Baby Momma

by Ni'chelle Genovese

  “You know this yo’ dick, baby. I ain’t pressed ’bout seein’ that bitch; she ain’ made it stand up in years. I jus’ need to make sure she keep my paper right an’ take care of my son.” Like I said, a nigga still get pussy, even on lockdown. Officer Reynolds wasn’t a five star, first class, hell she wasn’t even back-up material. There was nothin’ cute on or about her, but when it’s dark, pussy feel like pussy, ya hear me. She was far from the usual type of woman I fucked wit’, but it was this or my hand ’cause I wasn’t lettin’ anotha nigga suck me off. We usually met up in the evenin’s.

  We were let outta our cells twice a week to see this bullshit psychiatrist. I ain’ neva met the nigga personally, but he sure as hell expensive than a mufucka. Cost me thirty thou jus’ to get him to keep his mouth shut and another ten Gs to write up false observations and shit like he been seein’ me on a regular basis. I was cool with him, but shrinks didn’t last long in here. If we got anotha one anytime soon the price would probably go up and I would be outta money if I had to keep doin’ this kind of shit. My sanity in here depended on whether or not I could get Chelle to do some work for me on the outside to keep our cash flow up.

  One of my boys told me ’bout her sellin’ the club and shit so she was def stackin’ paper. The few who were still loyal to me had finished off the last of their sales and had been puttin’ the cash on the books for me in here. Without the lights on I could pretend her lips were Michelle’s, or Diamond’s, or even Honey’s. Yeah, it would be real good to see Chelle.

  32

  Princes and Princesses

  I looked out over the city from my office on the eighteenth floor. You could smell the spring fever. It was finally starting to stay light outside longer and we were sitting in the lower sixties almost every day. The sun glimmered off the diamond on my left hand, drawing my attention downward. Four months ago, I’d become engaged to Ris. She loved me and made love to me in ways Rasheed would never be able to or ever even wanted to. She was such a romantic and always so gentle, touching me the right way, kissing me just the way I liked. Rah was always on some grab, bite, and pull rough porno shit. It was starting to become clear that Ris was the perfect balance for me. I never knew it was physically possible to be in love with two different people at the same time. But there I was. I loved them both for very different reasons and I finally got the courage to face the reality of making up my mind.

  Rah’d been charged with double homicide and was sentenced to consecutive life sentences and I was living as close to a perfect life as I possibly could. It was still early. If I changed my mind and never showed up Rah wouldn’t be able to do shit about it. I’d finally spoken with him and agreed to visit him today. It wouldn’t be easy but I needed this face-to-face time. I finally needed closure.

  I had one stop to make before I headed to the penitentiary to see Rasheed. In the beginning I’d planned to just leave Rasheed and take his money with me. Derrick was always loyal to Rah; there was no need for him to go as far as he went and justice had been served in this instance. When I’d told Rah about the fraud situation I’d handled at the bank, I was certain he’d try it. He was always looking for ways to hide or move money. I’d started a credit watch program with Equifax the week before telling him the bank idea, and sure enough when First Union ran my info to open an account I was immediately sent a confirmation e-mail to activity under my Social Security number. I contacted one of my girls who was a teller at the bank, and she had no problem giving me the account number and the balance. It was in my name after all. Over the course of the last six months or so Rasheed had been conducting business and telling whoever to deposit shit they owed him there or put it on his books. He had over $200,000 in that checking account alone. I planned to withdraw it all and close the account for good.

  My phone chimed, letting me know I had an appointment scheduled in my calendar. I checked my reflection in the mirror. I’d chosen to wear my hair loose the way he liked it, and the forty-five minutes a day on the stair climber in our corporate gym had my ass and hips fitting nicely into my black and grey Lanvin blazer and matching skirt; both gifts from Ris. I admired my skin and my cheekbones in the glass. I looked well rested and happy for a change. I’d been quietly liquidating most of Rasheed’s assets. All of the cars minus the S-class Benz were sold; I’d given that to Ris since she always admired it. I’d sold the Hot Spot, the house, anything that ever connected Rasheed’s life to mine was gone. I called to check on Ris.

  “Hey, Chelly Bean.”

  “Hey, baby. How is our li’l princess?” I was referring to Lataya, Trenisha’s daughter. Trenisha was only given a 10 percent chance at surviving and was pretty much being kept alive by the machines they had her hooked up to. The primary options for her daughter were to go to her grandmother, who wanted nothing to do with the baby, a foster home, or stay here with us since, after all, Ris was still her family. I’d always wanted another child, and since we were starting our lives together, Larissa surprised me when she was the one who said it was only fair that we give the product of all our sins a better chance at life.

  “She’s finally ‘sleep! I don’t know how you did this shit, I don’t think I’m cut out to be a momma. It’s kickin’ my ass.” She sounded dead tired and my heart went out to her. When I was going through that stage with Trey, Rah was in the club almost every night and it felt like I was always tired, always alone, and at the mercy of Trey’s temperament.

  “Aww, baby, you’re doin’ fine. I swear all new mommas go through it. You’re getting better at it, I promise.”

  “Yeah, but all new mommas don’t have babies who can’t stand they asses. I jus’ know that li‘l heffa saves all the poops, fusses, an’ messes for me!” Ris was dead certain the baby couldn’t stand her because she’d cry and fuss the entire time she was with her. It was the exact opposite with me; she’d coo and make all the wonderful baby sounds that I remembered enjoying with Trey and then she’d be off to sleep. I saw so much of Rah when I looked at her little face: his defiant sharp chin, and narrow nose. She was exactly my complexion and so chubby with kissable fat rolls everywhere, I called her my Michelin Tire baby. It was easy adjusting to her in the house since Ris was pretty much a stay-at-home mommy. I’d even jokingly started calling her my baby momma.

  “I’ll be home in a little bit. I’ve got something for you. Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

  “Yeah, you’ve got somethin’ that’ll make me feel better all right. I’m goin’ to take my ass a shower while everything’s calm.”

  Ris rushed off the phone and I put my things into my Louis Vuitton laptop bag. It was time to face down my demon. I said a silent prayer for strength, guidance, and protection. Yes, I was definitely going to be needing all three since I had no idea how Rasheed would react to finally learning the truth about everything.

  33

  Just Start at the Beginning

  I’d never visited anyone in prison before. This was going to be harder than I thought. I signed in and was led to the non-contact visit area. Since Rah and I weren’t married and I wasn’t immediate family, I was not allowed to physically be in the same space as him. This was fine by me. I had a pretty good feeling after I told Rah everything I needed to tell him that it would be in my best interest to have a thick glass wall between us.

  The other side of the room was stark grey. Nothing was present except for the phone on the side of the wall directly across from the phone beside me. I expected to feel remorse or unhappiness. The door opened and Rah was led in by an intimidating mannish-looking woman. She eyed me from behind him as he sat at the bench looking as attractive as the day I’d first met him. He’d put on some muscle and let his beard grow out, giving him a rugged, dangerous appeal. He waited until she left the room an’ picked up the phone. I did the same.

  “Michelle, baby. You don’t know how happy I am to see you.” He sighed, and looked at me expectantly as if he were waiting for me to say the same. I wanted to tell him what he exp
ected, take the easy way out and leave him in there thinkin’ everything would be fine.

  “I’m sorry you gotta see me like this, Chelle. I fucked up—I know. I jus’ need to know you gonna try to wait for a nigga. I love you, baby. I really do.”

  “Well, Rasheed, that seems to be something you pretty good at. Fuckin’ up, that is.” I couldn’t hide my anger. I’d had to listen to him say he’d fucked up or he’s sorry for so many years. Fuck Rasheed. Before he could reply or I lost my nerve I continued.

  “I have a confession to make, because none of this shit would have ever started if you would have just been the man I needed you to be. Shit. Rasheed, you could have just told me the truth, been honest with everything, and we would have been fine.”

  He stared at me, about to argue, but I had to get this over with. I was ready to start my life with Larissa and leave all this drama and bullshit behind me.

  “The day you decided to fuck Trenisha—I’m sorry, I mean Honey—and lie to me was the day you fucked up your shit for good. Who the fuck you think talked her ass into getting a cell phone, Rasheed? Hell, I took her to buy it. All those nights y‘all were together, who you think she was talking to, nigga? Do you know how it made me feel to hear this bitch talking about how good her nigga, my nigga, was dickin’ her down?” I was getting riled up and had to watch my tone. I needed to compose myself. Rah must have thought I needed an explanation or what I liked to call a plausible lie.

  “Chelle, listen to me. You know how those stripper hoes get down. Whateva she said I swear it wasn’t like that, ba—”

  “Rasheed, who do you think Honey was livin’ with? When she told us you bought her a car I was mortified. I couldn’t believe you would do something like that to me. To us. When I wasn’t sure if she was exaggerating I checked your phone, nigga.”

  His eyes widened. He wasn’t expecting that.

  “No, I don’t know your lock code if that’s what you’re thinking. But just as I expected you a grimy-ass nigga and you got some grimy-ass, oily-ass fingers. All I had to do was hold the phone up to the light and I could see the pattern you used for your unlock screen. I’ve read everything you ain’t want me to read. I’ve seen everything you ain’t want me to see. I’ve meant nothing to you. I can’t believe you would stoop so low as to do what you did to a nigga you called your brother. Why? Because you were jealous that I was doing what you’ve always done?

  “I wasn’t even fuckin’ Derrick. Honey was—dum—bass! The only times I talked to that nigga or met up with him was when I needed to buy shit for Honey’s cousin or when he couldn’t find a re-up nigga for product and wanted to go through my connect. Yes, Rah, I have connects. I have a lotta shit you don’t know about.”

  I needed to make this quick. Rah was starin’ at me like he’d seen a ghost. The blood had rushed to his face; whether it was from anger or surprise I wasn’t sure. His knuckles had turned white from gripping the phone so tightly. His other hand was clenched into a fist on the counter in front of him. I could tell he was trying to figure out if what I was saying was really what the hell he thought I was saying.

  “You actually know my girlfriend, Rah. Y‘all met once or twice. I think you might recall a certain someone comin’ into your office and running off with that box of bullshit you keep in your desk?”

  “You was cool wit’ Honey’s crackhead cousin? The one who was takin’ all her fuckin’ money an’ ...” He interrupted me, too shocked to even realize he wasn’t denying his situation with Honey anymore.

  “We’re engaged, Rasheed, and Larissa ain’t a crack-head. She never stole anything from Honey. Honey had been lying to you. They both like to do a little of this and a little of that but Honey’s money was spent exactly the way she wanted to spend it. The only reason Larissa came to your office that night was because she was upset by what you’d done to me again, and again, and again. I have someone who loves me so much, she was willing to risk everything just to wipe your miserable ass off the planet. That’s a million times more love than you’ve ever shown me!” I could feel the tears. My wounds ran so deep and now that I was telling the person who caused them I couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed that the pain seemed so fresh. I prayed they didn’t listen in on these conversations because I needed to get everything off my chest. I took a tissue from my purse and dabbed my eyes. I could no longer make eye contact with this man, liar, cheater, and my son’s father. I stared down at my lap.

  “Larissa is my girlfriend, Rasheed. She came there that night to kill you. When you left she decided to rob you instead, but all the drawers on your desk were locked except one.”

  Afraid to look up, I heard him draw in a sharp breath. “I didn’t know she’d taken it, Rah. I swear. When Ris gets high she does stupid, stupid shit sometimes. I told her to get rid of it but for whatever reason she gave it to her sister, Shiree.”

  If the phone weren’t in a death grip against my ear I never would have heard it, but he whispered, “Big Shirley, Shiree from the club?”

  “Yes, Shiree was trying to make extra money and she sold it to Big Baby. She didn’t know where it came from, all she knew is her sister had it for her to sell. The only people to ever touch it barehanded were you and Big Baby. He was stupid for lettin’ those kids use it, but you were even dumber for puttin’ that money out on D like that.”

  The phone was silent on my ear. I couldn’t even hear him breathing. I looked up but Rah’s head was in his hand and his eyes were closed. He was so still he looked like a stone carving. Being that I was the cause of his angst and despair, I could think of no better name for my work of art than Torment.

  “Why would you even go through with something like that, Rah? You knew he had RJ with him.”

  His head shot up so quickly I swore I heard a snap, and we locked eyes. It was like he’d been transformed. I could see the anger, confusion, and the hurt all etched deeply into his face. His eyes were bloodshot, but still he didn’t say a word.

  “Yeah, I knew about Rasheed Jr. I’ve known his mother just as long as you have. I gave Danita my word that sending him to us would be a good idea, and I’d hoped that raising two little boys would help you finally realize that you were a grown-ass man. You too old to be pulling the same bullshit you been pulling since high school, Rah! I figured if I sabotaged your supply maybe you would start to consider other business ideas. In my eyes taking out one or two fiends was a valid price to pay if it got you to stop dealin’.”

  If we were side by side I’d be dead, his eyes told me that. I’d single-handedly destroyed Rasheed’s life and, in his mind, I alone was the reason he was sitting on the other side of that glass and not out in the streets.

  “I prayed that you would quit all that bullshit. The one thing I wanted out of everything in this world was for you, me, and Trey to be a family, a real family, Rah. Derrick was having a hard time finding product and didn’t want to disappoint you. He looked up to you. I went to my connect to help him just as I’d done any other time, except this time I laced half of what I gave him. But that wasn’t even enough for you to stop. When you sent me to get the next drop, I laced it all. Ris is the one who called the cops when you gave Honey that car. She was so jealous of Honey and the girl kept rubbing it in her face. It was obvious to us both that you were using her and I’m sure Honey didn’t know anything about you and your cars. When Ris told me she’d called the police I just knew that with most of your product missing and the cops looking at things extra closely you would give up. My intentions were always good, Rasheed. I swear.”

  “Good? You think this shit is good? Look at where the fuck I am, Michelle, and all for what? Your pride? ‘Cause you ain’t woman enough to accept that a nigga dick like a li’l variety. You did all this shit ova some side-ass ho?”

  I’d never forget the look on his face. He had angry tears in his eyes and I could imagine he felt somewhat akin to how kids feel when they realize you’ve lied about Santa or the Tooth Fairy. He was seeing firsthand the kind of dama
ge that heartache can lead a woman to create. I only had one last thing to tell him.

  “Don’t worry, Rasheed. Trey will never have to do what his daddy did. In my opinion he don’t even need to know his daddy. What the fuck is his daddy gonna teach him about being a man?”

  His mouth opened and closed like a fish gulping for air. I knew he had so many questions and his hustler’s mind was probably trying to form so many variations of whatever lie he felt would work best. I didn’t plan on giving him the chance to have his say. He’d had years of saying, lying, embellishing.

  “That account you and your li’l bitch opened up is in my name just like every other asset you’ve ever acquired. I’m taking it and we’re moving. Banks don’t like fraud and, as the new acting vice president, it didn’t take much talking to convince your bank that I had power of attorney and wanted to close out all of your personal accounts as well. I loved you more than I loved myself. I saw more potential in you than you saw in you and I just can’t be in love with that lie anymore. Take care, Rasheed.”

  I hung up the phone and for a second I looked into the cold, callous soul of a man I’d given so much to. I searched for the man I’d fallen in love with and realized I may have only imagined the compassionate and caring being I was so enamored with because, at the moment, it was nowhere before me.

  His eyes had reddened and in a burst of rage he slammed the phone against the plexiglass window.

  I fought to keep my composure and reassured myself that what I was doing was my best option for survival. The veins in his neck and forehead protruded painfully. It was like watching a silent movie as he began his violent tirade around the small enclosure. I jumped slightly as his foot landed against the thick plastic window in a loud thud and he screamed what I could only imagine were curses of hatred and the horrors of what he was going to have done to me.