”

  “You think?” I grumbled as I rubbed a sore spot on my bottom. “Where is he anyway?”

  “He helped pack everything up and then disappeared.”

  “I don’t know what to do Eric.” I said.

  “I do,” Adam said as he boarded the bus as well. “Let me beat the shit out of him.”

  “Adam, you’re not helping.” Jade said as she glared at him.

  “I think I know what’s going on with him, but I hope I’m wrong.” Eric said as he sat down at the table.

  “What? Tell me and we’ll fix it.” I pleaded.

  “This isn’t something you can fix.”

  “Damn it Eric, spit it out.” Adam growled.

  “I think he’s using again.”

  “Using? You mean drugs? Drake wouldn’t do that.” I said, confused.

  “I didn’t think he would, but all the signs point in that direction. The mood swings, the random outbursts of anger, him disappearing constantly; it all fits. I knew him before he went to rehab and it was almost exactly like this.”

  I dropped into the seat across from him. “There’s no way he would do that. He knows how I feel about drugs after everything that happened with my mom, he knows I’d leave. I won’t go through that again.”

  “I think he’s right Chloe. I’ve been thinking the same thing, but I was afraid to say it.” Jade said sadly.

  “You’re all wrong, he wouldn’t do that!” I all but shouted.

  I jumped from my chair and walked back to Drake’s bunk to grab my purse.

  “Where are you going?” Adam asked as I walked to the door.

  “To a hotel, I can’t deal with this right now.”

  I exited the bus and ran for my car. I drove around town for a while, trying to clear my head. There was no way that Drake would ever start using again, Eric had to be wrong. He knew about my past, and he had seen firsthand how screwed up my mom had been because of them. Knowing how much I hated them, there was no way that he would risk losing me; we loved each other too much.

  I finally pulled into a beat down hotel just a few miles from the bus. I told myself it was because I didn’t want to have to hunt to find my way back in the morning, but the truth was that I wanted to be close in case Drake called. Yes, I was really angry with him for tonight, but I wanted him to open up to me. Maybe after tonight, he would realize he needed to open up to me.

  After paying for my room, I carried my bags inside and looked around the room. I cringed and rethought my decision to stay here as I took in the dingy space. The room was clean enough, but it was aged. The walls were a bit stained and the wallpaper was peeling in places. I glanced at the bed; it seemed ok, but I was definitely wearing pajamas to bed just to be safe.

  I took a quick shower and checked my phone, but there were no missed calls. Defeated, I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up. Maybe tomorrow; it was a new day after all.

  There were still no missed calls when I woke the next morning. My hope deflated when I still hadn’t received a call after I was dressed and driving back to the bus. Amazingly enough, the bus was still parked in the lot. I had been afraid that the bar would force them off of their property.

  The bus was quiet as I stepped inside. Jade was sitting at the table with her laptop open in front of her. She glanced up and gave me a weak smile as I closed the door behind me.

  “Morning.”

  “Morning, did he show up?” I asked, afraid to look back and see Drake’s bunk still empty.

  She sighed. “Yeah, he came back in the middle of the night. He was drunk and flipped out when he realized you left. He thought you had left him period and started to
go after you. Since he could barely stand up, we convinced him to sleep it off and that you would be back in the morning.”

  “I assume he’s still sleeping?”

  “Yeah, and he probably will for a while. I’d let him sleep, it’s not going to be pretty when he wakes up.”

  “I won’t wake him, but I’m going to check on him.” I said as I walked quietly to his bunk.

  He was lying in bed in only his boxers with his mouth hanging open. I couldn’t help but smile at how cute he looked. I stepped closer and tripped over something on the floor. I threw my hands out and to keep myself from falling and glanced down to see what the culprit was. Drake’s shirt and pants were tossed down beside the bed and I reached down to pick them up.

  I grabbed his shirt first and almost gagged; it smelled like he had taken a bath in Jack Daniels. I grabbed his pants next and threw them and the shirt in the bag he used for dirty laundry. A small bag fell from his jeans and onto the floor. My heart stopped as I reached down to pick it up.

  “No.” I whispered as I stared at the white powder inside. “How could he?”

  So this was it; this stupid little bag was why he was putting everyone through hell. Drake had his faults, just like everyone else, and I looked past them. But this, this I couldn’t ignore. I had spent my entire life being physically abused by a drug addict and I wasn’t going to spend the rest being verbally abused by another one.

  My eyes fell on Drake’s sleeping form and I lost it. “Un-fucking-believable!” I screeched. Eric and Adam were sleeping only a few feet away and they both woke up when they heard my shouting.

  “Whadafuck?” Adam mumbled, still half asleep.

  Eric sat up in bed and looked at me. “What’s wrong?”

  “You were right. This,” I kicked Drake’s bunk as I held up the bag for Adam to see, “asshole is using cocaine.”

  Jade rushed back to us, but stopped dead when she saw the bag in my hand. “Oh, no.”

  “Oh, yes.” I growled.

  I leaned down and shook a still sleeping Drake roughly. How he had slept through my shouting, I’ll never know.