The Nanny Arrangement

by Lily George

  He didn’t know much about women, but even so, it was unlikely that Becky would want to hear about another woman while he was holding her in his arms. He must tread carefully indeed. For he was done with walling off his feelings and his past. They were a part of him, and dividing his life up once more between the master and the man, or the private and the public, was something he was no longer willing to do. If Becky was to share in his life, she must know the truth.

  “A long time ago, around the time that Father died, I was engaged to a young lady. Her name was Ruth Barclay.” He swallowed. Saying her name aloud would never be easy. Some part of him would always grieve her. “Ruth was going to help me run Kellridge. She and I had plans on reining in Juliana. She was a fine woman, and was going to be a good wife.”

  Becky said nothing, but she didn’t pull away from him. That was an encouraging sign.

  “Ruth passed away of a fever before we had a chance to wed. When she died, I don’t know what came over me. I was already grieving the loss of my father—indeed, we had postponed our wedding until after I was to come out of mourning—but when Ruth passed, I lost all control.” He gathered his strength, for this would be the hardest part of his confession. “When Juliana found herself with child, I vowed to remain fully in control of Kellridge and everything in it forever. I hated for anything to dominate me the way that grief had controlled my life.”

  “Paul, darling. You take too much upon yourself.” She stroked his cheek with a tender gesture. “So much anger. You were a young lad too, you know, and grieving the loss of two very important people in your life. You must forgive yourself. Juliana would have done just as she pleased whether you were at Kellridge or not. Surely you know that now.”

  “Yes, I suppose that is true,” he confessed. “But I could have been a better brother, a better master. I felt so inadequate to both tasks, you see. When I fancied you were dying—I couldn’t lose you the way I’d lost Ruth. I ran from London like a madman, Becky. I loved Ruth, I admit. But life without you would be intolerable. I had to tell you before ’twas too late.” He couldn’t help it. The futile fear and grief he’d been prisoner to for the past few days welled anew, and he kissed her once more. ’Twas too good to be true that Becky was still alive, and would be fine, and loved him despite his many failings.

  “Oh, my,” Becky breathed, setting herself away from him once more. “I am quite overcome.”

  For the first time in days, Paul laughed. Becky reddened as he chuckled, turning her face against his chest. “Don’t mock me,” she ordered, her voice muffled by his jacket.

  “Indeed, I do not mock you,” he rejoined. “I am just as overcome, myself. I have been given such incredible gifts, Becky-girl. You have helped to open my eyes to them. I love you.”

  “You love me?” Her question was hesitant, breathless even. As though she could not believe the truth that lay before them.

  “More than I ever thought possible.” More than he’d felt for Ruth. What he felt for Becky was deeper and purer than anything he had experienced in his life. This was a bond he would nurture and protect for the rest of his days. He had been given a second chance at life, and he would never let it slip through his fingers again. “With you by my side, Becky-girl, I have all I need.”

  “I love you, too. I was so certain I was just being a ninny once more. I thought I had fallen in love with a man who would never feel the same about me. I vowed to be sensible, to find a new position and forget about you both. Once I returned, I realized how difficult it would be to let you both go.” She sniffed, rubbing her face against his lapel. “I am so glad I don’t have to leave. While it might make a very romantic poem, ’twould be an awful existence.”

  He couldn’t suppress a chuckle as he kissed the top of her head. “Darling Becky-girl. Our romance has just begun.” He paused for a moment. It had been too long since he had fun with Becky. She was jolly company and for too long, matters had drifted between life and death for them. “I have something else for you. Can you guess what it is?”

  She furrowed her brow. “Is it something...about the new nursemaid?”

  “Flora? Poor girl. I sent word that I no longer needed her once I heard from you. Guess again.” A grin broke out across his face.

  “Do you mean...arrangements for Juliet? I plan to persuade my sister that she’s coming with me until the wedding.” Becky folded the top of her coverlet down and smoothed it with her hands. “I shan’t be without my darling girl. I would miss her too much.”

  “No. It’s not about Juliet. Though I will miss you both terribly, I will honor your wish.” He leaned against the footboard. “I know better than to cross swords with you when it comes to Juliet’s care.”

  “Good. I am glad you learned your lesson.” She gave a decisive nod.

  He couldn’t suppress a laugh. “What of me, then, Becky-girl? Shall I waste away from loneliness while my two best girls are away? How shall I spend my time?”

  “By doing what you do best,” she pronounced. “Being master of Kellridge and managing everything to a nicety until our return.”

  “Somehow, the thought of being master of Kellridge loses its glamour when I think of being here alone,” he admitted. How had he ever existed before Becky and Juliet entered his life? How empty his existence had been. How terribly vast and blank. He gave a quick shudder. How good God was to bring love and warmth to him.

  “You’ll survive.” She pressed her hand over his, smiling. “I have given two good guesses. May I know the truth now?”

  “No. Give it one more go.” He would savor this moment a bit longer.

  Becky pouted, twirling her hair about her finger with that gesture he adored. “Very well. I say that you forgot to tell me that you’re really a prince from a foreign land and that I shall be elevated to princess when we are married. There. Is that it?”

  Paul roared with laughter. Trust his romantic bride-to-be to come up with such an outlandish scenario. “No, indeed. In a family of staunch Whigs? My father would be appalled.”

  “I’ve given my three guesses. Time for you to unveil the truth.”

  “Only this.” Paul reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew the necklace he’d purchased in London. He handed her the leather-bound box. “Go on. Open it.”

  Becky took the box from him with an almost hesitant gesture. “Oh, Paul.” She snapped open the lid. “Oh, upon my word,” she breathed.

  The amethysts sparkled brilliantly in the morning sunlight. He couldn’t have arranged a more breathtaking manner to show off his gift to her, not if he had tried. “Here. Let me help you clasp it.”

  “What? No. I cannot.” She lifted the necklace out of the box, holding the pendants as gently as she would Juliet. “I cannot accept this, Paul. ’Tis far too fine.”

  “Indeed you can, and you will.” He took the necklace from her palm and draped it around her neck, pulling her luxurious waves of dark hair aside so he could properly fasten it. “After you left, I wandered around London in a daze. I purchased an entire boatload of toys for Juliet, but I wanted something special for you. As soon as I saw these jewels, I knew they would be perfect. They just match your eyes.” He stood back, admiring his handiwork. “I was right, you know. You look lovely. I mean, you would look lovely anyway, even without the necklace. A fellow feels a certain satisfaction when he buys his fiancée something truly elegant.”

  “I can’t accept it though, Paul.” Becky’s pretty face reflected true distress. “I have nothing to give you in return. I mean, I could make you some lace or some such, but I need time to prepare.”

  He sank down beside her on the bed, wrapping his arms about her shoulders. “You have no idea what you’ve given me. Before you came into my life, I was a wastrel and an idiot. I looked only to dubious sources of what I thought would bring me pleasure. Of course, I had no inkling of a spiritual life. But you
changed all of that. And I am infinitely richer because of your presence in my life.”

  “Somehow it doesn’t seem enough.” She rolled her head against his shoulder.

  “Your love is more than enough. You are downright generous.” He squeezed her gently. “No more nonsense about not accepting my gift. For one thing, it brought me great pleasure to buy it for you. I like the idea that I shall have a wife to whom I can give pretty and stylish gifts. Moreover, it is I who worries about it not being adequate. If you continue to protest, then I shall have no other recourse than to go out and buy something truly outrageous and ostentatious. So be forewarned.”

  She chuckled, burrowing her head closer. “I know you far too well to accept that challenge, Paul. So, I merely say, thank you for the necklace. It’s exquisite and I shall treasure it always.”

  He tightened his hold on her, resting his chin against the crown of her head. “Just as I shall treasure you.”

  Chapter Twenty

  This was his wedding day. Even though Paul had anticipated this event for what seemed like forever, the feeling of disbelief still clung as the carriage rolled toward Goodwin Hall. He shook his head. At any moment he might awaken, only to find that this was all a dream. That Becky had never accepted his hand, or that Juliet had never come to live with him. He shuddered. What a nightmare that would be.

  The carriage pulled to a halt in front of the hall and he leaped out without waiting for the coachman. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he glanced up at the second-story windows. Perhaps he could catch just a glimpse of Becky. Seeing her so seldom, when he was used to seeing her throughout every day, was dispiriting. And rather depressing, if a fellow admitted it.

  The front door opened, and Daniel stepped out onto the portico. “It’s no use searching for Becky, old man,” he said with a laugh. “She’s in the back of the house and under the strict supervision of her sisters. There’s no way you’ll see her before the wedding.”

  “That’s too bad.” He shoved his disappointment to one side. He would see Becky soon, and by the end of the morning, she would be his wife. He could wait a tiny bit longer. But...just a tiny bit. “Is Juliet with them?”

  “Yes, of course. Juliet cannot bear to be apart from Becky, you know that. Besides, she, too, is getting dressed up. I vow the Siddons sisters have made her a veritable doll.” Daniel clapped him on the shoulder, turning him away from the house. “Come, we’ll see to the arrangements in the chapel. Not that there’s much to do, mind you. Everyone at Goodwin has been busy perfecting every last detail. But it might keep you occupied and calm your nerves.”

  “I’m not nervous.” Paul shrugged. “Just impatient. I’ve missed both my girls.”

  “Not nervous?” Daniel crowed. “I don’t believe it. Why, I was beside myself with anxiety by the time my wedding day rolled around.”

  “I know,” Paul responded dryly. “I was there, offering you a drink which you declined. Susannah’s good influence had quite overtaken you by that point.”

  “And I can tell that you haven’t touched a drop yourself.” Daniel slashed at a bit of shrubbery with his walking stick as they passed. “How long have you been abstaining?”

  “Weeks now. I had a conversion of sorts when we were in London.” Paul sighed. There hadn’t been much time to talk to Daniel about the transformation he had undergone. First and foremost in his mind, he had been concerned about getting Daniel’s permission to wed Becky. And once he had that, there had been a license to procure and a wedding to plan. “Once you told me that the Siddons girls work on a man like a tonic. Do you remember saying that?”

  Daniel chuckled. “I do. It was after my wedding, when you were looking so downcast and, at the same time, so arrogant. I wanted you to find the same happiness I did. Susannah, Becky and even Nan are each extraordinary in their own way.”

  “Well, Becky worked on me like a tonic. With her help and encouragement, I opened my heart to God’s love. And all at once, the driving need for drinking and other dark pastimes lost its hold on me. And now, I feel I can truly be a good husband and a caring father. I want you to know that I will take care of Becky always.” Paul fought a rising lump in his throat. He wasn’t going to go all weepy and soft now, of course not. He was still in control of himself. He was still a man. But he couldn’t deny this strangely humble feeling and this desire to explain his transformation to his good friend.

  “I knew you would, old chap. Even before I knew that you had completely opened yourself to God. When you returned from London, I could see you had utterly changed. And I told myself it was just a matter of time before Becky helped you find your way to Christ as well.” Daniel paused, turning to look him in the eye. “I am mighty pleased to hear that it has already happened, though.”

  “I wouldn’t have asked for her hand if it hadn’t,” Paul admitted. And that was the truth. Until he had become a whole man, body and spirit, he would never have dreamed he could ask Becky to be his.

  Daniel nodded, a kindly light in his eyes. They continued on to the little clearing in the woods where the family chapel at Goodwin beckoned, drawing him on to the next, and the best, episode of his life. “You’ll have the chance to see Reverend Kirk,” Daniel remarked as he opened the door. “He married Susannah and me, you remember. A fine man of the cloth who has helped me quite a bit on my spiritual journey. He’s conducting the ceremony—we wouldn’t have a wedding at Goodwin without him.”

  “I look forward to seeing him again.” His memories of Susannah and Daniel’s wedding were hazy—wrapped in the layers of mockery and cynicism in which he used to find comfort. It would be good to meet the reverend, as a man made new. He followed Daniel into the chapel, and Reverend Kirk was sitting on the front pew. The older man rose, a smile spreading across his wrinkled face.

  “Mr. Holmes, how good to see you again.” Reverend Kirk extended his hand. “Especially on such a blessed occasion.”

  “Reverend Kirk, thank you for coming here today.” Paul clasped his hand warmly. “I am so glad you are officiating.”

  Behind them, a gentle buzz ensued as his tenants and servants, as well as those of Goodwin Hall, began to file into the pews. The ceremony would begin in just a few moments if people were already beginning to arrive. And in less than an hour, Becky would be his wife.

  He had thought of this moment often throughout the interminable wait for the license. What would he feel like? What would his thoughts be? And now he knew. All his old conceit melted away, warmed by Becky’s love. He was utterly humbled. Becky knew all about him and yet she had agreed to be his despite his many flaws.

  “My son, I look forward to seeing you over at St. Mary’s any time you and your wife can attend,” Reverend Kirk said.

  Paul turned back toward the reverend. Wife. How good that sounded. “Thank you, Reverend. I confess it’s been far too long since I drove to Crich and attended services at your church. We look forward to it. In fact, I would think of it as a way to mark my new life.”

  “New life?” The older man smiled. “As a married man, I presume?”

  “As a married man, yes, but also as one who has found faith,” Paul admitted. He wanted everyone to know it—he who had concealed and boxed in his feelings for so long.

  “I am so glad to hear it.” A warm light glowed in Reverend Kirk’s eyes.

  “Listen to Reverend Kirk and lean on him often,” Daniel piped up from beside them. “He has been a rock on my journey of faith.”

  “I shall.” Paul nodded at both of them. He had so much more than he ever dreamed. Reverend Kirk and Daniel would both be there to help him if his courage flagged. Becky would be by his side. And Juliet would grow up under his care, a living reminder of his dear, maddening Juliana.

  These people, all of them, were integral to his existence, when he had spent years feeling so very alone in the world. Like the jigsaw puzzle
he’d brought Juliet from London, he was incomplete without all these pieces.

  He was a whole man now, full in spirit, and his bride was the one who had guided him to the Lord. If he could, he would climb onto the chapel roof and shout it to the world. He had so much to atone for, and yet, he was excited beyond measure to begin the process.

  * * *

  “Oh, Becky, do hold still. I cannot tie your bonnet with any degree of success if you keep wriggling,” Nan moaned, tugging the brim of Becky’s straw bonnet down.

  “I can’t help it. Where is Juliet?” Becky glanced around the room she’d occupied since coming to Goodwin. “I don’t see her anywhere.” It wasn’t like Juliet to just disappear, and not being able to see her caused Becky’s already jumpy nerves to fray.

  “She is with one of the servants, don’t fret.” Susannah knelt beside her, fluffing out her skirt. “Now, I think you are ready.” She stepped back a pace and considered Becky from head to toe. “You look lovely.”

  “Do I?” Becky turned to the looking glass and studied her reflection. The bonnet Nan made especially for the occasion was nothing at all like the practical, sensible creations she sold in the shop. No, this was a delightful confection, with froths of lace lining the brim and pretty ribbon roses clustered around the sides. A broad pink ribbon held the bonnet in place under her chin, and Susannah had tied it in a particularly fetching bow. The overall effect, when paired with her white silk gown and her amethyst necklace, was breathtaking. “I’ve never owned anything as beautiful as this ensemble,” she gasped, touching the neckline of her gown with a tentative hand. “I feel like a princess.”

  Nan kissed her cheek. “You look absolutely wonderful.”

  “Come now, girls. Let us all embrace before we walk over to the chapel.” Susannah held out her arms, and Becky and Nan drew close as she hugged them tightly. It was a sweet gesture, one that brought tears to Becky’s eyes, but their relationship would never be the same again. Her life and her purpose was now inextricably bound to Paul and to Juliet, and the mere thought of being able to go home to Kellridge caused her heart to leap in her chest.