Pieces of it All

by Tracy Krimmer

  He moved onto the shoes, carefully removing each from the shelf, dusting the area, and then placing the shoes back. He never understood the obsession some women had with shoes. He had his tennis shoes, a pair of work boots, and sandals for the summer. What more did he need? This lady had well over thirty pairs, and those were just the heels. She probably had a stash of tennis shoes and the flat ones chicks sometimes wore.

  He pulled a pair of shiny black heels with a gold chain for a strap off the shelf. "Gaudy." He squinted his eyes. What was that? A plain, white box about three inches tall and deep, revealed itself behind the mountains of shoes. He placed the container on the floor and pulled the cover off. Inside was a small, round trinket, gold with a teal ring circling the top. Diamond studs outlined a flower on the side. He opened it up and a woman and a man began dancing, a gentle melody playing. He focused his attention on the tune; its familiarity at his fingertips. He hummed along until the lullaby came to him, and he sang the words. "Silent night, Holy night..." When the music stopped, he shut the box and reopened it, replaying the song.

  With his eyes closed, a scene transpired in his mind. A Christmas tree, decorated all around with handmade ornaments, a bright star atop, full of glitter. Snow fell outside, blanketing the grass. A couch sat in the room with a heavy, colorful quilt laid upon the back. A woman's arms were wrapped around him as she sang Silent Night, just as he'd always imagined Christmas. Did he ever have a home with a tree? Did his mother ever rock him while they listened to holiday music and waited for St. Nick?

  He placed the empty box back on the shelf, the shoes back in place, and slipped the music box into the cleaning bucket. Little-Miss-Spoiled wouldn't miss it, right? She'd never know it was gone. She had more shoes than he could even count, and a fucking indoor pool in a house daddy paid for. People like Leslie, and Dr. Naise, well they had it all. Money, sex and a god damned family. They didn't spend their lives trying to find a way out. They'd never have to rely on a bottle to get them through the day. People like him couldn't even work for it. People like him never even had a chance. If he wanted any memories to hold onto, he had to invent them. It was the only way.

  Chapter Eighteen

  This is what having a boyfriend is like, Beth beamed inside as she gazed at Harvey while they drove back to his house. A man, an experienced adult, not a high school boy learning the ropes of life, held her hand, massaging her fingers with his. As her conversation with Lucy replayed in her head, she realized how wrong faulting him for his past was. All those things he'd been through molded him into the man sitting next to her. Life had dealt him a losing hand, and he turned the card game around. He may have been a little broken, but who wasn't?

  "I'm so glad Leslie didn't stay behind to badger us," Beth said. "I can't stand people like her."

  "Like what?"

  "Those who think everyone owes them something. She's not a good person." She didn't want to waste time around anyone who brought others down.

  Harvey parked Beth's car right behind his. He unlocked his seatbelt and rested his elbows on the console. "Beth, I think you may be the nicest person I've ever met." Tilting his head forward, he pressed his warm lips against hers. "I'm enjoying our time together." He kissed her again.

  She wanted to tell him she thought the same thing, but she couldn't speak. The moment his mouth was on hers, her body surrendered, her muscles weakened. In the few make out sessions she had in her past, none compared to a simple kiss from Harvey.

  He unlocked from her lips and placed his hand on her neckline. "My dad isn't home. Do you want to come in?"

  "Yes," escaped her before her brain even had a chance to register what going inside meant. Harvey's right cheek puffed up as his lips curled into half a smile. Only the two of them would be in the house, Harvey's house, alone, no one able to interrupt them. Her pounding heart had to quiet down before she passed out, and her nerves needed to calm about a hundred notches.

  Bullet greeted them, his tiny, forceful physique relaxing Beth slightly. "Hey buddy," Harvey scratched the dog's head. "Let me get you something to eat and some water in your bowl."

  Beth followed Harvey into the kitchen and waited while he fed Bullet. The minute after he set Bullet's dish down, he ran to her and put his arms around her. The moment she had been waiting for since she first saw his rippling body and messy hair was here. Her head started to float, the sound of the clock ticking getting further away until the gentle caress of his lips grazed her. She allowed his tongue into her mouth, so tender and inviting. His hand slid down her thigh, and as he kept kissing her, her body throbbing.

  He pulled away. "Did you like that?"

  Silly question. She didn't doubt he was the best kisser in the world. "Yes," she whispered. "I did. Don't stop."

  She closed her eyes anticipating the next kiss. She waited, wondering if he changed his mind. Would he laugh if she opened her eyes now? His breath, hot against her skin, meant he was still close. Good. Time to take charge. Inhaling deeply before fighting past any fear, she stretched forward and pressed her mouth to his neck. Tongue. He needed her tongue on his skin. Warm and salty, she welcomed the taste of his sweat to her palate. Her lips detached from him and when they met again, he wrapped his arms around her waist and ran his hands down the small of her back. "Oh!" She clenched as he grabbed her butt.

  "Is everything okay?" He asked.

  "Yes. I wasn't expecting that."

  He glided his hands upward, massaged her neck, and pulled her face toward him. "You're so beautiful. Has anyone ever told you that before?" He kissed her again. He rubbed his thumb against her cheek, moving his mouth to her ear, and whispered, "You're so innocent. So pure." Drawing his head away, he bit her lower lip. "I like that."

  She did, too. Sure, she wished she were more experienced, but Harvey would show her the way. She'd give herself completely to him, granting him permission to enjoy every inch of her aware that he was the first to explore the wonderland. Her palm tickled, along with the inside of her thighs, when he took her by the hand and started to lead her down the hallway.

  They stood in his bedroom. His bedroom. No turning back now, this was going to happen. Sex. Her heart raced, her body trembled, and she wanted to jump onto his bed and go running out the door at the same time. What if she was horrible at it? Could you be bad at sex? It wasn't rocket science. What made the experience satisfying or lousy? Shit. She had to breathe. So she did. A big, long exhale as he dropped her hand to turn the lamp on next to the bed.

  He motioned with his head for her to come to him once he sat down. He widened his legs and she stood between them, the perfect height for him to nestle his face in her breasts. That wouldn't be so bad. "Beth, before we do this, I need to be sure you want to." He took his hands and placed them on the back of her legs, right underneath her butt. "If we start something, I'm not planning on ending with only a heavy make out session. I want you, but we need to be on the same page."

  Now, as she towered over him, she didn't feel as in control as she would have liked. Her body spoke to her, every womanly area beginning to pulsate in trepidation. "Yes." Her voice shook. "I do want to do this. More than ever."

  The answer shouldn't have surprised her. It was the truth, after all. She had dreamed of how her first time making love would be many times. Mostly, she imagined it with Ryan. After they broke up, she envisioned herself in bed with attractive men, movie stars and singers, trying to picture rolling in the sheets with a man. She wanted to turn the pictures into reality. She didn't love him - yet - but she wanted him. She'd be betraying her body if she didn't give in.

  His hands moved up to her shoulders, sliding under the straps of her tank. She lifted her arms and he pulled the tank off her. She tightened her grip on her shorts and brought them to the floor.

  Smart choice opting for the fancier underwear. Not fancy by any means, but the light green cotton bikini cut was certainly more appealing than her full coverage striped panties. He ran one hand up around her back, the other
cupping her breast. He squeezed, pinching her nipple. She groaned when he flicked his tongue against it. Not sure where to put her hands, she kept them at her side. He swiped his tongue over one more time, grabbing the sides of her panties and pulling them down.

  Her body completely exposed, she couldn't recall the last time being this bare to the world. Even at her annual doctor visits she at least wore a paper gown. She was very aware of the fact Harvey was reviewing every inch of her, all the way down to her lightly shaved pubic hair.

  "Open your eyes, Beth."

  She had closed them? Releasing an insecure breath, she opened them. He had pulled off his shirt, but his shorts remained on. "Join me," he invited her into his bed.

  Beth contemplated how to get in. She could lean over him, her butt raised into the air, allowing him a glance at her from the back. Or she could turn around, sit down and scoot herself to the other side. Perhaps simply walk around to the other side and get into bed like she did at bedtime. What did guys prefer? She needed to stop thinking about it. Harvey didn't care how she made the transition, as long as she got there.

  She stepped around him, put her knee on the mattress and scooted forward to the opposite side. Her butt clenched against the cool fabric when she lowered her hips to the sheets. She placed her head back on the pillow, intoxicating herself with his scent.

  She turned to watch him pull down his shorts. Kicking them aside, he stood at the edge of the bed, allowing her to evaluate what was before her. Other than pictures in textbooks, she'd never seen a penis before. She had touched Ryan's, but had never actually seen it. She didn't know why she expected a beautiful piece of art. There it was. Hard, the veins pulsating as his manhood waited for her. How did he plan on fitting that inside her?

  He made his way into the bed, careful as he moved on top of her. His erection hard against her leg, she stiffened, clenching every muscle.

  "Relax, Beth. Are you sure you're ready?"

  Sand filled her throat, taking three tries to swallow her anxiety. The wetness between her legs spoke for itself. She looked past Harvey's strong shoulder and pushed her focus to the ceiling fan, which moved at full speed, as rapidly as she was. Each blade whipped around in a circle, going about its business as she lay in bed, Harvey's weight on top of her, the most intimate part of him touching her. Whew. She had to release the tension in her body.

  He kissed her nose. "I'll be gentle. I promise." He reached over to the end table and pulled something out. She heard crinkling and realized as his hand moved out of sight, he was putting on a condom. She started wiggling her toes, trying to loosen up. Suddenly she felt it. For a moment it just sat there, the tip of the condom resting on her, tickling her. Her eyes left the ceiling and locked with his, darting back and forth with his as they stared at each other. Harvey lowered his head and he kissed her chest, her neck, behind her ear.

  He wrapped his lips around her earlobe, and gradually pushed between her legs. She inhaled, biting her lip at the intense pressure. Just get this thing in me, she thought. Why is this so difficult? She kept breathing in as he pushed, and dizziness overcame her. Maybe she should buy a vibrator and start there. That had to be smaller than Harvey's penis, right? No, she wanted this. Try not to think about Harvey and how hot he is, how sweet he is, how this man is here with you and no one else. The pressure disappeared. He'd broken through. Were they done? She remembered to breathe, letting go of all the air she held hostage in her body.

  "Is everything okay?" He asked.

  She was sore, and having him inside felt awkward. Like an extra, extra large tampon. "Yes. It's fine." She wanted to enjoy this. She had dreamed so many years of this moment, but the whole thing seemed odd. He slid outward and back in, and each time he pushed back in, it got a little easier. After a few moments of this, he moved in and out of her at a faster pace, careful to proceed slowly. She didn't remember when she finally began to relax and her legs started to fall open, as if to invite him in.

  As Harvey pumped in and out of her, she watched him, attempting to figure out where to put her hands. Finally she placed them on his back. He pushed his head into her breasts, placing his mouth as widely as possible over each one. He swirled his tongue around, groaning. Beth dug her fingernails into him when he did this, finally beginning to enjoy the sensation. He thrust harder now, deepening himself inside. She kept her eyes open, watching his reaction to every pump into her. She had to grab a hold of him as the heat trapped inside her body sweltered into pulses of her vagina around him. The tingling inside magnified through her, starting in her toes and moving inch by inch until she thought she'd explode. He thrust into her one last time, so uncomfortably hard, she hoped she wasn't bleeding, and let out a loud cry.

  He buried his head into her neck, his breath against the sweat cooling her. She unwrapped her legs from him, and straightened them on the bed. The way he pulled himself out of her reminded her of a plug being taken out of a socket. So that was what she had been waiting for? She'd just had sex with this beautiful man, glistening with sweat, on top of her. Sex. As in her virginity ceased to exist. Did this now put her into some special club?

  He lifted his head up and kissed her. "Are you all right?"

  She pressed her lips together. "Yeah. I only hurt a little."

  "I'm sorry." He ran his hand down her cheek, and onto her neck, across her collarbone. "I tried to be gentle. It won't hurt every time."

  The first time wasn't supposed to be spectacular. At least her more experienced friends told her that. No longer inexperienced, they could have sex over and over again, and eventually she'd enjoy herself more. "I'm sure it won't."

  "I'm glad." He moved himself off of her and pulled off the condom. He got up to throw it out, and she lifted the sheets up to her chin. "Because I plan on doing that a lot more with you."

  Chapter Nineteen

  Harvey's cheeks loosened and his mouth parted open, his rhythmic breathing matching his chest movement as he rested. The dimple in his chin sat still like a small crater. Beth reached her hand out to touch it, pulling back in a quick decision not to wake him.

  She pressed the sheets hard against her body. Even though Harvey slept and they were alone, she still felt completely exposed. He appeared comfortable, his hands hidden under his face, the sheet falling off his pelvis slightly, teasing and scaring her simultaneously.

  Beth sucked in a cry trying to escape. Was wanting to burst into tears at any given moment after the first time normal? It was over. The rest should be easy, smooth sailing - too late now to contemplate if she'd done the right thing. She still didn't know the person beside her. This unfamiliar man scared her, thrilled her, mystified her, and made her insides turn around, an exciting accessory in her normal, vanilla life. She bit her lip to stop trembling as he opened his eyes.

  "Hey you," he greeted her. "How long have I been asleep?" He stretched his arms out, and yawned.

  "Not long." Really she had no idea. She could've been staring at him for hours for all she cared.

  "Is everything okay? You look sad." His hand grazed her cheek.

  The sheet fell slightly, so she grabbed a hold, gripping it as she pushed herself up to a sitting position. "I'm not sad. It's just, I don't know how I feel."

  "Satisfied, I hope."

  How did she tell? "I'm new at this. My emotions are all over the place, and I'm not sure what this means for us."

  He sat up, the sheet falling and exposing his smooth, fit chest. "Us?"

  Pressure built in her throat as she swallowed hard. "Yes, us. This. What will this be?" Anxiety rushed through her as his possible responses littered her mind. I just want to be friends. Why would I stick around after having sex with you? You're the worst lay ever. The possibilities plagued her.

  "Aren't you my girlfriend? This means we get to do more than just work and go out on dates. We can share each other completely."

  Share each other completely. She hadn't thought about it in such a way. Only he incorrectly labeled their sharing as
complete. Their relationship couldn't be defined as whole unless he opened up. His refusal to share any personal information was attractive from a distance. Even if Lucy's labeling him as a bad boy rang true, as his girlfriend, she deserved to know details of his life.

  "I want you to let me into your life." She sat up next to him, holding the sheets against her.

  "You are." He kissed her. "A lot more, now, too."

  "I need more. Tell me things from your past, what you plan for the future. Intimacy is more than sex."

  Harvey pushed the hair behind his ears. "So now you're an expert at this?" He perched up on his elbow.

  Crap. The words didn't come out right. No, she wasn't an expert, not by any means; still, she understood the importance of sharing secrets, hopes and fears with a friend. Either his reaction was an insult to her ability to be an acceptable girlfriend, or her obvious lack of sexual experience. "I see." She pulled one of the sheets off the bed to use like a robe.

  "What are you looking for?"

  This room was a mess! Her top....where did her top run off to? Ah! On the dresser. She grabbed it. "My clothes. I can't be here."

  "Stop." He took a hold of her arm. "You don't have to go."

  "I don't need to stay if you're going to screw me and throw insults at me after."

  "Whoa!" he took his arms off her and put his hands up in defense. "I never intended it to sound like a put-down. If you're offended, I'm sorry. All I meant was this was your first time and yes, intimacy isn't just sex, but you're eighteen. You're young."

  Tears moistened her eyes. "You knew I was eighteen."

  "Sorry. That's not what I meant. I've lived a lot more than you have, and when it comes to learning about each other, it'll come in time."

  She stood with her hands at her side, watching the door, ready to bolt. Health class warned her about this; the emotional connection, the attachment after sex. This was why her parents wanted her to wait. Becoming an adult didn't just magically happen when you turned eighteen. Adulthood was a title you earned over time, with knowledge and maturity.