IF I FAIL

by Marian Lanouette

  “I don’t know what to say. To be honest, I want to rip your clothes off right this minute, make love to you all night. It’s taking all of my control not to. This is so unusual for me that yes, I do need to step back. I guess I should go home, because I can’t trust myself to keep my hands off of you, Jake,” she finished, pushing herself off the sofa. “I don’t know what to say either. Wow comes to mind.”

  He grabbed her hands, pulling her back down. “You can trust me. I’ll put you in the spare bedroom. It’s after midnight, actually closer to one. I don’t want you going home alone, okay?”

  “Can you trust me?” she smiled, wiggling her brow to break the tension. “I’m a big girl, Jake. I’ll be fine, really.”

  “No, please stay. We’ll have breakfast together.” He gave her one of his great smiles.

  “Okay, as long as you know it’ll be your fault if I climb into bed with you tonight. I can’t believe I said that. You have my head turned around, Jake.” Mia shook her head.

  “Glad to know you’re as un-done by me as I am by you. Let me show you the room.” He pulled her up and walked her down the hall to the spare room. He opened the door and stood just outside; she stepped inside.

  “Great room,” she said, looking around.

  The bed, the focal point in the room, took up most of the space. The windows were treated in the same material as the spread, a yellow fabric with blue flowers. A blue area rug covered the floor, exposing only two feet of bare hardwood. The two night stands on either side of the bed, along with a tall dresser and a mirror, were the only furniture. He really liked blue, she mused.

  Thrilled when Jake pulled her into his arms again to kiss her good night, she put everything in the kiss. “Pleasant dreams,” he said.

  “Oh, don’t worry, they will be. Good night, Jake.”

  “Good night, Mia.”

  *

  The next morning, Jake, an early riser, started to fix breakfast. Interrupted by a knock on the front door, he found Louie standing there, frowning.

  “I can’t believe you blew the perfect opportunity, Jake.” Just like Louie to walk into a room talking, Jake thought. “We set you up with a perfectly good woman—what’d you do, toss her back? What gives?”

  “You know, Louie, I like you, though sometimes you can be so crude. Whatever goes on with Mia and me is our business, got it?”

  “I got it. I really like her. You two seemed to be hitting it off. You looked good together last night. When you left together, well, I thought…” Louie let the rest of his thought hang out there, shrugged his shoulders.

  “What will be, will be, Louie. Leave it be. I’m fixing us breakfast, do you want some?” Jake smiled.

  “What, she’s here? You said…” Jake interrupted him.

  “I said nothing. I asked if you wanted to join us. I hear her moving around in there. Would you like to knock on the spare bedroom and see if she’s ready to eat?” Jake turned away to hide his grin.

  “The spare bedroom? What are you, Sir Fucking Lancelot?” Louie shook his head.

  “The woman’s a lady, Louie. Treat her like one. We’re taking it slow. I really like her, so don’t screw it up for me, okay?”

  “Me? Screw up what?” Louie knocked on the door to the spare bedroom.

  Mia tried not to laugh aloud. They acted like an old married couple. She heard partnerships became like that over time, especially in ones where life or death situations often arose. It actually created a stronger bond than marriage. Louie knocked again.

  “Yes?”

  “Umm…Good morning. It’s Louie.”

  She opened the door. “Good morning, Louie. I enjoyed myself yesterday, thanks again.” She wore the robe she’d found on the back of the door. She’d thought twice about dressing. Jake should see her the way she really looked in the morning.

  They went into the kitchen together. When Jake turned, not all the heat came from the stove.

  “Good morning.” Jake said, staring at her.

  “Good morning. What smells so good?” He wore a pair of beat-up jeans. No shirt or shoes. She thought she’d jump him right then and there…forgetting Louie, she stared at Jake.

  “I made blueberry pancakes and western omelets. I didn’t know if you preferred eggs or a more traditional Sunday breakfast?”

  My God, he looked so shy, she thought. Noticing the rapid pulse in his neck, she knew he felt the same way she did, though outwardly he appeared in control.

  Louie cleared his throat. “Sophia’s going to kill me. She sent me out for the paper over an hour ago, so I need to leave.”

  Neither paid any attention to Louie. “Did you say something?” Jake said, turning toward him.

  “I said I’m leaving. Sophia’s gonna kill me. She sent me for the paper a while ago. Enjoy your breakfast.”

  *

  They never heard him leave. Mia sat down at the table, while Jake waited on her. Neither of them tasted the food he cooked, so absorbed in each other the world stood apart from them. They talked. They laughed. They teased each other.

  The tension in the air—thick like the fog on a misty summer morning—could have been cut with a knife. Mia started to clear the table. Jake came over, took her in his arms, kissing her; she kissed him back, dishes forgotten. Her hands cupped his face. He loved the feel of her as she ran them over his head and grabbed his hair. He pulled away to look at her; she leaned back, giving him access to her neck.

  He parted her robe, stared. Taking a deep breath, he memorized her naked body with his eyes, then his hands. He thought he’d died and gone to heaven. “My God, Mia, you’re stunning.” He trailed kisses down her throat, to her breasts.

  She let out a moan. He looked into her eyes. Straightening, he picked her up in his arms; he planned to carry her to his bedroom, but, stopped abruptly midway down the hall.

  “Now would be the time to say stop,” he whispered.

  “I don’t want to…I know we should,” she whispered, short of breath, while she nuzzled his ear.

  “Well…if we’re not going to continue, I need a shower, a very cold shower,” he said hoarsely, putting her down and leaning her against the wall in the hall, pressing his body into hers while he caressed her breasts.

  “We’ll both need a cold shower, if you continue with your hands,” she moaned. “I have no willpower left.”

  “I agree. I just want to touch you, drink in the magnificence of your body.”

  He said all the right things, she thought, glad for the time she spent in the gym, knowing it just paid off big-time. She felt like a teenager testing the waters as he felt her up. The sensation sent tiny waves of heat through her bloodstream. Her body burned like the Towering Inferno. If she didn’t put a stop to it now, they might do something they’d regret later. Not that she believed for a second that they’d regret it. Another couple of minutes and she wouldn’t be able to stop. He pressed even closer into her, letting her know he wanted her. She felt how hard he was through his jeans. She wanted him—boy, did she want him; with all her strength, she pushed him away. Mia reminded herself that she’d only met him yesterday—brought herself back to earth.

  “Thanks.” She didn’t know what else to say. Well, really she did, but she didn’t think she could voice her thoughts. I love your touch, the way you look in those jeans, the way you press against me, and your hands, wow, your hands, I want you naked in my bed. No, she couldn’t voice her thoughts; instead she removed his hands from her breasts, held them together in her hands, kissing them. “Do you have plans for today?”

  Mia watched him try to catch his breath, refocus.

  “No, would you like to do something?” He quickly added, “But not here, or you know what we’ll be doing.”

  “Oh yeah. I thought a nice hike would do us both good. Work off some of this excess energy we seem to have.”

  “Sounds good. Let’s take a shower.” He grabbed her, picked her up again, and walked into the bathroom. With her struggling over his shou
lder, he turned on the water.

  “Wait, put me down, Jake. I can’t take a shower with you. It would be too intimate and very dangerous.”

  “I like danger.”

  “Jake, it would be torturous.”

  “I know. I like torture.” He grinned.

  *

  It was torturous. Jake soaped her up, slid his hands all over her. Every nerve ending in her body burned like melted steel. He continued to massage her flesh, torture her to the point she could no longer think. Only one thought ran through her head. I need him to make love to me. He must have read her mind. He finished up by washing her hair, a sensuous experience like no other. His hands glided through her strands, massaging her scalp. I’m all yours, she thought. His hands sent a warm feeling all the way down to her toes. Lost in the moment, she could think of nothing else but his hands on her body as he continued to lather her up. In turn she teased him. Rubbing him until he moaned for her, she gave him a deep kiss.

  It was obvious he wanted her. He stood at the ready. She didn’t know if it was a game they were playing, torturing each other this way, but she couldn’t last much longer. Mia admired his control, pondering the moment they would take each other. She knew deep down it would be the best sex of her life.

  “I think it’s time we got out of the shower. Put some clothes on. Otherwise, I’ll have to hang a flag of surrender on myself and swallow my pride. Maybe even my dignity,” he panted.

  She laughed as he meant her to. “I can’t wait to capture your flag.”

  “Oh, Mia, you’re killing me! Out, get out of the shower now.” he demanded, turning the water to freezing cold. She jumped out of the shower, screaming and laughing.

  *

  Jake packed a lunch and they drove over to Sharon, Connecticut. Kent Falls State Park was a beautiful, quiet spot for a picnic. Hiking the trails, they talked continuously, flirting with each other, until they found the spot where they wanted to lay out the blanket. Jake set up lunch while Mia poured the wine. They talked the afternoon away. Jake found Mia an easy listener. He held nothing back, losing all track of time.

  He spoke of his childhood, his sister’s death, its effect on his family. He spoke of his mother’s illness and his father’s death. He couldn’t believe how much he talked. How she listened without interrupting, unless to clarify something he said, or to ask a question. She didn’t talk just to talk. She listened, and listened intently, like it would be horrible to miss something he said. Few people really listened today; most listened with their mouths instead of their ears. She laughed so easily. It made him want her more. He closed his eyes for a moment, bringing back images of her in the shower. He smiled at the memory. So real, so vivid; he could see the water beading on bare skin, rolling down between her breasts, down her stomach…

  “What are you smiling about?”

  “Number one, what a great laugh you have. Number two, thoughts of you in the shower with nothing on but your smile.” He leaned over, kissed her.

  “Mmmm. Just a smile?”

  “Oh yeah.” He stretched out on his back on the blanket, putting his hands behind his head, remembering details of her naked body. He couldn’t remember ever having such a fun, relaxing day.

  “I just learned something about you. You’re a pervert,” she said, bending down to kiss him back.

  “Your point?”

  “No point.”

  Chapter Seven

  On Monday morning reality came back fast and hard. Jake walked in right at the stroke of nine—for the first time in twelve years, Louie noted. He usually arrived by seven-thirty each morning. Louie sat at his desk, facing the squad room door, patiently sipping from the cup of coffee he held to his lips.

  “Well, it’s so nice you decided to join us, Lieutenant,” he said over the rim of the cup.

  “Oh, shove it, Louie.”

  “Oh, aren’t we grouchy today? If you’d just listened to your hormones, you’d be in a better mood.”

  Jake stared at him.

  “Oh, Lieutenant, let me get you a cup of coffee.”

  “Louie, back off.” Jake turned, left the squad room, and walked into an empty office.

  Louie followed. “Hey, what gives?” he asked, annoyed.

  “Between us, Louie. No gossip,” Jake stressed.

  “Okay.”

  “I watched Mia pull out of the garage this morning. I turned to close the garage door and when I turned back, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Do you know what I saw?” Louie watched Jake’s face turn red, anger written all over.

  “No, what?” Louie asked, concerned.

  “I saw Chloe Wagner pull out from down the street. She started to follow Mia. So I jumped in my car. I caught up with her before she found out where Mia lived. When I asked what brought her to my neighborhood, she innocently stated she was on her way to work. I pointed out she lives on the east side of town, not the west side. She stated she took a different route. She had the balls to ask about Mia.” More than anything, Chloe knowing Mia’s name bothered him the most. How could she? He just met her.

  “She’s stalking you? Who stalks a cop?”

  “I told you there’s something off about her. I want to review every last piece of evidence today. See exactly what we missed. We need to close this case. I’ve got to get her out of my life. You have time today, after we work the active cases?”

  “Yes, I’ll make the time.”

  “Good.”

  “So, Mia spent the night again?” Louie slipped in coyly.

  “Get your mind out of the gutter, Louie. It’s not what you think.”

  “Hey, what do I think?”

  Jake ignored him. They stepped back into the squad room; the captain called Jake into his office.

  “Jake, take a seat.” McGuire pointed to a chair.

  “What’s up, Captain?”

  “I really need you to pick out your office. The evening shift’s bothering me, because you have first choice.”

  “Okay. Are they all set up or do they need to be outfitted for phones, computers, and fax machines?”

  “You’re good to go, just pick one out. There shouldn’t be any interruption in work.”

  “Okay, thanks Captain.” Jake turned to go.

  “Is something bothering you, Jake?”

  “No, I’m just distracted. My mind’s on the Adams case,” Jake lied.

  Jake knew at some point he’d have to discuss Chloe with the captain. He didn’t want to do it until he calmed down, ’til he could talk about it rationally.

  “Anything new on that case?” McGuire asked.

  “No, we didn’t get much done over the weekend, so we’ll be doing the follow-ups this morning.”

  “I’ll let you get to it then. Don’t forget—by the end of shift, pick an office.”

  “Okay.” Jake walked back to his desk.

  “What did McGuire want?”

  “Well…I’m supposed to pick an office, Louie. You’re not going to go all crazy on me, are you?” Jake smiled to lighten the blow.

  Louie stared at him for the beat of five. “No, I’m not going to go crazy. It goes with the rank. So let’s go see which one’s the nicest.”

  “You’re not going to miss me?”

  “No. I’ve been looking forward to this day for years, only I thought I’d be the one in the office.”

  Jake knew Louie psyched himself out when it came to taking tests. It never failed—he always worried his way to a low score. He did the same thing in high school. A brilliant detective, Louie had taken the sergeant’s exam for the third time two weeks ago, around the same time Jake took the lieutenant’s. Jake offered up a little prayer, hoping Louie passed this time around.

  “Next week you’ll get to pick the office right next to me. When you do, we won’t be partners any longer. They’ll give each of us someone to train, God help us.”

  “Yeah, like that would happen.”

  “If you want it, it’ll happen,” Jake said. “Okay, I want to do the
follow-up with the two friends who went out with Chelsea Adams. You left messages on Friday for them. Did you check your voice mail? Did any of them respond? Have we heard back from the lab yet, on the car?”

  “Slow down, Jake. No on the lab results. I’ll check my voice mail now; then I’ll call the lab. The ME’s report should be in today.” Louie rubbed his chin.

  “Okay, we have a busy day ahead of us. I also want to book an interview room for tonight, around six o’clock. Pull Chloe in after work. I want her to know we’re taking this seriously. Let’s start fucking with her mind,” Jake said, catching Louie’s expression. “What?”

  “Are you doing this because she got under your skin, or because of the case?”

  “It’s not only the case, Louie. She can’t be following me around. I want her to know stalking is a criminal offense. I won’t put up with it. What I really want, Louie, is to solve the case for Shanna.

  “Remember last year we were leaning toward the guy she worked with, even though he had an alibi? I want to take another look at him. Review every statement in the file to see if we can pick up the trail again. The last time I saw Chloe she made a point of mentioning how he kept in touch with her. It’s weird because, if I remember correctly, Shanna broke it off with him,” Jake said, staring into space.

  “Okay, I’ll book the room. I think it’s weird too.”

  “If she continues, you know I’m going to have to let the captain know.”

  “I think you should document it now, Jake. You never know when someone’s going to snap,” Louie said seriously.

  “Let’s just leave it for now, Louie. Okay? We’ll record the interview tonight, so it’s on the record.”

  “Okay.” Louie didn’t like it, though he backed down. Not his life, he thought. Jake needed to handle this his way.

  After checking his voice mail, he noted calls from both Julie Cahns and Jora Stein, recorded their numbers in his notebookand then booked the interview room for six o’clock. He returned Julie Cahns’ call first.