by Kerry Taylor
Then I felt strong arms around my waist and a warm body at my back. I looked up and found Kyle holding me tightly.
“I’ve got you Princess, and I am never letting you go.” He whispered.
Then the bed dipped in front of me and I turned as Cole laid down beside me and wriggled his arm beneath my head. Pulling me against him, Kyle keeping his tight hold on me too.
“You belong with us, Babygirl. We’re not letting you psych yourself out of this. We love you.” Cole told me, then he kissed my temple and just laid with me quietly.
Matt came next, laying on his side beside Cole and looking over to me with his lazy smile. He was all sleep mussed and he looked so cute.
“I love you Carina, and I need you. We all do. You’re a big part we all were missing and I feel so much more whole since I found you. You’re not going anywhere, Mi Vida.” He reached across and his hand landed on my hip, just below Kyle’s arms.
Kade came last, laying on the bed behind Kyle and propping his head on his elbow as he reached across and took my hand.
“We know you’re scared Love, but we’re all broken too. We have been for a long time, but since you came into our lives we feel some of those broken pieces starting to come together. We all want to be better for you, because of you. You said you’re not good enough for us, but that is not true. It’s us who will never be good enough for you. We can never be whole men, Livy. We were all broken too badly to be fixed completely and I think that’s why we’re all drawn together, because you’ve been shattered too. We’re all a little fucked up, but maybe together we can mend our pieces enough to find some peace and happiness, don’t you think?” He asked quietly.
“You guys are strong though. You have good lives…... and y-you got over what you went through. I can’t keep it together for two minutes! You all shouldn’t have to deal with that. You can do s-so much better.” I whimpered. I understood what he was saying. At some point they had all been messed up, as I was, but they had healed. They had each other, and their family. They weren’t constantly in meltdown like I was. They were strong, and my fear was that if I let them be close, my mess would drag them back down the dark pit I was stuck in.
“We’re not strong Liv,” Kyle said as he squeezed me tighter. “We’re all like you, just clinging onto the edge and trying hard to hold on. We’ve just had longer to deal with our shit, so we can hide it better. We all have times when it becomes too much and we lose it, but we know what to expect from each other and we handle it. It’s why we need to stick together, why we need each other so much.”
“Since you’ve been here though, we’ve all been better, calmer. Kyle has smiled more since you arrived than I have ever fucking seen, and Matt hasn’t woke me yelling in his sleep once. Kade has been home so much more, not needing to hide in his work, and I am starting to get seriously out of shape because I have stopped spending every minute in the gym working through my shit.” Cole pouted, making me smile.
“Yeah, “ I laughed through my tears. “ I noticed how out of shape you were looking earlier.” He was so full of crap!
“He’s right Carina, we’re all better with you here. If you don’t want this, don’t want us, then tell us now and we can go back to how things were, but if you’re just pushing us away because you’re scared, then don’t. None of us know what will happen, but we all want you, want this. We love you and if you feel the same, I really think we can all heal each other, and find some version of a happy ending.” Matt’s eyes were locked on mine and I couldn’t look away as he leant over Cole to speak. It was like he was looking into my soul again, seeing my fears and tearing them away.
“I don’t want to hurt you guys. I do love you, and more than anything I want to protect you all.”
“Then be with us. Nothing would make us happier than to call you ours. The only way you could hurt us now, is if you walked away without giving us a chance.” Kyle said flatly, always the down to business one.
“Like Matt said, no one knows how things will go, but we love you Olivia, and you love us. We all have a bond that we can’t deny. I believe that is a very solid foundation to build something strong and beautiful.” Kade agreed.
“I want that. I want everything you guys are offering me. I’m just scared that I will never be enough for you all. I don’t want you to have to spend your lives worrying about me, especially when I may not even be able to offer you what you need in return.” I sighed honestly.
“You just don’t realise how special you are Livy, but that’s ok. We will just have to work hard to show you.” Cole began as his hand gently caressed my cheek.
“You need to stop worrying about what you can and can’t offer us. We’re not in a relationship with you to trade favours. We love you and we will take whatever you have to give. We don’t care about sex! Of course it would be amazing if we can get there some day, but if we can’t, then we’ll find other things we can enjoy together. There are a ton of ways to be intimate without us ever having to do the things you’re uncomfortable with. All we care about is being with you. Will we worry about you and try to take care of you? Yes, of course, but Livy we do that with everyone we care for, including each other. It’s not a hardship for us to protect and care for you, it’s an honour, one we hope we can spend the rest of our lives doing, if you want us there.” Kade said passionately. I let out a sob as I realised I couldn’t argue with them. I wanted everything they said and so much more. I couldn’t walk away. I was in too deep. I loved them all and without them I saw no future worth living.
“I w-want you there.” I whimpered when I saw the worry on their faces. “I want all of you there, and everything y-you just said. I love you guys.”
They all squeezed where their hands touched me and whispered that they loved me too. It made me feel a calmness that I hadn’t felt before, a peace. I knew surrounded by them I was safe. I would just have to fight to be stronger for them in return.
“You need to come to us Liv, when your thoughts get dark like tonight. You need to tell us and let us help you. If Kade hadn’t been downstairs working, you’d have been down there alone, hurting and scared. I hate that. It fucking kills me.” Kyle broke the silence after a few minutes.
“He’s right, Love. We’re here for you and we want to help you, so come to us, yeah?” Kade agreed.
“I’ll try.” I agreed. “I scared myself tonight. I got so angry. My chest got tight and I…...I thought I might explode. I’ve n-never felt like that.”
“It’s a part of the process of dealing with everything. It probably won’t be the last time you feel like that.” Cole whispered. His hand was still caressing my cheek and it felt so soothing. “We all have similar issues. It’s why Dad got us into working out. It helps when you’re angry, to just pound a punch bag or run it out on the treadmill.”
“Probably should try that instead of throwing cups of tea around.” I muttered more to myself.
“I’ll help you get started if you want to try the gym.” Cole offered.
“When your back has healed up.” Kyle added in his best ‘Dad’ tone.
“It’s just bruising Kyle.” I countered. “I’m ok.”
“You need to let it heal first. No arguments. Cole won’t be in the gym for a while anyway with his ribs.”
“It’s just bruising Kyle. I’m fine.” Cole said, repeating my argument in a squeaky voice I assumed was supposed to be mine.
I hit out at him, avoiding his side, landing a pathetic slap on his solid bicep.
“I do not sound like that!” I laughed.
“Ow Brains! That hurt!” Cole mocked and I hit him again and then laughed. He was such a dork!
“I think we should all probably get some sleep. It’s almost morning.” Kade wisely suggested.
“Will you stay here, with me?” I asked nervously. We were all way too squished together and I knew Matt and Kade must have been close to the edges, but I needed them close.
“We’re not going anywhere, Princess.” Ky
le whispered, his breath brushing over my ear and giving me goosebumps.
“Try and sleep now, Babygirl. We got you.” Cole added.
It didn’t take long for me to drift off, not with them all holding me. I had never felt safer or slept better.
KADE
My cell phone vibrating in the pocket of my lounge pants startled me awake and almost had me rolling backwards off the tiny space I had on the edge of Livy’s bed.
It had been an emotional night. I knew as soon as I found Livy in a state in the kitchen, that she needed all of us to reassure her and I had been right. We had talked her off of the ledge and she seemed settled now, fast asleep between Kyle and Cole.
I was so fucking happy she agreed to try this unconventional relationship with us all. I had fallen for her so fast, and while I knew that may worry some people, it didn’t concern me because I knew my feelings were true. Matt had put it perfectly, she was a huge piece I hadn’t even realised I was missing. Now that Olivia sized piece was where it should be, I felt like all of my other broken pieces were finding ways to fit in too. I’d never be whole, but I felt like she was going to get me closer than I ever expected to be.
Not wanting to wake any of them I carefully slid from the bed and hurried into the hall to pick up the call. It was the Chief, and I knew him calling before first light was not going to mean anything good.
“Chief.” I answered drowsily.
“Maxwell, we’ve got another body and another cryptic fucking message. I need you to get to the crime scene and get your genius brother working on this code shit!” Chief was pissed, and so was I. Another innocent person lay dead because someone on the surveillance team at that motel fucked up. This fucking murdering scumbag should already be locked up!
“Send me the address and I’ll head over. Where’s the message? Another letter?” I asked tiredly. I’d barely slept an hour and I was already exhausted. It was going to be a long fucking day!
“Not this time. Head to the scene and you’ll see. I have a meeting first thing with the superintendent. I’ll meet you there after. We need to stop this fucking maniac Kade. The Mayor is right up my ass on this one.”
“We will.” I agreed, then hung up. I took a deep breath and just took a moment. Another fucking body, and worse, another message I would likely have to get Olivia involved with. I hated mixing her up in all of this shit, but so far she was the only one who had been able to solve the first one. I had no idea if she was some kind of math prodigy or something, but she was really fucking smart and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I would ask her to look at the message if it looked any thing like the last one. I had to do all I could to protect the public. I’d just have to make sure I protected my girl too.
Fuck, I loved being able to call her that! Even on a shit morning like that one, having her in my life could make me smile.
***
“What the fuck?” I gasped when I walked into the motel room of a rundown shithole just outside Cicero.
“Weird huh?” One of the techs who was working the scene asked from where they stood across the room.
The motel room was pretty standard, a queen size bed in the centre, two nightstands and a table with two beat up chairs in the corner. The place looked like it hadn’t been updated since the eighties, the walls yellow and flaking, and the whole place reeking of cigarettes and death.
The curtains of the room had been drawn, and laid in the centre of the bed, just like the others was a young girl, no older than mid twenties. She had bright blonde hair and her eyes were closed like she was sleeping. She was tucked under the comforter, which was new, since the other bodies had simply been on top, and there were no outward signs of cause of death, though I knew if I pulled the comforter back, I would likely find multiple stab wounds, like the others.
“We ID the girl yet?” I asked as I stepped in further.
“Christine Cook. She was a first year medical student. Parents reported her missing when she missed a planned meal two days ago. 24 years old.”
“Witnesses? Surveillance footage? Anything to help us get this fucker?” I asked angrily.
“Patrols are canvassing, but nothing so far. In this neighbourhood, even if anyone did see anything, they won’t talk.” I knew that was true. In the tougher neighbourhoods, people avoided the police at all costs and never told us a damned thing.
“What about the message? That what you’re working on?” I asked, nodding to the notebook he was scribbling in.
“Yeah, but it’s a mess.” He shook his head despairingly and my heart started to pound harder, knowing this would be like the letter, only something Olivia could solve.
I understood why the tech was despairing. The message was on the walls this time, all four of the walls, written in what looked like black marker. All around the top of the room were three neat lines of numbers, letters and symbols, each row about an inch high and all written in perfectly straight lines.
Below that were drawings of shapes with numbers all around their perimeters, and groups of random squares, made up of tiny little numbers, letters and symbols. These shapes and groups of squares filled the entirety of the four walls from below the three lines, right down to the floor. I spun around, taking it all in and wondered how long it had taken the fucker to do it all. He must have used a fucking ruler to get all of the lines on the shapes so perfectly straight, I mused. What kind of psycho was he, to kill the poor innocent girl, then stay with her body to do all of this shit on the walls? I knew I needed to do whatever it took to stop him from taking another innocent life, but the thought of mixing Olivia up with the psycho terrified me.
I feared I had little choice though. Innocent lives depended on her math skills at that time.
OLIVIA
“Watcha doing Chica?” Matt asked as he plopped down next to me on the sofa in the lounge. I hadn’t ended up getting much sleep the previous night, with all of my drama, and I was tired. I’d had a lazy morning with Cole and Matt, watching movies in the media room, but after we ate lunch I decided I needed to find something else to do. I was bored just watching a screen and my mind had started to wander to places I really didn’t want it to.
“Some math equations Cole gave me. He searched the internet for the most complicated ones he could find.” They weren’t actually that complicated and I had pretty easily worked through most of them already, in barely an hour, but they were keeping my brain busy, which was all I needed.
“I still can’t believe you do math for fun.” He laughed.
“I like to keep my mind busy. It helps.” I knew he would understand what I meant by that. He nodded.
“Rough day huh?” He asked and I nodded in reply, then felt bad.
“I’m happy too, about us of course.” I added, hurriedly, and I was so happy to have them all as mine and to be theirs. It made me feel more content than I remembered feeling in a long time, if ever. “Just after that fight and then me freaking last night, it brought a lot of the bad stuff to the surface. That and the fact I didn’t really sleep, I’m just struggling a little. I’m ok though. I just need to be busy.”
“You want to talk things through with me? It might help?” He offered, kindly.
“Thanks, but not today. I’m too tired to try and deal with any of it today.”
“I understand. How about I make you some tea and get you some of those cookies I made. I hid some away from Cole for you.” He laughed.
“That sounds amazing Matt. Thank you.” Matt’s baking was one of the best remedies for a crappy day and I knew it. The man should be a Michelin starred pastry chef.
“Ok Carina, sit tight. I won’t be long.” He stood, leant in to kiss my cheek, then dashed off toward the kitchen.
I gathered the multiple lined pages I had been working out on, into a pile and dumped them on the coffee table, needing a break.
The silence of the room was too much so I flicked the TV on and found a daytime programme to blindly have in the background. The noise helped me
relax and I laid back with my head rested on the back of the sofa and closed my eyes. I wanted to sleep, but I also knew with the thoughts and images running through my mind, it wasn’t a good idea.
After a few minutes Matt came back with two cups of green tea and a plate of sugar cookies he had made the day before. We enjoyed the treats together in companionable silence, then he simply wrapped me in his arms and let me snuggle into him.
“You should close your eyes and rest a while. You’re too pale today.” Matt encouraged, after a while.
“I’m ok, just tired.” I sighed.
“Then take a nap. I’ll stay right here with you.” I looked up and took in his handsome face, that sexy smile on his face. He was everything I never knew I needed and so much more.
“How do you always know what I need?” I asked as I ran a hand over his slightly stubbled cheek.
“I don’t Carina. I just try to do what I can to take care of you.”
“Well thank you…..for taking care of me.”
“Always. Now just rest. I’ve got you.”
I did as he suggested, too tired to protest and sure I would feel safe enough to push back the darkness, in his arms. As soon as my eyes closed I started to drift into sleep.
“Olivia?” Kade’s yell as the front door slammed, had me startling awake violently.
“It’s ok Carina.” Matt hurried to soothe me, and as soon as I realised he still held me, I took a breath and tried to relax a little.
“Olivia?” Kade called again as he strode into the lounge looking stressed and exhausted.
“Kade! Shut the hell up. I literally just got her to try and rest and you woke her!” Matt snapped.
“It’s ok Matt.” I pushed up from the sofa to go to Kade. Something was wrong and I was worried about him working at all when he looked so tired. I knew he went out far too early that morning, because I’d woken up when he left the bedroom in the early hours.
“Shit! I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” Kade ran a hand through his wild hair as he spoke and I picked up on his anxiety.
