Since Drew

by J. Nathan

  After a quick breakfast, I hurried downstairs. I knew Doctor Fallon wanted to talk, but I needed to see Drew with my own two eyes before I could talk about my feelings. With my reality clearly distorted, I needed to be sure what occurred the previous night had indeed occurred.

  With my heart practically bursting out of my chest, I neared his room. Down deep I knew he wouldn’t know me. Wouldn’t remember how he helped me. Wouldn’t remember our brief time together. But a small part of me held out hope that he would. That there’d be at least an inkling of recognition. Something. Anything.

  Voices inside Drew’s room stopped me short of his door. I rolled the last couple feet, just enough to spy a well-dressed woman in the chair beside him. A tall man, with broad shoulders and dark hair similar to Drew’s, paced the floor.

  I backed up, keeping Drew in my line of vision while remaining hidden from his visitors.

  “What the hell were you thinking?” the man growled.

  Drew didn’t speak, though his eyes trailed the man.

  “Drew.” The woman leaned forward, grasping Drew’s hand. “Your father and I have been beside ourselves with worry.”

  “Look at him,” the man balked, throwing his hand out in Drew’s direction. “He doesn’t even give a damn.”

  “We need you to tell us the truth,” the woman implored. “We need you to give us a little something here.”

  Drew closed his eyes, turning his head away from them.

  That didn’t deter them. They waited him out, shooting each other angry glares across the room. I couldn’t tell who they despised more. Each other or Drew. But I had to hand it to him. He kept his eyes closed.

  “He knew exactly what he was doing,” the man said loud enough for Drew to hear.

  “We don’t know that.”

  “The hell we don’t. He’s always been calculated.” He turned to Drew. “Do you hear me you selfish son of a bitch?”

  Drew didn’t move.

  “You ruined everything! You did this.” He grabbed the tray table and slammed it into the nearest wall, sending its contents clattering all over the floor.

  Drew’s eyes snapped open.

  The woman jumped to her feet, throwing her skinny body in between them. “Bruce!” She braced her hands on his chest as he pressed toward Drew.

  It couldn’t be stopped. I flew into the room. “Stop it!”

  The man and woman froze. Their heads whipped toward me.

  “Are you insane?” I couldn’t hide the mix of shock and disgust in my voice. “He just came out of a coma.”

  The man dropped his head and shook it slowly from side to side. “He’s even got the cripples fooled.”

  “Fuck you,” I spat across the room.

  His empty eyes lifted, latching coldly onto mine. “Oh, and a classy one to boot.”

  Hate deeper than I ever thought possible churned inside me. “First of all, you don’t know me.”

  “Thankfully,” he murmured.

  “Second.” I bit back the choice words itching to fly out. “He hasn’t even been awake for twelve hours and look at the way you’re treating him. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

  A scary smile split his lips. “Oh, sweetheart, he’s got you so deluded it’s not even funny.” His amused tone turned condescending. “But you’re wasting your time. There’s no money. There’s no garage full of cars. There’s no yacht. He’s a has-been.” A spray of spit followed his harsh words as he glared at Drew. “A never-was.”

  The woman grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the room and down the hallway.

  I looked back to Drew who stared at the empty doorway, his eyes vacant.

  I should’ve gone back upstairs. I should’ve carried on as though I’d never “met” him or his whacked-out parents. I should’ve done what my gut told me to do. But my curiosity and desire to be sane kept me there.

  Nowhere near stealthy rocking the wheelchair, I rolled toward his bed, this time bumping into the tray table his lunatic father had thrown across the room. The loud noise caused Drew’s narrowed eyes to shoot to mine.

  “I think they’re gone,” I offered.

  He blinked, as if trying to refocus his eyes.

  I stopped my chair at his side. “I would’ve thought they’d be happy you’re awake.”

  He stared at me with those pretty eyes encased by thick long lashes. They were exactly the same, right down to the lighter flecks etched in them. But they were missing the indelible twinkle and reverence he normally showed me. Maybe it was the effect of the coma. Maybe it was his parents’ behavior and abrupt departure. Maybe it was the fact that he had no clue who I was.

  “Well, on the bright side, at least they came. Mine are out of the country. They haven’t even been here.” It felt strange talking to someone who could hear me, but was incapable of speaking. Someone who already knew my backstory—at least in my head he did. “My best friend stops by, but she’s usually in a rush to get back to campus. Back to the land of the living.”

  I glanced at the machines surrounding him. The ones that, up until last night, kept him alive. A blanket covered his body, but I could still see the tubes and wires running underneath. I wondered how long it would take for him to regain his speech. How long it would be before he returned to normal.

  Normal.

  Like I even knew what normal was. For him or me.

  “Guess you had a pretty bad accident.”

  He closed his eyes and turned his head away from me, just like he’d done with his parents.

  I considered waiting him out. I knew I could do it. I was stubborn like that. But as more time passed and he still hadn’t moved or looked my way, I assumed he’d drifted off to sleep.

  I certainly didn’t want to be around for round two with his parents, so just as discouraged as I’d been the previous night, I reversed my chair out of his room—carefully this time—and headed upstairs for my inevitable appointment with Doctor Fallon.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “I just feel so ridiculous.”

  Doctor Fallon stared across the three feet of space separating us in her office. “Even though you know what caused it?”

  I nodded. “I still can’t understand how I could’ve known so many things about him.”

  “You were in and out of consciousness after surgery,” Doctor Fallon explained. “Maybe you overheard nurses talking.”

  My shoulders dropped on a sigh. “Maybe.”

  “Let me ask you something.” She uncrossed her pant-clad legs and folded her hands in her lap. It was definitely her go-to technique to put patients at ease.

  Newsflash. I was nowhere near at ease.

  “Was there anything positive that came out of the experience?”

  I scoffed. “The experience? That’s what we’re calling it?”

  “You’re going to have to stop beating yourself up over this, Andi. You’re not crazy. Do you hear me? These things happen to normal people.”

  “Sure they do,” I mumbled.

  “Listen. It’s my job to work you through this.”

  “Work me through it or put me on meds?”

  “Both. And I’ve told you. The medicine is only to relieve the swelling. You’ll only need it for a short time. Do you understand?”

  I shrugged.

  “So I’ll ask you again. Is there anything positive that came from the experience?”

  I stared across the room at the framed diplomas hanging over her desk. She didn’t need the paperwork to validate it. Just speaking to her for a brief time it was obvious she was a smart woman. She was someone who knew exactly what she wanted. She went after it. And here she sat doing it.

  I wished I could’ve been that sure of myself. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted anymore. I had no idea who I even was. How did she ever expect me to know how to answer her question?

  “Andi?”

  I glanced back to her. “He made me forget.”

  A small smile tugged at her lips.

 
“He made me look forward to the next day. He made me ignore what happened to me. And for a little while, I wasn’t alone in all this.”

  Doctor Fallon nodded. “Good answer.”

  Tears glossed my vision. It was all too much. The realization of what I’d just admitted. The reality of losing my main distraction. The sadness of being primarily alone again.

  * * *

  “Holy shit!” Logan reached across the table and snatched a handful of potato chips from my plate. “I’ve never met a real life whack-job before.”

  I watched the doctors and nurses in colorful scrubs hurrying through the cafeteria lines grabbing quick lunches. Life for them progressed as usual. For me, my sanity remained in question with each passing breath.

  “So, what’d the shrink say?” Logan asked with a mouthful.

  “She said it’s common for cerebral edema patients to become confused and potentially hallucinate.”

  “You did more than hallucinate. You got to second base with the guy.”

  I closed my eyes, trying not to let her words send me into a tailspin. If I pretended it never happened, I was fine. But once I thought about it—or talked about it—I felt out of control of my own thoughts. Feelings. Well-being.

  Logan flashed a grin. “Look at it this way. At least you hallucinated a hot guy who actually exists.”

  I exhaled an unassured breath. “None of it makes any sense.”

  “Says the nut.”

  I didn’t even bother flipping her off. It was difficult to get angry at her when everything in my life was so screwed up. My head. My heart. My future. “It felt so real.” I closed my eyes, burying my face in my palms.

  “I know.” I could hear the sincerity in her voice. Her joking, no matter how inappropriate at times, was just a cover when she didn’t know what else to say. And I loved her for it.

  “I really wanted it to be real,” I said, muffled by hands.

  “Why can’t it be?”

  I let my hands drop to my lap as I stared across the table at her. “Because he doesn’t know me.”

  “He didn’t know you a week ago either, and look how far you got.”

  As much as I wanted to believe she had a point, believe there was hope, everything in me told me the whole situation was messed up beyond repair.

  * * *

  After my second session with Doctor Fallon, she thought it would be healthy for me to face my hallucination head on. She also thought it would be good for Drew to have someone talking to him. That’s the only reason I rolled up outside his room the following day.

  I could see him alone inside, watching television on his bed looking more like the Drew I knew in a red T-shirt and cargo shorts. I dragged in a deep breath and lifted my knuckles, tapping lightly on the door.

  His eyes flashed to me.

  My lips tipped to one side, trying to feign normalcy, all the while my heart knocked behind my ribcage like a trapped bird. “In the mood for a visitor?”

  His eyes shot back to the television.

  O-kay.

  I glanced around his empty room. If he was the hot shot football star my Drew claimed to be—the one Logan said had thousands of followers—weren’t people concerned? Where were the gifts and well wishes? Where was the revolving door of visitors?

  I rolled inside, parking myself beside his bed. His eyes remained on the television, giving me time to strategize. Time to figure out what the hell I was doing.

  “Did the nurses toss your flowers and balloons?” I asked.

  His eyes didn’t move from the television.

  “I never understood the concept of bringing gifts to a hospital. If someone’s sick, the last thing they want are some smelly flowers or annoying balloons floating all over the place. Am I right?”

  Still nothing.

  Doctor Fallon warned me it wouldn’t be easy, claiming many coma survivors displayed agitation, aggression, even amnesia after waking. So against my better judgment, I kept at it. “I guess it makes people feel better. Makes them feel like they’re doing something to help you deal.”

  I glanced to the television. SportsCenter played on the screen. My eyes shot away. Any mention of the Olympics would crush me. “After my accident, my roommate helped me deal.” I shook my head, hating that he had no idea I was talking about him. “The hospital actually put me in with a guy when I first got here. They moved him once I recovered from surgery, though.”

  For some reason, I expected that small bit of information to affect him. To cause him to glance my way, twitch, move. Something. But being there obviously wasn’t working...for either of us. He needed a doctor to get him talking, and I needed to go on with my life not knowing this Drew.

  My eyes drifted to the window. To the bright blue sky outside. I thought back to the races I’d lost—and there had been plenty throughout my career—but I’d never given up. I fought. I always fought. And in that moment, I didn’t need to fight for Drew. I needed to fight for me. My stability depended on it.

  I looked back to him. “I guess it’s against hospital policy to have a guy and girl in the same room. He said they were concerned we’d go at it like rabbits.” I smiled at the recollection. “He was the one who got me moving. He didn’t let me sulk or stay in my room. He pushed me to get better.”

  I huffed out a long frustrated breath, wishing his silence wasn’t pissing me off so much. Because, honestly, speaking to someone who could hear you but wouldn’t acknowledge you was absolute torture. Especially for me. Someone who desperately needed to feel sane again.

  But I needed to remember, he’d just woken from a coma. My expectations were too high. The voice I’d heard the night he woke up—the words that shook me from sleep—must’ve been my own overactive imagination.

  Wouldn’t have been the first time.

  I stared down at my cast. “At least you don’t have screws in your leg. I’ll probably be setting off alarms from here on out.” I wasn’t even talking to him anymore. Just vocalizing what I’d been too afraid to admit to myself. “And forget running. That part of my life’s over.”

  Drew finally turned his head, staring at me like I’d spoken a foreign language.

  I shrugged. “But just like you, I’ll survive.”

  His eyes narrowed. Was he angry? Confused?

  “I broke my leg and tore my ACL. But that’s not even the best part.” I tapped the side of my head. “I’ve got some swelling up here that makes me hallucinate.”

  He continued staring.

  “The doctor said it’s a side effect.” Why was I telling him this? And why couldn’t I shut up? “My best friend Logan would say I’ve been a little screwy for years. You know how sympathetic friends can be.” Yup. Still rambling.

  And Drew was still staring. “What do you want?”

  My eyes expanded at the sound of his weak voice. “You can talk?” And the award for the most obvious goes to… “I mean, no one knew if you’d…” I searched for the right word.

  “Live?”

  I nodded, uncomfortable with the harsh reality of it all.

  “Lucky me.”

  I flinched at the cold clip to his voice. “You didn’t want to live?”

  He stared back at me for a long time, his eyes searing into mine like I should’ve known the answer. Like I should’ve known the truth behind his silence. But why would I? I didn’t know him.

  The longer I sat in his presence and held his gaze, the more I could see he was different. Different from the guy who befriended me. Got me drunk. Gave me a sponge bath. Kissed me.

  Gahhhh.

  When was it going to sink in that he’d never done any of those things?

  “You a reporter?” he asked gruffly.

  I closed my eyes and my shoulders dropped. I’d hoped against all odds that he’d somehow know me. Somehow remember our brief time together. Somehow remember he was the one person who took my mind off everything I’d lost. Now it was clear he didn’t have the same recollections as me, and things weren’t goi
ng back to the way they’d been before. “No. I’m not a reporter.”

  “A groupie?” His voice was harsh and cut like a knife. “Because if you’re offering—” He reached down and unbuttoned his shorts. “It’s been a while.”

  My eyes widened as I drew a sharp breath. Reality clobbered me over the head as I grasped my wheels and reversed my chair. In my sudden haste, I rolled forward, slamming into Drew’s bed and jostling his entire body and mine in the process.

  “Fuck,” he grumbled.

  He had that right.

  I somehow managed to get my wheels to spin me around and then hauled ass away from this Drew as quickly as possible.

  I texted Logan on the way back to my room, filling her in on the awkward encounter. If anyone could make light of the situation, it was her. No sooner had I settled back onto my bed, my phone rang.

  Before I even said hello, she roared with laughter. “He thought you were there for that?”

  “Yup.”

  “Well, I guess the blonde hair and hot little bod must’ve given him the wrong impression.”

  “Um…thanks?”

  “Did you tell the shrink?”

  “Tell her what? He’s horny?” I didn’t think she could laugh any harder, but she did. “Still here. Still waiting for my best friend to make me feel better.”

  Her laughter subsided. “So, getting back to where you left off might not be as easy as I thought.”

  I watched the nurses bustling by my open door. “No kidding.”

  “Buck up, girl. You’re down, not out. I want you to march down there—”

  “I can’t walk.”

  “You know what I mean. Go down there and show him you’re no one’s whore. Because the Andi Parker I know and love would never let some guy proposition her like that without taking her heel to his balls.”

  I scoffed. “That’s not exactly what he was looking for when he unzipped.”

  “Good point. But believe me when I say, I may not be some overpaid shrink, but I’m not completely convinced your guy isn’t in there somewhere.”

  I appreciated her encouragement. But she was wrong.