Fix You

by Mari Carr

  “Yeah, but quitting the band? I can’t believe that’s really what you want.”

  “I know. I’ve spent a lifetime walking in one direction, never bothering to explore other paths. I pushed and pushed Express Train forward with a single-minded focus that was completely short-sighted. Going out on the road opened my eyes to that.”

  “It did?”

  He nodded. “The truth was I was relieved to be home, happy to miss those last few concerts. What have I always said was the best part of being a musician? Think about it.”

  She didn’t have to think about it. “Writing the music. That’s your favorite part. You say it all the time.”

  He grinned. “I found a way to make a living as a songwriter.”

  “How?”

  “When we were out on the road, I played some of my stuff for The Traffic. Sang some of the songs we hadn’t released yet. They loved them. They introduced me to their producer. We talked for a long time. This guy’s big time. He asked me if I’d be interested in writing songs for some of his other acts. I told him I’d think about it. When I came home, I started tinkering, writing some different stuff in addition to the songs for Express Train.”

  “You’ve been writing songs for other people?”

  He nodded. “After I quit Express Train, I started going to the studio to make dummy tracks to send to the producer. He called a couple days ago. He wants all the songs. And better yet, he wants more.”

  “I thought you were talking to your manager about concert dates.”

  “Nope. I was making one hell of a deal with a record producer.”

  “Oh my God. That’s incredible.”

  “I know.”

  Zoey tried to figure out what to say, but there were too many emotions fighting for dominance inside her—relief, suspicion, happiness, disbelief. “You really don’t want to stay with the band?”

  Of all the things he’d told her, she couldn’t believe he’d truly quit.

  “I’m not going to lie. It ripped me apart to break away from those guys. And there’s a part of me that wonders if I’ll regret it. What if they become the next Beatles and I’m like that guy who was there at the beginning who dropped out. What was his name?”

  She shrugged. “I have no idea. I didn’t even know there was another guy.”

  “See what I mean?”

  She laughed. He was giving her everything she’d been too afraid to wish for and yet, she couldn’t accept it at face value. She needed to be sure. “So your decision had nothing to do with me?”

  Robbie took her hand, lifted it and kissed her knuckles. “It had everything to do with you.”

  Her heart fell. She knew it.

  “The reason I hated the road was because you weren’t there. I was seeing all these incredible things, but the one person I wanted to share them with was here. I missed you every single day. I don’t want to do that again.”

  “I’d never ask you to give up your music, Robbie. You know that. If you want to keep playing, we can find a way to make it work.”

  He kissed her on the cheek. “I know. I did this for me. And for us. I look at my future and all I see is you. I like that.”

  Zoey blinked rapidly trying to ward off the tears gathering in her eyes. “I love you, Robbie.”

  He pulled her close and she wrapped her arms around him. She adored his hugs, the warmth, the security, the perfect fit.

  “I love you too. Now what do you say we eat? I’m starving.”

  Chapter Nine

  Rob stopped outside the front door of their townhouse, blocking Zoey’s entrance. She gave him a funny look, though she was still grinning from ear to ear. Both of them had probably resembled a couple of lunatics when they’d walked out of the doctor’s office this afternoon. The chemo worked. She’d been given a clean bill of health. While she’d still have to go back fairly often for check-ups, it appeared that she’d kicked cancer to the curb.

  They’d gotten as far as the exit of the clinic before breaking out in hoots and high fives. Rob had picked her up and spun her around until they were both dizzy and laughing like hyenas.

  “Aren’t we going inside?” She was waiting for him to unlock the door.

  He nodded, turning the key. Before she could take a step, he bent over and picked her up, carrying her across the threshold, bridegroom-style.

  “What are you doing?” She laughed in surprise, gripping his neck. Rob kicked the door closed and took her into the living room, not stopping until he placed her on the couch.

  It was the first piece of furniture they’d bought for their apartment and the first place he’d made love to her. Today he intended to repeat that amazing moment, only this time, there would be no tears, no fear, no confusion or concerns about the future.

  They were home for good and both of them were healthy, alive.

  “It’s the middle of the afternoon. I hardly think I need a nap.” The gleam in her eyes proved she knew what he was doing, but she was going to make him work for it, beg. “In fact, I thought I might do a little laundry.”

  He pressed on her shoulder when she started to rise, coming over her, covering her with his body. “You’re not doing laundry.”

  He kissed her, just a soft, short, familiar one. He’d been kissing her for months on end. He couldn’t imagine a time when he wouldn’t want to. Rob was addicted to her soft lips, her sweet breath, the feeling of her hands as they wrapped around his neck, lightly caressing his hair.

  Zoey smiled as they broke off the kiss. “I have quite a pile of dirty socks—”

  He kissed her again, cutting off her joke. Her hair had begun to grow in the weeks since her last chemo appointment. Her scalp was now covered with wisps of her own brown hair. He knew she was impatient for it to grow, ready to look like her old self again, but Rob loved the way it looked now. Along with the hair, her complexion had resumed its healthy, pink hue.

  Her eyes twinkled mischievously. “And after the laundry, I thought I’d scrub the toilet and tub.”

  “We’re having sex, Zoey. Right here. Right now.”

  Her grin grew. “We’ve already christened the couch. You sure you wouldn’t rather break in some other room? Kitchen counter, across the desk in your office?”

  Since officially changing their status from roommates to couple, they’d combined their bedrooms, turning Rob’s old room into an office where he could work on his music. He hoped that one day soon, they would buy a real house, a big one that wasn’t attached to anyone else’s, with plenty of room for kids as well.

  “That all sounds very tempting. We’ll make a list. After.”

  “After?”

  He kissed her again, grinding his jeans-covered erection against the juncture of her thighs. “After.”

  Zoey’s fingers caressed his hair, stroking it as he continued to kiss her. Her lips parted and he deepened the union of their mouths, his tongue dancing with hers. There was no urgency. No pressure. For once, time was on their side. They had all day. All night. Forever. Rob intended to put the time to good use.

  He pulled away and rose to his knees. Gripping the hem of his T-shirt, he drew the cotton over his head, enjoying the way Zoey’s gaze devoured him. He unfastened his shorts, then stood briefly to shed them along with his sandals. Zoey sat up and began to undress as well. Her blouse was the first to go, then her bra.

  His gaze drifted to her collarbone, to the fresh scar there, left when they removed the port. Then his eyes traveled to her breast, to the lumpectomy scar above her right nipple. She started to raise her arms, to cover the mark, but he knelt on the floor in front of her, grasping her hands and pulling them away from her body.

  He continued to look at her breasts, then he leaned forward and kissed both scars.

  She smiled. “I wish that had been the cure. The way to make it all better.”

  He kissed her breast again, then lightly sucked on her erect nipple. “Me too.”

  Her eyes captured his and held. Self-consciousness crept
in. “You really don’t mind?”

  “A couple scars? No, Zoey. There are a million things I love about you and none of them disappear because of those marks. Christ, call me a kinky bastard, but they actually turn me on a little bit.”

  She giggled, then ran her fingers along his face. “How do you always know the right thing to say?”

  He turned, catching the palm of her hand, kissing it. “I’m a rock star, remember?”

  Her laughter turned to a gasp when he returned to her breast, sucking her nipple into his mouth harder. Cupping her other breast in his hand, he gently squeezed, building the pressure.

  Zoey wriggled, pressing her legs together, but Rob didn’t give quarter. Instead he continued to play with her breasts, notching her arousal higher with each nip, suck, kiss and squeeze.

  “God,” she cried out after several minutes. “Please.”

  “Begging, Zoey?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Help me take off these shorts. I need to be fucked and you’re going to do it. Now.”

  “Ooo. Going a little dominatrix on me. I like it.”

  She pushed against his shoulder until he moved enough for her to remove her shorts. He helped her take them off, adding them to the pile of clothing they’d already shed.

  His erection thickened when he caught the delicate scent of her arousal. Her inner thighs were slick with her body’s juices. Pressing her legs wider apart, he bent his head, dragging his tongue along her slit.

  Zoey’s hands flew to his hair, her fingers gripping tightly. She moaned when he nipped her clit with his teeth. She lifted her hips, trying to take more. Her libido had returned full-force. Lately she’d been insatiable.

  As he continued to lick his way to heaven, he pushed two fingers inside her wet pussy.

  “Yes,” she hissed. “God, Robbie. So good.”

  For months, he’d been gentle, only losing control of his true sexual nature a couple of times. Today, the kid gloves would be removed for good. There was so much he wanted to do with her. To her.

  He added a third finger to her pussy and sped up the pace. Zoey’s head fell back against the couch and her grasp in his hair became almost painful. She was out of her mind with need.

  Good. She’d spent too much time lost in her own thoughts these past few months. It was about time she let go.

  “No,” she cried when he withdrew his fingers. “Don’t stop.”

  “Never. Move your ass closer to me, to the edge of the cushion.” He wanted complete access to her body.

  She shifted until she was practically lying down and her head was propped against the cushions, giving her a bird’s eye view of his actions. He knelt between her outstretched legs. She wasn’t the only one with an awesome view.

  He leaned forward, licking her once more before thrusting his tongue inside her clenching pussy. Her hands found his shoulders, her nails digging into the flesh there. She was a wildcat, scratching him. He turned his head and bit her upper thigh, just enough to leave a mark of his own.

  “Fuck,” Zoey whispered, her voice filled with hungry need. “God, Robbie. You’re killing me.”

  He gave her a wicked grin, then returned to playing. Her moans and sighs and squeaks were beautiful music to his ears. He pressed his tongue deeper, attempting to turn up the volume. Zoey didn’t disappoint him. When he ran one of his wet fingers around her anus, she stiffened, then she came. Loudly.

  Rob straightened so he could watch her face. She was flushed and a fine sheen of sweat dampened her brow. Her eyes were closed tightly. She’d never been prettier.

  He lightly rubbed his cock against the couch, trying to find some small bit of relief. He was in agony, so fucking ready he was dizzy. Even so, he waited. When he entered her again, he wanted her clear-minded, focused on nothing but him.

  Zoey’s eyelids lifted, her gaze finding him. “Wow.”

  He grinned. “Turn around and lie down on the couch.”

  He loved her boneless, clumsy attempts to move. She was the picture of sated bliss and it looked good on her.

  Once she was fully reclined, he climbed over her, the position reminding him of their first night together. Zoey parted her legs, welcoming him between. His cock brushed against her damp pussy, but he didn’t try to enter her. Not yet.

  Zoey stroked his back lazily, still replete after her orgasm. She wasn’t in a hurry, wasn’t trying to rush him to the next part. In the beginning, this new aspect of their relationship had been too goddamn good and neither of them practiced restraint. They’d fucked like it would all be taken away if they blinked. Once she’d started the chemo, the lovemaking turned gentle, slower, but it was still clouded with fear and uncertainty.

  Today, they were turning a corner.

  “Robbie?” Zoey’s eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. For the first time in a long while, everything’s right. I just want to savor the moment.”

  She grinned. “I understand that. I don’t think I realized until today just how afraid I was. Apparently I’ve been living in a state of perpetual terror since January. It wasn’t until the doctor said the cancer was gone and the fear disappeared that I recognized how overpowering it was. Does that make sense?”

  It made perfect sense because she’d described his feelings as well. “Yeah. It does. In fact, that’s why we’re here. On the couch.”

  She glanced around the living room, then back at him, confused. “I don’t understand.”

  “We’re starting fresh, Zoey. At the beginning. Only this time, we’re talking before, not after, and there’s not going to be any questions or anxiety or bullshit creeping in.”

  She lifted her head to kiss him, softly. “I like that idea.”

  Her kiss had been too brief. He was lying on top of her, their bodies connected from feet to chest. He lowered even more and returned her kiss, with interest, with tongue.

  They were both breathless by the time he broke it off. “I love you,” he said.

  “I love you too. And I have since the first day we met. I was sitting on my parents’ front porch feeling like the loneliest person on the planet. You walked over and offered to play basketball with me. You were my hero. You kept me from suffering a long, boring summer.”

  Rob chuckled. “Well, I’m not sure I fell in love with you that day. Your lay up sucked and your dribbling…” He faked a shudder. Zoey punched him lightly on the arm. “But I did fall in love with you that day in the park, under the trees when you kissed me.”

  “That wasn’t even a real kiss. Just an experiment.”

  “It felt real to me. You’ve always believed in me, Zoey. Even when I couldn’t believe in myself. I’m the man I am today because of you.”

  She blinked and he suspected it was to hold back tears. He hadn’t meant to make her cry. There had been too many tears shed this year. He kissed her cheek, her forehead, her lips.

  This time, she broke the connection. “Funny how different our perspectives are. I look at my life and it seems to be one long list of times when you saved me. You held my hair when I was sick, offered to drive me to the drugstore after I’d been stupid. You pointed out some hard truths when I was dating Drake and this year, Christ, I wouldn’t have lasted a minute without you here.”

  “No. That’s not true. You saved yourself. Every time, Zoey. I just held your hand while you did all the hard stuff.”

  She reached up to where his hands lay beside her head. He grasped them, clasping their hands together tightly. “Promise you’ll never let go of my hand?”

  He kissed her. It was the easiest vow he’d ever made. “Promise.”

  With the words spoken, Rob felt free from the demons of their past. All the walls fell away. He lifted his hips and slid home. As he pressed his cock inside, he kissed her, their hands still linked. Zoey wrapped her legs around his waist, encouraging him to go deeper.

  The pace they set was gentle at first, a calm rocking that allowed Rob to feel every movement of Zoey�
�s hips, the clenching of her inner muscles. He heard every soft cry and felt her hot breath on his face.

  Soon, the easy thrusting wasn’t enough…for either of them. Zoey’s legs tightened around him, urging him to move faster. Rob released her hands and her lips, opting instead to hold her shoulders, holding her steady as he increased his pace.

  Zoey’s hands locked on his upper arms, her grip and words driving him on. “Harder.” The demand came out as a harsh gasp. “God, please. Harder.”

  Rob took her at her word, relishing each groan that told him he’d hit the right spot.

  “On top,” she said on a gasp. “Let me on top.”

  He shifted their positions, taking care not to leave her body. It was an awkward transition, but once they’d made it, Rob looked up at Zoey’s flushed face and knew he’d discovered paradise. She placed one foot on the floor, using it to aid her as she rode him. Stars flew behind his eyes, but Rob tried to fight off the urge to come. This was too fucking good to end so soon.

  Unfortunately, Zoey’s breasts bounced in unison with her up and down motion. He reached up, unable to keep his hands off them. He was a breast guy and hers were gorgeous. When he squeezed the soft globes, slowly adding to the pressure, Zoey exploded. Rob gritted his teeth, determined to stave off his climax.

  Zoey, exhausted, sank down on his chest. It took several breathless moments before she realized he hadn’t joined her. She lifted her head. “Robbie?”

  “Not finished yet.”

  She frowned. “You helped me survive months of chemo and cancer only to kill me with sex?”

  He laughed. “You have to admit it’s a better way to go.”

  “My whole body is Jell-O. I can’t possibly—”

  Rob held her knees as he twisted and sat up. The sudden movement caught Zoey by surprise.

  She straddled his lap, his cock still hard and buried deep. Rather than respond, he reached down and touched her clit. Still sensitive from her previous orgasms, the simple touch had the effect he hoped. She jerked as if shocked by a live wire. He rubbed harder, amazed and thrilled when her body responded. Her pussy grew wetter and her hips began thrusting in time with his caresses.