Human Conditioning

by Hirst, Louise

  “Why did you hesitate… when I offered you a line?” Frankie asked out of the silence.

  Ironically, it seemed that cocaine curbed Frankie’s obsession to fill every silent moment with a story of his past. They had been in the car for thirty minutes and he’d hardly said a word until now.

  “The wife,” Aiden replied, smiling wryly.

  Frankie nodded. “She’d object?”

  “I’ve been trying to cut down since we got married.”

  “I see… how d’you keep it all from her, your businesses and that? I could never hold down any relationship myself.”

  Aiden shrugged. “She thinks I’m in investments. Why would she suspect anything else? She wouldn’t have the first clue about anything illicit, which is ironic considering both her parents are Old Bill…” Frankie shot him a look of concern. “Don’t worry, Frankie. I’ve been in the game for a while. I know how to be discreet…”

  Aiden grinned and Frankie cleared his throat. “What’s she like, your missus?”

  “A beauty, pure and angelic to the core,” Aiden replied unequivocally.

  “A beauty, eh?”

  “One hundred percent.”

  Frankie nodded and the conversation ended there.

  Chapter forty

  After days of doggedly asking around the estates nearby Aiden’s old flat about whether anyone knew where Gina Watson lived, Lily had finally got her answer from a girl of about fifteen whose mother knew a girl who claimed to be an acquaintance of Gina’s. The young girl hadn’t been very forthcoming, but she had at least given Lily the address of a flat on the Kingsland estate. The tower block where Gina’s flat was located looked like a new build. The exterior, built in light orange brick, was quite welcoming compared to the older grey-stone flats that surrounded the block.

  Lily banged her fist against the front door with such conviction that she thought it might not last much longer on its hinges. “Gina, open this door!” she yelled, her free hand cupping her swollen stomach.

  No one replied. She pounded again, then peered through the front window. The inside was shielded by a net curtain that she would associate with a granny flat, but through the netting she could discern the outline of a cooker and a sink. She squinted to focus and saw that the sink was filled with dirty crockery. She stepped away and pounded once more on the door.

  An old lady had been watching the commotion from the stairwell. She approached the heavily pregnant woman she had been scrutinising and announced, “I doubt you’ll get her up at this time in the morning, love. She’ll be sleeping off the night before…”

  “Heavy night, was it?” Lily murmured.

  “Heavy night every night, if you know what I mean…”

  “No, I don’t know what you mean…” she muttered, as if to herself. She was in no mood to make small talk with strangers. Then with a change of mind she added on a bellow, as loudly as her naturally soft voice would allow, as she looked up at the first-floor window she hoped was Gina’s bedroom, “Unless you mean she’s an alcoholic scumbag with nothing better to do than to ruin my life!”

  Despite Lily’s disinclination to talk, the old lady continued, “It’s somewhat of a nightmare having a bunch of toms living opposite you. All those men in and out during the day and night. It can get a little boisterous to say the least…”

  Lily turned to the old lady and stared at her blankly “What do you mean, men in and out?”

  The lady absorbed the perplexed expression on her face and gulped hard. “Oh… I’m sorry. Have I spoken out of turn? I thought maybe you were visiting…” She made a gesture that suggested that her use of the word ‘visiting’ had some hidden meaning.

  Lily’s eyes glazed over as they despondently searched the old lady’s face then she turned and silently searched her surroundings; Gina’s door, her first floor window, then across the balustrade to the landscape of high-rise flats that surrounded her, as if she were attempting to find the answer to an unspoken question. Her attention was captured by a young woman stepping out of a flat several doors down, dressed in a black satin dressing gown. She lit up a cigarette then stepped aside as a man, twice her age, stepped out beside her. He gave her a dispassionate peck on the cheek and Lily watched with sinking realisation as the girl recoiled and sucked on her cigarette with conviction as the man strode away from her, tucking his shirt into his trousers as he took the stairs.

  Lily turned back to the old lady before her. She too had watched the encounter and she was now smiling at her with sympathy as she realised she had only just grasped the truth of where she had come. “Are you telling me that Gina is… a prostitute?” Lily whispered.

  “If Gina is the poor soul who lives in this flat, then, I’m sorry, but yes. I didn’t realise you didn’t know,” the old lady added, her wrinkled cheeks blushing as she then stuttered, “I thought maybe you were early, thought maybe she batted for the other side as well, like…” Lily’s hand went to her mouth. “My God, how… how did this happen?”

  The old lady shook her head slowly. “It can happen to the best of them, love, especially round here.” Her voice suddenly dropped a few decibels, as if it had suddenly dawned on her that someone might be listening in on their conversation. She went on in a husky whisper, “They get fooled, you see, by the men who lure them in with their charm, their promise of money, and usually drugs, I’m afraid. They get them fast with the drugs. It only takes a few weeks to get a girl hooked before they’re dependent on it. That’s what’s happened to my Vicky. That’s my granddaughter. She’s been given a flat a few doors down. It’s got bad round here. The pimp,” she whispered this word even quieter, as if frightened the use of the word would trigger an ambush, “he’s using this block to house the working girls. My granddaughter…”

  The old lady tailed off as tears began to fall down Lily’s cheeks. Lily didn’t want to hear any more. She wanted to leave, get away from this place. It made her skin crawl. “Thank you,” she said politely. She began to walk away, then turned back. “Um, have you seen him?” she asked, calling on her natural ‘do-gooder’ instinct. If she got a description of the man responsible for this appalling crime, she would tell her parents.

  The old lady shook her head. “It’s difficult to distinguish between all the men that visit…” she replied, anxiously peering around her. Then she added in a quieter voice still, licking her wrinkled lips as though she was now enjoying the tittle-tattle, “At a guess, I would say it was the suited man that turns up every couple of weeks, Vicky won’t confirm my suspicion though…”

  “And you’ve not thought to report him?” Lily interrupted.

  The old lady smiled briefly. “Even if I knew for definite, it would be more than my granddaughter’s life’s worth reporting someone like that, and I mean that literally. These people are nasty pieces of work. People like me, who have someone to look after… well, we just can’t get involved.”

  Lily was outraged. She had never heard anything like it in her life. How could anyone sit back and allow such evil to go on right under their noses? Straightening her back, she demanded, “What does he look like?”

  The old lady’s eyes fell to Lily’s bump. “You’ve got a little life in there, love. You need to protect it. Don’t go getting involved in matters that don’t concern you…”

  “My friend is in there,” Lily retorted. “I have someone that I need to look after, and I will get involved, whatever the cost.” The old lady’s eyes darted around her once more, as if now convinced they were being watched. She licked her lips again and gulped. “He’s tall, got dark hair…” she said.

  Lily nodded, “Anything else?”

  The old lady looked up to the sky for inspiration, then, lifting her skinny hand to her face and running her fingers over her eyes, she said, “Oh yes, he has dark eyebrows and these beautiful blue eyes. Piercing blue… a very good-looking man in fact. It’s a shame he’s a monster.”

  Lily stared at her, her mouth dry and her head swimming with unw
elcome thoughts. All of a sudden, her knees gave way and she stumbled. The old lady jumped forward and took her arms.

  “Are you alright, my love?” she asked, staring down at her with concern.

  “I have to go…” Lily breathed. The old lady frowned. “Please don’t mention that I was here…” Lily added before she turned and ran, as fast as her bump would allow her, across the walkway and down the stone steps to the ground floor.

  Out in the street, the fresh air hit her lungs and she inhaled deeply, grateful for something purer than the foul smell of squalor and deceit that hung above her.

  Lily couldn’t breathe. She knew it was him. It had to be him. The old woman’s description was too precise. It all made sense now. She’d known he was hiding something, but, as ever, she’d chosen to pretend it wasn’t so. How long had it been going on? Why would Gina agree to it? The old lady’s words spiralled round and round in her mind. Drugs…

  He’d drugged her. She could be out of it right now, unable to get to the door. She could be dead for all she knew – for all he knew. He wouldn’t care, though, would he? The old lady had called him a monster, and she was right. Lily was beside herself, torn between wanting to go back and check that Gina was alright and going to the police, but before she did something she may regret, she took off towards the home of Ricky Finn.

  ************

  Lily knocked on the door of Ricky Finn’s maisonette, and it was answered within seconds. When Ricky saw who was standing on his doorstep, he looked concerned. “Mrs Foster…” He frowned, his mouth hanging open gormlessly. “Something wrong?”

  Lily smiled. “No… it’s just my aunt… she lives on the Kingsland estate. You know it?”

  “Yeah, course.”

  Lily watched his expression carefully, wondering if Aiden had let his old friend into his sordid little secret. When he showed no concern as to why she would be asking about that particular estate, she explained, “My aunt just called to say that she thinks she’s left the hob on, and she’s gone to Brent Cross. She hasn’t got a spare key, but she told me she’d rather have her door broken down than the flat blown up,” she tried her best to laugh light-heartedly.

  When Ricky didn’t seem to grasp what she wanted from him still, she composed herself and went on, “I’d like you to break in for me, please. I know what you do for my husband. I’m pretty sure you’re the right person to ask.”

  Ricky smiled bashfully. “No problem, Mrs Foster. I’ll get my tools.”

  It took just twenty seconds for Ricky to break into the Kingsland flat. It was a clean break. Lily was impressed, and under any other circumstance she may have seen the humour in the fact that Aiden, being Aiden, would obviously employ the best of the best. But after what she had discovered today, humour just wasn’t possible.

  “Thanks, Ricky,” she said, wondering how to get rid of him without seeming rude.

  Thankfully, he replied, “If you don’t mind, Mrs Foster, I’ve a bit of work to do for Aiden this afternoon, so if you’re alright, I’ll leave you to it?”

  “Of course. Thanks again, Ricky.”

  “No problem!”

  “Oh, and Ricky, could you not tell Aiden about today? I’m sure you’re well aware that he doesn’t like me wandering about with this,” she ran a hand over her large round belly. “He’ll only panic… and you’ll get a grilling too, I’m sure. I can keep a secret if you can?” She forced a smile to gain his confidence.

  Nonplussed, Ricky agreed and sauntered out of sight.

  Lily stepped inside the flat and closed the front door behind her gently. She stood silently in the hallway. The flat was quiet, with only the distant hum of traffic to be heard through the paper-thin walls. She wanted to call out for Gina, but she was frightened of what she might do now that she was inside without permission.

  She stepped into the kitchen, located immediately to her right. Now, seeing it from the inside, it was filthier than she had imagined when she had peered through the window not so long ago. Dishes and pans lined the counter and filled the sink, the lino floor was filthy, and the walls were covered with graffiti of angry messages in black marker pen: ‘fuck this’, ’whores found here’ and ‘I’ll suck your dick for a rock’.

  She stepped back out into the hallway and headed into the living room. Inside the room were stairs to the first floor, an old television set, a two-seater couch and a glass coffee table. The table was littered with cigarette packets, loose tobacco, Rizla and empty glasses, but Lily’s eyes focused on the little set-up in the corner: an open silver tin housing a syringe, a teaspoon and a small bag of white powder.

  Lily’s hand went to her mouth. Seeing the contents of that silver tin hit her harder than she would have ever imagined, and it was as if it all became very real all of a sudden. This was Gina’s life! A life inflicted on her by Aiden – the man she loved, the man she had married, the father of her unborn child! How? How had she overlooked this? How was he keeping all this from her? It was like a second fucking life!

  Aiden had always gone on about making money, making something of himself and getting away from all the squalor of his childhood. She knew he was no saint. She knew he had some illegal dealings. But this!

  She tore her eyes away from the table and glanced at the stairs. She knew she had to go up there, but she was petrified of doing so. What would she find? Would a man be there still? As this thought occurred to her, she suddenly realised how much danger she was putting herself in. Anyone could be there. If given a fright, she could find herself in real trouble.

  She swallowed hard and, despite her trepidation, she put her foot on the first step. The stairs were grimy. In fact, the whole place needed to be sterilised. It was disgusting.

  She slowly climbed the stairs, one grubby step at a time, as quietly as she could, her legs trembling. She was finding it difficult to breathe, but she continued on. She had to see that her old friend was alright. If she left her and found out that she had been in trouble, she’d never forgive herself. She had to do this. She was a good person with a conscience. She had no choice but to do the right thing.

  She stopped halfway up the stairs and listened carefully – for what, she wasn’t quite sure. Then, taking a leap of faith, she walked into the only bedroom inside the flat and was immediately struck by how tidy it was. She considered that it must be because this was where Gina brought her clients and the thought made her stomach turn over.

  Gina was lying on the bed on top of the sheet, alone, dressed in a black satin dressing-gown, reminiscent to the girl she saw earlier, and snoring lightly. Lily closed her eyes and silently thanked the Lord that Gina was alive. Stepping over to her sleeping body, she touched her lightly on the arm. She did not stir, but Lily didn’t expect her to. Gina’s skin was cold, so she pulled the duvet that had been pushed to the bottom of the bed over her and stepped back, staring down at her. She seemed so peaceful whilst asleep and Lily could see the beauty that Gina had once been.

  Taking in her dark hair spread across her purple pillow, her mind was transported back to the numerous nights she had sat there plaiting it. Back then, she had envied Gina her hair. It had always been so thick and shiny, with perfectly natural waves that gave it natural body. Lily had always thought her own hair to be too straight and lifeless, but Gina’s had been immaculate, once.

  A quiver of a smile crept onto Lily’s lips as her mind played out fond memories of their once-close friendship. Together, they had turned many heads. But Gina had been the one that most of their male acquaintances had flocked to and Lily had once thought that it had been because her friend had been so much more confident than she was. Gina would dress in all kinds of provocative clothing, her face made up to the nines, strutting around, flaunting her prematurely developed body. Now, however, seeing what she had become, it dawned on Lily that all Gina’s flamboyance had had nothing to do with confidence at all. It had been entirely the opposite. Gina had been masking and avoiding her insecurities the only way she knew how.
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br />   Gina shifted and Lily stepped back, eyes wide, petrified what Gina might do to her when she realised she was there. She waited with bated breath for Gina to open her eyes, but she didn’t, and eventually her light snoring resumed.

  Surveying the room, Lily wondered if there would be anything there that was actually Gina’s. She didn’t recognise anything, but then, they hadn’t been close for a long time. She craved to find something, something that would connect this unrecognisable woman to the girl she had once known.

  She stepped over to the mirror on the dresser opposite the bed. There were three photographs stuck to it in a row down one side. The top photograph looked as if it had been taken in a pub quite recently. Gina was there with some other girls and a man, but she didn’t recognise them.

  The next photograph was not so recent. It was of Gina and Roy at Carlton House. Lily recognised the kitchen. She surveyed the image. Gina looked about twelve years of age. She was standing beside her father with her arm wrapped around his waist. Lily stared at Roy’s face and tried to recall a time she had seen him so young. He’d aged quickly between then and the last time she had seen him, over four years ago.

  She had learned of the tragic circumstances of Roy’s death through Aiden, and she was sorry for Gina having to go through something like that, especially when she had no mother. But she personally had never liked Roy Watson. He had always been aloof, upsetting Gina time and time again. Aiden had hinted that Mr Watson had also raised his hand to Gina on occasion, yet, as kids, though Gina spoke ill of her father, she had never spoken of such violence, and at the time Lily hadn’t thought to ask her what her relationship was really like with him. She regretted that now, just as much as she regretted not having been there for her friend over the past few years.