Binding Scars

by Maya Rossi

  With a swing of his hips, Merrick turned until he was on top. I landed on the bed, bouncing lightly.

  He caged me between his arms. “Are you doing this out of gratitude?”

  I shook my head quickly. “No.”

  “And my father?”

  I pushed at his shoulder in annoyance. But he didn’t budge. “I never wanted him. I have never wanted him.”

  His eyes dulled, arms tightening. “Then what happened?”

  I stopped struggling, breathing deeply. “I was in the kitchen working and he called for me. No, it started with Pa Nonso.”

  “Pa Nonso?”

  “One of Oga’s friends.” I couldn’t look at him, so I aimed my gaze at a point beyond his shoulder. “He saw me, decided I had a good body. Oga pointed out the scar, said I was ugly. He had me strip, checked my body and decided I would do. From that day, Oga had me serve him naked, made me… do things--”

  “What kind of things?” Merrick asked, horrified.

  “I would pose in different positions, he would adjust me to his liking and take pictures.”

  “And that was it?”

  “That was it,” I confirmed.

  “Christ.” He peppered my face with kisses. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m so--”

  “You were there,” the accusation turned my voice hoarse, “you saw how it was for me--”

  “I couldn’t intervene,” he choked out, “I can’t--”

  “You’re afraid of him,” I whispered.

  He nodded, pushing his face into my neck. I ran a soothing hand up and down his back. “I understand. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. That’s the life of a maid. Do you understand, Merrick?”

  He was heavy, but I relished bearing some of his weight. I spread my legs and wrapped it around his waist. “Do you understand?”

  When he pulled up, putting his weight on his hands, I ran my hands up and down his arms. “Do you understand?”

  He nodded, silent and saddened. “I do.”

  I pulled his head down, and we kissed. It was hungry and hard, a product of our frustrations and fears. He bit down on my lower lip, pulling slightly. He slashed a kiss down my cheek. When he got to the scar, he stopped.

  “I’m sorry,” he groaned. He kissed the scar, tracing his tongue through the puckered tissue. My eyes filled with tears.

  Suddenly, I was crying. He kissed away my tears; the air grew heated. He pushed his hardness between my legs. Then he stopped. “I’m sorry.”

  Our breathing slowed, and my shoulders stopped shaking. Merrick turned to his back, and I placed my head on his chest. I released a deep breath, feeling secure for the first time in my life.

  “Merrick?”

  “Huh?”

  “I don’t blame I.J--”

  His phone rang. The sound shrill and loud, disrupting our peace. Merrick cursed, reaching for his phone in his pockets.

  “Hello?”

  My eyelids slid shut. I snuggled close to his body heat, my palms flat on his abs. He jostled my shoulder, and I raised my head in question.

  “Mom.”

  My eyes went wide, and I scrambled off him. I tapped my hand over my chest as if to make sure my clothing was in place. Merrick’s eyebrow screwed together in confusion. I turned away.

  “Ma?”

  After a beat, Madam replied, “Ma? What kind of greeting is that?”

  I cursed myself mentally. “I’m sorry, ma. How are you? G-good evening, ma. Is the new maid doing well?”

  “Is that the problem? The new maid?”

  “What? No!”

  “Then why don’t you sound like yourself, what’s going on?”

  Merrick placed a hand on my back, and I jumped. The phone fell from my hand, and I scrambled on all fours, rushing to find it. Merrick crawled over.

  “Calm down. What the hell? Why are you so nervous?” He found the phone. “Here.”

  “Sorry, ma,” I breathed into the phone.

  “What’s going on there?” Madam asked sharply.

  I paced the length of the room. “No, nothing. The phone fell--”

  “I heard that,” she snapped, “why’s Merrick so close?”

  It was like a taut rope stretched to breaking point inside me suddenly snapped; I ran for the hallway. “No, no, ma. He just helped me pick the ph…”

  As I trailed off, I sank my teeth into my lower lip and my thumb into my eye. What was wrong with me?

  Madam finally broke her silence. “My son, my son is picking a phone from the ground for you?” Her voice went hoarse. “Adam, what have you done?”

  “I’m sorry, ma.” I instinctively bowed like I would if I was in her presence.

  “I call you Adam because you’re precious to me. My Ada. Don’t disappoint me.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Oga told me Merrick will be coming home,” her voice lifted with joy, “my son is coming home. I’m so happy they found peace. See, I want you to come with him, come home.”

  I gripped the voice tighter, nodding as she continued. “There’s so much to do. Oga wants to tie the company with JotLand Pure Water Industries. Merrick will marry his daughter. At least they’ve known each other from childhood-- it will be the wedding of the century. I will…”

  I tuned her out. In the middle of the hallway, I stopped, staring at the uncemented wall as she tore my world apart. Madam went on and on, giving me the details when ordinarily she would not. I didn’t need to know all these.

  She was warning me off; I realized.

  “Adam, you hear me?”

  “Yes, ma,” I said automatically.

  She went on about the wedding. I traced the blocks on the wall. The hole in the roof. The packed earth floor. Merrick might not finish his house. Not with Oga’s plans for him.

  “Ada?”

  “Yes, ma.”

  “Merrick told me you’ve been great.”

  I noted the cautious note in her compliment. “He’s very kind, ma. I’m just doing my job.”

  “OK.” Was that relief in her voice? “I will see you soon.”

  “Yes, ma.”

  My heart felt over full with pain. I took deep breaths. When it didn’t calm me enough, I closed my eyes, forcing the pain to that corner of my mind where it wouldn’t hurt.

  “I should have told you,” Merrick said quietly.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does,” he barked.

  “It doesn’t matter.” I handed over his phone. “Thank you, sir.”

  “We’re back to that now? One call and you’re done?”

  I whirled on him. “Done? Done with what?”

  “Us.” He arched an eyebrow. “Does it burn your mouth to say it?”

  I folded my arms. “What deal did you make with Oga to bail me out?”

  “One point five million naira and I must be home in one month to do his bidding,” he replied with a nonchalant air.

  “One month? When were you going to tell me?”

  He waved a hand between us, looking confused. “You were already saying, sir. I thought we were in our master and slave roles and that means you don’t have to know?”

  My heart tore to shreds. “Fuck you.”

  He wagged a finger. “That’s not what a good slave should say.”

  “Maid,” I snapped, “not slave.”

  He frowned. “Are you sure?”

  I snarled, crossing the distance between us. When I lifted my hand, he caught it easily. When I raised my knees, he brought us down, caging my legs. When I raised my head to hurt him, he shoved his face into my neck, pushing me down.

  “I hate you,” I gasped. “master, my foot. I hate you.”

  “I love you,” he hissed.

  That only infuriated me the more I bucked up with my hips. “Love? You don’t know what that is. One month? And a week of that is gone?”

  “I love you.”

  “Shut up, just stop saying that,” I gritted out. “How would you have played it? You’ll
wait until the last day or a week before? Which is it?”

  “I love you.”

  “You can’t love me, not when you have Rosie.”

  Merrick stilled, he raised his head. His grip slackened, and I wiggled away from him. “Rosie? Who the hell is that?”

  I leaned forward, hands on my hips, my voice shrill. “You don’t know Rosie? A woman you’re about to marry?” When he still looked confused, I sob broke from my throat. “JotLand Pure Water Industries. Do you recognize that?”

  His shoulders dropped. “Oh. Rosie.”

  “Oh. Rosie,” I repeated sarcastically. “I’m going to bed.”

  I arranged the mat, bunched the head into a pillow over me and tried to sleep. Merrick came into the room. He stopped by my side, stared at me for a long time. I prayed silently if he touched me, I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t.

  After some time, he took the cover off the bed and draped it over me. I shoved my fist into my mouth to hold back tears.

  I didn’t sleep at all that night. Memories of holding Merrick too close on the bike, the kisses we shared. What was I thinking?

  Early the next morning, I rose at precisely the right time. 4.00 am. Merrick was late. He should have been off to the farm by now. Or was he calling Rosie to begin plans for the wedding?

  Jesus. What a fool I was. Did Joy’s suffering not teach me anything?

  I served his food. Then I fed the animals. When I was done, I cleaned the house. Merrick finally emerged at daybreak.

  “Is there anything else I should do? I want to get to school, sir.”

  His eyes snapped at the ‘sir.’ “Right. Let me get dressed and I’ll take you.”

  And share the bike, sit so close, hug him through the bumps on the road? “No sir, I will walk.”

  “Happy walking, then.”

  My mouth dropped open. I expected him to beg me. Anything but ‘happy walking.’ He walked past, brought his breakfast close and began eating with relish. I stared.

  “If you don’t want to be late, better get going. It’s a long walk.”

  Chapter twenty

  I was miserable.

  School was school. It was the only part of my life that was predictable. I waded through the mockery, sharpened my focus in class, and my hard work was paying dividends.

  Surprise, surprise. I was a fast learner. After they released the mid-term test results, everyone, especially Mr Adedayo was shocked. I was third overall.

  I would have loved to share my victory with Merrick, but we weren’t talking. Well, he spoke, and I did the ‘sir’ thing.

  We had just three days to the end of our lives in this village I used to hate. I tried to imagine what Rosie looked like. JotLand Pure Water was the only competition Heavens Water had. It made sense to join both companies.

  It made sense for Oga, I didn’t see what JotLand would get out of it.

  I sighed. Rosie was probably one of those perfect rich girls. Their hair never out of place and skin sparkly.

  An insidious voice in my mind whispered, Rosie wasn’t here. I was. What kind of name was Rosie, anyway?

  Throughout the day, the whispers increased. I was here, Merrick was mine for the next three days.

  After Merrick got out from the bathroom that night, I lay in bed naked, waiting. He stopped at the door, toweling his hair. My hand crept to my cheek, the scar. What if he didn’t want me? Maybe it was this Rosie he wanted.

  But he said he loved me. He said it.

  “Ada?”

  “Here,” I croaked. I cleared my throat. “I’m here.”

  “What-- Christ.”

  He stood by the side of the bed, nostrils flared, eyes roving over my naked body. He inhaled sharply, ran a hand over his hair. “This is goodbye, isn’t it?”

  “You said you love me--”

  “I do, damn it.”

  “Then show me,” I ordered hoarsely, “I want to feel it. Even if it’s for tonight, help me believe it. Help me,” my voice broke, cracking on the words, “love me. Merrick…”

  With a flick of his wrist, his towel pooled at his feet, and he was on me.

  The morning brought back memories of my first day. The neighbors talked loud, crying children balked at the harsh discipline of their parents, and the animals demanded their food.

  Only this time, there was an unfamiliar ache between my legs. I turned my head to study Merrick. With his mouth slack, eyebrows relaxed and legs thrown proprietorially over mine, he was totally dead to the world.

  I didn’t know if it was part of his plan, but he was late for farm work.

  I gently extricated myself from his hold and headed to the bathroom. After freshening up, I took care of the animals and the house chores. Right after I was done, Ma Ebube knocked.

  She wanted eggs and one chicken. “You don’t have to come as early as seven to buy something, I forgive you.”

  She spread her hands wide, her white shirt stretching taut over bulbous breasts. “So, now you don’t want my money.”

  I laughed. “You know that’s not true.”

  Then she sobered up. “I don’t know if you heard but I.J and her bastard son are back.”

  “Here?” I squeaked.

  She nodded, the ends of her all-back plait bouncing slightly. “They entered yesterday evening.”

  Merrick warned me this was how it would play out, with money winning the day. But still. “How much?”

  Her voice dropped, vibrating with a smug undercurrent of satisfaction. “I heard it might be up to four or five million.”

  “Four or five million,” I repeated flatly. “What does money have to do with our safety?”

  Ma Ebube was taken aback. “You’re not happy?”

  “If Tom goes to prison and they return Merrick’s money, I will be happy.” I used a strip of cloth to tie the legs of the old layer together. Then went in search of black nylon for the eggs. “Why didn’t you bring a bowl for the eggs?”

  “You can’t be stupid. Do you really think Tom will go to prison if he was in the city? The laws for the rich and the poor are different. You of all people should understand.”

  I skirted around the ‘you of all people should understand.’ “We can start the change small, here in our community.”