Orange Moon

by Barbara Sheridan

  “So forget about it.” Imai rolled his eyes. “The kid’ll probably call again, anyway.”

  Koji gave in. “Yeah, you’re right. Whatever.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Toru didn’t return his call, and Hideki didn’t have a chance to call back that day or the next. It was maddening, and Hideki rather wished Sasao wasn’t handling all the PR for the drama special on her own. He understood why she did it, as she had risen to stardom in the original series this special and the upcoming series were spun-off from, and the director wanted to keep the public guessing who the new male lead would be.

  Hideki was still stunned that they’d managed to keep it under wraps as well as they had these past weeks. However, that would soon come to an end as today they were going to go over the commercial that was to air soon to promote the special. Apparently, Nippon Entertainment didn’t have a monopoly on controlling the press these days, and that made Hideki very glad indeed.

  The feeling was short-lived.

  Taking Toru's car, Hideki arrived at the studio almost an hour before the scheduled meeting. To his surprise, the parking lot outside the building was packed with cars as though the entire crew for the production had shown up for a day’s worth of filming.

  Slipping in past the knot of stagehands near the side entrance, Hideki found another scene from the drama being shot. He stood by the dolly men, watching from the shadows. In fact, it was one of the very first scenes he’d done with Sasao ... only another actor stood in his place.

  What the hell?

  One of the assistant directors bumped into Hideki. The man spilled some of the hot tea he carried on his jacket and muttered under his breath as he wiped it away. When he looked up and saw Hideki, he gasped in surprise. “Oh, you’re early.”

  “What is this?” Hideki gestured to the set.

  “You need to talk to the director about this, Sakae.”

  The man scurried straight to the director, who was sitting on a stool across from the filming area and tilting his head from side to side like he had a crick in his neck that wouldn’t stop bothering him. Hideki cut through the audio-visual equipment and came up beside him.

  “Cut!” the director shouted.

  “Mamoru, I don’t understand.” Hideki clenched his jaw. “Is this something for the new advertisement spots?”

  “No.” Mamoru shook his head and waved off the tea his assistant tried to offer him. “This is bullshit, Hideki-kun.”

  Hideki slumped as a sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. It was too good to be true. He’d known it was from the start. “I’m fired, right?”

  Mamoru sighed and pulled an envelope from his inside jacket pocket. “Yes, and it was not my doing. I fought as hard as I could. You’re the man for the part. You and Sasao together are incredible, but it’s the sponsors and the producer. I couldn’t keep your appearance under wraps, once they saw the commercial.”

  Hideki folded the envelope and shoved it into his jeans pocket. “Thanks. I appreciate you giving me the chance, and I’m sorry you’re behind schedule now because of it.”

  Mamoru gave Hideki’s shoulder a sympathetic pat. “Don’t you apologize to me. You were great -- a real pro all the way. I’ll work with you again anytime.”

  “But not in Japan, I’m sure. I’ll see you around.”

  “Hide-kun!” Sasao called from across the set.

  Hideki ignored her and kept on walking.

  He drove to the beach where he and “Ryoko” had had their first “date.” God, what he wouldn’t give to have Toru here now.

  He dropped onto the sand and tucked his knees under his chin.

  SundayEveryday was gone ... for good. He’d never be on stage with the group again, and trying to break into the music world on his own seemed impossible. All of those singles he’d recorded weeks ago, when he’d first met Toru, were piled on top of the dresser in the apartment, unused and unheard by any radio station in the country. Nippon chalked all that time spent in the recording studio up to a “business loss.” If he’d never met Toru, none of this would’ve happened.

  Hideki straightened up, his hands balling into fists on the sand. Not only would everything not be just fine with his career, but he’d also be miserable and lonely with no one to share any of it with.

  He adored Toru, and Toru loved him back.

  “Screw everything else.” Hideki stood up and brushed the sand off his bottom. Getting back inside the car, he headed to the apartment to pick up what few things he needed. From there, he was going to call the airline.

  * * * * *

  “Shut up!” Toru groaned at the telephone that rang as soon as he was finally able to doze off. He threw the pillow over his head, but the phone kept on, and he realized that it must be Hideki.

  He grabbed the receiver. “Yeah?”

  “Toru? It’s me, Sasao.”

  “Not now; I feel like shit.”

  “Listen to me. Hideki got dumped. It was awful. Mamoru had to fire him, and after all that hard work and he was so good!”

  “What?” Toru switched on the bedside lamp and sat up, his stomach aching violently in protest at the sudden movement. “Tell me what happened.”

  Sasao did and told Toru that she had no idea where Hideki was. If he was home, he wasn’t answering the phone, and she couldn’t leave the studio to check on him. “Look, I have to go. Find him, To-chan! He needs you.”

  Toru replaced the cordless receiver and dragged himself out of bed. He went to splash water on his face. He took a sip of water to wet his dry mouth and waited to see if his stomach would throw it back up as it had earlier. Nothing happened, and he dragged himself to the living room. He called up to Jun’s apartment, but the maid said Jun and Rumiko were resting. Toru asked if she had the stomach medicine Rumiko had told him about earlier, and the maid said she’d bring it right down.

  “No. I need to leave Jun-san a note. I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

  He knew what he had to do now. He couldn't run the risk that Hideki would grow to blame him for all that he'd lost. No matter how fucking bad it hurt, he had to break it off with Hideki once and for all. It was the right thing to do, and he shouldn’t have deluded himself that it could work out otherwise. Hideki would work in Japan again once this blew over. He was sure of it.

  The maid placed her finger on her lips as she let Toru in. “They fell asleep on the sofa.”

  He glanced into the living room as the maid went to get the medicine for his stomach. The sight of Jun and Rumiko on the wide sectional brought a tear to his eye as he remembered holding Hideki close and feeling as perfectly content as Jun looked.

  But, no. That was over. He couldn’t allow himself the luxury of that -- not when Hideki’s future happiness was at stake. He’d break it off, even if he had to lie and say all he’d wanted was a piece of Hideki’s virgin ass and now that he’d had it he was bored.

  When the maid came back, he handed her the note to Jun letting him know that he’d be back as soon as he could. He needed to go to Tokyo and do this in person and be the meanest bastard he knew how to be.

  On the way out of the building, Toru bumped into Koji and Imai, who were on their way in. Both men smelled heavily enough of alcohol to make Toru’s stomach churn, and Imai was so fucking drunk he could barely stand without Koji to keep him up.

  “H-hey -- Toru,” Koji called in a slurred voice. “Wait -- s’something I was gonna tell you. The kid --”

  “Fucking save it,” Toru spat over his shoulder. “ChildsPrey wins, are you happy?” As long as he wasn’t, right?

  “Wait!”

  Toru flipped his drunken band mates the finger and dropped into the cab. “Let’s go,” he said roughly. The cab driver sped away, and Toru called ahead to the airport about scheduling the quickest flight out of the country.

  * * * * *

  “We’ve just received word from the tower that outbound flights east from Honolulu will be delayed, due to an incoming storm. More details
will be available from our agents at the gate.”

  Toru’s groan joined the ripple that went through the plane, and for a minute, he wondered if this might not be an omen, a chance for him to reconsider his plan.

  No. He wouldn’t change his mind, not like he’d let his heart sway him before. He had to get Hideki away from him for his own good.

  Wasn’t the damage he’d done bad enough already?

  God, if the boy didn’t hate him yet, he was going to have to for his own sake. Toru’s sexuality had never been an issue for ChildsPrey -- any fanservice onstage drove the girls in the audience wild, and hard rockers like him were never looked at as idols. Hideki had been on that pedestal with half of Japan ready to carry him on to total stardom ... and Toru had plucked him right off there.

  “You’re a greedy, selfish fuck,” Toru hissed under his breath. He hated himself for everything, knowing he deserved this sharp, aching feeling like his heart was about to be ripped from his chest.

  * * * * *

  Hideki looked over to the older woman, who tapped his arm as she had numerous times on this eleven-hour flight from Narita Airport.

  “You’re sure this is normal? This shaking?”

  Hideki nodded. “There’s a storm coming; it’s just turbulence. We’re fine. Look at the attendants; they’re not worried.”

  “Would they really let us see if they were?”

  Hideki didn’t have an answer for that, so he made one up. “If there was a problem, we would know.” No sooner had he said that than the co-pilot’s voice came over the radio, announcing that they were going to attempt to land in Honolulu before the “window of opportunity” closed as the storm rolled in.

  “If he doesn’t make it?” the older lady asked Hideki.

  “We’ll land at one of the smaller islands and layover until tomorrow.”

  Hideki patted her hand and smiled, trying not to think how pathetic it would be for the plane to go down just as he was about to throw caution to the wind and go after his happiness once and for all.

  “Oh, no, no.” The lady shook her head with worry. “My grandson’s wedding is tomorrow. We can’t be stuck on one of the islands for a whole day!”

  Another day without seeing Toru was not something Hideki looked forward to experiencing. Hideki gave her another comforting pat on the hand. “I’m sure we’ll be fine. We have to be.”

  She gave him a worried glance, but the co-pilot’s voice came over the intercom system once more. “We’re going to be able to make it into Honolulu International Airport, everyone. Weather forecasters are predicting the storm to pass just west of the islands, but flights will be delayed for up to six hours.”

  Everyone groaned, including Hideki. He leaned back against the seat and bit the inside of his cheek. “A few more hours, then,” he murmured, dejected.

  “Please fasten your safety restraints,” the flight attendants warned. “The plane will be landing shortly.”

  * * * * *

  The ticketing agent gently shook Toru’s shoulder. “Nakai-san. If you’d like, I’d be happy to reserve you a room at the hotel on the other side of the airport.” Toru sat up straighter and shook his head. “That’s not necessary. I’m used to this type of thing.”

  She blushed, having admitted to being a longtime fan when Toru checked in. “If you change your mind, please let me assist you.”

  “I will.”

  “I’m going on my break; would you like me to bring you a snack or a cup of coffee?’

  Toru shook his head and stood. “I’m fine, thank you.”

  Fine. That was a fucking joke, wasn’t it? He still felt slightly sick, and his stomach was twisting in emotional knots with every passing minute. Shoving his hands into his jeans pockets, he began to walk the length of the Batsu Airlines corridor, pausing now and again to look out the large windows over the tarmac where rain was just beginning to drizzle down, giving the blacktop a glassine appearance.

  He looked at his watch and remembered that he’d forgotten to adjust the time when he’d landed here in Honolulu. How much time he had to wait didn’t really matter, and he hoped the discomfort of having to wait here and denying himself food and drink would put him in the proper miserable frame of mind to do what he had to do.

  Let Hideki go -- no -- drive him away so that he could be free to pursue his career and a “normal” relationship. Maybe even with Sasao. They really were a good match, and obviously Sasao liked Hideki a lot. She could love him, Toru was certain of it. How could anyone not love Hideki?

  More importantly, how could he make himself stop loving Hideki?

  Toru leaned his forehead on the glass and stared at the droplets streaking down the window. He would never stop loving Hideki. Not even after the young man had moved on and was happily married. Toru would still watch from the sidelines ... and that knowledge caused the worst pain of all.

  A large trail of Japanese tourists and visitors came down the hallway. Their happy chattering as they discussed whatever plans were made for their trip made Toru’s stomach twist into another knot.

  “Excuse me,” he muttered, moving past the flow of traffic to stay near the terminal.

  “To-chan?”

  Toru stopped dead. It couldn’t be. He turned slowly to see Hideki smiling at him as if the summer sun had just risen after an endless, dark winter.

  “How did you know? Why are you here? It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you are!” Hideki embraced him and attempted to kiss him, but Toru forced himself away.

  “Hideki. What are you doing here?”

  Hideki gave him a quizzical look. “I’m -- I was going to Los Angeles. To be with you.”

  “Why?” Toru asked sharply.

  “Why?”

  “Yes.”

  Hideki floundered, shifting his suitcase from hand to hand in his nervousness. “The special, the series. I was replaced,” he said dully. “There’s nothing for me in Japan any more.”

  “There’s nothing for you in America either.”

  “W-what?”

  Hideki’s voice came out in a choked half-whisper, and Toru was glad that his sunglasses concealed the tears forming in his own eyes. “You heard me.”

  “I-I heard, but ... I don’t understand.”

  “What’s to understand? I don’t want you here.”

  Hideki furrowed his brows, his eyes widening to express the utter shock and confusion he tried to form into words. “You don’t want me -- here? But I -- I thought --”

  “Fuck.” Toru sighed heavily, turning away to face the windows. “This is just the kind of shit I wanted to avoid.” God ... he was going to throw up; his stomach twisted violently with each lie he forced himself to spit out. He swallowed and made his voice sound hard, cold. “You sleep around a few times, and all you want is a good fuck, not a goddamn boyfriend.”

  “But you asked me to come to LA ...”

  “And what a fucked-up mistake that was,” Toru growled. “You’re a nice kid, but the good boy virgin act is old.” Through the tears blurring his vision, he could make out Hideki’s reflection as the young man turned away and bowed his head. Toru whipped off his glasses, swiped his tears with the back of his trembling hand, and then donned the shades once more to keep his hardened image intact.

  This was a dream. No, a nightmare. Toru would not say such things to him ever. Maybe ... maybe the plane had gone down in the storm. Maybe he was dead; maybe he’d landed in Hell. That was the only explanation for Toru to say such things.

  “You don’t mean that,” he whispered finally. “You can’t mean it.”

  He could see Toru’s reflection in the glass, his jaw rigid, his hands shoved deep into his pants pockets. “I said it, didn’t I? I was coming to Tokyo to make sure you understood. I have a lot of work to do here, and I can’t be tied down in some stupid, casual affair.”

  “That’s a lie.” Hideki dropped his suitcase, realizing it only when the plastic hit the carpet with a dull thud. He stared down at the lugga
ge by his feet, his vision blurring out of focus. “You said before that you loved me ...”

  Toru snorted. “Shit, most women I’ve met don’t even fall for that one.”

  “What’s wrong with you, To-chan?” Hideki looked up, feeling dizzy and nauseous.

  “What’s wrong is that I’ve dragged this bullshit on for too long,” Toru muttered. “I had a good time, but I’m bored. It’s over”

  “You used me,” Hideki said dully.

  “I had a good time, and so did you. Don’t act like you’re being shortchanged on the deal.”

  Hideki turned, not surprised that Toru still wouldn’t look at him. But how could this be? It made no sense. After the Ryoko business, Toru had said he loved him. “So it was all a game? All of it?”

  “Yeah. Look, I’m sorry things happened the way they did. I didn’t figure on those fans of yours being such prissy bitches.”

  “So you don’t care about me? You never cared?” Hideki asked softly, sniffling back the tears. He had to hear it.

  “Don’t you fucking get it? Shit. Imai said you were a dumb little fuck. I guess he wins the bet.”

  A bet.

  Hideki clenched his hands into fists, his chest rising and falling with each breath. “I guess he does,” he choked out. “How much was my heart worth to the both of you?”

  Turning to face Hideki with that crooked grin, Toru laughed. “A thousand yen and a bottle of gin. I’m getting hosed.”

  Hideki broke inside. All the hurt, anger, and misery swelled up inside of him, and he lunged forward.

  “You asshole!” he shouted. He smashed his fist against Toru’s jaw, heard a loud crack as bone connected with bone. A woman screamed behind him, and everyone in the hallway froze. Toru stumbled back against the window, his glasses hanging off his face.

  “I hate you,” Hideki growled. “You son of a bitch. You ruined my life!”

  “I know,” Toru said as he pulled himself to his feet. Funny how they were the only words to the man he’d said that didn’t make him want to throw up.

  Hideki lunged at him again, but was grabbed by two security guards. “The police are on their way. Stay put, sir.”