by Kerry Taylor
“I’m home. Xander’s here too, patching Olivia up.”
“How bad is it? What happened?”
“It’s not bad Keira. I just stood on some glass. I’m fine. The guys are overreacting.” I said, hating that she was so worried and upset.
“Oh Honey, I’m so glad you’re ok. I was so worried.” Her kindness and concern were completely unexpected, but it felt good. It had been so long since anyone mothered me and I hadn’t realised how much I had missed it until that moment. “I’m going to come home now, make sure those boys are looking after you.”
“No Keira! Please don’t. This was all my fault and I feel ridiculous enough with everyone here. Please don’t disrupt your afternoon for me. I really am fine.” I was almost begging. I had already torn Grant and Xander from work and damn near given Kyle, Cole and Matt coronaries. I refused to let things escalate any further.
“Xander?” Keira said and I looked down to him pleadingly.
“Olivia’s right Mom. You don’t need to come home. The cut was deep, but I’ve taken care of it now. She’ll be fine once she gets a little rest.” He sounded exhausted and I knew it was my fault. I had scared him badly, scared all of them.
“Ok. If you’re sure you don’t need me there Olivia, then I won’t come home now.” Keira gave in and I let out a small sigh of relief. “But you boys make sure you stay close and take care of her. I’ll try and get home for dinner.”
“Don’t worry Mom. She’s not leaving our sight.” Kyle said grumpily. I looked across to him and found him watching me hard, a look of determination and fire in his eyes. I wondered what I had awoken in him?
“Ok. I should go then, but call me if you need anything. Get some rest Olivia.” I agreed and said goodbye, then Keira hung up.
I couldn’t believe the carnage I had caused that morning, all because I tripped a damn alarm. I was such a damned mess and I knew I needed to do something about it. It was time to try and make steps to get over the fears I had come away from The Darkness with. Problem was, I had no idea how to do that or where to even start.
Xander left shortly after, promising to be back the next morning after his shift, to check the wound and change the dressing. I convinced Grant to get back to work too, then I was just left with the three men I had terrorised that morning. Matt was still sitting in the corner, not talking, just watching me way too closely. Cole was up and down like a yo-yo, grabbing me things I didn’t need, then taking them away when I didn’t want them. And Kyle was still looking at me with that fire in his eyes. I was desperate to know what he was thinking, but I dare not ask.
“I think I’ll head up to bed for a while, if that’s ok? I’m really tired.” I said, needing to get away and give them some time to calm down.
“Here Brains, let me help you up.” Cole said. He was already standing over me, having appeared there like a cartoon character in a blur of dust. I took his offered hand and pulled myself up with his help. My foot was painful to put weight on, but easily bearable for me.
“I’m really sorry I scared you all.” I said, needing them to know I hated what had happened. I looked at Matt as I spoke and he forced a smile for me.
“Not your fault Olivia.” He assured me, but I knew it was.
Cole wrapped an arm around my waist and all but lifted me off of the ground, taking all of my weight so that I felt as though I were having an outer body experience as I tried to walk.
He led me up the stairs and into my room, where I flopped down on my bed. Cole sat down beside me still dressed in his gym clothes and smelling strongly of his earlier workout.
“You ok?” He asked after a few moments of silence.
“You forgot the ‘crazy’ part when you told me who I was last night.” I sighed, annoyed with myself more than anything.
“You are being far too hard on yourself over this Olivia. What happened was not your fault. You spent years in silence. It’s no wonder loud noises scare the shit out of you. We get that. You need to too.”
“How do you know…...a-about the silence?” I asked, shocked.
“Your voice, it’s pretty clear it hasn’t been used in years, and your nightmare this morning. You opened your mouth like you were in pain and wanted to scream, but you didn’t. You stayed silent the whole time.”
“It was one of the worst things, to be completely alone and scared…..to never even hear a voice, or any sound really. That and the Darkness. I really thought I would go insane. Hey, maybe I did?” I tried for a laugh, but it came out as more of a sob, as tears escaped.
“You did not go insane. I don’t know how you did it, but you survived and left that monster behind. Not only that, but you came out a warrior, stronger and braver than anyone else I have ever known.” He leant in and wiped a tear from my cheek as he spoke and the contact felt so warm and safe. I leant sideways into his body and he pulled me in tight, holding me close to him.
“I don’t feel strong or brave Cole.” I admitted tearfully. “Mainly I just feel lost a-and weak.”
“You need to cut yourself a break Brains. It hasn’t even been a week since you escaped and you are doing so well. You’ve come here and pushed through your fears to get to know all of us. You solved a serial killer’s sick letter and you have made Kyle smile more in two days, than I have seen him do in the last year.
“You were gone a long time. It’s going to take a while to find your feet and a lot longer for you to find a way to deal with everything you went through. Stop trying to rush it, and please stop worrying about everyone else. We can all take care of our own shit. You just need to focus on you and try to focus on how good you are doing. A freak out here and there is nothing when you manage so well the rest of the time. Just keep going and over time, things will get easier, I know they will.”
“I just don’t want to hurt anyone else, Cole. Matt, he’s fragile and Kyle too. They were so scared this morning. Matt looked like he would pass out. If me being here is making what they have suffered worse, then I don’t want to be here.”
“You are not going anywhere. You belong here with us.” Cole almost growled as he stared me down hard. I was surprised he cared so much. “Matt is a tough sonofabitch. Yes he was freaked this morning, but it was because he hated seeing you so scared. He wanted to do something to end it for you, like we all do.
Yes, you being here reminds him of his own demons, but he’s been happier since you came here than I have seen him in a long time. It helps him to know there is someone who has been through what he has. He feels he’s not alone when you’re here.
“And as for Kyle, I already told you, you make him happy. I saw him leaving for work yesterday with a huge fucking grin on his face. You know the last time I saw that grin on him? Over eighteen months ago.”
“He’s had a tough time, hasn’t he?” I asked, needing to know.
“Kyle had a bad childhood before he came here. It took him a while to come to terms with it and leave it where it belonged, in the past. He was good then, for a long time, happy and pretty laid back. He joined the military and he was happy with his lot, until last year. Everything went to shit for him again and he has been struggling, really struggling.
“This new job has helped him come back to reality, but he really started to come back the night he met you Olivia. You make him smile, and I think in time you could be what he needs to mend his broken pieces, maybe to mend all of our broken pieces.”
“That would be pretty impossible, since I can’t even begin to mend my own.”
“You will. You’re stronger than you know. Just cut yourself some slack in the meantime though, yeah?”
“I’ll try.” I knew he was right, I wanted to just fix everything and wake up the next day being perfectly normal, but I knew that was never going to happen. I needed to be more realistic in my goals.
“Kade has my case right? Looking for my kidnapper?” I asked. This needed to be the first step. If I was ever going to move forward, I needed to do all I could to stop histor
y being repeated.
“Yeah, he does. Why?”
“I need to make sure that monster doesn;t come for me again, or worse, go after some poor innocent child.”
“You want to talk to Kade about what you know?”
“No. I don’t want to. I know talking about it all will bring it back, likely more than I can handle. But I…..I have to, Cole. That man has to be stopped and no one knows more about him than I do.”
“You don’t have to be alone. Kade can do it here and you can have as many or as few people as you need around you. You’re not alone in any of this.”
“Would you guys sit with me?” I asked hopefully. “You, Matt and Kyle?” I didn’t know what it was about the three of them, but I felt safer and stronger with them at my side.
“Of course we will, beautiful.” Cole wrapped both of his arms around my shoulders and pulled me in for a squeeze. I relished the hold while it lasted, loving the way his heat surrounded me.
“Call Kade please. Ask him to come when he can. I want to get it over and done with.” I said once we pulled apart.
“I will. We’ll arrange it all. Why don’t you get settled in bed now and try to rest for a while. You look really tired.” Cole stood as he spoke, pulling the comforter back and directing me under. I crawled in and laughed a little when Cole tucked me in like my parents used to when I was small.
“Rest now. I’m going to my room to shower and change. I’ll call Kade, then I’ll come back and sit with you, ok?”
I watched him leave, then lay in bed mulling over everything he had said. I knew he was right, I needed to give everything a little more time. Yes I was a mess, but less so than I had been when I escaped a week before. Maybe another week and I would be doing even better. It would take time and me being annoyed and impatient wouldn’t help.
I wondered at the way being with Cole, Matt and Kyle made me feel. I just felt better when they were near, as though I could face anything with them at my side. They made me feel safe and protected. They also made me feel things I had never felt before, fluttery warm feelings I couldn’t decipher. I was pretty sure I had a crush on all of them, Kade too, though I didn’t know him as well yet, but was that weird? Were you supposed to crush on multiple guys? It was all just so new and confusing, and on top of everything else, far more than I could deal with.
I decided to just focus on what I could handle, helping Kade find The Shadow, and finding my place in that weird and wonderful home. It would make a good start.
CHAPTER 9
Kade was already at the house when I woke up a couple of hours later. Cole, who had been sitting with me while I slept, told me Kade wanted to be there to get it done as soon as possible.
I hurried to freshen up, not wanting to keep him waiting, my heart pounding so hard I worried it might beat out of my chest the whole time. I had asked Kade to come as soon as possible, but now that he was there I was terrified to delve into my memories.
Once I had finished in the bathroom, I returned to my room and found Cole had left. I grabbed some thick socks and a sweater, and pulled them on feeling chilled. I wasn’t sure if it was from the cold weather, or from my fear, but I was shivering.
Before I headed downstairs I opened the bottom drawer of my dresser and grabbed the sheet I had placed there the day before. I had sketched the picture hurriedly, almost maniacally, needing to get the image down as fast as possible and then out of my sight. I sobbed the whole time I drew and I hated having it in my hand. Being that close, was too close, but I had drawn it knowing it would help Kade and I needed him to have it.
“You ready, beautiful girl?” Cole appeared in my doorway. He had showered and changed earlier and as always, he looked good in Khaki chinos and a dark denim button up.
“Not really, but let’s go anyway.” I sighed as I took his hand and followed him out of my room, hobbling downstairs, the picture burning a hole in my hand the whole way.
“Are you cold?” Cole asked as we reached the entrance to the lounge.
“A little. I think adrenaline is kicking in too though.” I admitted.
“You don’t have to do this.” He said softly, as he looked me over closely
“I do.” I countered. “I’ll be ok, as long as you guys are with me. I can do this.”
Cole nodded and we walked in. Kade stood before the huge fireplace. He was dressed in jeans, and a fitted black t-shirt that looked amazing stretched over his ample muscles. His hair was waxed neatly in place, and he looked good. The fire behind him was lit, a real log fire crackling and filling the room with the smell of long forgotten snowy winters.
Kade was the first to look up to me, his stunning amber eyes locking hard on to mine. For a second he looked to be in pain, but with a blink, that was gone and replaced with a neutral smile.
“Hey Olivia. How are you feeling?” He asked, making Matt and Kyle turn to look at me from where they sat on the sectional opposite him.
They too had changed, both looking as casually perfect as always.
“Come sit down Princess.” Kyle patted the seat between him and Matt.
I was frozen in place, fear beginning to take it’s hold, but Cole’s warm arm wrapping around my back was enough to give me the strength to move.
“Hey Kade,” I whispered as I passed him. My entire body was vibrating as we walked over to the sectional and I looked up to Cole with desperate panic and fear.
“You’re a warrior.” He whispered in reply as he wrapped his arms around me from the back, then turned with me tight in his arms and sat in the space, settling me down on his lap and banding his arms around my waist tight.
I was shocked for a moment, but when I felt his warmth and strength surrounding me I knew I needed it.
Kyle reached over and took my left hand tight in his and Matt placed a huge, warm hand over my right knee. They were assuring me they were there with me and it made me feel stronger.
“I…..I made this. You should take it.” I said as I held the paper out to Kade, wanting it far away from me.
Kade stepped forward and took it, then opened the page and studied it hard.
“This him?” He asked.
I nodded, praying he didn’t turn the page. I couldn’t see that face again.
“This is a huge help Olivia, thank you.” He said as he folded the page again and put it down just under his backpack on the chair in the corner.
“Cole told me you want to talk to me about what you know so I can catch the man who hurt you?” Kade asked, talking calmly and almost as though I were a child or a frightened animal.
“I…..I don’t want him to hurt anyone else.” I replied, shocked at how raspy and quiet my voice came out.
Matt instantly handed me a cold glass of water, which I took gratefully and sipped.
“I promise you love, I am doing everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen, but anything you can tell me will make my job easier.”
“Where should I start?” I asked nervously.
“That’s up to you. You can tell me as much or as little as you feel able. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard though. If there are things you’re not ready to go back into, that’s ok. I’m going to take notes so I can go over them again later, ok?” He nodded to the notebook he had laid out on the coffee table and I nodded.
“If you need to stop at any time you just tell us and we’ll all take a break.” He added as he sat in the armchair beside the fire, almost facing me and picked up his notebook and pen. I assumed that meant he was ready to start and I took a deep, quaking breath. Cole squeezed me around the waist, reassuring me that he was there and I put my shaking hand over his arm, needing something to cling to.
“When I started fourth grade I begged my Mom to let me walk the two blocks to school alone. Most of the other kids did already, but she and my Dad were protective. They weren’t sure, but they let me eventually. I was about half way through the year I guess, so I’d walked to school a ton of times with no trouble, but tha
t morning, he…...he was just there, at the end of my street waiting. He g-grabbed me before I knew what was going on and threw me in the back of a van. I didn’t really see much of it, but it was definitely painted a weird green colour, like avocado? It was kind of big, though I was pretty small so everything was big to me.” I took a deep breath. I was talking too fast and my voice was already struggling. “It must have been big though, because after we drove for quite a long time, he climbed in the back and he stood, right up, in there.
“He pulled me out of the van and we were in like, a forest. Th-there were trees everywhere and there was no real road, just a track.
“That was the best look I ever got of The Shadow.” I gulped, remembering that moment his cold, hand eyes had stared down at me. It had been the moment I knew my life would never ever be the same again.
“The Shadow?” Kade prompted me, dragging me back into the warm lounge, away from that terrifying winter morning in the woods.
“It’s what I called him. It was always dark, so I could never really see him. He was like a shadow. There was a time when I started to think maybe he wasn’t even a real person…..more like a monster or demon or something” I explained with a shudder.
“Can you remember anything specific about him? Eye colour? Hair colour?” Kade asked.
“He was big, probably about six two, six three. His hair was dark, probably brown, but he was always so filthy it would be hard to know for sure. He always kept it cut the length I drew, like to his shoulders. He’s receding on top, his hairline pretty far back now. His eyes……” I went back to that morning, when the sun had been shining down on him and he had looked to me like the most terrifying monster, looming over me. “......definitely green, dark though, really dark green. He had a scar that ran from the right corner of his mouth and down to his chin. He’s overweight, his stomach kind of drooped over the top of his pants. He wears, like….hunting clothes? They were patterned, like to blend in.”
“Camo you mean? Like soldiers wear, greens and browns?” Kyle suggested.
