Nebula Nights: Love Among The Stars

by Melisse Aires

  “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you? Sanaa, it’s written all over your face.” I pause. “A boy?” I stare at her. Do I tell her? “A girl?”

  “No, Auntie. No, it’s a boy.”

  “Hmmm, Kimie and I thought maybe you were gay. Nothing wrong with that, of course.”

  “Oh Auntie…” I burst out in a huge laugh. “You’re gay. Of course, it’s okay. It’s been fine as long as I can remember. No, I like a boy.” My cheeks are blushing again. Aunt Kimie has always been the one I talk to about crushes or friends. Aunt Lomo is sweet and kind but not a confidante.

  She reaches forward and pats my hand. “Whatever you decide, as long as you’re happy, that’s all I care about. You’ve meant so much to me and Kimie. Never forget how much we love you.”

  I try not to cry because for the first time in months, I’m at peace.

  “Thanks, Aunt Lomo. I love you, too.” I smile through unshed tears and clear my throat, mixing up my bowl of breakfast. “Where is Aunt Kimie, anyway?”

  “Left early to run errands. We’ll see her later. Oh! I have a few apartment addresses for you.”

  “Great.” This day is turning around quickly. “Can you message them to me? I don’t know how late I’ll be tonight.”

  I eat, take care of my dishes, grab my bag, and leave. Double-timing it to the dōjō, I dodge in and out of people lazily walking to work. I’m already late this morning, but Sakai is still sipping on his tea when I walk in. He is not by the window as usual, though. Instead, he is looking at something on his tablet.

  “Ohayo, Sanaa-chan. I hope you had a pleasant day off?” He takes barely a glance at me. “It looks like you did.”

  Dammit, he can always tell when I’m not at my best. “Hmmph, sorry. I, uh, had a little too much to drink last night.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Really. Why? What I do on my time off is my business.” What’s with this over-protective attitude?

  “Well, from what I see here, you have a way with the men.” He turns his tablet around. There, in high definition, is a photo of Jiro and me kissing in the back alley of Izakaya Tanaka.

  I sigh. “I forgot to look for surveillance cameras before that happened.”

  “I’m glad you’re not going to deny it,” he says smiling. “It would be a waste of effort.”

  “I’m not going to deny anything. It happened. I’m happy. It seems to be mutual. What more is there to say?”

  It’s none of Sakai’s business, but I know how invested he is in this family. He doesn’t seem disappointed about Jiro and me so I hope this means he approves.

  “We talked about this before and, yes, what you do outside of training is none of my business,” Sakai says. “But you will have to tread lightly. Others would not be happy with you aligning yourself with Sakai clan.”

  “I don’t care what anyone thinks, except for you…” and to this, Sakai raises his eyebrows. “And my aunts, but generally, no one tells me what I can or cannot do.”

  I have taken this approach to my life ever since I was little. I’m certainly not stopping now.

  “Good. You will need that. In the meantime, I hope you can still practice with Jiro?”

  I nod. Yes, practice with him. It will be tough, but I will manage. I try not to smile.

  “Excellent. You were doing something else before this happened…” He gestures to his tablet again.

  “Mark, you owe me some explanations.” I plant my feet firmly on the ground and stare him directly in the eyes. “I could do this work indefinitely if you wanted me to but why? Does any of this have a purpose? What happens next? Please talk to me.”

  “Sanaa-chan, you didn’t grow up in Ku 6, and quite frankly, you should have. It was a mistake to ever remove you from there. But we all had your best interests in mind even if I didn’t agree with most of it.”

  “Wait, can you please stop doing that?”

  “What, Sanaa-chan?”

  “You off-handedly tell me you’ve been involved in my life and then don’t elaborate on it? It drives me nuts. Either tell me or don’t.”

  I hate this habit of Sakai’s. He keeps doing this to me over and over.

  “Matsuda has been following me.” His face becomes frosty, like Jiro’s did last night. “For at least a week now. He followed me to the okiya and waited until we all left. None of us saw him. As far as I can tell, he’s never followed me home at night, but he was at Izakaya Tanaka, so he knows I am there often as well.”

  “What happened last night?”

  “He cornered me coming back from the bathroom, and we had the most disjointed and strange conversation I’ve ever had. Didn’t Jiro talk to you?”

  Sakai is quiet though his eyes search mine for several seconds before responding. “He did. What did Matsuda say?”

  “He said, ‘Be sure to ask Sakai about your aunts.’ He also got me mixed up with someone else, someone named Hanako?”

  We stand in silence for ages before my nervous energy takes ahold of my body and makes my feet tap.

  “Mark Sakai. Say something, please.” Gods, he and Jiro are exactly the same in so many ways. “Don’t shut me out of this.” It is the first time in a while I haven’t been able to read him.

  “Sanaa, it’s no longer safe for you to spend any extended time in Ku 6 alone. I thought our brief moments between the dōjō and the transitway would not draw any attention, but I was wrong. I should have kept you in Ku 9 and made Jiro come to you. It would have been safer.”

  I think my heart has stopped beating. Safer? Than what?

  “Mark, is my life is in danger?” I feel my knees weaken and shake, and it takes all my strength to keep standing.

  Sakai grasps my shoulders. “I hope it isn’t. I want to tell you everything, Sanaa-chan, because this, Matsuda, changes everything. We wanted to start educating you earlier because the colonization is starting earlier than we ever anticipated. But you weren’t twenty yet, and it had to be legal. There could be no mistakes. I had to keep it all from Kimie, and I couldn’t do that if you were still a minor. I have been doing this behind her back, and she is going to kill me when she finds out.”

  “This has something to do with my parents, doesn’t it?”

  “It has to do with your parents, with your family, with everything. Give me a day, Sanaa. I need to speak to some people, and then we can talk.”

  He quickly hugs me and steps back to straighten his shirt. I admit the quick hug is more disconcerting than anything. “In the meantime, you should not go anywhere in Ku 6 but the dōjō. If you want to go anywhere else, ask Jiro to come with you, and he must be armed. Understand?”

  I swallow hard in a completely dry throat and nod.

  “Now, Matsuda was at the izakaya last night with his wife and Yoshinori Minamoto. Did they say anything else you can tell me?”

  “Not that I remember. The sake and…” I wave my hand at the tablet before blushing. “The kissing have blurred most of it.”

  “I was following Matsuda via the cameras last night. I saw them leave the izakaya together out front. It was when I checked the back alley that I found you and Jiro.”

  Oh boy. The heat rises to my cheeks again. “How much did you watch?”

  He clears his throat. “Enough. Now…” He turns to grab his bag but stands at the window for a moment with a puzzled look on his face.

  “What’s the matter?” I move to the window to see what he’s seeing, but everything out there is the same as it always is.

  “Nothing. Let’s go.”

  Chapter

  Eighteen

  I spend all morning watching tattoo parlors in Ku 6. After about three hours of studying the data, I determine that one parlor belongs to Minamoto’s clan, the other is strictly Taira. From what I can tell, Taira and Minamoto never mix. They go to different theaters. Eat in different restaurants. Buy different gifts. Get different tattoos. The men who work for one do not socialize with the men from the other clans. Their wives ignore ea
ch other on the streets. There are only two okiya in Ku 6, and the Okaasans are careful to schedule each client so neither clan has to cross paths with another. It is strange to me now that Matsuda would fraternize with both clans.

  The Taira tattoo shop’s surveillance camera has an excellent view through the front window. Though most of the stations are hidden behind screens, many of the men loiter around the shop during the day. Men and women alike come and go and get tattoos at this shop. The Taira love animal motifs. The family kamon is an elaborate butterfly viewed from the side perched on a branch, and it seems to be incorporated into just about every design that comes out of this shop.

  Sakai meets me for lunch and escorts me straight to the dōjō afterwards. A flash of movement catches my eye in Matsuda’s regular spot, but that’s about it. He probably saw us coming.

  When we walk in the door, Jiro and Koichi are waiting for us. The sight of Jiro makes my heart stop, and I am incapable of saying anything, especially with Sakai and Koichi in the room. I’m trying hard not to remember what Sakai witnessed last night on the surveillance cameras. It’s too embarrassing, but I think that’ll be the last time he ever says anything.

  Koichi is grabbing his bag by the wall and walking towards us. “I made all the necessary calls, Mark. They’ll be waiting for us.”

  “Let’s go.” Sakai turns to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Remember what I said about going out in Ku 6. We’ll be back later.”

  The mats beneath my feet sink as Jiro walks up next to me, and the door shuts on Sakai and Koichi. He takes my face in his hands, and it’s that time in between breaths I realize how intense we can be.

  “Sanaa, I want to kiss you.”

  I am dying to kiss him. I merely close my eyes and nod my head, and his lips and mine are together. He starts slowly, kissing along the small, upper divot that’s the crown to all of my smiles, and then moving on to my lower lip before we open our mouths to each other and lean into it. His breath and mine are mingled together, and it’s soft and warm, giving me the comfort I need after a disconcerting morning. When we break apart, I wrap my arms around him. He hugs me, holding the back of my head in his hands, and brings his forehead down on my shoulder.

  “I’m so glad last night was not just a dream,” he says into my neck. Moving his hands from my hair, he pulls down the collar of my shirt and traces the line of my shoulder to my undershirt and back. “I wasn’t sure what you’d say when you saw me today.”

  “Well, it’s hard to say anything right now. My heart may explode.” If he were a different person, this sort of statement would scare him away, but not Jiro. He revels in the fact I’m forward and tell him what I want. He’s the bravest person I’ve ever met.

  He pulls back, pressing his forehead against mine.

  “They will always be watching us,” he whispers, moving his mouth as little as possible.

  “I know.” I nod. “I don’t care. Mark saw everything last night already.” I’m sick of the cameras. Let them watch. It’s just the Itōs anyway.

  “Really? You are wild, Sanaa. I am in deep trouble… Good. I’m glad you don’t care because neither do I.”

  Rising to my tip toes, I drape my arms around his neck and stroke the bridge of my nose along his jaw before kissing him on the neck. I hear him say, “Mmmm,” and his arms hold me even closer. I have almost forgotten all the fear, all the secrets and lies, of the last few days. Maybe if we keep kissing, keep being close to each other, it will all go away.

  “Sit here with me for a while, Sanaa.” He moves to sit on the mats and pulls me down. I don’t want to be far away from him, so I look him in the eyes, and sit on his lap wrapping my legs around him. His hands are on my hips and this time it’s my turn to hold his face and direct him. I love that I can follow or lead with little hesitation. It’s so different from my past two relationships where I was expected to be the small and quiet girl and couldn’t, though I did try.

  We sit like this for a long time, lips locked and hands moving over each other. I am dying to go one step further and pull his shirt off and touch his bare skin, but we’re only minutes away from stopping to sword fight, so I let the desire go. His hands move up from my hips to the waistband of my pants and inch their way into my undershirt at the back. It’s such a light touch that I pull away from him because I need to breathe or I’ll faint.

  He takes my hand in his and rubs his thumb along the callus that has formed on my thumb from all of our hours practicing iaido together.

  “Sanaa, in the beginning, when you first came here, I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to train you — that you weren’t capable — and neither was I of being a teacher. But you’ve become strong.” He tips up my hands and shows them to me. “I see it here.”

  They aren’t the most beautiful hands I have ever seen, and I’ve always thought them plain and ordinary. They are strong now from many hours of holding a sword properly: hands together, right over left, wrists turned in. I have mastered the light grip but my ring finger on my left hand is constantly sore.

  It’s that ring finger Jiro holds now. He smiles as he massages it from the tip down to the palm, and I sigh with relief.

  “That finger always hurt me too when I was beginning. It’ll get better with time.”

  “Are we going to practice?” I ask as I reach up and start to unbutton my shirt. This room is so warm, and now I’m burning up, though not from exercise.

  I remove my shirt and toss it off the mats changing position to sit seiza in front of Jiro. He sits seiza too, facing me but next to me. Yin and yang. With our eyes closed, we meditate and breathe deep, and I’m calm again. When I open my eyes, Jiro is watching me.

  “I’ve been thinking about getting tattooed,” I say. It’s been in the back of my mind all day after surveying the tattoo parlors this morning.

  “Really? Why would you?”

  I think about the other women I was watching in the shop. They are so sure of themselves, confident. The tattoos give them an air of mystery I’ve never experienced before. Sure, maiko and geisha are mysterious, but they’re like little dolls. I’m a warrior.

  “I love yours. I don’t have a family crest, but the images of Old Japan make me natsukashii.”

  “Then I’ll take you to our family parlor whenever you’re ready.” His smile dips to the side, measuring my enthusiasm. “We should get to work. I doubt my father and Sakai will stay out for very long.” He stands and helps me up, but instead of letting go, he pulls me close again. “Will you have dinner with me tonight?”

  “Yes, absolutely.” I would spend every waking moment with him if I could. Jiro walks to the wall, takes off his shirt, and grabs our swords.

  “I know I’ve been hard on you in practice lately,” he says, and I scowl at him. “I’m sorry. Surely now the necessity of it is obvious. Matsuda’s a trained killer, and for some reason, he doesn’t like you.”

  “Mark keeps dodging my questions, though I think I’m wearing him down.”

  “I’m not surprised.” He laughs at me but becomes serious again. “Still, I want to make sure you’re prepared… for anything.”

  “It’s okay, Jiro. I know you’re only doing your job.”

  “It’s more than my job, Sanaa. I hope you know that.”

  “I know, Jiro. Teach me. I want you to.” And I hope he realizes that I want him to teach me more than sword fighting. I tilt my head and raise my eyebrows a little. The way his breath comes out slowly, I have him in the palm of my hand.

  Today, we’re going to learn more offensive sword fighting. Jiro has been talking a lot about mindset, but all I’ve been doing is defense. Defense is good, offense is better. The past few days have taught me I’m going to need it. I keep worrying about striking Jiro and hurting him, though. It’s why we haven’t sparred since that first time. Thinking back, I smile and shake my head.

  “What are you thinking about, Sanaa? Or do I even want to know right now?” He must think my mind is in the gutter
all the time the way I flirt with him. He’s mostly right.

  “I was thinking about the first time we ever sparred. Jiro, what an ass I was.” Though it’s totally embarrassing to think about now, it still makes me laugh.

  “Are you kidding me? You’re the first person who has ever caught me off-guard. I think, in the future, you should use your size and, well, kawaii nature to your advantage. I underestimated you and regretted it,” he says with a smile. “I like the way you fight. It’s fresh and different.”

  “Really, Jiro? I thought I was horrible.” I lean over to roll up my pants, and my hair comes out of its twist. All of the kissing earlier has made it come undone. “Hold on, Jiro.” I let out a sigh. “I have to get my hair cut.”

  “Don’t,” he says, and, when I stand up, he’s watching me tie it back again. “It suits you.” I’ve done this so many times in front of Sakai and now Jiro, I realize Sakai watches me because I look like my mother. Jiro watches me because he wants me. I feel very popular all of a sudden.

  He hands me my sword and steps back.

  “We’ll do this a little differently this time. Instead of me attacking you using the techniques we’ve already learned, we’ll move in slow motion. This way we’ll practice attack and defense slowly and quicken the pace as you become more comfortable.”

  I break into a cold sweat.

  “Sanaa, take a deep breath. I can already tell you’re getting worked up.”

  I am also completely transparent.

  I need to keep the confidence high and talk myself out of worrying too much, so I take the sword and hold it high above my head, my grip so tight the veins on my arms and hands stand out.

  “How about I take this sword and beat the hell out of something to get it out of me?”

  He laughs, reaches out, and pokes me in the stomach.

  “Come on, Sanaa. I’ve taught six year olds who were more aggressive than you.” What a tease! Instead of being solemn and professional, he’s going to mercilessly pester me. It’s going to work. “I know how much you hate to lose…”