Stalker

by Hazel Edwards

  ‘Owe them?’ The Y laughed. ‘Well, I could say, thanks fans. Just keep coming. Sweat it out! But God has my career under his personal control. Some people think God shouldn’t be used to sell things… like song lyrics but it is through him that I’m energised, that’s what I am. Just to live and sing. And inspire.’ Y’s voice seemed energised… well, louder.

  Crackle. Crackle.

  Jamie signalled. ‘Just a hand’s width away from the mike….from your chin.’

  Lily attacked. ‘ Your ticket fees are double those of other gigs. Why?’

  ‘It takes money to save souls. And my gigs are not low key. People are entertained by showmanship. Just play my music. Then you’ll hear.’

  ‘This is a clip from “Big Miracles” written by the Y with The Cult.’ Gratefully Lily signalled to Jamie’ who slotted in the music cart.

  The Y leaned back, listening to himself sing, with his eyes closed. Lily skimmed Jamie’s notes. Alongside a giant question-mark, Jamie had scrawled. ‘Armaguard vans removed bucket loads of cash, cheques and credit card slips. 40,000 people at gig. Million dollar house Drives Jag. Website sells “Good Morning Holy Spirit” mugs and “This is Your Day for a Miracle” shirts.’

  How could she tackle him about that on air? Should she? The music was finishing. Y flicked his hair back again as the song ended.

  ‘Thank you, Y.’ Lily pressed on. ‘Some sick people believe they are cured by paying to attend your Crusades and hear you sing this track. Do you have any proof of this?’

  ‘My seven person medical team confirms cures.’

  ‘What sort of cures?’

  ‘Big Miracle cures.’

  ‘But what have they been cured from? Specifically. Cancer? Heart problems? Tumours? Flu?’ Lily tried to lighten it up. ‘We’d like to know any hot goss.’

  ‘Cured of Ignorance,’ pronounced Y.

  ‘Ignorance isn’t a disease,’ said Lily. ‘Well, not a medical problem.’

  ‘Those who are ignorant of the power of my music will suffer.’

  ‘Do you have any proof of that?’ Lily was floundering. So she grabbed Jamie’s notes. This guy was a fruit loop.

  ‘It has been said that Crusades drain money which could go into genuine charities like the Salvation Army. Have you any comment to make?’

  ‘No comment.’ The Y glanced at his watch. ‘Time’s up. God and I have a personal understanding. That’s what inspires my music. “Big Miracles’ is soul food. My web site has details of all divine merchandise. WWW. Miracles. net.au.’ He slipped in the address. ‘Discounts for bulk orders. Goodbye, and thankyou Rose.’ This was said with full-on sincerity into the mike. He didn’t look at Lily.

  ‘Thank you for your time. And I’m Lily, on 3BC Hot Goss. That was The Y from the Cult, creator of “Big Miracles.” Lily wound up quickly, as the Y left his chair and hurried out of the studio with a flick of his hair and a backwards, ‘Cheers Rose. God Bless.’

  ‘I smell a rat, not a mouse,’ said Jamie thoughtfully. ‘You didn’t ask him the one about whether “Evangelists can fleece the flock”.’

  ‘If I had, he would have walked out earlier,’ said Lily as she packed up.

  ‘Can’t even get his flower names right. Is that what the fame game does to you. Short-term memory?’

  ‘I can’t remember what he said,’ Jamie laughed, and Lily giggled.

  ‘Great,’ Bernie’s beaming face appeared around the studio door. ‘That should get a reaction. Coverage for us, for sure. How’s your old car going Lily?’

  ‘It’s not!’ Why was she getting the feeling she was being controlled from several directions at once? ‘Broken down again. I’ll have to cycle.’

  ‘Check your pigeon-hole, Lily,’ said Georgio, the retired go-fer. ‘There’s plenty of mail for you. Droppings from your fans. Especially that regular one.’

  Lily looked at Jamie and just knew he was thinking ‘Shit!’

  ‘Even bird shit can be turned into fertiliser. What’s that island covered in it? Nauru?’

  ‘Thanks Jamie.’ Easy to say. He wasn’t getting the hate mail. Waves of fear, like the incoming tide, weren’t swamping him.

  ************************************************************

  On air, you sound like you’re talking just to me. I know that’s what professional radio and TV presenters are taught to do. But you’re just an amateur Lily. So you must really mean it for me personally. That’s why I‘ll slip the list in your pigeon hole at the studio when the time is right. So you’d know that I’m taking a personal interest in your life.

  By now I know all those things about you Lily. No need to ask. Favourite colour Green. Kleenex for the bathroom. Green toilet paper. Toothbrush. T shirt. Coffee mug. For other people the Questionnaire would have been a mistake, but not for me. I don’t make mistakes. Age, birthdate. That usually gives you their password. Most use their birthdate or their boyfriend’s. You haven’t got as steady boy at the moment… just several males around… friends you call them. Jamie the Brainy. And that Neanderthal brother.

  Should have sent the questionnaire to more people than just you. But that was early on. Most people assume that everybody else gets the same series of questions. They never ask around.

  What had thrilled yesterday, was ‘not enough’ today. I had to go further.

  Taking green tissues from your bathroom box was not enough. It needed to be more personal. Internal. To go inside you. A frayed ‘hard’ toothbrush…green handle. So easy to tell your favourite colour…You’d would miss this, soon. A souvenir… I’ve got this Lily and you don’t even know. Your life is open to me Lily. I can make you do things or not do things.

  Time matters to you. I will take time from you. You will no longer control your own hours. Even the car clock is under my control. I will change appointments…. Voice mail is so easy to alter. Your time is my time. You owe it to me. I have given you so much of my time.

  8

  `

  Gym

  Did she have a choice? Not really. She had to deal with the fear of being watched. What could she do?

  She could ignore the stalker. That was easy to say but because she didn’t know what he’d do next, it was hard to put into practice. She could carry on with her ordinary routine. But in those ‘nothing’ moments, when her mind started to wander and ask ‘what if?’ that fear of the unknown took some controlling. She’d slip into anticipating what he might do, and that was worse that discovering what he had done. So it was hard to control how she might feel about the next unexpected thing.

  She could start tracking him, to find who and why he was doing it. Or she could build in some protection. The question was, should she ask for help, or deal with it on her own? She’d already told Jamie, and he’d adopted her as a ‘problem to be solved.’ Jamie was brainy, but she needed someone to talk over the problem. Genny was hopeless. She could make a formal complaint to the studio, to Bernie, but she knew he wouldn’t be keen on that sort of publicity. Well, there was always Ben with tiny, nice girlfriend Anita tagging along. Body building brothers had their uses.

  She rang and left a message. ‘See you at the gym at 7.’

  Then she felt better because she’d made a decision.

  In the tea-room, Georgio asked, ‘Working over the weekend?’

  ‘Mmm.’

  ‘Which shift?’

  ‘Why did he want to know? Lily felt closed in, and suspicious. And then she felt ashamed of herself. Fancy suspecting Georgio. She must be paranoid. Old Georgio couldn’t organise the tea and biscuit roster. How could he organise to stalk someone without her knowing?

  ‘Graveyard, as usual,’ Lily replied.

  ‘Jamie told me you’re getting an unlisted number’ Georgio was making conversation, just to be friendly. ‘That makes you a celeb. doesn’t it?’

  ‘Did he tell you the number, too?’ responded Lily quickly.

  ‘No, of course not.’ Georgio looked
hurt. ‘D’you need it because of that photo with Monty’s red car this morning?’

  ‘Not exactly,’ said Lily feeling a bit ashamed of snapping. She was really losing it if poor Georgio was a suspect. ‘Sorry Georgio. How’s the bonsai?’

  Georgio beamed. ‘Water them every night. Won a prize at the weekend show.’ Bonsai were mini Japanese plants. Georgio was ultra short and bonsai were his passion.

  ‘Would you like me to do a segment on bonsai on the graveyard shift?’ Lily offered. ‘Could tie them in with some singer. Fame game plants.’

  ‘Celeb plants,’ suggested Jamie who overheard. ‘Some film stars have them too.’

  ‘There you are,’ said Georgio happily.

  ‘I’ve found out some more about Stalkers,’ said Jamie quietly. ‘Anything else missing around your place?’

  ‘I’ll check, but I’ve got to meet Ben now for a game of squash. And show him the car.’ Lily hurried off, and then turned. ‘I couldn’t find my toothbrush this morning. That was weird. A stalker wouldn’t take that, would he? I’ll have to buy a new one—TWO new ones, just in case!’

  ************************************************************

  At the gym, the track-suited girl at the desk punched Lily’s card and pushed a locker key across. Lily squinted at the colour and number. Last time she’d been given a male locker-room key and it was a long walk back to Reception. Green for male. Red for female.

  The gym smelt of sweat. Triathletes powered up the fast lap in the pool, creating side waves which swamped the SLOW lane. Through the blue-tinted glass, there was a steam of effort.

  Ben was late. For a brother, he was pretty reliable. She hadn’t noticed his special bike in the park. So he must have had an okay excuse.

  She sat on the hard wooden bench, waiting. It was important to see Ben as he meant reality and the predictable. When he finally arrived 45 minutes late, he said cheerfully, ‘I got your second message.’

  ‘Which second message?’ Lily hadn’t sent one.

  ‘To make it 7.45 instead of 7 o’clock.’

  ‘How did you know it was me?’ Lily was holding her voice together. No more freaking out. The fear clouds were growing again. Another clue to chaos. ‘Was it voice mail? Did you actually hear my voice?’

  ‘No. Switchboard passed on the message. What’s up?’

  ‘Let’s play. We’ll talk about it later. We only had the court for an hour, and most of it has gone.’

  The squash game was fast. Lily kept hitting to the back so Ben had to run. His legs were stronger, but if she placed her shots, she could keep him on the run. Each time she slammed the ball, she wished it was the Stalker she was hitting… Thud!

  POW!

  After a quick shower, they had a drink at the café table. Ben was physically big and reassuring. His shoulder blades curved like smooth sculpture. It was time to tell him. ‘I didn’t change the times. My stalker did.’ Lily informed her brother. ‘That guy I told you about. He’s still around, mucking things up.’

  Ben’s reaction was reassuring, for about ten seconds.

  ‘Get a life Sis. Don’t let some little nutter freak you. He’s got the problem, not you. Why do you think you’re being stalked? What’s his problem?’

  ‘I don’t know. And that’s the most worrying thing, no reason. The only thing I can think that I’ve done which might upset some people was during that interview with the Cult. When I asked Y about going into the God Business. At the time, it was just a question to keep him talking on air. But some people get uptight about religion. And maybe they thought I was having a go at religious types.’ Lily slurped her juice.

  ‘Could be. Some dropkicks take things the wrong way.’ Ben drained his drink. ‘Want me to come and sleep on your sofa for a few days? Maybe if he thinks there’s another male around, he’ll back off.’

  ‘Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll have to deal with it by myself. Anyway, Genevieve is there.’ Lily didn’t want to embarrass her gentle giant brother, again.

  At the house-warming, Genevieve had come onto Ben really fast, when she’d had a few drinks, but he wasn’t interested. He already had Anita and a triathlete training schedule. There was no room in his life for anyone else, apart from his sister. Squash was one way they kept in touch while their parents were away, volunteering.

  ‘Genevieve’s not there often, from what you’ve said. Sure you don’t want me, Sis? Stop playing the celebrity. This might be real. Maybe you shouldn’t have used your real name on air. Your first name anyway. Want another drink? My shout.’ He went over to the juice bar and returned with two carrot juices. ‘Here. Drink that. Might help you see in the dark.’

  Lily smiled, as Ben drained his glass. They were always honest with each other, and that was sort of comforting. Lily tried to explain.

  ‘Sure I liked having a bit of fame. For a while. But now I feel as if my life is invaded. It’s like being under siege. I’m starting to do strange things. Forgetting. My memory is bad. I’m feeling really narky and critical about people. I don’t know which button to press on the tape recorder. This is seriously creepy stuff.’

  ‘Be careful Sis. I’d hate anything to happen to you. Call me any time you’re worried. Listen, I’m going to have to go, ‘cos we’re a bit later than I thought we’d be. Anita’s waiting.’ He collected the two glasses in his thick knuckled hands.

  ‘Say hi to Anita for me. See you. And thanks,’ called Lily.

  As Ben’s enormous back walked away from her, Lily felt a surge of love for her brother. He was okay, and even Anita was all right. Sort of ordinary and normal.

  ‘Hey Ben, I forgot. Would you like a lift home?’ Lily grabbed her bag and raced after him. ‘I’ve got something to show you.’

  ‘A lift in the Vomit? Forget it.’ Ben towered over her. ‘My bike can’t fit.’

  ‘I know. Mine fits in the Vomit , but… come with me. See that red car. It’s mine, for a couple more days. Sure you don’t want a lift? Your bike would fit in the boot. ‘Lily enjoyed the look on Ben’s face as she zapped the door open. ‘Glad it worked this time.’

  **************************************************************

  It was so easy to get your credit card number. All I said was:

  ‘Excuse me. My girlfriend Lily bought a 21st birthday present here yesterday and she’s just realised that she’d mislaid the receipt. Did she leave it here? No? Would it be possible to get a copy? Would you mind? The chemist said ‘No’, but the girl with the tatts at the garage said, ‘No probs.’ And gave me a copy for my girlfriend. The secret is to tell just enough. To add enough details. I was going to say that my girlfriend was a bit forgetful, and that’s why it happened… but then it might look as though I chose a forgetful girl who wasn’t perfect. And I wouldn’t be so careless. I could have made up a bit more about the 21st , how it was held on the riverbank, or in a marquee… and suggest that we go out to places like that together a lot. But I didn’t with the chemist, he was one of those athletic types, probably has lots of girlfriends. The other secret is to ask, and then say why they shouldn’t do it. The garage girl fell for that. ‘Oh, I know you’re not supposed to give out copies of receipts, you have to keep them safe in case a card thief might try to get the number…’ then you pause and they jump in to show that they aren’t limited by rules, especially if they don’t like their Boss. Showing their independence. But they’re not really independent like I am. An agile mind like mine allows you to do anything. Not that they know me well. Who does? I’m too clever for that. They thought you belonged to me Lily, and you do. I control your life. Stage one was getting the numbers. Later I decided I’d borrow the actual card. Just to see if I could copy the signature. L Noelle is easy to forge. So many loops.

  9

  Close Up

  Lily flicked through her album. She liked having photos of herself with friends and family. It made her feel real, as if a photo was evidence. She existed! She was more than
just a voice. Embarrassing baby shots. On a lambswool. Naked. The one in the bath, when she was three. Birthday cakes with candles. Slightly out-of-focus. Legless. Starting school with highly polished shoes. Basketball team shots. School camp with a blurry campfire and indistinguishable faces. Ben in his footy gear. Dressed up for the school dance. His first date with Anita who’d been around forever. His first competition race. Mum and Dad waving goodbye at the airport. They loved flying to new places. And where was the extra passport shot of her? It was missing!

  It had been in here. The slightly faded outline was there. Proof. Had she taken it out for some reason?

  Lily shook her head.