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A God Desperate To Be Loved

Page 7

by Fr. Ed Graves


  dancing in the restless trees,

  your raven tresses gleam,

  flow free and mystically,

  your eyes, tender and shy,

  splash in bright sunshine.

  You, Lady, innocent and seductive

  as first love, shimmer dreamily

  in a nearby chanting stream;

  your parting lips, silk petals,

  echo a soft, etherial music

  from a long forgotten Eden.

  “Come,” in music tones you say,

  “let me unveil God in me, his haven.”

  You draw me so close to you,

  that my body weakens, my mind

  reels at your rose-scented breath

  and I am lost and breathless

  at your winsome gaze. Your soft

  sunlit hands grasp mine and,

  smiling, you open up to my spirit--

  as if from your very body--

  a vision no human eye can see:

  dream-like hills that softly rise

  (mountains of the Almighty?)

  where saving fountains gush and

  splash in a light of ravenous love,

  fed from the pierced side

  of our lovesick God on Calvary;

  fountains that regale

  the cheering banks of heaven,

  that revitalize all who drink,

  that scour my dark, craven heart

  of all desire but for God’s majesty,

  for the rolling pastures of his presence

  calling, “Come! Forever wander

  my ever fresh fields of perfectjoy!”

  ‘Are you real or only a dream?”

  a sunlit sparrow sings,

  his song blissfully echoing

  in my haunted, hidden depths.

  “More than both!” you say,

  your every syllable a kiss.

  “I am your longed-for

  haven, your paradise,

  your dreamed-of heaven,

  your place of perfect rest.”

  “Yes!” I blurt, my legs

  struggling to uphold me.

  ‘And mine, I pray, forever?”

  2

  The cautious strokes of a sage

  tremble and traverse

  the rustling pages of

  my dreams--a sage

  of a distant, darker world

  of faded, past todays.

  “Shall your pen,” I say,

  “encase her beauty that seems

  to glow with divinity,

  that sends my heart racing

  as she unveils such beauty?

  No. I think not. Hers

  is beauty you’ve never dreamed.”

  3

  “O Lady!” I softly whisper.

  “Lover! Siren! Mother!

  Your embrace is so tender

  it makes me start;

  your spirit eagerly

  enters mine--and now,

  now I am fully alive!

  “Yes, and truly dead, I think.”

  chanting sunbeams say.

  “A faint flickering form

  in a fading world,

  a phantom of past glory.”

  The winds of night

  softly sail the timeless scene,

  and sigh, “In day’s fading face,

  lights grow dim and voices fail.”

  “Yes, but you and I, dear Lady, here,

  are wrapped as one in forever’s wind.”

  “O purely feminine,

  purely innocent,

  purely passionate apparition!”

  I pant. “I cannot breathe!

  Your breasts heave, swell

  “I was sleeping but my heart kept vigil; /

  I heard my lover knocking. /

  Open to me, my sister, my beloved, my dove.”

  Song of Songs 5: 2

  “[...]my heart trembled within me, / and I grew

  faint when he spoke. I rose to open to my lover,

  with my hands dripping myrrh[...]: “ /my

  fingers dripping choice myrrh upon the fittings of

  the lock.”

  Song of Songs 5: 4, 5

  With godly love

  I try to speak, but words

  will not come.

  Only my heart

  faintly whispers,

  “Oh, may this be forever.”

  “It is,” you softly answer,

  Your words cascading over me

  like refreshing waves,

  “as will our oneness--ever!”

  Your words firmly grip my heart,

  then rise and echo

  through the rustling trees,

  among the darkening ways

  of this lush, hallowed garden.

  And I, who have never felt

  so full of love, “Finally!” exclaim.

  4

  From some far place, oh--so--far,

  I hear sounds of former years:

  “Bark! Bark!” “You kids come in!”

  Oh, how fitting:

  a darkening world retires

  behind a slamming door,

  ends its restless seeking,

  it’s gaze much too brazen

  to eye this wonder,

  this vision bred of dreaming.

  And ‘though time-drugged

  sluggards cannot comprehend,

  here the rose-lined garden

  weeps tears of joy and marvels.

  5

  O Lady! You whisk me away!

  I who once touched earth!

  “No more!” the blown leaves say,

  as you embrace me tighter.

  I am lost--and now we,

  a universe apart--farther

  than any enchanted eve

  of earth-bred lovers--

  in the blazing, setting sun fade.

  “Oh, yes!” an old gray scholar,

  divining the miracle

  outside his open window, says,

  “Days will flow, flourishing,

  self-assured, mere dreams

  that light earth’s passing streams,

  march aimlessly as flaming west

  beckons you, Lady, and your love,

  with children of every time preening

  for forever sing their Maker’s praise

  as openingheavens loudly thunder,

  “Finally life is forever!’ “

  Our love, I see, is a secret

  only we two can know;

  not the brazen spectacle

  of a crass picture show.

  You cannot chomp popcorn,

  and see this scene.

  You cannot open a window

  to look upon this ritual,

  for only we can see, and sail,

  pure spirits, never setting,

  brighter than eye has seen.

  6

  “Lady, let us wed.” I boldly

  say. (The stars, all gather about,

  like children and tremble.)

  “I know you are my Mother--

  and, I dare say, my Savior’s Mother--

  yet you bid me come closer,

  for your eyes speak of more:

  of hearts that beat as lovers

  of God and of each other,

  of hearts that shall never

  beat alone nor become

  mere listless watchers--

/>   for all I have ever sought,

  I now embrace in you. In you.

  Yes, and in Jesus whom you mirror,

  for to love you is to love him, too,

  for he is the bloom you flower.

  7

  In Arkansas, in Tennessee,

  in city or monastery,

  you open wide for me

  Love’s timeless treasure:

  life with Jesus forever.

  “And, oh, how I love you!”I whisper,

  as light more brightly glimmers.

  “And I, you.” you softly answer.

  “Come now, my beloved,”

  your words blithely beckon,

  “let us rest forever and burst free

  of time’s flailing captors

  and traverse, arm-in-arm,

  the haven of eternal pastures!”

  “The winter at last has gone!”

  the budding roses say.

  “And blindness, too!”

  the shy stars answer.

  In the distance

  a train moans softly as

  in the garden we vanish

  in sun’s ultimate quiver.

  O heart, stop beating so!

  “Yes.” you answer,

  “Don’t wake the world

  from its lethal slumber.

  O pure, virginal Lover,

  now at last I know you,

  my savior, my spouse--God.

  “What is a face? What really? Is it our photo?...That

  which is in front? Inside? And the rest? Deformations

  simply do not exist.”

  Pablo Picasso

  8.

  You, who sing in distant lands

  in every passing century

  to hearts of restless pilgrims,

  It’s “you and I” forever!

  “This vision the world would mimic,

  With brazen noise,” you say.

  “how dismally its efforts falter.

  “Drunken myriads! Blind revelers!

  Why won’t you hear me calling?

  How can you be mere disinterested

  observers of life’s spectacle?”

  “I guess your word’s the last!”

  I add, sad with certainty

  “But look, love, how I ever

  slyly peek ‘round every corner

  to entice my children.

  I tempt with flashing eye,

  with siren song, but, see,

  I can only seize the heart that seeks.

  And how sad, for look:

  I have decked my bridal chamber!”

  9.

  “Yes!” the clowns gaily cry

  in days that forever die,

  their revelry in full vigor,

  “Come to the wedding

  in the joyful halls of ever!

  “Let us pack our circus!

  Our festival here is over!

  Here only love shall linger

  in this well-worn field,

  as dogs bark in the night,

  and moon, with eager eye

  lights this deserted site

  for yet another lover.”

  “Wisdom is found by those who eagerly seek her.”

  Wisdom 6: 12

  WOMAN, DO YOU NOT HOLD THE WORLD IN YOUR HANDS?

  Woman, do you not hold

  the world in your hands?

  Is not your beauty

  poets’ and painters’ ideal?

  Does not your beauty break

  the spell of a man gazing

  from a lofty precipice at sun

  sparkling on a wooded vista--

  as you come within his view,

  making it a mere distraction?

  But what is your beauty

  but an adjective for a season

  to share God’s creative love,

  and with him create another

  in his likeness? But if instead,

  as is so often done,

  you stop too long to admire

  your beauty in a mirror,

  only use it to parade your pride

  and not his, do you not see

  yourself a siren beckoning

  souls to eternal destruction?

  But so are the ways we take

  in this fading world of the blind.

  And when sunlight bedazzles

  with a last sunrise and weeping

  alone haunts the gathering dark

  where houselights dim and dogs bark,

  laughter shall rise in dazzling light

  above the stars that, smiling, marvel

  as eternity extends her loving arms.

  “A thousand years in your sight

  are like a yesterday come and gone.”

  Psalm 90: 4

  VIII

  EVENING APPROACHES

  “My days are like a lengthening shadow.

  I wither like the grass.”

  Psalm 102: 12

  “The sum of our years is seventy,

  and eighty if we are strong...

  for they quickly pass and we vanish

  Psalm 90: 10

  “[...]peoplego to their everlasting home,

  and mourners go about the streets[...].

  and the dust returns to the earth it once was,

  and the life breath returns to God who gave it.”

  Ecclesiastes 12: 5, 7

  EVENING APPROACHES

  Evening approaches

  with silver glow

  into the garden,

  across the grey stone wall,

  up the shaded flower path

  to lights your face

  at the open window--

  then opens her book to

  a page that is finished

  but for one line

  last.

  This, the evening

  the lamp grows dim,

  of cold,of indifferent lights,

  of lassitude;

  the chilling path to the morning

  of fading voices, a closed gate,

  a lone cross in the cemetery

  on the hill,

  when this frail world

  it’s last leave takes

  and, clank!

  the last old crony firms the lock;

  the day that, under a white full moon,

  departs over hills as

  the oak boughs

  knock.

  “You are important, so I shall love you.”

  Poem: “You Are Important”

  YOU ARE IMPORTANT

  You are important, so I

  shall love you

  and share with you

  this evening and, oh,

  it shall enshrine

  matchless meaning!

  Nor should we think less

  of one sole page

  of time’s story:

  it’s every word

  brims breathless glory.

  When time first woke,

  and, yawning, stretched,

  dripping dew and stars through night,

  over the widening depths

  she sighed, sprawling

  her shimmering pride,

  that here in a quiet grove

  twin lights would shape

  the luster in her eyes.

  Down a dark and hidden path

  far from the brazen glare

  of dealers and divisio
n,

  far from the lifeless grin

  of flagrant delusion

  that Light-bearer spawned

  and, darkening, cried--

  I set my gaze

  on the sacred river

  that makes love her moon

  and casts us silver,

  who, in this quiet, hallowed grove

  sit and chat in love’s still haze,

  sipping the crystal waters

  of her dream in magic cups

  drawn from the stream

  shimmering with her pale,

  panting light

  that snuffs out transience,

  inquiry, strife.

  Up in a tree a bird chirps.

  From some distant yard,

  a dog barks.

  “O honey, come in!

  It’s getting dark!”

  You are my son and...and I am your father.

  Psalm 2: 7

  “For by grace you have been saved, through faith,

  [...] not from works, lest anyone should boast.”

  Ephesians 2: 8, 9

  YOUR WORK CANNOT DEFINE YOUR WORTH

  Your work cannot define your worth;

  Your laugh, your smile are clearer:

  for heaven bled for who you are,

  for weakness held you dearer.

  Tears foretold when you were born

  how futile is merely trying,

  that you can rise to your true height

  only in the act of dying.

  Let kings build worlds for wondering eyes,

  I, one troubled April,

  perceived your worth when Jesus died

  and shared with you God’s nature.

 

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