Deep Desire (Going Deep Book 4)

by Virna DePaul

  “Was it a mistake?”

  “No, but you didn’t know that. You haven’t even given me the benefit of the doubt. No chance to even explain. You’ve gone straight from reading it to thinking you know everything behind it.”

  “Well, why don’t you explain it to me then?” he said, hands on his hips. “I’m listening now.”

  She shook her head. “Too late, Gabe. With the way you’re acting, I don’t want to share anything with you.”

  “That’s bullshit, Zoe. You’ve never shared anything with me. Why you’d come home sad sometimes. Why you haven’t taken me to meet your father. Why you were struggling with your rent, and why some shithead named Tony thinks I’m the rich guy that’s going to make everything better for you.”

  After getting dressed and twisting her hair into a loose bun, she shoved her phone into her pocket. “I’m getting out of here.”

  Her refusal to talk to him even now just seemed to justify all the terrible things he was thinking. How could he be so stupid as to let her into his life, his heart, this way? Hadn’t he learned by now, good things always turned to shit. First his parents, then his career with the Noise, now Zoe. He’d let himself get hooked when he needed nothing more than pure focus on football this season.

  To think he’d almost asked her to marry him. Apparently a few months wasn’t enough time to know someone.

  She headed to her bedroom and started packing. He almost panicked then, thinking of her exiting his life, forever, but damn it, better now than when he just grew more attached to her. But he wasn’t going to stay and watch her leave him either. Fumbling around in the semi-dark, he got dressed, grabbed his wallet and keys, and headed out of the house, his head and heart on fire.

  Chapter 21

  She may as well have been shot in the heart, because that’s how it felt.

  One moment she was sleeping peacefully, slowly waking to the realization that Gabe had told her he loved her last night and thinking how she might seduce him back into bed. The next he was accusing her of using him.

  And the worst part was that he didn’t give her the chance to speak before judging her. He just automatically assumed she’d been using him for money. And then he’d had the nerve to accuse her of keeping secrets from him, which, while fair, hadn’t helped his cause in her mind.

  She’d fallen in love with Gabe, yes, but they’d known each other for only three months. And she’d wanted to tell him about her father, again and again. She’d just needed a little time to deal with the issue herself before she shared it with someone else. Taking that time didn’t justify what he’d just done to her.

  She picked up a pair of undies that were his favorite and packed it, knowing she’d never look at them the same way again. Or the Bootleggers jersey he’d given her, or the dried sunflowers she’d pressed between the pages of her notebook, flowers he’d brought for her one day when she’d had a bad headache.

  Everything she touched reminded her of him.

  When everything was packed up she looked around, blinking back tears and refusing to break down. It looked like Gabe had been right to fear things changing for the worse. They’d been happy together, but obviously, it wasn’t mean to be.

  Grabbing her bags, she headed out to the car and shoved them inside, then climbed in. There, in the silence of the cold interior, she finally broke down. The tears didn’t just rise into her eyes, she felt her whole body collapse, the sobbing coming from somewhere deep within.

  She cried because Gabe wasn’t the man she thought he was. She cried for the loss of what could’ve been. With Gabe, yes, and with her father, a man Gabe would never meet. Her whole body hurt as if she’d been the one at the bottom of last night’s pileup.

  When she finally caught her breath, she turned the engine on and started to pull away from the curb. Then she hit the brakes when another car pulled in behind her in the driveway.

  It was Murph. She got out of the car and walked toward Zoe’s driver’s side door.

  Quickly, Zoe dried her eyes with her long sleeve but there was no clearing up the redness in her eyes or cheeks.

  “Hey,” she said through the glass, starting out with a big smile that quickly faded when she saw the dumpster fire that was Zoe’s face.

  Zoe forced a smile and lowered the window. “Hi, I was just leaving. Could you…”

  “Are you okay? What did my brother do to you?”

  The questions alone were enough to make her start sobbing all over again, but she tried to suppress them and ended up nearly exploding from the heart up. She couldn’t speak.

  “Oh, my God, Zoe…”

  Zoe gasped for breath at the same time Murph was opening the passenger side door and slipping inside. Then Gabe’s sister pulled her into her arms for a hug.

  Minutes later, Murph finally pulled away to look at Zoe. “Tell me,” she said.

  And Zoe did. She told her everything. About the text. Her financial troubles. Her father. And her fight with Gabe. When she was done, Murph nodded.

  “Gabe fucked up.”

  “Yes, he did,” Zoe hiccupped.

  Murph took Zoe’s hand. “I wanted to say that upfront because I’m not excusing his behavior. But Zoe, Gabe has always had…issues. We both have, I guess. You know our parents died when we were little, right?”

  Zoe nodded.

  “I don’t know. I guess that’ll fuck with you. You spend the rest of your life hoping that the good things you’ve got going won’t just up and disappear one day. Sometimes, well, you even sabotage your own good situation, before it has the chance to sabotage you.”

  Zoe understood what Murph was saying, but it didn’t make what had happened any easier to handle. “He never even gave me the chance to explain. Well, he sort of did but by then, I was so upset I didn’t want to.”

  Murph nodded. “I get it, but try to understand where he was coming from. Women have used him for money in the past, and you said yourself he was worried about something happening to mess up the happy he had going on. That text would look bad to anyone.”

  “It would,” Zoe said softly. “But I wasn’t just anyone to Gabe.”

  “No. You weren’t. And you aren’t, Zoe. You’re the woman he loves, and he’s hurt you horribly. I’m not saying to forgive him easily, but I’m hoping you’re the kind of woman that can find it in your heart to forgive him eventually. Because he needs you. And you need him.”

  “I—”

  Zoe’s phone rang, cutting her off, and she glanced at the screen, hoping and fearing it was Gabe all at the same time. It was her father’s memory care facility instead.

  “Give me a second, Murph?” As Murph nodded, Zoe answered.

  “Miss Reynolds, this is your father’s care facility.”

  “Is everything okay?” she asked, her heart beating so hard she could practically hear it.

  “Physically, he’s fine, but he’s quite agitated. He’s asking for his kids, you and Pete by name, and he has been for quite some time. Since he’s never done this before—”

  “No, no. You were right to call me. I’ll come right over. Thank you.”

  She hung up. She wanted to be happy that her father was asking for her, but how could she be when the fact he was agitated probably meant he didn’t understand where he was and why she wasn’t with him. Was he scared? Angry with her?

  She turned to Murph. “That was my father’s care home. He’s upset and asking for me and my brother. I need to call Pete and head over there.”

  “Of course. I understand. I’ll move my car right away.” She gave Zoe another hug and opened the passenger door, but before she could exit the car, Zoe remembered something and caught her arm.

  “You were saying something to me before we went in to see Gabe after he was injured. You said you had to make a confession. What was it?”

  Murph shot her a wary glance. “Well, I was going to confess that hiring you was not a chance thing.”

  “What do you mean?” Zoe’s eyebrows drew tog
ether.

  “I mean, from the moment I knew we were moving to Savannah, I did my research on personal trainers. I interviewed a lot more than I told you, Zoe. I must’ve talked to twenty different women. I didn’t even know there were that many female trainers in this city, to be honest.”

  “Wait, women? Why did you interview only women?”

  Murph sighed. “This is probably going to sound crazy, but I wanted someone good for my brother. Not only did he need the best possible trainer for his situation, but he needed someone else in his life. Someone besides me and our grandparents that he could love and who would love him back.”

  “You were playing matchmaker?!”

  Murph smiled like the Mona Lisa. “Yes, I was. It’s the reason I’ve stayed away from the house so much, too. Well, partly the reason. And I’m not sorry. I knew you guys would fall in love, and my brother needed someone like you to make him whole again. Someone who was strong enough to go toe-to-toe with him, soft enough to be mindful of his heart, and brave enough to stick when things got hard. I chose you, Zoe, because you’re perfect for him.”

  Chapter 22

  Snap.

  Corner route.

  Sprint out fast, turn left…catch.

  Go down.

  Regroup.

  Given how bad yesterday had been, one would think he’d play like shit, but Gabe was on fire during today’s practice. This coming weekend’s game was in Dallas, and it was the first time he’d be traveling without Zoe.

  Snap.

  Slant route.

  Blow past, turn right…catch.

  Run it to end zone.

  He’d had time to think about everything he said to Zoe, the way he reacted, and he couldn’t summarize it any other way—he’d been an idiot.

  Why had his first reaction when finding out about her struggles been to make it about himself? About how he was being betrayed? Okay, so she’d been keeping things from him, and the text had been bad, but if he’d taken more time to think things through, if he’d asked Zoe what was going on instead of the first words out of his mouth being an accusation, no way would things have ended the way they had.

  Because he knew Zoe hadn’t been using him. She’d worked hard for the money she’d earned, that she’d used to pay her rent, not once asking Gabe for anything that she wasn’t entitled to. Hell, she’d been a stickler for paying her fair share, not even letting Gabe treat her to sushi the first day she’d moved in.

  And as for whatever secret she was keeping? As much as Gabe had wanted Zoe to confide in him about her troubles—he had asked her several times to share about why she was sad sometimes—he hadn’t tried hard enough. Hell, he’d suspected something was going on with her dad, but he’d never asked her directly. And he’d never thought that she might be having problems at work, paying the rent, or anything. But it made sense. The gym looked like shit, light years behind all the modern facilities, even though Iron Maiden contained the one great thing other gyms didn’t have—Zoe.

  No, the truth was, he’d been living mostly for himself, trapped inside his own pity party, and maybe he hadn’t really wanted to take on Zoe’s problems. He couldn’t know for sure, but he did know Zoe didn’t deserve the way he’d treated her.

  Every interaction they ever had had been nothing but pure of heart. How the fuck could he ever accuse her of such callousness? Comparing her in his mind to the women he’d dated in the past, it was clear she was different. Her only interest, even from the beginning, had been to care about him. First about his shoulder, then about his performance, then about his heart.

  No wonder she never told him about the money she owed—she didn’t feel safe sharing with him. And with good reason. He was a dick.

  If Gabe could’ve put himself at the bottom of another pileup, he would have.

  As soon as practice was over, he was going to her, asking for her forgiveness and hoping she’d give him another chance. The only reason he hadn’t done it earlier was because as soon as he got to a hotel and realized he was a fool, he’d immediately called Zoe only to find she’d blocked his calls. Then he’d gotten a spurt of angry texts from Murph telling him that she’d seen Zoe, Zoe was devastated, and that she’d left the house. She’d also told Gabe to get his head screwed on straight but to give Zoe some space before he went begging for forgiveness because “she had other important stuff that she was dealing with and the world didn’t revolve around your stupid ass.”

  It killed Gabe that Murph knew what important things Zoe was dealing with, but he deserved to suffer for what he’d done. So as much as it killed him to do it, he gave Zoe as much space as he could. Just over 24 hours. Now he had to make things right.

  After practice, he headed to his house, not because he thought Zoe was there, but because he needed to shower and change and find the box that held the engagement ring he’d bought her—he’d never found it before or after he and Zoe fought.

  He braced himself for it, knew Zoe was gone, but he still wasn’t prepared for how devastated he was when he pulled into the driveway and her car wasn’t there. Or for walking in and not being able to smell her soft fragrance lingering or seeing her in the gym working out, or lying on the couch watching a show, or cooking a meal for them to enjoy outside in the garden. This place meant nothing to him if she wasn’t there. She’d been there almost since the first day he moved in.

  How he could miss someone he’d managed to live without most of his life, he wasn’t sure.

  All he knew was she’d made him whole again, and now he was back to being a fractured man.

  It turned out the ring box had rolled underneath the bed. He grabbed it, and not because he was going to propose to Zoe when he saw her—hell, he just wanted her to take him back, and his little stunt meant he had a lot of work to do before he’d even consider himself worthy of having Zoe as his wife. But still, he opened the box and stared at the ring, remembering how excited he’d been to give it to her. How much he loved her and believed in her. And how far he was willing to go to prove that to her.

  What had she said when he’d teased her about being a romantic?

  I suppose I am a romantic when it comes to the idea that a man would be willing not just to climb mountains but even fight an unbeatable fight to win the woman he loves.

  Well, this was his chance to prove to Zoe that he was that man and she was that woman.

  He’d already asked Murph, and she never got Zoe’s home address. (According to her, if she had, she wouldn’t give it to him anyway. “Work to find her and fix this,” was what she’d said.) The first place he went looking, then, was Iron Maiden. When he didn’t find her there, he headed for Pete’s.

  Yanking open the door, he was hit with the sights and sounds of a place he realized he’d come to love. Pete’s Bar & Grill had turned out to be a home away from home in this new town that was starting to feel familiar to Gabe. But the moment he wove through the crowded tables over to the bar, Pete spotted him, came around the bar fast, and threw a punch. Gabe saw it coming and didn’t even try to avoid it.

  His head whipped to the side from the force of Pete’s punch to his jaw. Gabe rubbed it and winced out of one eye through the stars in his vision at Pete.

  “I deserved that,” he said. “And you can hit me again if you want. It won’t come close to the pain I’m feeling knowing I hurt Zoe.”

  “Hurt Zoe, the money grubbing gold digger, you mean?”

  Gabe shook his head. “I know she’s far from that. I made a mistake. Misunderstood something obviously. But I want to talk to her and apologize and she’s blocked my calls.”

  “As she should,” Pete said, shaking out his hand. “Nobody has ever been such a dick to her. After everything she’s done for you.”

  Guilt sizzled inside Gabe’s chest. “I know. Zoe is the best thing that ever happened to me, and even if she doesn’t take me back, I need her to know that I was the one who fucked up, that she did nothing wrong, and that she’s the most honorable, selfless woman I’ve
ever had the fortune to know.”

  Pete just stared at him, unrelenting. Fine, Gabe thought, he’d get no help here, so he’d have to find another way. He’d call the Bootleggers administrative office, find the person who had referred Zoe to Murph. He’d convince them to give him Zoe’s information, and if they didn’t, he’d head back to Iron Maiden and camp out there. He’d do whatever he needed to do —

  Gabe’s phone buzzed with an incoming text and he paused to look at the screen. It was an address, the text from an unknown number.

  “She’s there right now,” Pete said from behind him. “But just so you know, she’s with another man. Still willing to fight for her?”

  Gabe felt the blow land just as Pete had intended. Turning, he read the challenge in the other man’s eyes, and he met it head-on. “Damn right I am.”

  The address Gabe followed on his phone’s map app led to a place called Savannah Oaks. Before going inside, Gabe did a search on his phone.

  Savannah Oaks Memory Care was founded on a simple but innovative vision: to champion quality of life for all seniors. It begins with the patients and their personal needs, and results in customized living and support options, so our residents receive the care that’s just right for them.

  He continued reading. The place was a nursing home, specializing in Alzheimer’s patients and those with dementia. The range of prices quoted for services was significant, but it seemed justified given the place got 5 out of 5 stars from hundreds of reviews.

  Everything clicked into place instantly. About Zoe’s bouts of sadness. Her reluctance to talk about her father. And Pete’s taunt about Zoe being with another man.

  He didn’t even blame Pete for his vindictiveness. He deserved it and more.

  This was why she’d been behind on rent payments to the gym. This place had to cost a fortune. Family was a priority for Zoe, same as it was to Gabe. He would’ve done the same. But Zoe didn’t want handouts or a sugar daddy. She worked damn hard for her money, as he’d seen time and again for himself.