Lamb to the Slaughter

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  Eli looked at Naomi with frustration. After a moment, he seemed decided and reached down, pulling her up. She melted into his chest, loving how safe she felt in his arms.

  “It will be all right, Naomi. I promise.” He leaned back a little and lifted her chin with his hand, “Can we tell our folks that we plan to wed in the spring?”

  Seeing Eli’s eager eyes and knowing deep in her heart that she didn’t really have a choice, Naomi said, “Yes, we can tell them.”

  Eli gave Naomi a bone crushing hug before his mouth slammed into hers. When his lips opened, hers did too and their tongues played together in perfect rhythm. When the two of them were kissing, all doubts and fears slipped away. Maybe things would be okay after all, she thought, just before Eli brought her to the ground again, and she forgot about everything.

  Naomi tiptoed across the wooden floor, feeling pretty certain that Mamma and Dat were sound asleep in this deepest part of the night. When the lamp suddenly lit, she swallowed her heart and braced herself for their wrath. Dat held the look of complete shock, while Mamma’s round face was more knowing, and more frightening.

  “What are you doing, Naomi, with your coat and your shoes on in the dark kitchen?” Dat asked, frozen in place.

  “I needed some fresh air. I was feeling a bit ill in the stuffy room.” Naomi ignored Mamma and searched Dat’s face to see that he relaxed, believing her.

  Mamma crossed the room at a speed that was not expected from a woman so round, her hand coming up as if to slap her daughter. Naomi kept her arms at her sides and tightened her face, waiting for the sting. But, instead, Mamma’s hand landed with no force on her cheek.

  “She’s lying—her face is too cold with night air for just a step out. And there,” She pointed at Naomi’s shoes. “…her shoes are muddied.”

  Dat approached cautiously, looking at Naomi’s feet, but not bothering to touch her. “What mischief have you been up to?” His voice hardened, “Tell me now, for the Lord will know your lies and uncover them to us, if it be His will.”

  Naomi didn’t think that the Lord cared much about what she was doing. At least, He hadn’t up until that moment. She knew she couldn’t tell them about Eli—that would get them both in trouble. She decided to stick with what usually worked for her; deny, deny, deny.

  “I only went for a walk out behind the barn for some air. That’s all I done.” Naomi said, continuing to look at Dat, instead of Mamma.

  “She’s lying,” Mamma said in a hiss.

  “Be quiet, woman. I’ll take care of this. You best go back to bed,” Dat said in a firm voice that held no room for an argument.

  Mamma left the kitchen slowly, her face turned and looking back over her shoulder with each step she took. Naomi lost her breath for a moment when she met that stare. When Mamma disappeared into the darkness of the hallway, Dat went to the cupboard and pulled out the smooth switch. Naomi cringed, remembering the many times the branch had touched the skin of her backside. But even so, she was relieved that it wasn’t Mamma rendering the punishment.

  “I don’t know if you’re telling the truth or not, but you know you are not to leave the house during the night for any reason. You will receive two strikes for your disobedience.”

  Later, when Naomi was lying in the bed and staring at the ceiling, she wished that she was back in the cornfield, the night sky above her. There was only a mild tingle where the switch had wacked her bottom, but the pain of it wasn’t the part she hated. It was the demeaning act in itself that made her blood boil. Naomi was no child. She knew that if she were English, she was at an age where she could come and go as she pleased.

  The anger inside Naomi continued to grow through the hours of tossing and turning under the sheets, her mind becoming steely and stubborn.

  Tomorrow was the night that Will and Taylor wanted to take her to the Fair. The plan was for Naomi to sneak out and meet them a quarter mile up the road where Will’s truck would be waiting. They’d stay for a few hours, and then she’d be dropped off at the same place to make her way secretly back to her bedroom.

  Up until the moment that she was discovered, her mind was set on telling Will that she couldn’t risk doing it, and that she wouldn’t be flirting around with him anymore either. Naomi had chosen Eli and married life, the same path of least resistance that all the Amish followed.

  But not now—Naomi didn’t care if they beat her half to death for it. She would live her life as she saw fit.

  9

  DANIEL

  November 14th

  Of course I’d driven through the Amish settlement many times in the years since I’d left, but this day was different. Today, I felt that I could wave at the people I saw, and they might actually raise a hand back to me. The possibility put me in a damn good mood. And that wasn’t the only reason I was smiling. Even though I worked hard to give the impression of admiring the beauty of the passing homesteads, my eyes kept drifting to the even prettier picture beside me, raising my spirits even more.

  Serenity’s hair was down again, framing a face that had little make-up on. Her large, sky blue eyes darted around, studying the Amish homes and watching every buggy that we passed with intensity. Her cheeks were naturally rose hued and they complimented the pink sweater that hugged her shapely breasts.

  I turned back to the roadway, not wanting to get all worked up right before we talked to the girl. I’d finally accepted the fact that after years of messing around with all kinds of women, the one beside me was the most enchanting of all. I could imagine making a commitment to a woman like her and maybe, finally settling down, and starting a family. The irony was that settling down was probably the furthest thing from this particular woman’s mind.

  Pulling up to the metal building with the sign that read Yoder’s Butcher Shop in bold, black letters, I cut the engine off and chanced another look at Serenity.

  “It’s hard to believe that young women work all day cutting up meat in a place like this.” Serenity said, craning her neck to see as far around the building as possible.

  There was a corral and cattle chute to the one side of the shop and a small loading dock where a meat packing truck was parked on the other. Surveying the scene, I didn’t think it looked that bad, but she had a point about the girls.

  “There aren’t many jobs available for the teenage girls in the community. The butcher shop pays better than the rest, I’d imagine,” I said, content that Serenity was keeping her gaze glued to me a little longer.

  “What other jobs are the girls allowed to do?” Serenity asked, bringing her leg up under her butt as she turned toward me.

  “Rebecca worked at the bird house factory for a while until she got the job babysitting the English kids that lived up the road from us. Some of the other girls I knew stocked shelves at the Amish general store or worked at the bakery. A very few gifted girls assisted the teacher at the school house,” I said, enjoying Serenity’s full attention. If I breathed deeply, I could smell a warm vanilla scent in the cab. I couldn’t help but imagine how intoxicating it would be to have her skin beneath my mouth.

  Serenity was thoughtful for a moment. When she finally spoke, it was with some hesitation. Her words cleared my randy thoughts. “Was the reception you received from your family and friends at the school house what you expected it would be?”

  Normally, I didn’t like talking about my past, especially with women. But strangely, I felt comfortable with the little sheriff. My heart told me that she would not judge me unkindly if I opened up a bit.

  “You know, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’ve known other Amish who left their churches and still remained friendly with their immediate family. But my situation was different. My shunning was from an extremely stubborn and prideful father who wouldn’t bend in the slightest to keep up a relationship with his own son.”

  “You were shunned?” Serenity exclaimed. She leaned in closer with a concerned face.

  I had to laugh. My reaction caused her to sit back a
nd frown. “I’m sorry. I forget that you don’t know much of anything about the Amish, do you?” When she shook her head, I continued, “Once a person joins the Church, he’s committed himself to being a member of the community and following the Church’s Ordnung. If someone breaks from the Church and leaves the Amish, the others in the Church have no option but to openly shun that person.” Seeing the appalled look on Serenity’s face, I controlled a smile, and added, “Don’t you see? If people could leave freely, without being shunned, there wouldn’t be much incentive to remain Amish, would there?”

  “But, that’s like, blackmail,” Serenity breathed.

  “Yeah, but it works. Very few people leave the Amish once they’ve joined the Church in their community. Sometimes, families will pick up and move to another Amish community, but they are still Amish, so they are not shunned. Leaving all together is a very serious matter.”

  Serenity paused, her lips pursed. She looked back at me and asked, “If you don’t want to tell me, I understand…but why exactly did you leave?”

  I glanced at my watch, a luxury I didn’t have when I’d been a member of the Plain people. We’d arrived early, having just enough time for me to give Serenity a basic telling of the story. But, did I really want to?

  “It’s okay. Really, I shouldn’t have pried into your personal life,” Serenity said, becoming all business-like again. I didn’t enjoy seeing the hardening of her features or the way that she now looked out the window at nothing in particular.

  “I was like all the other Amish boys, occasionally getting into trouble, but nothing serious.” I had her gaze back on me and seeing her face open up again, I was happy to tell her the story. “When I was nineteen, I felt I’d sowed my wild oats. Even though there were many things about the lifestyle I didn’t agree with, like not driving cars or listening to music, I was lured in by a pretty Amish girl named Rosetta. The idea of having my own wife and family became very intriguing to me. In a rather short period of time, I was seriously courting Rosetta and planning a wedding.”

  I paused, looking out the window at the cloud covered sky that hinted of snow in the near future. I remembered that the weather had been similar when all hell broke loose in my life years before. The day that I’d walked away from my Amish life and my family.

  “The November that I turned nineteen, just a few months before I was to wed Rosetta, I began a job on a porch on a house in town. I was working on my own while Father and Paul, one of my brothers, worked at another site. The driver would drop me off each day and then leave to taxi my father and Paul to their job. It was the first time that I’d been left entirely alone, and I remember distinctly the joy I’d felt from the solitude of not being constantly watched. Thinking back, if I hadn’t been alone, none of it probably would have even happened. But then, I would never have escaped either.

  “There was a young woman named Abby who rented the house with several of her girlfriends. She would sit and chat with me the entire day on that porch, bringing me sandwiches and lemonade. I was immediately smitten with her carefree and out going manner. I found myself working extra fast so that I could quit early and spend time walking with the English girl in the park or grabbing a bite to eat at the Diner.”

  I stopped and saw that Serenity was hanging on my every word. For a brief second, I wanted to end the story, worried about what she’d think of me once she knew. But the expression on her face told me there was no backing out now.

  “Within days of meeting the young woman, I was being intimate with her—the first time for me. Maybe it was that she was my first or maybe deep down I didn’t want to be Amish. I don’t know, but the day I finished the porch, I went home to tell my parents that I’d fallen in love with an English girl and that I wasn’t going to marry Rosetta. I was leaving the Amish to be with her.”

  I glanced at Serenity. She was pressed back into the seat with a thoughtful look on her face. When she spoke, her voice was soft and sweet. “What did your parents say?”

  “Father went into a rage and Mother wouldn’t speak to me at all. As a matter of fact, she never spoke to me again after that day. Father continued to shout at me the entire time I was packing a few personal belongings and walking out to Abby’s waiting car. I was immediately shunned by my family and the other members of the church.”

  “What exactly does it mean to be shunned?” she asked with eyes wide.

  “Different communities handle shunning in their own way, but for ours, it means that you aren’t welcome to have a meal with church members any longer, even family. Although parents will sometimes help a child out financially after they’ve been shunned, they will not receive aid in return. In most cases, as with mine, the parents don’t want to corrupt their other children with the rebellious one, so they’ll have little or no contact with the shunned child.”

  “But your sister ate with you at the school house.” Serenity said.

  “That was different. It was a community event to raise money. The rules are looser in such a situation. She wouldn’t invite me to her home for the holidays or her children’s birthdays.” I probably said it harsher than I should have, but those first few years on my own had been rough, especially for a young man who was used to the close company of a large family.

  Serenity asked quietly, “What did Rosetta do?”

  My chest tightened. Thinking about Rosetta was always difficult, but talking about her was even worse.

  “From the gossip I’d received from Lester afterwards, she was torn up about it for a few months and then she began courting another Amish boy. She married a year later than our intended wedding date.” Seeing her lips begin to form words, I guessed what her question would be. “She moved to Ohio with her husband a few years following their marriage. I haven’t seen her since.”

  Timidly, Serenity asked, “What happened to Abby?”

  I wasn’t expecting that question. It was the most difficult part to remember. But I’d told Serenity too much already not to finish the story.

  “I’d say it was just a month after I’d moved into the house with her that I began pestering her to marry me. Marriage and a family wasn’t a goal for her. She had wild oats to sow and I’d become a hindrance to her freedom. One stormy night after I’d begged her not to go out with her friends, she told me she didn’t love me—that she’d never loved me.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my tone. “She said she was sorry for fucking up my life, but she wasn’t going to do the same to hers. Last I heard she was living in Indianapolis, working as a nurse in a big hospital. That was some ten years ago. I reckon she’s finally settled down herself by now.”

  I stared at Serenity waiting for her to chastise me for being so stupid and impulsive. Instead, she asked, “Do you miss being Amish?”

  “Some things I miss, like the sense of community and having people always there to pick you up when you fall. I miss my family. I wish I’d had the chance to know all my nephews and nieces. Now that my parents are getting older, I fear that they’ll pass away without us mending fences. But no, I don’t miss being Amish. I love my freedom too much now to ever give it up. It’s better to have a choice and make a mistake than to have no choice at all.”

  “But you told the bishop that you were considering joining back up—”

  I chuckled at her gullibility. The annoyed frown she shot my way amused me even more. “I knew that if I mentioned that I might be interested in going back, word would spread quickly. People would be more comfortable talking with us. It’s not as if I signed a contract in blood saying that I was growing a beard right away.”

  Serenity was beginning to speak again when I spotted the Amish girl coming out of the building. I shushed her and nodded my head in the girl’s direction. Sandra made eye contact for only an instant before she made her way to the side where the corral was set up. It was then that I noticed the picnic table. What a shitty place to eat lunch, I thought.

  Without a word, we slipped out of the Jeep and headed toward the tabl
e. I stepped up to the corral and leaned against it pretending to look at the two young cows within while Serenity sat down across from Sandra.

  “I’m so glad you came. We have to talk quickly. I don’t want anyone getting suspicious. If they ask you inside why you stopped to talk me, tell them you wanted directions to Mr. Manley’s. He sells venison jerky.”

  “Okay,” Serenity said slowly and I grinned, imagining how her brain was handling the cover up story. “You were a friend of Naomi’s?”

  “Her best, that’s why I’m talking to you like this.” Sandra looked around and lowered her voice even further. “Naomi was messing around with an English boy and I think you ought to go talk to him about what happened to her. Maybe he knows something.”

  Serenity leaned over the table, close to Sandra and said, “What’s his name?”

  “Will Johnson. He drives a big black pick-up truck. And, he has a sister named Taylor. That’s all I got to tell you. You better go now. Please don’t say a thing about what I told you. Please?” she begged.

  “No, of course not, it’ll be our secret.” Serenity rose promptly as she was asked to do. I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for the Amish girl. Her face was tense as she chewed a bite from her sandwich and stared down at the rough wood of the table.

  “Thank you,” Serenity told the girl as she passed by, only to be ignored in return.

  I was considering asking Serenity to join me for supper that night to dine on the steaks that we were purchasing, but there was clearly something else on her mind. She looked up at me and said, “You better hurry up with the meat, Daniel.”

  “Why the rush?” I asked, pausing before I reached for the door knob of the shop.

  “Because we have to pay Will a visit—now,” Serenity said. Her face was masked of all emotion.

  “Do you know where to find him?” I figured it would take some time to track the guy down.

  “Oh, yeah,” Serenity’s eyes met mine.

  My heart sped up when she said, “He’s my nephew.”