Human Conditioning

by Hirst, Louise

  Aiden relaxed back on the couch, already taking pleasure in being the lord of his own manor, yet his eyebrows were furrowed in thought. “I have to say, despite what has happened, it’s been a good week.” He turned his reclined head towards her and added, earnestly, “We seem to get along better when our parents aren’t around… don’t you think?”

  Gina wasn’t sure. Honestly, she thought that they got along better when Aiden wasn’t being his usual domineering, crabby, cantankerous self. The past week, he had been kind and thoughtful, because she had found her father dead in the bath. But what would happen when he decided to stop trying?

  “I guess,” she replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

  He leant over and placed a swift kiss on her lips. It was an unexpected gesture, and when he pulled away, her eyes were closed as she savoured his touch and, when she opened them again, he could see all the desire that pooled inside of them.

  Edging himself closer, he took the glass from her and placed both their glasses on the coffee table. Then, moving his hands around to her backside, he pulled her into him. “I’m looking forward to having you whenever I want,” he said, his eyes twinkling lasciviously.

  “Who said you can have me whenever you want?” she whispered.

  He pulled her closer into his body and inhaled a deep breath as his hands moved over her buttocks. Gina’s breath hitched with greedy anticipation. She wanted him so much that the pull, low down in her stomach, was almost nauseating.

  “You don’t want me?” he goaded, his lips hovering over hers. Her breath hitched again. She wanted him alright, more than he’d ever know. She felt the familiar stir that only Aiden could conjure between her thighs as his lips found her neck, and she closed her eyes and savoured the feel of his hands as they traced the top of her thighs and headed in the direction of where she so wanted them to be.

  “I want you…” she breathed desperately as desire shot through every vein in her body. He was her balm, her remedy, and after a day like today, after the week she’d had, she needed him desperately.

  “Stand up. Take your skirt and knickers off,” he whispered close to her ear.

  Peeling herself out of his embrace, she stood, and, pulling down the zip at the back of her black pencil skirt, she pushed the skirt over her hips and allowed it to drop to the floor. She did the same for her knickers, all the while keeping her hungry green eyes on his face.

  Drawn to the neat triangle of her dark pubic hair, Aiden’s gaze left hers. He gulped. “Now sit.”

  Gina did as she was told and as he moved close to her once more, he dipped his hand between her legs, pushing her inner thighs apart with the spread of his fingers, and sank a single finger inside her. Gina closed her eyes momentarily, before focusing back on his eager blue gaze. “Undo your shirt,” he whispered. “Then take it off… and your bra.”

  Registering his words, she began shakily to pop open the buttons of her black shirt, all the while feeling the slow tantalising rhythm of his finger; in and out, in and out. When she attended to the last button, Aiden slowly pulled out of her, making her gasp, but as she lifted her arms to push the shirt over her shoulders, he slipped into her again.

  Gina blinked rapidly, attempting to proceed with his instruction without the distraction of the returned rhythm of, this time, two fingers slowly filling her and caressing the walls of her vagina. Removing her shirt, she unclipped her bra with trembling fingers and brushed the straps down her arms, eventually tossing it aside, watching in hazy satisfaction as Aiden took in the sight of her breasts.

  As his arousal increased, so did the rhythm of his fingers, taking her closer to the brink of an orgasm. Then he pulled away again. “No!” she groaned, pouting like a child.

  He sat back, unable to restrain the urge to take her any longer. Undoing three buttons on his crisp, white shirt, he pulled it off over his head and quickly undid the fly of his trousers, yanking them down along with his boxer shorts, enough to allow his lengthy manhood to escape. Leaning over her, he pulled her ankles, collapsing her onto her back, and, with one thrust, sank himself inside of her, groaning and instantly thrusting hard and fast.

  Gina gripped hold of his burly shoulders and, closing her eyes, she arched her pelvis to meet his as his determined thrusting continued on and on, transporting waves of pleasure to her sex. She could feel herself coming, felt him shift, his hands finding her breasts, squeezing them with no restraint as he buried himself deeper inside of her, and this was the undoing of them both.

  “Fuck!” Aiden stilled as he released his juices inside of her, then he fell on top of her convulsing body.

  Pulling him close, Gina relished the feel of his clammy skin against hers, all of him inside her and wrapped around her. They were together and alone, with no one to distract them from their contentment.

  It was a few minutes before Aiden pulled away and sat up, plunging his faded erection back into his boxer shorts and zipping up his fly. Gina watched him in awe, still panting through the sensational fatigue of her orgasm. He sighed with contentment and ran a hand through his ruffled hair. “I think we both needed that,” he said, smiling down at her.

  Gina stretched her arms out above her head in delight, still reeling, and without thinking she breathed, “I always need you, Aiden. I love you.”

  Aiden’s mouth dropped open and, registering what she had said, Gina was all of a sudden lost for words. Her throat constricted and her mind clouded with the screaming reprimand of her subconscious. Her body froze and she gawped at him as an insufferable, suffocating silence grew between them.

  Aiden managed to close his mouth and his eyebrows furrowed. He got to his feet, running a hand over his face. “I’ve gotta go…” he announced, collecting his shirt from the couch. He was shutting down again, closing her off.

  Gina clambered to her feet, pulling on her knickers and shirt. “Aiden, I…” she stammered anxiously.

  He pulled his shirt over his head and, unexpectedly, she saw a twitch of a smile creep onto his lips. Her anxiety dared to wane. “I need to get my stuff from Ricky’s… if you still want me to stay, that is?” he said.

  Gina sighed heavily, tears pricking her eyes. “Yes, of course I do!” she replied in relief.

  He stepped up to her and placed his hand on her cheek. She refrained from leaning into his palm, afraid that the small gesture of affection would alarm him again.

  “Then I’ll see you later…” he said, and his words held so much hope.

  Gina watched in awe from the hallway as Aiden Foster – all muscle and gorgeousness, all alluring and consuming – left her flat with the promise of returning, even after she had declared her love for him. But as she returned to her empty living room, somewhere deep in her unwanted subconscious thought, she considered the fact that he hadn’t returned her pronouncement with a declaration of his own, and, deep down, she knew he never would.

  Even so, the fantasy and the allure of happiness was hard to resist, and imagining them together as a real couple made her feel happier than she had ever been before. As she slumped down on the couch, all thoughts of her father banished to the far corners of her mind, she hugged herself with glee and waited in anticipation for Aiden’s return.

  ************

  When Aiden did return that night, the happiness and excited anticipation of the afternoon was soon dashed when he announced that there was a flat near Ricky, on the other side of the Carlton estate, that had just gone up for rent and, as Ricky knew the landlord, the flat was practically his if he wanted it. Which, of course, he did.

  Gina took the news with a sense of irony. This was, after all, what her life had always been: one disappointment after another. She couldn’t believe she had let her guard down, allowed herself to believe that something good could possibly happen to her.

  That damned black cloud forever followed her around, a constant reminder that she belonged in the dark, never worthy of the light. Her father used to say, ‘Some are born with all the luck’, an
d he was right. She had not been blessed with such privilege; she had been born into an ill-fated darkness.

  Idly, her thoughts went to her old friend Lily Summers and all the luck she possessed. The bitterness of green jealousy crept into her mind, but she dashed it away, reminding herself rather smugly that she was there with Aiden, and Lily was not.

  She had never understood why Aiden had chosen her over Lily Summers. She did not think ill enough of herself to think that she was not as attractive as the little blonde with the innocent soul. She was. Yet, the beauty of Lily came not just from her pretty face; it came from an inner goodness, self-respect, and her kind heart.

  Gina scrutinised Aiden for a long moment. He had settled down in the armchair opposite her and was rolling himself a joint. What was he really doing with her? And out of the silence, before she could even contemplate the words that escaped from her mouth, she asked, “Why are you here, Aiden?”

  Aiden looked up with a bemused expression on his handsome face. “You asked me to come here,” he replied.

  She sat forward, resting her elbows on her knees, determined to voice her concern now that she had broached the subject. “No. I mean, why me? Why not Lily?”

  His eyes narrowed and he stared at her impassively for a long moment. Then, leaving his unrolled joint on the coffee table, he relaxed back in the armchair and wiped his hands together, dusting off the remains of tobacco on his fingers. He looked deep in thought, as if he were actually considering her question. She was surprised by this. He finally announced, “Lily and I would never have worked out.”

  This was not the answer she desired. “So I was second best?” she retorted, wounded by this revelation.

  Aiden’s lip jerked up into a smirk. “Am I likely to win, whatever answer I give?”

  “Not everything is a competition, Aiden…”

  “Well, I think you won the competition between you and Lily,” he added teasingly, presenting his fabulously alluring white-toothed smile.

  Gina tried to ignore how that smile affected her. “It seems that way, though I don’t quite understand why…” she said.

  He laughed. “What’s to understand?”

  And, suddenly, Gina’s lips were mimicking his good-humoured smile, his serene mood – a rarity in Aiden – gradually dispersing her annoyance. She stood, walked around the coffee table, and straddled him, wrapping her arms around his neck and nuzzling her nose just below his earlobe. He smelled different; he smelled good – like some expensive aftershave they advertised in those glossy magazines.

  Aiden’s hands moved around to her backside and he began to caress her buttocks, as always. “So, you’re not mad at me now?” he asked, light-hearted sarcasm pouring from his gruff voice.

  “No,” she replied, but he felt her lips form a pout against his neck.

  He inhaled deeply. “Gina, Gina, you are such a little madam sometimes…”

  Gina sat bolt upright, a look of mock horror on her beautiful face. “No, I’m not!” she whined, then resumed her pouting.

  Aiden lifted a hand to her face and traced her bottom lip. He took it between the tips of his fingers and tugged on it gently. “What’s this, then?” he said.

  “My lip,” she answered grumpily.

  He laughed. “And why is it pouting?”

  Gina frowned in thought and, once more for her, the joke was over. She gulped. “Because you never tell me you want me…”

  Aiden’s fingers hovered over her mouth. His eyebrows furrowed and he pressed his index finger lightly over her lips, as if telling her to say no more. They both stared at one other for a long silent moment and Gina’s anxiety came back with a vengeance. Would he leave now?

  Aiden exhaled a long, slow breath and, closing his eyes, he whispered, “What do you want from me?”

  “I want you to tell me that you want me.”

  “I always tell you that,” he replied, but when he opened his eyes, they were jaded and despondent.

  “Only when we’re in the bedroom…” Gina whispered, so quietly that he wouldn’t have heard her if she hadn’t been straddling him. “And you didn’t respond when I… announced what I announced this afternoon.”

  Aiden licked dry lips. “No, I didn’t.”

  She gazed at him with expectation, but he was giving her nothing. Abruptly, she got to her feet, her mood shifting once more. “Am I just kidding myself, thinking that we have something, when really we don’t… Really, I’m just an easy lay?”

  “For fuck sake, G, will you give it a rest!” Aiden barked in exasperation, leaning forward to finish rolling his joint. Tears began to stream down her face. He glanced up and his lips pressed into a hard line. “Don’t… start,” he growled. He wasn’t up for emotional blackmail tonight.

  Gina couldn’t stop her sobbing. She stood in the middle of the room, watching him as he licked the Rizla casing of his joint and rolled it into a cone between his fingers, a deep paralysing craving spiralling within the pit of her stomach – a craving for him to love her.

  Aiden pulled a lighter from his pocket and lit the end of his joint, toking on it appreciatively. Falling back against the armchair, his eyes finally met Gina’s. Forming large, floating smoke rings on his exhalation, he watched her intently. She got the feeling that he was challenging her, but she wasn’t sure what he was challenging her to do – or not do, which was probably closer to the mark. His scrutiny was unbearable and she dropped her eyes to the floor. “Say something, Aiden, please.”

  Taking another pull on his joint, he replied, “What do you want me to say?”

  She glared up at him. She could feel the overwhelming need to subject him to her natural malice when she was again being deprived of the one thing she most wanted in the world. It was her way of shying away from the reality of their situation. Self-preservation, some called it. “You know, my dad told me you were a fucked-up ponce and, for once in his whole worthless existence, he was right!” she spat.

  “Careful…, G,” Aiden warned.

  His challenging glare returned and Gina gulped down any further retort. Turning on her heels, she stormed from the room. Charging into her bedroom, she slammed the door and allowed the internal dam of emotion to burst inside of her, sending her spiralling into a chaotic frenzy of tears and screaming.

  Her mother, her father, Aiden… the only people she had ever loved unconditionally, and they had all disappointed her time and time again. They’d all thought it was acceptable to leave her, to neglect her, to abuse her mind and her body. First her mother and now her father, both gone! Her father had ended his life, left her with a huge debt hanging over her head and a flat she would eventually be thrown out of by the authorities. Aiden would be next. When was he going to leave her behind like her parents had? Enough was enough! She couldn’t take any more!

  Running her arms across the top of her dresser, she launched all objects upon it across the room with a rip-roaring bawl. Then, turning her sights on her bed – the bed she had only shared with Aiden – she dragged off the pillows, duvet and the fitted sheet, then, with one huge tug, dragged the mattress off the bed frame, screeching profanities at the top of her lungs.

  Aiden burst into the room, his eyes wide with shock. “What are you doing?” he yelled.

  “Get out!” she screamed.

  She dropped the mattress and, ripping the lamp from the bedside table out from the plug socket, she launched it at him. He expertly ducked out of the way and the lamp smashed into pieces against the wall. “Jesus Christ, Gina! You’re fucking mental, do you know that?” he sneered, demonstrating the universally known gesture for ‘crazy’ by spiralling his index finger against his temple.

  “Crazy for putting up with you!” she screamed. “All of you, you’re all the fucking same!” she went on, turning to the posters on her walls and ripping them down one by one. “All selfish… pieces… of… shit!” Aiden watched her with mock fascination, not having one clue what or who she was going on about. When he’d seen enough, he cas
ually stepped over the clutter and, taking her arms, he pulled them around to her back to restrain her. “Get off me!” she screamed, kicking out her legs as he dragged her out of the room.

  Taking her down the hallway and back into the living room, he finally threw her onto the couch. “Now, calm the fuck down!” he bellowed.

  Gina was panting, and she blinked up at him, her large green eyes red-rimmed and puffy. The growling authority in the tone of Aiden’s voice was one that she’d heard only a few times before, and she knew he wouldn’t take any more of her shit without getting really antagonistic himself. He’d had enough for one night and, in truth, so had she.

  ************

  Aiden lay awake with Gina wrapped tightly around him. He had made her tidy her room before they had gone to bed together, and everything was back to normal – minus a lamp. He thought about the week he’d had. Roy’s death had come as a shock initially. Now, however, he couldn’t give a toss It was one fewer drunken lout to have to contend with, in his book. He just wished his own father would have the bottle to do himself in.

  He never thought he’d be capable of hating Duggie any more than he had when he had severely beaten him on his sixteenth birthday, but he was capable alright. He hated him so much now, that he even daydreamed about doing him in himself. He was glad to get out of it. He would rent the flat by Ricky’s place and be free from his father once and for all.

  Gina stirred and he placed his hand on her head to calm her. She settled instantly beneath his touch. He peered at her pretty face, lit gently by the dim light of the dawn behind the dark purple curtains. She was a beautiful young woman with her little button nose and her large green eyes, now concealed behind her heavy lids. What was he to do with her? Her revelation that afternoon had come as a surprise to him, but now, as he thought about it, he wondered why it had. It was clear she adored him. But he just didn’t feel that deeply for her.