The Irish Trilogy by Nora Roberts

by Nora Roberts

  “He wants me.” Better to face it now, head-on, she told herself as she turned back to Dee.

  “I see.” And because she did, she chose her words with care. “Marriage is a mighty big step for a man to take only for a want, a bigger step yet for a man like Burke. If the words are hard to come by, it might be that he hasn’t learned how to say them.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t need words.”

  “Of course you do.”

  “Aye, you’re right.” She turned back with a sigh. “But they can wait.”

  “Sometimes a person needs to feel safe before he can speak what’s in his heart.”

  “You’re good for me.” Erin reached out both hands and grasped Dee’s. “I’m happy, and despite the both of us I’m going to make him happy.”

  ***

  Brave words aside, when she stood at the top of the staircase two days later, clinging to Paddy’s arm, Erin wasn’t sure she could walk as far as the atrium, where the ceremony would take place. The music had begun. In truth, she could hear nothing else. She took one step and stopped. Then she felt Paddy’s comforting pat on her hand.

  “Come now, lass, you look beautiful. Your father would be proud of you today.”

  She nodded, took two slow, easy breaths, then descended.

  Burke thought the tux would strangle him. If he’d had his way, they would have walked into the courthouse, said a few words and walked out again. Mission accomplished. It had been Dee who had browbeaten him into a wedding. Just a simple one, she’d said, Burke thought with a grimace. A woman was entitled to white lace and flowers once in her life. She herself hadn’t been given the choice, but she wanted it for Erin. He’d relented because he’d been certain she couldn’t pull it off in the two weeks he’d given her. Of course, she had.

  The simple wedding she’d promised had swelled into what he considered a sideshow, with two hundred people eager to watch him juggle. The house was full of white and pink roses, and he’d been forced to pull himself into a tux. She’d ordered a five-tiered wedding cake and enough champagne to fill his pool. Wasn’t it enough that he was about to make a lifetime commitment without having a trio of violins behind him?

  Burke stood with his hands at his side and his face carefully blank and wondered what in the hell he was doing.

  Then he saw her.

  Her hair was glowing, warm and vibrant under layers of white tulle. She seemed pale, but her eyes met his without hesitation. How was it he’d never noticed how small she was, how delicate, until now, when she was about to become a permanent part of his life? Permanent. He felt the quick sliver of panic. Then she smiled, slowly, almost questioningly. He held out a hand.

  Her fingers were icy. It was a relief to find his equally cold. She held tight and turned to face the priest.

  It didn’t take long to change lives. A few moments, a few words. She felt the ring slip onto her finger, but she was looking at him. Her hand was steady when she took the gold band from Dee and placed it on Burke’s finger.

  And it was done. He lifted the veil and touched the warm skin beneath. He brought his lips to hers, lightly, then more strongly. With a laugh, Erin threw her arms around his neck and held him. And it was sealed.

  Then, almost from the moment she became his wife, she was spun away to be congratulated, complimented and envied.

  It became like a dream, full of music and strangers and frothy wine. She was toasted and fussed over. Cameras flashed. There was caviar and elegant little hors d’oeuvres and sugared fruit that sparkled like diamonds under the lights. Erin found herself answering questions, smiling and wishing herself a hundred miles away.

  Then she was dancing with Burke, and the world snapped back into focus.

  “This didn’t seem real. Until now.” She rested her cheek against his and sighed. “I always dreamed of a day like this. Are we really married, or am I still imagining?”

  He lifted her hand, running a finger over her ring. “Looks real to me.”

  Smiling, she looked down and caught her breath. “Oh, Burke, it’s beautiful.” Stunned, she turned her hand so that the layers of diamonds and sapphires glittered. “I never expected anything like this.”

  “You’ve had it on for an hour. Haven’t you looked?”

  “No.” It was foolish to cry now, but she felt the tears sting her eyes. “Thank you.” She was grateful the music stopped while she still had control. “I’ll be back in just a minute.”

  “You’d better be. I’ll be damned if I’ll deal with this crowd alone.”

  She tucked her thumb into her fist so that she could run it along the ring as she hurried upstairs. She just needed a minute, Erin told herself. To compose, to adjust, to believe.

  Stepping inside the bedroom, she leaned back against the door and caught her breath. Tonight, she thought, this would be her room, just as Burke would be—was—her husband. She would sleep in this bed, wake in it, tidy the sheets, fuss with the curtains. And one day it would become usual.

  No, she thought with a laugh, and hugged herself. It would never become usual. She wouldn’t let it. From this day on her life would be special. Because she loved and belonged.

  Touching her cheeks to be certain they were cool and dry, she started to open the door. A trio of women were passing on their way downstairs.

  “Why, for his money, of course.” This from a woman Erin recognized from Adelia’s party, one with beautiful white hair and a watered-silk suit. “After all, she hardly knew the man. Why else would she marry him? You don’t think she came all the way from Ireland to settle for keeping his books.”

  “It seems strange that Burke would marry her, a nobody, when he could have had his pick of some of the most acceptable women in the area.” The leggy blonde from the party fussed with the snap of her purse.

  “I thought they made a lovely couple.” The third woman merely shrugged as the white-haired matron looked down her nose. “Really, Dorothy, a man hardly marries without reason.”

  “No doubt she’s got a few tricks up her sleeve. It’s one thing to get a man into bed, after all, and another to get him to the altar. Men are charmed easily enough, and bore just as easily. I imagine he’ll be finished with her in a year. If she’s as smart as I think she is, she’ll tuck away a nice settlement—starting with that ring he gave her. Ordered it from Cartier’s, you know. Ten thousand. Not a bad start for a little farm girl from nowhere.”

  The blonde fussed with her hair as they approached the head of the stairs. “It should be interesting to see her struggle to climb the social ladder in the next few months.”

  “She’s not one of us,” the white-haired woman announced with a flick of the wrist.

  Erin stood with her hand on the knob and watched them descend the stairs. Not one of them? Through the first shock came the tremble of anger. Well, damned if she wanted to be. They were nothing but a bunch of gossiping old broody hens with nothing better to do than make cruel remarks and speculate on the feelings of others.

  For his money? Did everyone really believe she’d married Burke for his money? Did he? she wondered with a sudden and very new shock. Anger drained as she let her hand slip off the knob. Oh, sweet God, did he? Was that what he’d meant when he’d said he could give her what she wanted?

  She put her hands to her cheeks again, but they were no longer cool. Could he believe that her feelings were tied up in what he had instead of what he was? She hadn’t done anything to show him otherwise, Erin realized with a sinking heart.

  But she would. Lifting her head, she started out of the room. She would show him, she would prove to him that it was the man she had married, not his fine house or his rich farm. And to hell with the rest of them.

  When she descended the steps this time, she didn’t look like the pale, innocent bride. Her color was high, her eyes dark. She mig
ht not be one of them, she thought, but she would find a way to fit in. She would make Burke proud of her. Forcing a smile, she walked directly to the woman in watered silk.

  “I’m so glad you could come today.”

  The woman gave Erin a gracious nod as she sipped champagne. “Wouldn’t have missed it, my dear. You do make a lovely bride.”

  “Thank you. But a woman’s only a bride for a day, and a wife for a lifetime. If you’ll excuse me.” She crossed the room, her dress billowing magnificently. Though Burke was surrounded, she moved directly to him and, putting her arms around him, kissed him until the people around them began to murmur and chuckle. “I love you, Burke,” she said simply, “and I always will.”

  He hadn’t known he could be moved by words, at least not such well-used ones. But he felt something shift inside him as she smiled. “Is that a conclusion you just came to?”

  “No, but I thought it past time I told you.”

  ***

  He thought he’d never nudge the last guest out the door. No one loved a party and free champagne like the privileged class.

  Erin stood in the center of the atrium with her hands clasped together. “It’s going to take an army to put this place to rights.”

  “No one’s walking through that door for twenty-four hours.”

  She smiled, but the fatigue and nerves were beginning to show. “I should go up and change.”

  “In a minute.” Before she could move, he took both her hands. “I should have told you how beautiful you are. I can’t remember ever being as nervous as I was when I stood down here waiting for you.”

  “Were you?” Her smile came fully now as she pressed against him. “Oh, I was scared to death. I nearly picked up my skirts and bolted.”

  “I’d have caught you.”

  “I hope so, because there’s no place I want to be but here with you.”

  He framed her face with his hands. “You haven’t had much chance to compare.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  But he wondered. He was the only man she’d ever known. Now he’d done his best to be certain he was the only one she ever would. Selfish, yes, but a desperate man takes desperate measures. He kissed her again and then, while his lips were on hers, lifted her into his arms. “There’s no threshold to carry you over.”

  Her eyes laughed at him. “There’s one in the bedroom.”

  “I told you that you were a woman after my heart,” he said, and carried her up the stairs. Rosa had champagne chilling in a bucket and two glasses waiting.

  “Burke, I wonder, would you mind giving me ten minutes?”

  “Who’s going to help you out of that dress?”

  “I can manage. I’m sure it’s bad luck for the bridegroom to do so. Just ten,” she repeated when he set her down. “I’ll be quick.”

  With a shrug, he pulled a robe out of his closet. “I suppose I can get out of this straitjacket somewhere else.”

  “Thank you.”

  He didn’t give her a minute more than that, but she was ready. She was still in white, but this gown was like a cloud, wisping down, shifting with each breath she took. Her hair was loose over the shoulders, fire against snow. He closed the door quietly behind him and looked his fill.

  “I didn’t think you could be more beautiful than you were this afternoon.”

  “I wanted tonight to be special. I know we’ve already . . . we’ve already been together, but—”

  “This is the first time I’ll make love to my wife.”

  “Aye.” She held out her hands. “And I want you to love me. I want you more now than I did before. If you could—” It was foolish to blush now. She was a married woman. “If you could teach me what to do.”

  “Erin.” He didn’t know what to say. He simply didn’t have the words. But he took her hand and pressed a kiss to her brow. “I have something for you.”

  When he took a box out of his pocket and handed it to her, she moistened her lips. “Burke, I don’t want you to feel obliged to buy me things.”

  “If I don’t, how am I going to please myself by looking at you wear them?” So he opened the box himself. Inside was a rope of diamonds holding one perfect sapphire.

  “Oh, Burke.” She wanted to cry because it was so lovely. She wanted to cry because she was afraid he thought she required it. “It matches my ring,” she managed.

  “That was the idea.” But he was watching her, frowning at the look in her eyes. “Don’t you like it?”

  “Of course I do, it’s like something out of a palace. I think I’m afraid to wear it.”

  He laughed at that and turned her toward the mirror. “Don’t be silly. It’s made to be worn. See?” He held it up around her throat. The sapphire gleamed dark against her skin and the wink of diamonds. “What good are pretty stones if a woman doesn’t wear them? You’ll need more than this before it’s done. We can pick up some things on our honeymoon.” He kissed the curve of her throat. “Where do you want to go? Paris? Aruba?”

  Ireland, she thought, but was afraid he’d laugh at her. “I was thinking maybe we should wait awhile for that. After all, this is one of the busiest times of year for you, with the Derby coming up. Could we wait a few months before we go away?”

  “If you like.” He placed the necklace back in the box before turning her to face him. “Erin, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. It’s just all so new and . . . Burke, I swear to you I won’t do anything to cause you shame.”

  “What the hell is this?” Patience gone, he took her by the arm and set her on the bed. “I want to know what you’ve got into your head and how it got there.”

  “It’s nothing,” she said, furious with herself that she was always an open book to him while she could never dig beneath the top layer. “It’s just that I realized today that I don’t really fit in with your people and lifestyle.”

  “My people?” His laugh wasn’t amused and had her tensing. “You don’t know anything about my people, Irish, and you can consider yourself fortunate. If you mean the people who were here today, two-thirds of them aren’t worth the snap of your fingers.”

  “But I thought you liked them. You’ve friends among them, and associates.”

  “Associates, for the most part. And that can change at any time. We can go to parties, and you can join any clubs or committees you like. But if you want to thumb your nose at the lot of them, it wouldn’t matter to me.”

  “You’re part of the racing world,” she insisted. “And married to you, so am I. I won’t have anyone saying you married some little nobody who can’t fit in.”

  “And someone did,” he murmured. She didn’t have to confirm with words what he could see so clearly in her eyes. “You listen to me. It only matters what we think. I married you because you were what I wanted.”

  “I’m going to be.” She lifted her hands to his face. “I swear to you.” She brought her mouth to his with all the passion, love and longing she had.

  She wanted the night to be special, but that meant more than champagne and white lace. It meant showing him what was in her heart, what she was just beginning to understand for herself. That she loved him unrestrictedly. With her arms around him, her mouth on his, she lowered onto the bed. Their marriage bed.

  He had shown her what loving could be. Now she hoped she could give some of that beauty back to him. Since experience wasn’t hers, she could only act on what was in her heart. She had no idea if a man could feel more than need and satisfaction, but she wanted to try to give him some of the sweetness, some of the comfort he had given to her.

  Hesitant, unsure, she pressed her lips to his throat. His taste was darker there, potent, and she could feel the beat of his pulse beneath her mouth. Its rhythm quickened. She smiled against his skin. Yes, she could give him something.
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  She liked the way he felt under her hands, the muscles that bunched and flowed as she moved her fingers over them. Tentatively she parted his robe. When she felt him tense, she retreated immediately, an apology forming on her lips.

  “No.” With a half laugh, he took her hand and brought it back to him. “I want you to touch me.”

  He kept his own hands gentle, though each hesitant stroke of her fingertips drove him mad. He was already caught in the innocence and passion of her, in her willingness to be taught, her eagerness to please and be pleased.

  So they loved slowly, taking time to teach, to learn. There was no shyness on her part when he drew the lace from her shoulders, but rather a wonder that he found her so desirable. In answer, she slipped his robe away and let herself marvel at the strength and beauty that was her husband.

  Perhaps it didn’t make sense, but it was more exciting now that he belonged to her. The hard fist of need hadn’t lessened; the trembles of anticipation and anxiety were just as sharp. But now, along with desire, was the simple joy that the man who held her was the man who would hold her night after night. This was only the beginning, she thought. Laughing, she rolled over him.

  “Something funny?” he managed. He felt as though his body was stretched beyond the breaking point.

  “I’m happy.” She brought her mouth down hard on his, then, incredibly, felt her bones liquify. With a soft moan, she took him into her. When the whirlwind started, she could only hold her breath and grip his hands tight. Her body took control now, moving with his instinctively as pleasure built and crested and built again.

  Her head was thrown back. He thought she looked like a goddess, red hair streaming over white shoulders, her slender body strong and agile as it merged with his. He wanted to hold her like this, to see her like this again and again in his mind’s eye. Then the pleasure was so complete that it blinded him.

  ***

  Erin woke on her first day as Mrs. Logan to a gray morning lashed by spring rain. She thought it was beautiful. Smiling, she shifted over to reach for Burke. And found him gone. Terrified she’d dreamed it all, she sat straight up.