by Kerry Taylor
My eyes snapped open and I looked around the garden hurriedly for every one, but of course no one but me was there.
I walked over to the huge swing set and sat on one of the swings, smiling to myself as I realised how very much I wanted to see that beautiful summer scenario, become a reality and how much I needed to be there, a part of it all.
When Xander told me my parents were gone I had thought I would never get to feel a part of anything like our family had been, ever again, but I had only been in that home a matter of days and I had been made to feel I belonged. I knew I would never replace my parents. They had been everything to me when I was taken, and I knew I would never ever get over losing them, but they were gone and I needed to try and carry on. I knew that would be what they would have wanted me to do.
Keira and Grant were good people and their kids all made me happy in a way I never thought I could be again. I was settling there, feeling a part of the family and discovering who I was all over again with them all at my side. Yes I was a mess, and I knew I was likely more trouble than I was worth, but they didn’t seem to mind. They understood and had been so kind and patient with me. There was hope, I realised, hope I could find my way out of The Darkness and into the light, hope that I wouldn’t have to be alone again, just as Xander had promised me that day he gave me the devastating news. I had the home I needed to heal, and I was surrounded by good people there to help me do so. It was just up to me to pull things together and take the steps I needed to take to get there. Like Cole had said, I just needed to take them one at a time and accept it wouldn’t happen overnight. Maybe then I could truly find my new beginning.
CHAPTER 10
Keira and Grant were home in time for dinner that night. Matt had been in the kitchen cooking for the last hour. He had been quiet since that afternoon, but he seemed better than he had been. I just hoped him hearing all of my twisted story didn’t bring his own issues back too badly.
Evie had come straight out to the garden for me the second Cole brought her home. She had several stories to tell me about her day, then she had wanted me to help her colour in her princess book. Cole had roped himself in to help me with the unrelenting questions Evie asked, and so we were all three sitting in the lounge, colouring around the coffee table. Cole, being the laid back, good sport that he was, was wearing a pink sparkly tiara and happily discussing the best Disney princesses with Evie as I quietly coloured beside them. I glanced up and found Kyle still sitting there in an armchair, as he had been for the last thirty minutes, supposedly reading over a file for a case he was working, but every time I looked up to him, he was watching me. He had barely left my sight, or me his, anyway, since that afternoon. It was as though he dared not let me leave his sight and I wondered if the events of the day had triggered some bad memories of whatever he had been through a year before. I didn’t really know what had happened to him, but I knew it had resulted in him ending his military service. I wondered if he had lost someone he cared for. It would certainly explain why he had been so affected by what had happened with the alarm that morning and why he was sticking so close to me.
“You ok, Princess?” Kyle asked, snapping me from my thoughts. I realised I had been staring at him the whole time I was lost in thought.
“Sorry, I zoned out.” I said as I gave myself a shake. “I’m fine. Are you?” I looked up to him with wide eyes, trying to tell him I knew he wasn’t, but he just smiled.
“All good.” Was his flippant reply, and I wished he would talk to me as I felt able to talk to him. “Me and the guys were talking earlier. We want to take you shopping tomorrow if you feel up to it?” I knew he was changing the subject, but I let him away with it, for now.
“Shopping for what?” I asked.
“You need a coat and some winter shit. You can’t keep going out in t-shirts.”
“I have sweaters and boots. I’m fine. I don’t need anything else.” I countered. They had already bought me so much.
“He’s right, Brains. It will be snowing soon. You need more clothes and definitely a winter coat. Dad already got you a credit card to get whatever you need.” Cole agreed.
“A credit card?” I asked with shock.
“We all have them until we start a real job. There are no rules as long as the monthly limit isn’t exceeded.” Cole explained as though it made perfect sense.
“It just makes things easier for Mom and Dad. You don’t need to bother them if you need shit and it means you always have options to get home or whatever. It’s safer that way too.” Kyle added.
“Well that does make sense for you guys, but I’m not their kid and I have already cost them way too much. I don’t need anything. I’m fine.”
“You are part of this family now Olivia. We may not be your parents, but we care for you in that same way and we will take care of you as such.” Kiera’s voice came from behind me and I turned and found her leant on the back of the sectional, her eyes locked on me as she spoke. “We couldn’t possibly hope to replace your own parents, but I hope one day you will come to consider Grant and I as your adopted parents, just like the guys have. We care for you very much Honey.” Her eyes were filled with such kindness and sincerity, making me feel like crap for what I said.
“I didn’t mean…..” I began, but she stopped me with a hand.
“I know Olivia. Just please, let us take care of you as you deserve. Go with the guys tomorrow and get whatever you want or need. We just want to do all we can to make this your home.” She was practically begging and I felt unable to argue. I’d just be disappointing her if I did.
“You already have.” I told her meaningfully. “But I’ll go shopping tomorrow too. Thankyou Kiera.”
She smiled widely as she nodded, then turned and left.
“Can I come shopping too?” Evie asked excitedly, giving me the second I needed to gather myself.
“No Half pint. You have school. We’ll take you shopping with us some other time, ok?” Cole answered.
“But you guys have school too!” Evie pouted.
“Not anymore. Matt and I aren’t going to school anymore. We get to stay home with Olivia and study, instead.”
“I want to stay home to study too! I’m asking Mommy!” She declared as she jumped to her feet. I could hear her bare feet slapping on the tile as she stomped hard to the kitchen.
“MOMMY!” She shrieked, making me slam my hands over my ears and close my eyes in fear for a moment. Her high pitch just reminded me so much of my screams that first night, I found them hard to process as the sounds of a tantruming, or laughing five year old, instead of my own agony induced screams, for my parents as I was beaten mercilessly.
I felt the heat of someone close and forced myself to open my eyes, chanting over and over in my head that I was fine, I was safe.
Cole was before me on his knees, about a foot away from me. His hands were held out in front of him like he wanted to touch me, but didn’t know if he should. I looked up to his face and saw the concern in those dark eyes.
“I’m ok.” I whispered as I slowly removed my hands and listened around me. Everything was back to a quiet buzz, the sounds of a cartoon quietly playing on the TV behind me, and Matt and Keira chatting away with Evie in the kitchen.
“Sure?” Cole asked quietly. I looked behind him and found Kyle still in the armchair, but his file had been abandoned to his lap and he was sitting right forward on the edge, as though holding himself back from dropping to the floor before me like Cole was.
“Yeah.” I nodded as I took a breath. “I don’t know how she makes her voice that loud.” I tried to laugh, but it fell flat.
“Maybe we need to sit her down, talk to her about being quieter.” Cole mused.
“Don’t you dare. She’s five. It’s her prerogative to squeal and make a ton of noise. I’ll get used to it. It’s already easier than it was a few days ago.”
“I didn’t mean for you, Brains. I just almost lost a damn eardrum.” Cole laughed and I appre
ciated him taking the focus from me. I was so sick of being the crazy person.
“Dinner guys!” Matt said from the doorway.
Cole took my hand and pulled me from the floor to my feet.
“You guys go ahead. I just need the bathroom.” I told him and Kyle as I straightened up my sweater. Kyle caught my eye and studied me with worry, but I just smiled that I was fine and he nodded once, then followed Cole out.
I left the lounge and crossed the hall heading for the bathroom beside the gym. I didn’t want to pass everyone until I had a second to compose myself.
I locked the door closed and leant my forehead against it. In my head all I could hear were my echoing screams and pleading cries over and over again.
“I WANT TO GO HOME!” My small fists pounded against the heavy metal door at the top of the stairs as I screamed with everything I had. I had been dumped down there hours ago and I was terrified. The ground was cold and wet and I could hear things scuttling around down there with me. I had tried to find a dry place to just sit and be good, hoping he would take me home if I was, but bugs had touched me and I’d been so terrified. Now I was back to desperate begging.
My body was trembling from the cold and the fear, my hands sore and bruised from beating my fists on that door. My pretty dress I had dressed in for school that morning felt wet and dirty, but I couldn;t see it. I couldn’t see anything and I hated the dark. At night I always slept with a nightlight. There in that damp room, there was no light at all, not a sliver.
“I WANT MY MOM AND DAD!” I wailed, my throat raw from hours of screaming and crying already.
Then the door was opening and I was sure I had won. He would take me home now. I was too much trouble, he didn’t want me there. I’d get to go home and hug my Mom and Dad. I’d never complain about my Mom walking me to school again. She’d be happy about that.
Light came in as the door opened, blinding me as my eyes adjusted, but before I opened them again a hand touched my chest and shoved hard. I had no chance of pushing against it, it was too strong. I lost my footing and went tumbling down the hard steps, my small body smashing hard against the edges, screaming the whole way down until I landed in a battered heap at the bottom. I lay there, frozen, nursing my right wrist which was throbbing like my heart did, and hurting so bad.
Heavy footsteps came down slowly behind me and I turned and saw him coming, a small lantern in his hand, casting some light around the cold damp space.
“Why did you do that?” I whimpered as tears streamed down my face. He held a finger over his lips, telling me to be quiet, but I was so scared and confused.
“Please, I just want my Mom and Dad, please?” I cried. That was the first kick, hard to my right thigh. I moved across the floor with the force of the impact, until I hit a wall hard. Agony stole my breath at first and once I caught it, I cried out in pain. The Shadow, as I would later come to call him, loomed over me again, his finger before his lips. I didn’t understand why he was hurting me, what I had done?
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, sure there must be something I had done wrong for him to hurt me as he was.
The next kick was to my other leg, and this time I screamed as a bone somewhere near my knee crunched.
It went on and on, me begging and screaming, crying out for it to stop, for my Mom and Dad, and him just tearing me to pieces, each time with his damned finger in front of his lips. By the time I realised I needed to be silent I was destroyed, my pretty dress and the floor around me sprayed with my blood, snot and buckets of tears. I was sure I would die that night, and many more like it, but I never did. I always survived, even when I didn’t want to.
A gentle knock on the door my forehead still leant against, had me leaping back with a startled squeak. I looked around hurriedly trying to remember where I was.
“Livy? You ok, Love? Kyle asked me to check on you, said you’ve been a while.” Kade’s voice came through the door.
“J-Just a minute.” I replied. I wanted to sound fine, but even I heard the wobble in my voice.
“Olivia? What’s wrong?” He asked gently.
“I’m ok. I….I just need a minute.” I moved to the vanity and leant down over the sink, my hands braced on either side. I needed to pull myself out of that awful night and back to the present, the safe, comfortable present.
“Take whatever time you need. I’m going to be right here though if you need me.” I heard scuffling against the door and realised he had sat down with his back to it.
I dropped down to the floor too, crawling over to where I knew he was. I laid on the floor and searched the tiny gap beneath the door for Kade. I could see where his butt was blocking the light and knew he was there. I tried to take comfort from that and use it to push back the onslaught of horrifying memories I had unleashed on my brain the moment I heard Evie shriek.
Kade didn’t speak, didn’t question me about what the heck I was doing. He just sat there, and I sat staring at the absence of light he was making as I fought a battle with my own brain to push back the past.
Finally I managed to get to the point where I was in the present more than the past. Feeling safer I forced myself to stand and move to the sink, where I splashed my face with cold water.
Wanting to stay hidden all night, but also knowing the guys would never let that happen, I opened the door and watched as Kade leapt to his feet from where he had been sat, and turned to look at me. He was dressed as he had been earlier, but he still had his leather jacket on this time. He looked really good in it, all square shoulders and slim waist. His wild dark hair was pushed back from his face as though he had been anxiously running his hands through the wild strands over and over.
He looked me over in a second, then without saying a word he opened his arms and I stepped into the embrace eagerly. His heavy arms encircled me completely and I was pressed against a solid wall of hard, tightly packed muscle. I breathed in and took a second to appreciate the faint smell of spicy aftershave and real leather. Of all of the guys, Kade was the most masculine. Everything about him screamed tough guy, even his smell. He was a little shorter than Cole, but not much, maybe an inch or two smaller, but he made up for it in braun. I wondered how much he worked out to be so ripped with muscle.
“You’re home?” I whispered after a while, remembering he had been at work.
“I wanted to come and check in on you after this afternoon. I’m just here for dinner then I’ll have to go again, but I had to make sure you were doing ok.”
“Well, good job you didn’t walk in on me mid break down then.” I laughed. “Oh, wait a minute….”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Kade scolded as he squeezed me tighter, showing no signs of releasing me, not that I wanted him to. “Want to talk about it?”
“Not really. I’m being stupid. Evie shouted earlier and I lost my shit. That’s all. I n-need to learn not to do that.” I said with a shrug.
“That’s not stupid. After what you went through you can’t expect things like that to just magically stop affecting you. What you need to learn not to do, is hide. We’re all here for you. If you’re struggling, grab one of us and let us help you through it. It would make it easier for you if you aren’t alone and easier for us to know you’re not alone and upset.” He suggested, the whole time still holding me.
“I’m already causing you guys enough hassle.” I sighed.
“We all care about you Olivia. We want to be here for you. You are not and never could be, a hassle. Please, Love, just believe we want you to turn to us.” He almost begged.
“Isn’t that an English thing……’Love’, I mean?” I asked randomly. It had been my first thought when he called me that, days ago and I wanted to know.
“Yep. My mum was English, from London actually. She used to call me ‘Love’ all of the time growing up. I haven’t used it since she died a long time ago, but it just started coming out when I met you.”
“I’m sorry about your mom.” I whispered, though wha
t he said made sense. He did say some words slightly differently than I was used to. He’d obviously picked up, and retained some of his Mom’s accent.
“It was a long time ago. Come on, we should get some food before Cole clears the lot.” He looked down to me questioningly and I knew if I said I was too tired or some other excuse he’d accept it, but I didn’t because he was only there for dinner and I wanted to be near him, to get to know him, so instead I nodded and took his offered hand.
Kyle was up on his feet as we walked into the dining room. He was moving with purpose out of the room, but stopped when he saw us and studied me hard.
“You ok?” He asked quietly and I realised he had been coming to look for me.
“I am now.” I replied, not wanting to lie to him. He nodded once, then returned to his seat beside Keira. Everyone was seated, filling their plates from huge platters of food in the centre of the table. It smelled amazing, spicy and mouthwatering.
Kade pulled a seat out for me beside Cole and I took it gratefully, then watched and was relieved when he sat next to me.
“I made you some chicken without the chilli Carina.” Matt said as he pointed to a smaller plate of what looked like an amazing chicken casserole.
