Noah's Journey (Sawyer Brothers #3)

by C. A. Harms

  My chest tightened with jealously. Unable to speak, I just nodded.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m sure there’s a rational explanation.”

  Again I could only nod as my mind raced with ideas of making an undetected escape. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  A deep chuckle broke through the fog of my shock, and I looked up just in time to see Noah entering the barn carrying Austin on his shoulders. Close behind him was an older man with graying hair. The moment Noah saw me standing on the other side of Amber, his smile faltered. “Hey.” He stepped forward, suddenly forgetting he had company. “How was your ride?”

  “Scary,” I said without thinking, and he chuckled.

  I reached up and lifted Austin from his shoulders as Noah crouched low for me, then Noah took him into his arms. “Austin, this pretty lady here is a very special friend of mine,” he began as he closed the distance between us. “Alena, this is my son, Austin.”

  Happy at finally being allowed a proper introduction, I almost forgot his ex-fiancée was only just outside.

  “Hi, Austin, it’s nice to meet you.” I reached out to him, and he placed his tiny hand in mine. I gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sure you’re ready to show your grandpa your favorite horse.”

  “Yes,” he said in the sweetest, tiniest little voice I had ever heard. My current foul mood wasn’t immune to his little-boy charm.

  I smiled, pulling my hand back and stepping to the side. “I think Storm’s been waiting for you,” I told him, and he whipped his head around, looking toward the stall that held his favorite horse.

  “Really?” he asked.

  “Yep,” I assured him.

  Noah lowered him to the ground, because at this point Austin was twisting around trying to get down on his own. Once his two little feet hit the dirt, he began pulling Noah toward the stall.

  “Don’t let me hold you up.” I held my hands up and watched as Austin tugged Noah toward the opposite end of the barn with his grandpa following closely behind.

  Once they were out of sight, I turned and began walking toward the house. My stomach dropped the second Stacey came into view. She stood just to the side of the steps that led to the back entrance of the house. The same woman from the store stood at her side.

  Tammy looked unsettled as I approached. “Alena, how was your ride?”

  “It was interesting.” I smiled. “I just need to grab my keys from the counter. I forgot I had a delivery coming this afternoon, and I need to get back to the store before I miss it.” I felt horrible lying to her, but I think she knew it was just an excuse, because the smile she returned was forced.

  I didn’t pause to acknowledge Stacey as I walked onto the porch and through the back door. Just inside, Olivia stood at the sink glaring out the back window.

  When she heard me grab my keys, she turned to face me. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

  “I have to get back to the store,” I repeated my earlier lie, feeling guilty once again.

  “Do I have dumbass written on my forehead?” Her question caught me off guard, and I just stood there in the center of the kitchen gaping at her. She was a sassy girl with a take-no-shit attitude. “We both know the real reason you’re leaving is her. But you shouldn’t let her get to you. If you do, she wins.”

  “It’s not a game, Liv. I just don’t feel comfortable. I don’t know the true reason why she’s here, but I feel like an intruder.” I let out a huff. “I don’t know the right or wrong thing to do here, I just know I feel like I should leave.”

  I was torn between staying and going. I wanted to be here, to share a day with Noah and his family, but I wasn’t sure I was willing to also share that day with Stacey. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous that I had to share with his ex, because I knew she still wanted him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Noah

  Just when I thought shit was getting better, another hurdle was thrown in my path.

  I should have called and forewarned Alena that Stacey and her parents were coming. Standing here in my parents’ driveway being given the evil eye by my very pissed-off niece was not my idea of a good day.

  “You are such an ass,” she said, placing her hands on her hips.

  “Olivia,” Ryan warned as he stepped up beside her.

  “No, Dad, you know I’m right.” When Ryan didn’t argue, she continued, “Whatever reason you had to bring her here, it wasn’t a good enough one. Alena came here to meet your son and be with the family, and she already felt out of place without you here. No matter how hard we all tried to make her laugh and relax, you could just sense that her mind was elsewhere, missing you. And then when you do show up, you bring the one person that brings out her biggest insecurities.”

  She shook her head in disappointment, and I had to admit it hurt. Liv was a sweet girl, and she meant the world to me. Knowing I’d upset her hit me low in the stomach. My day was already fucked up enough after I upset Alena, and now things were even worse.

  “I’d expect this from him,” she said as she lifted her hand toward Jackson.

  “Hey,” he said defensively.

  “But not from you. You’re the one that always thinks things through. You always do what’s right, but today, Uncle Noah, you truly messed up.”

  Olivia turned around and walked back toward the barn, leaving me behind to think over her words.

  “Well, hell, you just got your ass reamed by a sixteen-year-old girl,” Ryan said with pride.

  “Brother, it looks like you fucked up.” I closed my eyes and hung my head. Leave it to Jackson to jump at the opportunity to rub a little salt in the wound. “Even I’m not dumb enough to make a shitty-ass mistake like you just did. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve made some colossal mistakes, but this tops those for sure.”

  “I need to talk to Len. Do you guys think you can entertain Austin for a few minutes?” I gave my brothers a look of desperation. I was in the middle of one big shit-storm, and I had to do some damage control before I screwed things up with Alena.

  When they both offered a slight nod, I turned without a second thought and rushed off toward the house.

  Once I reached the porch, I didn’t take the time to say anything to Stacey or her mother. I just smiled politely before I faced my mother…and I cringed at the glare she was giving me. She cocked an eyebrow at me as she crossed her arms over her chest.

  “She inside?” I asked

  “If she hasn’t snuck out the front yet and run like hell, then yeah.” I was surrounded by women who had no problem with attitude. I was getting it right and left.

  I took in a deep breath and walked up the back steps. Just as I put my hand on the door handle and pushed, it was pulled in the opposite direction. Alena stared at me wide-eyed as I stumbled forward over the threshold. She had her keys in her hand and a light jacket tossed over her forearm. I looked between her jacket and eyes before I spoke. “You planning your escape?”

  “I actually thought I would just head home,” she said hesitantly.

  “I don’t want you to leave,” I confessed as I stepped completely inside and closed the door behind me. Without pause, I hooked the back of her neck with my outstretched hand. Pulling her closer, I then wrapped my other hand around her waist. She just stared back at me with those big doe eyes of hers, and my heart felt like it was being clenched in a vise.

  “They’re not staying. Austin wanted to show his mom and grandparents Storm. There is no other reason for her being here.” I slouched lower, bringing my face within inches of hers. “She understands we’ll never get back together. I made that clear. You have my word, Alena.”

  She scanned my face with her gaze. I couldn’t gauge her mood. Suddenly, she stepped back, trying to remove herself from my hold, her confused eyes focused on my neck. Her body stiffened in my hold, and she pressed her palm against my chest and pushed me away firmly.

  “That story was almost believable,” she said in a whispe
r. “But next time, make sure you clean the lipstick off your neck and shirt before you attempt to convince me that she knows you two are through.”

  Panic rushed through me as I tried to remember how in the hell I could have lipstick on my collar. Then it hit me. “Shit, no, it’s not like that.”

  Alena’s shoulders sagged in defeat, as if she knew I would say that and she had given up.

  I wouldn’t let her give up.

  “When I went to get Austin earlier, she was gone. She’d lied to her parents and said I changed plans. But when her dad found out and told her how ridiculous it was to keep Austin from me, Stacey broke down.” I took another step toward Alena, bringing our bodies closer together once again. “Baby, I swear to you, it was nothing more than her finally giving in to the fact she can’t win. That for once she has no control over me.”

  Alena avoided my eyes.

  “I know all this crazy isn’t what you signed up for when you thought of me, but I hope like hell you understand what I’m about to say. I just need you to believe I have no intentions of ever hurting you, Len. I’m just trying to get this right, for my son and for you. The rest will have to fall into place, because I know who I want to be with.” I placed my hands on each side of her face, forcing her to look at me. “Please believe me. I want you here, with me and my family. Just give Stacey and her parents time to see how happy Austin is here, and then they’ll be gone and we’ll go on with our day as planned.”

  “Are you sure I’m not the reason you can’t give her what she wants? Because I don’t ever want to be the reason Austin doesn’t have his family.”

  Her question threw me. “Absolutely not,” I assured her. “Austin has a family, sweetheart, and you are part of that family.”

  My chest tightened as her eyes teared up.

  “I can say without a doubt in my mind that regardless of meeting you, there still would be no Stacey and me. We ended a long time ago. My eyes are solely set on a sweet brunette.”

  She smiled, and a burst of laughter fell from her lips. “You are so cheesy,” she said through her giggle. “But adorable at the same time.”

  “Will you stay?” I asked, and she nodded. She slid her hand up my chest and around my neck and gently pulled, indicating she wanted me closer, so I gave in to her need. I placed my lips to hers, and we shared a sweet, gentle kiss. I hoped more than anything that I had laid her doubts about us to rest. I wanted, no, I needed her to understand I wanted to be with her.

  “Well, it appears my son knows how to ease a girl’s worries.” I jumped at the sound of my mother’s voice. I looked back over my shoulder and found her smiling from ear to ear.

  “Hey, Momma,” I replied as a smirk covered my lips.

  I turned back to face Alena and found her face was red with embarrassment. “Now don’t let her make you go all shy on me. She’s eating this shit up, babe.” I winked. “She’s been waiting for years for me to find the one woman that makes me grovel for forgiveness.”

  Alena leaned in and rested her forehead against my chest. I felt her take in a deep breath, and I began to chuckle. “Come on, sweetheart, we got a little guy waiting on us to take him out for a ride.”

  She lifted her head and looked up at me in horror. “But I already went for a ride.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, smiling down at her. “Now we’re going on another one.” I leaned forward and kissed her softly one last time before pulling her toward the back door, feeling just a little lighter now that Alena understood the real reason Stacey and her parents were here. It was for Austin, not me. I had to make this as easy as possible on him, and if his mother and I could be civil to one another for short periods of time, we would. But it would never go any further than that.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Alena

  “Well, darling, you look pretty damn good up on that horse,” Noah said as he squinted against the sun, looking up at me.

  I shifted to the right just enough to block the brightness and raised an eyebrow at him in question. “Are you making fun of me?”

  “Never.” He smirked, and I glared at him. My reaction only made him chuckle as he took a step closer and placed his hand on my thigh.

  “Baby, I’m sorta envious of Stella right now.” I could see the gleam in his eye as he slid his hand up farther and squeezed my hip. “You have one hell of a grip on her. Makes me wanna feel these thighs wrapped around my waist,” he said, lowering his voice so no one around us would hear. “It’s reminding me of our night together and making it real hard not to get excited at the idea of a repeat.”

  “Who says we can’t have a repeat?” I shrugged as I bit down on my lower lip. The idea of being naked beneath Noah was causing heat to rise in my neck and face. “I’d love to relive that night again,” I added, and his tongue shot out to trace his lower lip.

  “Me too,” he confessed. “Austin is staying tonight, and I really want to make his first night here special, but what would you say to spending tomorrow night at my place? We’ll make dinner, and then you can be my dessert.”

  I was slightly disappointed that I would have to wait another day, but I understood. Austin spending the night with his father was a big deal.

  Stacey and her parents had been gone now for well over an hour. True to Noah’s word, they didn’t stay around long. I did my best to make the time they were here with us tolerable, but it was tense. Now that they’d gone, I’d relaxed and was enjoying the day.

  “It’s a date.” I assured Noah with a wink, and he smiled widely.

  ***

  I stood at the side of Noah’s truck as he gripped my waist securely. Austin had fallen asleep in his seat on the passenger side with his head resting back against it. As I looked between them, comparing their similarities, I wondered how anyone could not know that Austin was his son. They shared the same gorgeous, captivating eyes and the same smile, with a sweet dimple in the left cheek. They were both so breathtaking.

  I began to wonder what our children would look like as they ran around smiling and laughing.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  I jumped at the sound of his voice. I had been so wrapped up in fantasizing about the future, I had forgotten where I was.

  “I, um.” I smiled and cleared my thoughts. “I was just comparing the two of you. He’s a little mini Noah.”

  The pride in Noah’s eyes as he looked over at Austin made my chest ache.

  An ugly, scary thought hit me then.

  I had fantasized about Noah for months, wishing for something more from him, and now I was terrified something would take him from me. Yes, even after his persistence and reassurances, I still feared him changing his mind. Living such an unstable and unpredictable life gave me so many doubts. It was just hard to believe I could be enough for any man.

  A need to feel wanted was something Amber, Bailey, and I shared. When we were growing up, our parents were always so busy worrying about everything around them that they barely noticed us. My mother, for example, slept with every man within a five mile radius because she was so desperate for the affection my father wasn’t giving her. Normally, when a man finds out his wife is sleeping around, he divorces her. But not my father. He actually looked at it as an opportunity. It meant he no longer had to refuse the advances of other women.

  My parents are the poster couple for “real fucked up.”

  I saw them do things no child should ever have to see, none of which I can forget, like them sharing each other with other couples in random places throughout the house. I think they forgot I existed most of the time. Either that or they just truly didn’t give a shit.

  So living here in Livingston, being around Amber and her new family. and seeing how happy Jackson has made Bailey all gave me hope—hope that maybe I too could find the happiness my parents lacked.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Noah

  My first night at my place with my son was amazing. Having him here made it all seem even more real. I still found i
t hard at times to believe I’m a father. But in such a short time, I found a love I never knew existed. The love for a child is all-consuming, yet impossible to explain.

  I stood in the doorway of my room, watching Austin sleep in the center of my bed. We had stayed awake so much longer than we should have, but I didn’t want our time together to end.

  My phone ringing in the kitchen broke me out of my trance, and I rushed to get it before it woke Austin.

  When I saw my attorney’s number, I panicked a little. I swiped my finger across the screen and brought the phone up to my ear quickly. “Hello.”

  “Noah,” Bernie said in a happy voice. “Good morning, son. I have great news.”

  “Oh yeah, and what would that be?” I tried to remain calm.

  “I’m not sure what took place between you and Stacey, but she came to my office first thing this morning. We spent over an hour talking and drawing up papers, which she signed, and I wanted to call you right away to tell you.” He paused, and I heard papers being shuffled around on his end of the line.

  “What happened, Bernie?” My heart was racing.

  “She gave you shared custody,” he said in excitement.

  “What?” I asked as I sat back in the chair on the opposite side of the bar. I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right. I mean, it couldn’t be that easy, could it?

  “No more fighting over seeing him. You have shared custody. Now the two of you just need to work out the days and weekends and we can finalize the paperwork and get it filed,” Bernie replied, as if it was a simple task.

  I honestly couldn’t believe it. Had our conversation yesterday honestly made a difference? “Thank you, Bern,” I said, still feeling as if this couldn’t be real. I’d figured I would have one hell of a fight on my hands when it came to Austin. I had envisioned days and hours inside a courtroom and thousands of dollars in lawyers’ fees. But I was wrong.